10.17.04-- "Want some wood?"

Ok, so here's my plan for America in 2004. We relocate everyone according to political preference.

We move all the Bush supporters to Alaska, Maine, Minnesota, and all the states where it gets cold like a mutha. Bush can be their president, take them to war, drive up their taxes, etc.

All the Kerry supporters are moved to the West Coast and places where it is warmer. Kerry will be their president, help heal their economy, let gays have civil unions, but soon get pushed over like the daddy he is and allow full out gay marriage rights. They will have government sponsored health care. They'll eat Heinz ketchup on everything, every day.

And the rest of us who would love Nader to be President but are voting for Kerry out of fear-- we get to move to Hawaii where Nader will be our president! We'll ride bikes around the island (because cars will be outlawed) and eat organic vegetables, put limits on tourism and work towards a self-sustaining economy. Yahoo! Sounds like a plan.

These days, George Orwell and Aldous Huxley look down at us from heaven saying to each other, "See? What did we tell you?"

These times are almost apocalyptic. I went to the Michael Moore Slacker Uprising event at USC last week (my friend Timo called me half an hour before to tell me to get my butt down there. If I had known earlier I would have prepared signage.) I saw a black woman in the "republican pen" they set up for protestors. She had a pro-Bush sign. WTF? There were also sprinkles of Asians (so embarassing) and other people of color in the Republican pen screaming "Four More Years" and "Michael Moore is Fat" (Yeah, that's effective.). They also booed when a man who lost his brother in Bush's war was speaking. Nice.

I was like, "Ok! That's it! This country has lost it's mind!"

I live in such a liberal bubble that when I see Republicans en masse, especially young republicans like the ones at USC, I'm like, "Whoa, they're real. Wow." I have to look at their faces to see if they have some genetic defect, if they may be chemically imbalanced. But no, it's that they are just angry and ignorant. It was like being at the zoo. I haven't seen so many dumb Republicans in person since those frat parties my first year of college.

One kid had a sign that said, "I want my $50,000 back Michael Moore" referring to the cost to bring him out to the campus. Timo handed him some pocket change and said, "Hey, it's all I got. Good luck man." Yeah, $50K seems like a lot, but nobody seems to bat an eye when Barbara Bush, Norman Schwartzkoff (sp?), etc are brought to campuses at a greater expense. And guaranteed, this was one of those once in a lifetime experiences for everyone involved and well worth the money. It got people talking. It got people registered to vote and excited about changing the world.

It was so exciting to see how many people came out and stayed 3 hours for the event. Easily 8,000 people filled the quad at USC. So many people know and are interested in what is happening in this country because of Michael Moore's films. It's so amazing that a filmmaker can do this. That it really only takes a spark. That the butterfly effect can really take wings and get everyone else to fly. (Ok, enough with the cheese metaphors.)

I'm doing a show in Gainesville, FL right after the elections. Man, that's going to be interesting. It's a swing state, and as we know from the last election, Florida is shrouded in corruption. If Bush is re-elected/ selected President, then it's going to be chaos down there. I think they are bringing me out because I'm nuts and can lift them up. But Republicans scare me. I told Satish, the student who is coordinating the visit, "I'll be hiding behind your apron. Protect me from the Republicans."

This whole election is giving me nightmares. Bush and his excessive blinking and his smarmy hallow responses. What's with all those faces Bush? God! Did you see how in the last debate he changed the subject from minimum wage to education? Yet, his education bills suck. Bush wants to call Kerry a flip flop? Hello!? I wish that the whole "theft of the 2000 election" could have been brought up.

Kerry is so much more warm, articulate, and reasonable. He's got a sleepyness to him which I think makes it hard for the swing states to get into him. But it's so refreshing to see someone with a human heart actually running for President.

Kerry is also handsome. Yeah, I said it. Melisa tivo'ed the last debate and we watched it together Wednesday night. I must have turned to her at least three times during the debate to say, "Damn, John Kerry is fine. If I marry a white guy I want him to look like John Kerry when he's older."

People think Kerry looks like the Frankenstein guy from "the Munsters," but I think he looks dreamy. When he was talking about his Catholic upbringing and his plan, there was a burning deep in my loins and I just wanted to ask, "What's the plan Johnny baby? What is the plan you have for me?"

And just for that. I will vote for him.

Anyhow, so I am organizing this mini March in West Hollywood on Halloween for the Billionaires for Bush. My Billionaire name is "Lady Mora Cha-Ching." It will be out last ditch attempt to get some visibility for a Kerry vote. I've never done anything with the Billionaires, but they are a hilariously funny group. I will post details for that event soon.

And as promised here is the recap from my last two trips to Chicago. The link to the entire album from residency at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign is here.

To recap: My first trip to Chicago/ Champaign, Urbana was to do a residency at UIUC where I lived among the students, did programs and projects for them, and talked to different classes. Then I went to Chicago to do my show. In my second trip to Chicago, I did workshops and a performance at Northwestern.

It was a scary ride to Champaign from the Chicago airport let me tell you. We were driving through some barren ass land and the shuttle driver was just saying some really loaded things like, "This country is way more united after 9/11! We are all so patriotic!" Then he went on to talk about how immigrants shouldn't be allowed any kind of tax breaks when starting a new business (which I am not even sure is the case).

I was like, "Oh man, what did I get myself into? Where is it I am going to?" Am I going to get killed?

But then my first day in I did an interview for a progressive women's show on the local public radio station. We talked shop and politics and I felt at home again.

Is it normal to take a dump 15 times a day? Because I was just like Little Miss Slip and Slide after eating the dorm food at Allen Hall.

Man, was I spoiled when I was at UCLA. I went through the Allen dining hall and kept looking around expecting there to be more food. Not only was there very little vegetarian to chose from, but everything is made with ex-lax. YUck. Even the fruit and bread was making me go too much!

I couldn't believe how completely out of control it was. All week I'd be mid-conversation with someone then be like, "Um... sorry, I have to go." And run away to the bathroom. I went so much I began to check to make sure that I didn't shit a kidney out.

I used to love dorm food because I could eat two or three plates at once. And here, I could barely cover one plate.

Some students who felt bad for me (by the end of the week, almost everyone knew how sick I was getting) took me to this place on campus called "Fields of Green" which is a cafeteria only open at lunch. They serve all vegetarian food. It was good. But it only helped reduce my BM's to 9 a day.

It's so funny how at colleges all over the country. The genres of kids are all basically the same. You have the cool intimidating kids who smoke cigarettes in front of the dorms, the activists who are always busy, the activists who don't shower, the really All-American upbeat all the time RA types, the depressed kids, the kids who study too much, etc.

And then there are the alternative emo kids who can hold long conversations about nothing in particular and listen to bands that nobody has ever heard of and know all sorts of obscure music trivia. Those were the kids that I wish I could have hung out with when I was in college, but I think I had "poser" written all over me and they wouldn't give me the time of day.

So anyway, here I am with those kids! Finally! Acceptance! They were so funny and kept calling me by my first and last name. I made them take me for a midnight walk around campus because I was getting lost so much in the daytime. We went to this amphitheater where we sang for each other.

 

Here is a big group picture after one of the performance workshops I taught. All the RAs were required to come. And even RAs from other dorms were required to come. This workshop was called "Masks, Personas and the Disguises of Everyday Life." I had them draw themselves in metaphors, then sculpt those pieces with newspapers right onto their bodies.

It was hilarious and a blast.

I love it! Because I was this hyped up guest-in-residence, it was like being a mini celebrity. And so when the cool kids were smoking the hooka outside the dorms, guess who got a special invitation to join them? Yes! ME! Kristina finally gets to kick it with the cool intimidating kids who smoke in front of the dorms! Finally, redemption!

It was so funny, as I was trying to inhale the hooka, all the kids were screaming, "WOW! Kristina Wong is smoking with us! COOL!"

As many of you know, I really don't know how to smoke. But I tried to play it off like I was a pro. And I'd ask casually, "Wow, fresh! So um, I am used to hookas much bigger than this, so uh, can you explain to me how this tiny hooka thing works again? I'm not used to using the mini version. Yeah..."

Here I am straining to get smoke down my lungs. I look casual and cool right?

This is Laura who coordinates the Guest-in-Residence Program.

Every night, I would open my apartment door (they gave me an apartment on the ground floor of the dorms that's bigger than my apartment in LA!) and I'd have big pots of steamy water available for a program called "Facials, Tea and Feminism." It was cute, kids would come to drink tea, chat, and steam clean their pores. For many of them they had never had a facial before, so they were all excited.

Here I am dying this girl's hair purple. We are talking about feminism, I assure you.

For those of you reading this so far thinking, "WTF? You get paid to go to schools to do this?"

The answer is YES. But these are also my highlights of this trip. I was doing a lot of programs, dialogues and workshops in addition to having fun with the students. (I hate how I always have to explain myself.)

This guest-in-residence program is a really cool program that brings in guests all year long and gives students an up close and personal chance to live among and talk to movers and shakers who are usually activists, scholars and/or creative thinkers.

Some of the other guests that have come in the past include Patch Adams, Speed Levitch. Other guests this year include poet Tara Betts, activist Grace Lee Boggs James Lowen (Author of "Lies My Teacher Told Me"), and Tariq Ali (author of "Bush in Babylon"). I was in AMAZING company and totally flattered that I was there!

These signs all over the dorms were unreal. They actually took quotes from my karaoke page and put them on the poster advertising my closing night karaoke/ Poetry program. Weird.

And one of the posters highlighted that I was on ER. That was weird!

I was able to get a short break away from work and bike to a local park. It was so warm this time in Illinois. But when I came back to Chicago a few weeks later it was COLD.

This picture is to show you that Illinois is all flat. ALL flat. There are so many bikes in Illinois. I know my college years would have been way different if I had a bike to ride. Or if UCLA was a bikeable campus.

These posters they made for my visit were unreal. I am adding a "publicity clause" to my contracts now that ask that schools do not pick through my blog for pictures of me. I was stunned to find they had made posters with all sorts of inappropriate pictures of me all over them. Yeah yeah, my fault for putting them on the web in the first place. But still it was amusing, I guess.

I was especially impressed of this drawing they did of me. Usually caricatures of my face make me feel all insulted and chinky.

So I was going around the dorms all week wondering, "I wonder if people think I'm a student. I wonder if I am getting old. I wonder if I am getting so old that pretty soon nobody will find me attractive." And then this guy Calvin hit on me in the lunch room. He didn't even know that I was the guest-in-residence, he thought I was a student. I jumped up out of my seat, threw my fork into the air and screamed, "I still got it! I still got that magic touch with the fellas! woo woo!"

Well, ok, that last part wasn't true. But he did hit on me. And in this picture, you can see that the pick-up line made my day. Unfortunately for Calvin, I gotta put my career first. Sorry baby, next time. But when you turn 21, I'll buy you a drink.

 

 

My last night of in residence, I held a karaoke party. A celebration of the spirit. I hosted it. People sang and celebrated the crappiness of our voices.

I held a costume contest where everyone who arrived in a costume won a prize. We gave out kazoos and horns to the winners. This guy won the "Scariest Eva" award for his costume: "Guy at the wrong place at the wrong time during a fire alarm." I am dressed as an angel firefighter.

Critical Mass!

Also during my last night in Urbana, we took back the streets! Me and four other students (L to R: Mike, Brian, Hannah and Valerie) brought a bunch of kazoos and party horns and road through Greek row calling out through a bullhorn for the people of UIUC to come rush our bike frat!

We took over an entire lane of traffic on Green St (one of the major college streets in their college town) where onlookers stumbled out of the bars giving us the finger. We wished everyone a "Happy Biketember."

I played "Greatest American Hero" through my kazoo.

It was an inspiring fuel-free night and we all left feeling empowered by bike!
This is Brian. He is an RA at Allen Hall and he's so funny. He made this pillow into a giant tampon. The room we are in is actually half of the living room of the apartment I got to stay in.

Onward! I left UIUC to do my show in Chicago as part of the Single File Chicago Festival that weekend. Here I am with Allysin Lewis who is the wife of Dave Lewis who discovered me through friendster! They drove 6 hours from Ann Arbor, MI to see the show. Allysin surprised me by wearing a bigbadchinesemama.com shirt!

Hey! The internet does work! You an get an audience.

Midwest audiences tend to be quiet. During the first show, I was thinking, "God, I am pissing everyone off here or something." But when they all stood at the end it threw me off!

I also got to see my friend Xian Barrett who had hooked me up with the residency at UIUC. He was another person who learned about me through the internet! Yay!

My skin looks awesome in this picture! So radiant! (It's all make up.)

I stayed with Anida and Marlon Esguerra, formally of "I was Born with Two Tongues." They were amazing hosts and huge inspirations. Both are so busy but took the time to show us a grand time. The handsome fellow over next to me is Isaac Ho, my technical director who flew out to Chicago from LA to run my tech.

We are drinking Sangria and celebrating friendship in this photo.

Alot of people in Chicago had heard of me because of bigbadchinesemama.com and I even got a few requests while I was out there to make some classic BBCM faces for the camera. I've been so lady-like lately, that those muscles haven't even been used. My face cracked when I made this face. I swear.

Here I am after my talkback at DePaul University. Anida and I show some love for the camera.

That event went awesome, at least 200 kids came and stayed to ask questions. The youth from the Young Asians With Power (YAWP!) moderated the discussion. I felt like I was on "Inside the Actors Studio with James Lipton."

Randomly while out there, my three friends from high school were also travelling through Chicago and were able to stop in at DePaul to listen to me perform and speak. It's weird because we all look the same as we did in high school, sorta. Here we are at the top of the Sears Tower in the last day of my 10 day trip.

Seeing people from high school always makes me reflect on life and how people go such different directions. It's nuts because so many people I went to high school have kids and are married. And of the things I could have grown up to become with my stellar grades and forensics trophies, I chose to become a... performance artist?

One and a half weeks later I went to Chicago for the second time for a show at Northwestern:

Woo woo! Here is Andy Lee of Stir Friday Night. He helped get press out for my show the week before in Chicago and he'd never even met or heard of me before. So nice! He took me to lunch while I stared into the dreamy recesses of his eyes. Andy confirms my scientific theory that Korean men are the finest in the world! I don't even know if he has a girlfriend who will come after me after seeing this picture. And, I don't care! Bring it on sister!

My mom actually told me to stop taking pictures like this with boys who aren't my boyfriend. She says it would make it less special when I do take a picture like this with a boyfriend. But come on Mom, wouldn't you pose the same way with this guy if you could?

Chicago's rent is amazing. For what I pay here, I could get an apartment in Chicago that's twice the size!

I rented a bike and rode all around downtown Chicago. It was a blast. There's like over 130 miles of bikelanes in Chicago. Riding along the lake and seeing the skyline, then watching other happy people bike home was enough to convince me that one day I'll move to Chicago.

(Just not during winter.)

So the show was actually the culminating even in a day long conference about Asian American issues. I taught a performance workshop and performed some excerpts from shows.

Here are some of the wonderful Northwestern women and me gathered around my suitcase of fun.

Here I am in Chicago with the other artists, curators and Vice Chair of the Dept of AA Studies. I am strangling the neck of Howard, a recent graduate at Northwestern who organized the event.

 

I am going to Boston next week for a three day presentation, performance and workshop at Wellesley College. Yay, Massachusettes! Home of the "Liberal Senator John Kerry."

 

Love,

Kristina