This is my 200th post on my blogger.

So. As you can imagine from my recent postings, and even from my one earlier today. There's a lot going on in my head. And a lot of changes ahead.

My friend's mom took him to see a Chinese fortune teller yesterday. And basically the fortune teller told him everything from who he was going to marry and when he was going to marry and whether he was on the right career path or not. The fortune teller talked for an hour and a half while my friend's mom interpreted.

It was like all laid out in stone! Clean cut. Clear as day! Here is your life and how to live it!

My friend told me this and I found myself screaming... "DAMMIT! I want to see a Chinese fortune teller too!"

I would totally go see a Chinese fortune teller now. Someone to tell me everything that will happen in my life. Someone to make my decisions for me because I am so confused. Sprinkle some pounded up deer antlers and make it better. I'd love to schedule a session with a Chinese fortune teller.

Except, one big thing stands in my way...




Chinese!




(Damn!)

I was talking to Clam Lynch, my dear friend and self-made, self-help master about how for the first time in my life I feel like I am in the market for a psychic or spiritual guru. That if the best and smartest astrologist could tell me what to do... I'd totally listen and pay a hard earned $20. I just want some "expert" to help me figure out this next phase in my life.

He's like, "Why don't you want to see a therapist?"

I said, "I hate therapists! I need someone with magic powers!"

And then we both paused and then I said it again....

"I want to see someone with magical powers!"

Then I dug my face into my hands and started laughing. Slow, painful laughs.

Am I really talking this crazy now?

Magic powers?

Am I really so lost about what comes next in my life that I'm ready to track down Harry Potter to point me towards the next step in my career?

"Yes. I said it, Clam. I want someone to help me who has magic powers."


So this is what I need right now.

1. Someone who understands Chinese fluently and can take me to the best Chinese fortune teller in Los Angeles and tell me what he/she says about my future.

OR

2. Someone with magic powers.


Any ideas?

Labels: cat lady, magic powers

According to Wikipedia and my friend Bangbay, I am in my Saturn's Return which would explain all this heavy life crisis stuff I've been going through in the last two weeks.

Saturn's Return
The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs in a person's life at approximately 27–30 years of age and again around the age of 58–60, with the third and usually final occurrence around 86-88. The planet Saturn takes approximately 29.5 years to orbit the Sun; when it returns to the exact degree along the ecliptic it occupied at the time of a person's birth this is referred to as their "Saturn Return".

Saturn is symbolically/astrologically associated with time, challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, seriousness, heaviness, and hard lessons, among other more positive things such as structure, significance, accomplishment, reflection, power, prestige, maturity, and order – this is why astrologers believe that the thirtieth birthday is such a major rite of passage and is considered by many astrologers to mark the "true beginning" of adulthood, self-evaluation, independence, responsibility, ambition, and full maturation.

Anyway, I'm in the midst of making some big life changes, but not "serious" enough that anyone needs to call 911. I never got to travel the world when I finished college or teach English in Japan because, well, my parents wouldn't let me. Grumble. Grumble. (But somehow I managed to become a crazy performance artist who pulls stuff out of her puppet gaggee in public.) Go figure. And I've always regretted not knowing what life really had in store for me and what life was like beyond LA. I know I travel a lot now for work, but it can be kind of stressful, and for never a long enough time that I can really make a good reflection about my life ahead.

I really feel that I need to experience something bigger than art. To change my environment. It's the perfect time in my life to do something like this because I don't have kids, I'm still single, and my work doesn't really require that I stay in one place.

I was going to go to a Buddhist monastery near San Diego for a weekend retreat but I was unable to get out of a workshop that I am supposed to lead here that weekend. URGH! So now... this bigger change looms up ahead.

And that's all I can tell you about that. I've kind of mapped out what this change will be, but I am not going to tell anyone publicly. It is after all, Los Angeles, and good reveals are best left for the good premieres. And the magic of Hollywood is all about keeping people guessing.

But I welcome your guesses and suggestions on my new life change.

Anyway, I decided to put one of these obnoxious voice message recordings on my myspace page as an attempt to become a young teenage cyborg. Leave me a message!

Labels: saturn's return

Some of my friends (well, Jen and Marcus at least) now call me on a daily
basis to make sure I'm still alive. That's so sweet.

I felt really good yesterday when I saw a bunch of artists who had taken my workshop and they said such great things about how it impacted them. It meant a lot to know that all this time I've spent in LA has not been for nothing and that my work is important to people.

I am still alive. And today I am practicing the sweet art of delegating work. I've never done it before. But I guess if I am going to do the world and do it big, I need to find the time to do what I'm best at.

I am hiring my friend Marie Reine to produce my BECAUSE workshop. Hopefully she can take on some other stuff that has been spilling out of my ears. And I have a housekeeper over now helping me clean up. I've never hired a real full on housekeeper. It always felt unnecessary because I live in an apartment and I am an artist. It feels so odd and elitist to have someone clean up after me. And I surprisingly don't feel very guilty. It's kind of relieving to know that I finally have time.

I did a "pre-clean" of the apartment, and she was still horrified when she saw the place.
I think she said she'd have to come back to really get a good crack at the mess.

It's 3:18am. I can't sleep. So I thought I'd do what any sleepless sane person would do. Look at crochet pictures on etsy to get to sleep...

From the lady who brought you boob pillows ...



You know, because everyone wants a beer can cozy to keep your beer WARM.

And they have the blond one too...




Now I'm going to be up for another few hours looking for pics of gaggees that have a whole circle of hair around them. Is that possible?

Look! It's Kristina in the year 2057.

The week has been totally non-productive and this morning is no exception. I think I am just flat out plain out tired of working. I feel like all I do is run marathon after marathon.

I went to the beach with Jen, my tech, yesterday and it seems that everyone is freaking in love or being loved to death, or moving town for love, having condos bought for them by their parents so that they can make the most of their life...

And then there's me....

I am a cat lady, who still rents, spending my summer crocheting stuff that is too warm to wear..



Here I am at the beach with the new hat I just crocheted.

Vince came by to help me shoot the video and I think I scared the crap out of him with crazy talk about, "What is this all for? Why do I work so hard? How long can I go on working like this?" And I was just talking about how my friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. And she's only a few years older than me. And I was like, "Man, is this what life is?!" And then I found myself fighting back tears. And he just sat silent on the couch.

And then we shot this video.

Then Vince went to play poker and I lay in bed and started a big long existential cry. It was crazy. I'm not sure what I was crying about. But I just was crying. It had been so long since I cried like that. I thought about calling someone. The one person I called didn't pick up. And I was too tired to call anyone else. And the people who I would have called are super depressed now.

And I passed out from crying. Woke up, and felt better again. Like nothing ever happened. Refreshed and ready to go at it again.

This is my glamorous life.

In other news, I decided yesterday to have a crafting party in my apartment in a few weeks.

(Don't worry guys, I'm totally fine. Swear. :) Please don't call me in a panic. I am fine.)

Labels: cat lady

Here's some illegal video footage (I don't allow audience members to photo or tape my shows without permission yet it seems to keep happening) taken from my collaboration with Gomez Pena at the Ford two weekends ago. It ends with me pulling out a burrito. But it's not in this clip. You will have to use your imagination.

I haven't decided whether or not to sell my car. I had a really lazy day today where I couldn't imagine plucking the energy to take the bus.

Nothing of work related value got done today. I crocheted this really cute hat which I decided was so cute that I'd keep it for myself since I dont' keep anything I make. And then I was with Oliver in the apartment thinking, "I'm going to die single and alone. With you Oliver, here in this apartment and all this yarn. I am a 20-something spinster."

And then I decided to go to Beard Papa since nothing was getting done and I sang karaoke for half an hour with Vince and Jinsoo. It was such a rush to sing Journey songs and jump around on the furniture. I decided that I would be happy to die alone in a karaoke bar.

Then I went home and fell asleep on the couch eating junk food with Oliver. And now I am typing this.

A great day for living.

I had a great show with Guillermo Gomez Pena at the FORD last Saturday. I can't believe I put together a dry humping show in one week. It was totally sold out and I even saw one of the high school students all grown up that used to be part of my teen theater. That was a little odd and embarrassing since I still see him as a high school student. There was a college student who was Asian American who gushed to me after. Aw, a mentor moment.

Anyway, I'm just enjoying the downtime from performing even though I made a list of everything that needs to get done in the two months that I stay put, and there's actually not a lot of downtime!

So I've been thinking of selling my car and going carless in LA. It would be the end of an era to part with my pink beauty. It's just that I don't drive it enough and am on tour so much that it seems too expensive to own with fuel costs, etc. I've been adding up the numbers of what it costs to drive in LA and it's so expensive. I also took the bus the other day to the MOCA on a bus line that goes right on the freeway. It was so convenient. So I've been staking out options to do the city by bike, bus, shared rides, walking, and taxi. It seems quite possible.

Any takers for a famous stinky car?

You all haven't heard from me because I am busy writing "The Years of Lying Dangerously." A new piece I am showing at the Ford on Saturday. It has to do with dry humping and world events. That's what I got so far. And it's sold out! My guess is sharing the bill with his performance art majesty, Guillermo Gomez Pena has a lot to do with it.

At any rate, I thought you'd all enjoy some pictures I just took of Oliver with string on his face and sex books on him, near a giant butt plug.

First I took some of string on his face.


Then he didn't notice when I put another string on his face.


And then he didn't seem to notice when I piled on the stuff.