I thought I'd videoblog on the last day of the year. It's boring but it lets you know what I'm up to. I'm basically getting ready to kill in Miami at the South Beach Comedy Festival.

Check this out...

I spent today-- laughing, crying, getting angry, feeling freaked out and alone, feeling suicidal, and then feeling great again. It's kind of like this whole year of my life wrapped up in one strange last day.

I'm off to a New Year's get together at Helena's place.

Not sure what will happen at the end of 2008. But I can only hope it will be as good to me as 2007 was. I've had few years as good as this one.

Labels: balance, cat pee, chocolate rain, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, not angry anymore. just tense., oh my god, saturn's return, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., vision

TV on Christmas Day is so weird. There are two channels with a burning log. Maury Povich has taken a one day break from paternity tests to show off "outrageously talented" people. And everything is so clean and wholesome and family oriented.

But come tomorrow, the trashy life we are accustomed to will come back to us. In the meantime, here are some videos to enjoy on this sacred day.

Labels: america makes me numb

Well, it happened. I got a ride to the airport from an ex-reality tv star that I never actually met in person before that night and I have lived to blog about it.

So Spoon actually called at 4:10AM from outside my apartment. I had a last minute panic that he would really be a serial killer or flake or someone who had posed as Spoon on Instant Messenger and offered a ride, but there he was in the dark of night, double parked outside my apartment, in his little two-door car with his big Alaskan dog in the passenger seat.

I gave him a hug and was like, "Wow, you are like a jpg come alive!" (The last time I said that was when I met Asia Carrera and like Spoon, she was non-plussed by my amazing sense of humor.) I think Spoon was disappointed (as many men are) that I wasn't dressed like a schoolgirl and that I actually looked more like Kristina.

It was so odd, and yet so normal. Oh my god, there's an ex-reality tv star at my apartment and he's going to take me to the airport. The guy from TV is my 4am Super Shuttle.

Which gets me to thinking about how much lines are blurred in this age of Myspace and internet. How people that you see on tv can be your "friend" and show up at your house and it's not even creepy.

He was telling me about his life since he moved to LA a month ago. It's so weird to me how he hangs out still with people from the show. And it seems like all those pick-up artist teachers, contestants and student guys hang out together still like a big gang. Much like how the PUA community is depicted in "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Spoon actually lives with Brady (who was one of the finalists on the show). And he hangs out with the "Master PUAs" on a regular basis. A lot of their names I know because they are written about in "The Game."

Something is so odd about hanging out with the same community from the reality show you were eliminated on. I watch so many VH1 reality shows that at times I feel like I really know the contestants like old friends. But I think if I was ever on one, I'd want to still have my other friends back when it was all over. But that whole Pick-Up artist community is like Scientology-- the community is set up in such a tight cultish way that it in two-folds gives you an instant community, but it also feels hard to leave.

So along the ride to the airport, we stopped at a grocery store because I wanted to get something to drink and he busts out with, "You look so trashed! And tired!"

And I'm like, "What?! Wow, that's got to be best thing you could say to a woman."

And I'm thinking, is he trying to use "negs" on me? ("Negs" are the Pick-Up Artist term for comments that are a mix of insult and flattery that somehow force the woman that is "negged" to throw herself at the guy.) Knowing that he's been part of this whole show, I'm not sure what is a line and what's real.

Or maybe, he really does think I look trashed. It isn't even part of a come on. I really do look horrible. And then I feel all sad inside that I don't look like the gem of the Nile at 4am at the grocery store.

And then he was like, "I can say that, because I don't want anything from you."

And I'm thinking: Buddy, how much action did you think you were going to get on the way to the airport? This isn't a date, it's a ride to the airport and part of my "research."

And then there was this other beauty he blurted out on the ride over: "You speak perfect English! That's so weird..."

And I'm thinking... Is this how white Portland is that this poor Asian kid is not used to Asian people speaking English? I didn't even try to explain that I was third generation Chinese American and that in the year 2007 it isn't abnormal to meet Asian people who speak English. And wtf, only ignorant white people say things like that.

Spoon reminds me of myself when I was in college. So wide-eyed and slightly overcompensating. But he's also very sweet and boyish. He just moved from his parents' house for the first time which may have something to do with his wide eyed-ness.

I think what was so interesting about reading "The Game," studying the whole PUA workshop community on the web and watching "The Pick Up Artist" is it really reveals how vulnerable men are and what a "performance" masculinity is. The language of the PUA community is similar to that of a stand-up: there are "sets," "openers," "closers" and there is strategic positioning to the "set."

I never realized how vulnerable and desperate men would be to meet women. Those PUA workshops can cost up to $10,000! I always thought it was the other way around with how women are always trying to be more beautiful to bring a good guy into their lives. It was kind of oddly empowering to read about all that PUA stuff and realize men sometimes don't know how to be men and have to take classes on it.

Anyway, that's as much as I will divulge on the web. Here's Spoon btw on VH1 winning the award for dressing the most gay/fashionable.


VH1.com Videos

Labels: hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, Spoon, the pick up artist, Vh1

Only in LA.

My flight to San Francisco tomorrow is at 6:30am (yay for picking the cheapest flight on Orbitz!) and none of my friends are up to taking me to LAX despite my 5AM breakfast bribes, etc.

Parking is too expensive. Taxi is too expensive. I could pay it, but out of principle I refuse to give in.

And even the shuttle services are overbooked on this holiday weekend.

Then I started going up and down my Instant Messenger list seeing who would take me to the airport at the crack of dawn for food or gas money.

And I found a taker....




SPOON! Yes, ex-reality contestant from VH1's "the Pick Up Artist," who is now in LA, is coming over to take me to the airport.

I've never actually met the guy in person. But it should be fine. How dangerous could it be to get a ride from a failed pick up artist who is Chinese and from Portland and was on a reality show? And isn't it appropriately LA to get airport rides from ex-Reality TV stars? Isn't this one of those odd LA experiences that I should have just to put in my "LA files?"

I know that if anyone I ever dated is reading this now, they are laughing at me. But they will bite their tongues when the secrets to the VH1 reality TV world are revealed during my 4am airport ride.

Hollywood insider that I am!

Now, if you don't hear from me in a few days, it means the guy from Reality TV kidnapped me.

Will return (alive, hopefully) with a full report.

Labels: hollywood wong, Spoon, Vh1

In other news, I am waking up depressed as hell every day this week. Perhaps it's the holidays and this feeling that nobody is left in the city. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I cannot find this mini DV tape from a performance I did last year and it's driving me nuts. It's a performance that I am trying to remount in Miami in two weeks and I've made almost no preparations since my performance head has been in cuckoo nest land. When I lose things I really need or when technology isn't on my side, I feel like my whole world is out of control. And yet... all that's really happened is I can't find a mini DV tape.

Also I finally watched the last DVD of LOST. Making that 23 episodes that I watched over four days. I got so freaked out watching those back to back to back that I was scared to sleep in my own bedroom and was camping out in the living room where it's somehow safer. I'm officially clear until next year when the Season 4 DVDs come out and I get to engorge on TV watching all over again.

If any of you are able to. Please send a spell to my apartment so I can find this mini DV tape and I can get on with my life already.

Labels: sex is unnecessary when you have yarn

Look what my mom made.


At first I was like, "aw cute." And then I got weirded out to see my Pops dressed like an elf..

Anyway. I'm really slow moving and sad these last few days. Like I can't get anything done. I think it started when I decided to start watching all of Season 3 of Lost and have watched about 20 episodes so far in the last 52 hours. I have 4 episodes to go. That and my car is STILL in the shop which keep sme from doing quite a bit. It's totally freaking me out that show. It's so real in ways and I'm totally submerged in that world of that island.

If I was one of the people who survived on that crash, I totally would have been dead weight. I would have freaked out and ran off into the woods already.

Labels: losing my mind in los angeles

It's been over a week since my New Orleans trip and after been brain fried doing arts admin at the Los Feliz Starbucks for SIX STRAIGHT HOURS, I finally had to tell myself to cool it by doing something somewhat fun and slightly creative. It's ice cold in here by the way. I have a scarf wrapped around my head and neck.

Well, things in life could be worse. I could be a contestant on a bisexual dating show on MTV trying to vie for the love of an internet model. By the way, I cannot wait until the finale tonight! I hope Tila picks Dani!

***

Well, here is the blog from my trip to New Orleans from what I can remember. And it ain't much....

So the reason I was in New Orleans was because the National Performance Network gave me a "Creation Fund" in 2006 to create my solo show. They have an annual meeting for NPN supported artists and presenters each year to talk about cultural policy,etc. It's really great to come to these because I feel so isolated in Los Angeles in the aesthetic of work that I create. And it's great to be with other fringe artists in a setting where we can talk and network as equals. So translation? Drinking and Partying, and watching theater with friends can equal work!


The NPN is based in New Orleans and already had the conference scheduled for her even before Katrina. But they offered this "Site Visit" of New Orleans to conference goers who showed up a day early. I'm glad I went because otherwise, in the distance from the airport to the hotel, I would have left NOLA thinking, "Oh wow, it's all been fixed up."




In ways, it's subtle. It just looks like there might have always been that much space between houses. And there are parts of the 9th ward where you can't even tell there were houses because it's just big fields.



Performance by Kathy Randels in the home she grew up that was destroyed by the hurricane.




A photo album on display in Kathy's home where the photos have all been washed clean.

One night we went to see "New Orleans Bingo"-- they are a most awesome lounge music jazz band. They play bingo with the audience and show films between their sets. I've never seen so much technology in a live music bar show. I am absolutely in love with them.



Cute Southern boy singing on a bike? Preservation Hall? The French Quarter? I'm totally in love! I swear this is my dream music video!


I watched another band called "Country Fried" and the best thing about this show was the black Santa on the wall. Yay Black Santa!





A slightly less crowded Bourbon St.



Before our oceans go to total shit, I thought I'd try out raw oysters. I was sweaty and terrified, but now I'm a pro. Ironically, oysters are cheaper at the NOLA airport than at in the French Quarter. Same size and taste!

So now, on my long list of fantasies is trying to get out to NOLA for a month to live and work and ride bikes in the French Quarter.

***
So I'm not gunning for sympathy but I just spent the last hour crying alone in my apartment because I'm so tired by this life. Also it's raining in LA which is totally traumatizing for us who live here. New Orleans was the highlight of the last few months. It's just really hard to do this art and art living all alone. And I feel so isolated sometimes. And I wish I had an au pair... someone to pick me up dust me off and take care of me between these road trips. I just feel like all I ever do is give and give and give and give and watch Flavor of Love reruns.

My friend Marcus said he'd come by this weekend and help me. He said I should do something fun like go on a website where I can insert my face into different hairstyles. I like that.

So I have a whole new attitude towards art making in this new leg of my artist life. I think I really want to try to have fun making art. I think what I've struggled with doing this as a profession, is that it loses it's "fun-ness." I think that's why I got so into knitting, bikes, and other weird obsessions in the last few years. Art becomes a different animal when you have to make a living doing it.

Fun. Who's coming?

Surprisingly, despite finally being a successful full time artist, I still slip into that whole, "Should I just get a real job?" train of thought sometimes because I miss the regularness of waking up in the same bed every day with the same routine. Being able to see friends after work and that kind of stuff. I only had a part time job once as an adult that was not related to art. It was working for a non-profit for all of eight months (or less? Can't remember), but it was so awesome to be able to go home and not think about anything but watching a movie and eating.

Those were the days.

Labels: artist life, New Orleans

I borrowed a dog, put on some fake lashes and here I am....

http://current.com/items/88411581_goodbuy_gas

I'm so cute! The story should air on Current TV if it gets enough hits.

Labels: i'm kristina wong

I'm in New Orleans for the National Performance Network Meeting. I'm here until Monday. At these conferences they usually have showcases every evening but they've scheduled all the performances to happen all day Saturday. I think this is because we are across the street from the Harrah's Casino and nothing will get done when there is a casino and a French Quarter to wander away to. Already in one night, I managed to hit happy hour, Mother's (my favorite restaurant), the W Hotel, Cafe Du Monde and I helped my friend Regie win $7.41 in the penny slots.


The shrimp and lobster po'boy from Mother's. I swear it will be another three days before I come close to eating a vegetable.

They've managed to "clean up" the whole area from the airport to Downtown-- and purposely so. If you didn't know about Katrina, you might not guess anything happened. I got chills passing the Superdome and remembering the stories of people jumping to their death, getting assaulted, and shit piling up in the toilets there. The French Quarter is a lot more corporate than I remember it, it's a little like an outdoor mall and eerily like Third Street Promenade. And I don't remember this place being so "slick around the edges."

We're going on a bus tour in an hour of the parts of New Orleans that most tourists will miss. Should be interesting.

Labels: artist life, New Orleans

So I didn't even get to tell you all about the big Hollywood shindig that I broke my "Buy Nothing Year" vow to prep for.

I know. I broke my year-long vow to not buy anything. And for what? For lesser Hollywood.

Here I am with my date, playwright Alice Tuan.



So, after contemplating how I should pimp walk last Saturday's "Imaginasian Center" Opening that I was mysteriously invited to attend as "an important" personality. I decided to not buy a crisp white suit or an 80s prom dress, but instead, was resourceful and got the zipper fixed on this old dress discarded by my friend Malia. I wore some fishnets and heels I had lying and around and an old costume shop hat that I used to wear with the Billionaires for Bush.

I looked awesome and ironic.



Here are me and Timo, who somehow got an invite for this shingdig too.

I unfortunately, did not get any full body shots of my loveliness, but you can see the fingerless lace gloves I broke my pledge and bought for $8. Here I am with Carrie Ann Inaba who I actually know from college.



I was so fun that night. It was fun being dressed like a starlet in my hat and fur coat. It was like I became this caricature of myself. People were like, "Are you Kristina now or Fannie?" because everytime I shook a man's hand (even if it was John Cho or Joe Schmoe), I gently pushed my fist towards his mouth so he would be forced to kiss my hand. I think I'm going to do this from now on as long as I wear gloves.

Here's me and Michelle Krusiec. Who I already know and have on my email list because I'm so famous too.

The best part is Alice and I got to walk the red carpet.

It was so fun going to this event with the famous playwright Alice Tuan.


After five minutes of being denied entry to the red carpet, they finally let us through!

Alice: This is kinda sad and desperate.
Kristina: Relax. We will get to walk this.
Monitor: Ok, so who are you again?
Kristina: I am Kristina Wong, a famous performance artist. This is Alice Tuan, she's a famous playwright.
Monitor: Where are you from?
(this is where we are supposed to chime in with the name of some tv show or movie or celebrity that has created our whole meaningful identity.)
Alice: Los Angeles
Kristina: We aren't on your list. We're write-ins.
(Monitor looks to empty red carpet. Looks out into potential "celebrity" prospects, none of who are on their list of people to let through. Realizes, we are all there is to kill time.
Alice: My play was just at Humana.
(No reaction from monitor.)
Monitor: Fine. (aloud and lackluster) Ladies and Gentlemen! Playwright Alice Tuan and... performance... uh... artist... Kristina Wong!

We had a grand time on all 20 feet of the red carpet. Not to be cocky, but me and Alice were probably the most fun that came to the red carpet that night. We were subversive. It was like watching two babies walk for the first time. I mugged like in 20 different unflattering ways for the cameras even though most of them stopped photo-ing us when they realized we weren't listed in their packets. I've been searching the photo databases and don't see our pics online. So you will just have to know it was awesome when I told the cameras, "The Imaginasian Center gives me a great reason to come to skid row!"


Awesome thing I said to Russell Wong that night:

"Hi. My friend Alice has a huge crush on you. She wants to put a watermelon between her legs that you can eat out of the way you did in the Joy Luck Club."

(He just turned around and didn't say anything. But he let me take this picture with him.)

Labels: buy nothing day year, buy nothing year, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, losing my mind in los angeles

Holy shit, I am at CBS right now and Ben Stein is 10 feet away from me. He said hello to me. I couldn't keep casual. I acted like, "oh I don't know who you are, I'm just going to keep typing."

I should bust out into an audition monologue. But I can't. I can't. I'm blowing my big break.

Labels: hollywood wong

Now "2girls1cup" has just become my lame way of having done something creative, albeit conceptually creative with the day.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, chocolate rain, golden shower