I must be exhausted from having been in SF for the last three weekends but I'm getting absolutely nothing done this week. Aside from my talk at Cal State San Marcos yesterday I am very slowly slaying my work.

My friend came over and I made her and Luis the plumber watch 2girls1cup.



I kind of wish that I didn't ask Luis to watch it, because I think he misinterpreted it as a "go-ahead" to tell us all the adult video stories he has in his memory bank. It was a little scary how much he decided to "open up" to us about his knowledge on the subject of enemas, etc.

Anyway, I have a funny story about my talk at the college yesterday. There were all sorts of technical difficulties with my DVD and I found myself vamping a lot as we were fiddling with the technology. One of the students in the class was like, "Hey, so tell us about your time writing for Playgirl."

And I said something like, "Yeah, it was a really exciting thing for me as a feminist to be part of trying to revive a magazine that could possibly change that women saw their own sexuality and it was exciting to write for a magazine that attempted to create porn for women."

Then the hole I dug....

"... and yeah... I really wanted to push an Asian man issue to them. Because Asian men in porn are always taking it from behind and it would have been great to have an Asian guy on the cover you know like, here I am. (I gesture) Because there's this stereotype that Asian men aren't well endowed and that's not really true you see.... um.... um...."

I turn red. The class of 60 students starts to laugh.

"...um... so, back to the DVD I was trying to show you."


The nice thing about the San Diego gig was stopping in San Clemente for a lunch by the sea.

Labels: chocolate rain, golden shower, playgirl

I'm in the San Diego area now. It's just past midnight and I'm doing a presentation at Cal State San Marcos tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn. Professor Judy Bauerlein has invited me to speak to her Theater 101 Class about my work.

I was telling her about the "Two Girls One Cup" phenom and caught her reaction to it...

Here's Judy's surprisingly calm reaction to 2girls1cup.


There are so many things that intrigue me about "2girls1cup"-- not the video itself (there are other words I have besides "intrigue" to describe how I feel about it.)

What is so interesting about this 2girls1cup phenom is this whole culture of people recording their reactions to such a disgusting video and people forcing their friends and family members to watch other people eat poop. It's become a community of shared shock and reaction that I feel a part of. That I am in on some sort of secret, some collective experience.

2girls1cup is a community of shared trauma. We laugh because we are all in on it. We are horrified together. We share and enjoy watching each others reactions because we know what it is they saw too. There are so many parallels to the 2girls1cup community and how people came together after 9/11 or after any shared trauma in our history.

My questions are:

* Is that where we are as a culture. That it takes two girls eating poop to get us to be horrified? Is what is happening in the world already not horrific or interesting enough to react to?

* Now that so many people have witnessed poop eating, what is the next "2girls1cup"-- what's the next even more horrific thing for us to really react to?

* What collective trauma in our national history will it take for Americans to be horrified? What will shock us in 10 years? What will shock us next week?

* Are we so bored that we turn to "2girls1cup"? Or is this part of our healing? To distract ourselves with something that seems like a roller coaster ride? Like celebrity gossip, do we get involved so much with it because it's a roller coaster we can get off? Because it's like someone else's fiction-- it's low stakes to us?

What I think is interesting is:
* How people are attempting to outdo each other in these reactions. The ones that get the most hits are when the viewer barfs, when the mother or father (people you typically would not want to share these videos with) are asked to watch. The reactions themselves have to be shocking for people to want to see them.

* The reactions are residual mirrors of the original which cannot be shown on Youtube. The reaction is only as good as the original. If the reaction isn't good, then it perhaps reflects the original's ability to create emotional impact.

* The reaction will never be as "good" or as "real" the second time around. The viewer has come to expect what they see. They have "rehearsed" the emotions. And slowly it becomes normal or anticipated. Much like what has happened in our world.

So here it goes. A series of videos Judy and I made tonight. We aren't trying to "perform" but capture our real reactions of watching other stimulus, stories, and moments.

Yes, they are boring. Very boring. But unfortunately, we were already familiar with these stories already. No surprises.

Here we are reacting to the Writer's Strike. I guess if the writers would eat some poop, we'd be more interesting to watch.



Here is a reaction video of us watching a news item on Dick Cheney's heart condition. Surprisingly, Darth Cheney's face alone isn't enough to make us puke.



Here is a reaction video of us watching a amateur video taken of the twin towers going down on 9/11.


A reaction video of us watching archival footage from 2003 of the opening day of bombing (Shock and Awe) in Iraq as covered by CNN.


A reaction video of us watching "Otters Holding Hands" on Youtube. I had already seen it but Judy hadn't.




If you've seen my newest piece, 'The Years of Lying Dangerously" about dry humping, you will note a lot of parallels between this post and that show.

Labels: america makes me numb, balance, chocolate rain, golden shower

Today, Americans stampeded the Malls across America like crazed rabies infected oxen. I instead made some progress on the afghan that I've been crocheting for my friends' wedding later this year. It's a tedious process, but I think They will appreciate the handiwork.

Here's what I got so far. It's about 4 feet long and I want to get it long enough to cover a twin bed.



They better appreciate it!

During Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house, my father said to my uncle of their big flatscreen tv, "This TV is so old, why don't you get a new one?" And I was like, "The TV works fine to me. It doesn't seem old to me."

Am I the only person who's ok with having a used tube TV purchased for $50 from UCLA AV center? I remember getting that thing and thinking, "Wow, this is one big appliance. And it overwhelms the living room. And it sort of overwhelms living."

I've also been thinking of getting the new Macbook because it would be fun to videochat. But I kinda like this computer now. It still works. There's no rush to upgrade. I'm fine at chatting to icons of my friends. I don't want to get so used to talking virtually, that I forget what it is like to hug and see each over a dinner table.

And my folks asked what I wanted for Christmas. We've been throwing so much stuff between our two homes. And I am trying to prepare for becoming a real estate mogul in Nebraska. All I could think that I needed was, "Nothing. I don't want anything for Christmas. Really. I don't want anything."

That's right. It's late November and I'm still going pretty strong with my "Buy Nothing Year." The pledge? To not buy any gifts, clothes, and basically stuff that takes up room that is not absolutely essential for living. I did slip if you count buying a month of "virtual assistance" for Colleen or some liquor and soap from Greece that I bought for friends. But when it comes to purchasing NON-PERISHABLE (ie JUNK) gifts-- I have no receipts! And I did buy some yarn for the crochet bikini I have yet to finish (but you see, buying things that encourage creativity is ok!). In fact, I did a great job this year of getting rid of a lot of t-shirts and old clothes and crap. And I can do an even better job if I can get my act together to throw out more and more.

I want to get through this year to show folks everywhere that you are perfectly fine to not buy and that finding creative ways around shopping can be fun. I've also saved quite a bit money this year that will go towards my real estate empire.

Here's the place where fate has tempted me. Imaginasian TV sent me a mysterious email invite to the grand opening premiere of their "Imaginasian Center" opening downtown next weekend.

They said in their email that:

"In attendance will be the nation's most eminent Asian American celebrities, talents, athletes, and leaders. We would like to personally invite you to attend, as an important talent and leader in the entertainment industry. The event will feature a red carpet with coverage from mainstream and ethnic press."

Did you hear that folks? I'm "important"! So important, that the invite came by email. But no matter. Also, no matter that later in the invite it says, "This invite does not guarantee entry."

But anyway. This event is a big freaking deal-o for some and a chance for me to act like a dong at a big shindig. And the first thing I thought that I wanted to wear was a big ol' crazy 80's prom dress with bows and polka dots and taffeta. Turn that shit out, you know?

But then I had a better idea. I thought, what if I wore a crisp white pantsuit with a matching hat and a clear cane and pimped walk that event? YES! Since this "class" thing is not my forte, I thought I'd turn a corner and walk in like I owned the joint.

"Shock it" as the gals would say in high school.

I started to websearch for "white pantsuit" and "clear cane." But then I remembered my wee little "Buy Nothing Year" pledge. And if I did buy a little pimptress outfit, I would be breaking my pledge. I would also break my pledge if I went to goodwill to buy an 80's prom dress.

So the idea now is to see if anyone out there has such an outfit in my size (4-6) that I can borrow. Or see if someone on Craigslist has one to give away.

The other back-up idea is to wear this dress my friend Malia almost trashed that has been in my closet forever and tie a big bow around my head and still act dong-like and turn it into my own personal party. Maybe I'll sew fabric together from the apartment and have a 30 foot train follow me.

Does anyone have a clear cane and white pantsuit for me? How about a really cute 80s prom dress?

I have an event to turn out and a buy nothing pledge to commit to.

(Oh that Kristina Wong, she always has got something to prove.)

Labels: buy nothing day year, buy nothing year, crochet, crochet diy, hollywood wong, property mogul

And on this totally unrelated note. There's this really disgusting video on the internet called "2 Girls 1 Cup" that is so gross that even Youtube isn't hosting it. But I was watching "Best Week Ever" and they were talking about how tons of people are posting their "reaction" videos watching it. So just a few minutes ago, Jessica and I found the video and video'd our reactions to be part of the phenomenom.

The video is so gross that even I won't even link it. What was funny is that her dog farted right when we finished the video and it was like 3-d downloading.




Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Labels: chocolate rain, golden shower

So on my way out of San Francisco Sunday, literally, on the way to the airport, my parents and I decide to check out some open houses in our neighborhood.

Because if I'm going to be an Indiana slumlord, property mogul, or even the owner of my own studio sized condo in 29 Palms-- I need to start learning more about what people are selling and how.

We looked at three houses, all in the Sunset District, all selling for way too much money. There was a tiny house up the block from us that was over $1million. It was small and the owners hadn't even cleared their stuff out from inside. It was pretty unappealing because their stuff didn't really make me feel like I was in a million dollar house. Then we went to a house down the block that was almost 900k, and that one was nicer, because the bathrooms and kitchen was remodeled and it was all emptied out of stuff.

Then we went down the block to a house that had been completely renovated from the ground up and was selling for $1.5 Million. It was gorgeous. The ceilings went to the sky, marble everywhere, everything was new. But probably not smart of the owner to create the most expensive house on the block as evidenced by how the house has been on the market for 11 months.

This $1.5 Mill house had enlisted the services of a "Home Staging" company. Companies that strategically place furniture, acoutrements, and place settings in your empty home so that prospective buyers walk in and immediately imagine the narrative they will live in the house. In this 1.5 Million dollar house, the stager had placed selected cookbooks like "Fine Dining of San Francisco" open to a recipe for a heart shaped chocolate cake on the counter. She placed beds with velvet headboards and thick fluffy silk bedsheets. Perfectly antiqued Chinese trunks.

She had place fine Japanese table settings. Two settings. Perhaps for a young financially established couple. Who'd just gotten married.

I was awed by it. This empty house, with just enough suggestions for me to see my life there. Like wicker vases placed in the stairwell with random branches placed inside and a chair comfy to the paper read from.



I had no idea that these services existed. As a theater artist, this concept of "home staging" is so intriguing. Kind of like when you go to a play and are sitting in the audience looking at the set before the show begins. Already you imagine what's going to happen. You anticipate entrances, characters, conflict. Or sometimes, you don't anticipate conflict. Sometimes the set gives no indication that anything could ever go wrong.

That's what a good home stager does, they create a set where nothing could ever go wrong.

I'm walking around this "staged" 1.5 million dollar house imagining parties I will host, the novels I will write in the room that overlooks the avenues, and the dozens of suitors I will turn away (because I'm a million bucks baby). I imagine waving goodbye to my artist friends who I've just had over for tea and conversation.

Here I am in this home that I am not close, even with all the help in the world or with game show winnings, could ever afford, and yet I become so excited by possibility. Suddenly, I feel inspired to throw out the crap that's been building up in my apartment for years, to make more aggressive steps towards changing my life.

So here's my idea. In the next year, as I learn more and more about adult things like buying property, Roth IRAs, and that kind of grown-up crap that I've been so anti-establishment to ever look at seriously before-- I'm also going to go to open houses. In all sorts of neighborhoods that I can't afford. I want to go to homes in Malibu and Brentwood that have been "staged," tell realtors that I'm looking in the $2-10 million dollar range, and sit there in these perfect houses and imagine the narrative for the rest of my life and then makes steps to get there.

Who's coming with me to the open house?

(Oh f*ck you, you know this visualization shit works.)

Labels: property mogul, the secret

So I'm up in San Francisco again for a grant panel. And now I'm headed back again next week for Takesgiving.

My three day run in Los Angeles this week was nuts. I did a show, got interviewed for current tv about the car, did some acting work, went to a rehearsal at CBS, threw out a bunch of crap from the apartment. Then ran back to the airport to sit on a grant panel in SF. I'm actually in the process of re-establishing residency in San Francisco (and will be living both here and in LA when there is work). I can't wait because there's so much more grant money here for the arts.

So...I have been giving this real estate thing another thought. I don't know if I'm going to be a slumlord in Indiana. This global warming/ end of the world thing is kinda making me wonder if it makes sense to own anything anymore. Like isn't the world going to just explode soon? And will is even matter to own property? Shouldn't I just spend my money on margaritas and a good massage?

If only there was a scientist who could weigh these options for me.

One of my friends who now owns sent me some interesting things to ask myself...

"Do I want the length of my life in Los Angeles to be determined by a
housing market or by me?
Am I making enough money and can I commit to making that much money,
that is, never again making less money, for the rest of my life?
Do I love the place or am I just in love with the idea of being a
homeowner?
Can I do all that homeowner crap on my own (unless you got married
recently and I just missed that somehow)?"

And there's also the fact that while I may not seem to be "directly" impacted by the mortgage crisis and could stand to own for the first time out of it, I am part of the economy and could easily be a homeowner with flailing arms trying to figure out what to do in a rocky home owning economy. So for now, renting is ok.

All I know is, I'm having a rough time today where I am feeling under-accomplished and overwhelmed by life. I'm running into artists doing as much as I take on, if not more, and some of them have kids, and even had a wild past where they are now sobered up meth addicts. I don't even have the excuse that I was a meth addict to account for a lot of wasted time in my 20's. Just sleeping too much and being involved in too many projects that never got finished. I can't imagine having a kid on top of it.

Do you ever feel like I do right now? Like despite having done a lot in your life, it still isn't enough?

Thoughts please.

Labels: empowerment, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, property mogul, the secret, vision

I'm in San Francisco where I did this awesome show on Friday for SFWAR (San Francisco Women Against Rape). It was amazing. I was on the bill with 3 other comics. It was a great show and we helped them raise a lot of money and a lot of good feelings for the organization. It's great to perform at home.

I ran up here in such a rush that I didn't pack any underpants or socks, so I've had to go through my 8th grade drawer and rock the stretched out, aged undergarments. I also performed in the same schloppy clothes that I slept and rode in the plane with. Such a mess I can be.

Anyway, here's what's new with me.

I am finally excited that for once I have an obsession that may equal into something profitable. In the past I've been obsessed with things that have tons of cultural value but no lucrative value to them... documentary films, knitting, porn star bios, Flavor of Love, cats, and oh yeah... performance art.

What's my new obsession? Buying Real Estate!

Sure, I have yet to actually BUY real estate. But I'm doing a lot of research now and learning all the lingo that I've been intimidated by for so long. Homeowning might actually be a reality with the markets freaking out the way they are. AND for the first time in forever I actually have enough to put in on a down payment on a nice 3bedroom house. Sure the house is going to be in Indiana or 29 Palms (where some houses start at 30K!), but that's where the excitement begins.

My friend Rona who is an actor and realtor (as many actors are), introduced me to this whole "turnkey" property concept. Where you buy property out of state with a tenant inside and hire a property company to do the management. Most of the Indiana properties are Section 8. She said, "That may freak you out, but the government will always send in a check!" I was like, "HELL YEAH! Passive income!"

I'm going to own run down property in the middle of nowhere! YES!

I need to do a lot more research on this of course. But I'm excited that I may actually be able to get ahead in the world as I have been doing already, without creating financial burden on my family. (Have I not already mentioned a million martyr-like times that I've supported myself as an artist with no financial support from my family?)

This real estate thing is exciting. I think more artists should figure out how to own. In fact, maybe I can bring up my artist friends at the end of all this. I want to be able to look back on my life, when I am a rich arts patron and feel proud that I built my little empire all by myself, with no handouts and all on little houses in Indiana.

Anyway, so my mom freaked out that I was going to use my money to buy Section 8 property out of state and insisted I start looking locally for something I can live in. And we started looking for places in LA online. Most of the stuff that's still semi reasonable is in Watts, Compton, South Central and Inglewood-- all locales made notorious by gangster rap. And soon, made more famous when I move in and do interpretive dance on my front lawn in South Central.

There goes the neighborhood.

This is the most bizarre of all the listings we found. I thought it was a mistake at first. Are they seriously trying to sell this house with pictures like this?

I've actually been hearing really good things about Watts. There's an amazing arts community there.

As they say in real estate... Follow the gays or follow the artists... that's where you'll find the next hot place. So will any of you homeless gays let me know where you are moving to? I'd appreciate it.

When I get back to LA, I'll probably start taking a spin around these neighborhoods. Currently the Asian population in these districts is at 5%. I'm thinking when I move in, I will go up to 6%.


That's right baby! Property Mogul!

Labels: property mogul

It's always so busy now that there's hardly the time to blog. Which makes me wonder what the hell I was doing with my time a few years ago that all I did was blog.

On Saturday, I finished BECAUSE, my 8 week multi-generational writing/performance workshop for women of color that I facilitate with an Artist-in-Residence Grant from the city. I was really proud of all 18 of my participants. They produced unique and amazing work. Sometimes I feel like I haven't done anything remarkable with my life. But when I think about the women that have been in my workshop, I feel very proud that I've had some impact on someone else.


Speaking of queer women of color... ha! WTF is with Tila Tequila and why can't I stop watching her train wreck of a show?

I'm so horrified but glued to this woman and her thin personality. I admire her business prowess but it confuses me. Is the only way a woman can get ahead from nothing is by posing in her bikini? What about people like me? My mother would never let me have my own paysite and pose in a bikini! Tila has an unfair advantage! Oprah and Martha Stewart never had to get to their skivvies. Perhaps that is some hope.

I wrote a sketch about Tila Tequila for the CBS showcase. It's a tough process. They have us write sketches and only 12 or so get used in the show. And it's been a few years since I've written sketches, let alone stage material for more than one performer! They estimate that 300 sketches are pitched. I think it's more like 100. Anyway. So I've only written this one Tila Tequila sketch and I was pretty proud of how it turned out. And it's amazing that a lot of my solo performer skills have translated ok to the sketch world. I was thinking since they are such tough cookies they wouldn't be into my Tila sketch but they actually thought it was pretty funny. I'm thinking it may not get used in January since her career will probably crash out by then and so will the buzz from her show. But I had a good time writing it. And now I need to churn out a dozen more.

It's pretty crazy going over to CBS with the big writer's strike. They are picketing all the networks. And as a SAG member we are encouraged to march with them in solidarity. It's a pretty bad time now for me to be getting this CBS showcase, because if things don't clear up, there won't be any shows to audition for when this is all over. I read that agents are already cutting down on staff and budgets and I can see that this is just beginning to really impact the economy nationally. Yay for horrible timing.

I always support people on strike. When the supermarkets were on strikes, I'd bring them food and water. But I've never had to cross a picket line, and in my car at that. I think the picketing writers were really confused at how I honked for them but also almost ran them over to get into the CBS lot.

So I'm really just getting ready for my show in SF this week. Cleaning out years of crap from the apartment. Listening to self help tapes. Thinking up sketch ideas. Trying to take over the world. Same shit as usual.

Labels: art talk, balance, hollywood wong