Last week I was feeling disgruntled for all the paperwork that seems to go into keeping me alive. On a quiet and lonely Saturday night, I was too exhausted to go out and enjoy the evening, and had too much work to finish to move.

Then I open my mail to find I got approved for a grant that will help me pay for a web designer, arts writer, and booking assistant for the next few months.

It was a very sweet moment to have. Alone in my apartment. On a Saturday night on an empty and growling stomach. Holding that acceptance letter.

I wrote this grant during my existential crisis this past summer. I recall it took me a whole week of moaning and groaning and a cup of tears to finish. I even drove to the airport post office to get it in by the postmark deadline.

By corporate standards it's a small amount I will receive, but it will do me so much good. I am not complaining at all. It's the absolute best investment I will make. And finally, I see the possibility of being a balanced artist again.

So if anyone is interested...I am hiring a booking assistant (preferably with experience in booking live theater) and an arts writer/publicist who can help sass up the writing on my website and marketing materials. There is pay! Send your resumes!

One of my students Saturday said, "Kristina I was reading your blog. It's so interesting to see how you've progressed over time."

Indeed. A few years ago I contemplated selling my underwear over the internet. I'd wake up every morning panicked and discouraged. It sucked.

Now I can take care of myself. And I bring in others to help me because there is so much abundance to manage. And it's a great feeling.

Thank you.

Labels: art talk, artist life., balance, empowerment, the secret

Ok screw it. There will be no recap of my time in Greece. There's just no time anymore to reflect on the past and the good ol' times. I may do a video blog of it to save time.

I'm totally slammed with work and preparing for my show in Berkeley next weekend. It's kinda stressful because the show next week I agreed to in December and is based on ticket sales only. So I will be lucky to break even after all my show costs. I was going to scream a couple weeks ago when I was labeling my own postcards by hand. Aren't I past the point where I am still hustling one by one for my own audience? It can be so discouraging.

BUCK UP KRISTINA!

What has been a blessing is that I've started to work with apprentices who are helping me with this kind of work in exchange for picking my brain. It's a new transition for me to start letting go of doing the busy work so that I can be more productive as an artist. But also, a way to pass the knowledge.

But it is a good show to get me back on my feet for the dates I have ahead. In rehearsals I've been a mess. I feel like a baseball player coming out of retirement. Because my script is an outline, Nurit has had to help me remember lines from the show. And when I screw up, I start punching and kicking the air, gather my composure and push on through. This happens with live theater. My body and life enter the same text and story at a different place and in ways it becomes a different show.

I thought I became an artist because it was supposed to be a more relaxed existence. I feel like I spend more time at the computer dealing with invoicing, writing grants (wrote four in the last two weeks) than rehearsing or writing work. I also feel totally out of touch with reality sometimes because I spend so much time at home dealing with the particulars of staying alive as a solo artist. I'm working on this balance thing. I really am.

I have gone without a car for two weeks now. I've been paying for the bus with the pennies from my penny jar to get rid of my pennies. It's hilarious. The car is at the shop in for major repairs. Hopefully this will be the last of my nightmare car and all it's nightmare issues.

Have you ever done a budget to figure out what it costs for you to live for one year? I am doing one now and it is freaking scary! For someone who doesn't need a lot to live, I sure am expensive to keep alive! I started heaving and hoing, huffing and puffing about how the heck it is I am to keep coming up with that kind of money to stay alive.

Then I started listening to the mp3s available from www.mastersofthesecret.com.

It kind of made me realize that I need to relax and say yes (yet again) to possibility to prosperity and all that stuff.

Or perhaps, start my own self help series and make millions off of those who need help!

MILLIONS I SAY!!!!


Btw, I'm at Starbucks now. Has anyone noticed how many poor people there are at the Starbucks? Like students and semi-homeless people? And then there are business men talking about mergers at the table next to them. Even I don't treat myself to Starbucks because it's expensive! I just come here for the wifi. The last thing I need is a $4/day coffee habit. The last thing my crazy ass needs is caffiene! But a lot of the people here now span from poor and upper middle class. Perhaps this is the world under Starbucks... in the end we all worship under one name brand.

Labels: artist life, kristina is so bitchy this week, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, the secret

Did you hear about the whole debacle with TMZ.com and how they mistakenly asked some random Asian man what he thought of OJ Simpson, thinking the dude was Lance Ito?

Anyway, I think it's so funny that any Asian man with facial hair walking around the free gift bag line can pass as Lance Ito. This is beyond lame.

My friend Yi says has been mistaken as Sandra Oh. WHAT??!

I have not been mistaken for anyone sadly. But perhaps I'll stand in a free gift bag line at an opening and do interviews on behalf of Zhang Ziyi. It's about time Zhang Ziyi push a radical feminist agenda at the press.

We do look kind of similar.




You know who looks really Lance Ito-ish? My friend Isaac. In fact, when I saw the video I was like, "Hey! The guy who DOESN'T look like Lance Ito looks like Isaac."

Ok, I know I am a lameass who blogs about why she hasn't blogged, but I just wanted to share that I am at the Starbucks in Los Feliz writing a grant due tomorrow and I looked up and saw this guy and was like, "I know him" and I almost waved.

But I didn't know him. He was just part of the TV world.

It was BJ Novak, the guy who plays "Ryan" on "The Office."

If I wasn't so paranoid about leaving my laptop unattended, I would have totally ran up to him and dry humped him.

Star F*cker that I am.

This also happened when I saw Naima from ANTM in New York and was like, "Hey!" Even though, I don't know her personally. I just think I do.

Labels: sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

I have so much to update on about Greece, being a West LA refugee, my show last Sunday, San Francisco--- but this family obligation stuff has really sucked me away. And I am perfectly fine with it. I want to be here for my family. Oh man, it can be so much work and energy. I've been passing out every night after we come back from the hospital with my laptop in bed with me.

I start teaching my BECAUSE performance/writing workshops on Saturday, when I fly in. The last time I flew in the same day I started teaching, my car wouldn't start and I had to get a ride to Van Nuys. I had a dream last night that my car wouldn't start again. I hope it wasn't prophetic.

And the Fall has kicked into full force. I have been waking up in bed at around 6am every day since I've been here and doing nothing but emailing from bed. I finally had to tell myself to get up and shower so I could actually sorta maybe leave the house and get things going.

Can I just say one thing if anything? Family is so important. Grandparents are so important. I have always thought that it was being raised by my grandparents that kept me from becoming a stripper or doing nudie pics for purchase on the web. Because grandparents house that spirit and hope that watch our lives and tell us to do the "right thing" all the time. Plus, they instill us with a healthy sense of guilt that follows us for the rest of our lives if we were to set up a paysite. That's why the kids that I will one day adopt from China will be raised around my parents, so that they will carry a great sense of guilt if they were to ever pose naked for a webcam.

I would like to thank my grandparents and grandparents everywhere that have prevented us from taking our clothes off for money, and instead, encouraging us to get good grades and becoming edgy performance artists who also freelance write for porn magazines. Well, at least, the get good grades part.


Yes, yes ya'all. Wisdom from the Wong.

I am back from Greece and am in San Francisco this week taking care of my grandfather and hanging with family. I also looked at my calendar and realized. GASP! I have a show in Berkeley in three weeks!
Where did the summer go? Oh yeah, that's right. Towards my existential crisis.

So I am in a mad dash to do publicity, hire a tech, and rehearse etc. But a Greece update to come. I promise.

Labels: San Francisco, vacation?