In considering the present degradation of mankind and the progress of the women's movement reversed in just one episode of Rock of Love 2 (Really Bret Michaels? You're giving the women coupons they can redeem to hang out with you? Really?! And why is that Katherine woman referred to as "old" when she is actually YOUR age?! Are you serious?)

AND seeing as that I'm addicted to these dating shows despite these infractions they have on my humanity, I've decided to jump into the degradation....

Network executives! I have a pitch that will be sure to increase your viewership among performance art aficionados, third wave feminist academics, and nasty old white pervies.

It's A Shot at Love with Kristina Wong!

Synopsis: 36 beautiful men and women (mostly Korean) ranging from ages 22-80 move into Kristina's 2 bedroom apartment in West LA for a chance to win the heart of this reclusive-yet-extroverted, neurotic-yet-sincere big bad Chinese cat lady. Each week, Kristina eliminates the unworthy, and those who remain will get a special crochet hook on a necklace ensuring another week in the apartment and the one ultimate shot at love with Kristina!

Week 1: Welcome to West LA!
All the contestants get off the Santa Monica Blue Bus and drag their luggage two blocks past the corner liquor store and the loitering homeless on Santa Monica Blvd to move into Kristina's apartment! The 36 all huddle into the living room where every imaginable sleeping area is claimed faster than you can say "Interdisciplinary Performance Artist!" Kristina rolls up in her pink benz to greet her future suitors in an outfit to die for-- A hand crocheted poncho! All Koreans who show up get a "use-whenever" coupon to hang out with Kristina and are automatically moved to the next round creating racial tension in the apartment.

After a night of mingling over orange juice and bottle water, Kristina picks a handful of the unlucky who will not make the next round.


Week 2: Who is oppressed? And who can comment on it ironically?

Challenge: To find out who can most identify with Kristina's work, she's set up a challenge that will really put them in her shoes. Using only fake blood, a roll of toilet paper, and butoh movement, the contestants must convey their inner legacies of oppression by creating an improvised performance art piece. Bonus points awarded to those who can be self-referential. The winners get to go on a special bike date with Kristina and buy her sushi.


Week 3: The Cat Lady Cometh

Challenge: What would you do for Kristina's love? In this challenge, massive piles of cat diarrhea and cat pee have been left in the apartment by Kristina's cat Oliver. And the contestants who clean up the most wins a date with Kristina at nearby Stoner Park for a vegetarian BBQ that they will cook for her.


Week 4: Grant me a Future

Challenge: Kristina needs help writing a high stakes Rockerfeller MAPP Grant that needs to be postmarked by midnight. So all the contestants get a shot at writing Kristina's grant. The strongest grantee wins a date with Kristina-- a shopping spree at Ross Dress for Less! But here's the challenge twist-- every two minutes, one of Kristina's friends will instant message with nothing important to say. Can they survive the online distractions, write the killer grant and get to the airport post office in time?


Week 5: Oil me up!
Challenge: Seeing as the price of vegetable oil has now climbed higher than that of gasoline, Kristina sends her contestants to the back alleys of some of LA's finest strip malls to find some fuel for her pink Benz. The contestants must pump and filter used cooking oil so that it is usable for driving. The one who returns with the most usable oil wins a date taking Kristina to the auto shop in Silverlake (where it was dropped off for yet another mechanical problem during the last episode) so she can actually put the fuel in her car.


Week 6: Can you tech Wong?

Challenge: This week's special guest judge is Jen, Kristina's theater technician that has toured with her on the road. Jen once teched Kristina's show from behind the scrim-- meaning she teched her show BLIND! Jen will do a crash course with the Wong-loving hopefuls on reading Kristina's scrawly handwriting and how to read Kristina's inconsistent stage cues. Jen will also offer tips on how to kick Kristina out of a pre or post show panic.

Whoever can best tech Kristina's show after this crash course wins a special date to see the Wooster Group at the REDCAT.

But here's the real twist-- they won't be teching the show in a theater but a cafeteria! Can they make it work?


Week 7: Oh the Yarns we Tangle

Challenge: Oh no! All of Kristina's yarn stash has come loose and tangled. Even her really nice Rowan yarn. The contestants must untangle and re-skein the yarn so she can knit it. The winning fiber untangler gets to go on a date with Kristina to Wildfiber, Kristina's favorite local
yarn store in Santa Monica.


Week 8: Guess Who's coming for dinner?

Challenge: The contestants are surprised when ex-Calvin Klein model and all over hot lesbian Jenny Shimizu shows up as surprise judge. Jenny grills the remaining hopefuls for their "creepy factor" screening out those with right-wing tendencies, lack of motivation, and an obscene collection of Japanese anime deemed as too creepy for Kristina's love.

Drama hits the house when Jenny starts to come onto Kristina. After Kristina and Jenny engage in intense lovemaking, walk arm-in-arm past all of Kristina's ex-boyfriends, and taking plenty of photo evidence to document it all, Kristina sends (heartbroken) Jenny on her way.


Week 9: Meet the Wongs
The remaining three contestants fly to San Francisco where they will meet Kristina's parents and extended family in what stands to be the greatest challenge yet-- gaining the Wong Family seal of approval. Who's FICA score is strong enough to withstand Mama Wong's credit check? Who will survive Papa Wong playing Whitney Houston's self-titled album on a loop for five straight hours?

Kristina eliminates one, and only two remain.

Week 10: Only One is Right for Wong
Kristina takes the final two for a special getaway. No, not Miami.... not Jamaica... not Hawaii. But Sawtelle Blvd, a few blocks from the West LA apartment! Exotic! Kristina springs for dinner at Yashima's where she worked as a hostess for a month after college (they still hook her up). There she asks the final two to put all their guns on the table and sing their best Karaoke renditions of a GnR song.

In a spectacular finale ceremony in Kristina's carport that involves battery powered Christmas lights and fake flowers bought on clearance-- the winner of Kristina's heart is revealed.

**********************

It's a sexy idea for a show isn't it? Yes, I thought you'd agree.

I'm going to cry now and brush my cat.

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, artist life., cat lady, cat pee, crafty, crochet, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

Just another Friday Night blog philosophizing about Ross Dress for Less.

Labels: dying alone, hollywood wong, saturn's return, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The New Tweens

Well, here's the brief update.

It's over! The giant 4-week leg of work that started last week of December, went through those two crazy weeks in Miami and then five days here with the CBS showcase finally is over!

And I'm supposedly taking a break now by doing paperwork for my upcoming shows, admin, bill paying, etc. Blech Blech.

I wasn't sure what to think of the whole showcase because my performance went by very fast. It was very uncharacteristic of the work I do to be dressed so scandalously and speaking in an annoying voice. All I knew is I opened my mouth to say my first line ("Hi Kids! I'm Tila Tequila!") and before I knew it I was almost done ("Remember! Faculty meeting at noon, in my skirt!")

Afterwards, the friends who came to see me were like, "Damn Kristina! We didn't know you had a body like that!!!"

Indeed. Many do not realize that within this hypocritical post feminist exterior lies the body of a washed up belly dancer. I guess my philosophy was, "Well, if I am going to be in this showcase for all of two minutes, I might as well give them something to look at."

Sorry, no pictures.

I was so glad it was over when it was over. Too much pressure to have to "showcase" myself. I think my solo shows are so much more an indication of how I perform and what I am capable of pulling off. My manager (Oh did I tell you, in my rapidly changing life... I now have a manager... yes, que Hollywood) says that we will prepare a showcase in the Spring that shows off all the guns.

But already the sky has opened nicely. I got a call for an audition tomorrow at Universal. A series regular role on a sitcom pilot. The character has never gone on a date, works with cats, and is obsessive.

Hmmm..... such a stretch.

Hopefully these opportunities will keep pouring in. Not bad considering we are still in the middle of the writer's strike. Then my life will move forward as planned. Get big ass tv jobs, buy house, buy a child from China to call my own, give money to awesome gay charities and artists, end global warming, and relax.

Relax? WTF is that?!

I think the big crossroads that comes up more and more as this Hollywood Wong thing becomes a reality, is how to balance my vision, ethics, and craft within the heartless machine that is the entertainment industry. Well, the ethics part I seem to have all but completely lost in the last few weeks (so no need to fret over that!), but what I've never figured out is how I will bridge all these different identities and still be the awesome Wong who blogs for you now.

Labels: balance, hollywood wong, vision, winnings

Well, I know I wrote a blog entry that borders on frightening when I get a call from my folks telling me how much they love me.

I am fine. I'm not going to hurt myself. And how present I am in an actor's showcase is not the be all and end all of the world. In fact, they gave me a line in another sketch today. I just had to blow off a little steam and stress in my last entry. A little space and a lot of love from my friends made me feel a lot better.

I did indeed, go to Church yesterday, found myself at Agape sitting in the outdoor tent. When they read the dedication about how a the seed of faith can overcome all, I started bawling. And then the guest speaker said, "In life, it's not about who never gets knocked down, it's about who gets up." Then they ended the service with audio from Martin Luther King about getting up in life to overcome the wrongs, to get up for humanity.

And I'm getting up all right. I am getting up tomorrow on that stage for CBS and I'll be wearing a big confident smile, stripper heels, a string bikini and a school girl skirt. During rehearsal today, I looked at myself in this crazy outfit, did a circle for the mirror and thought: "Oh Wong, you still got it. Now shake it like you are on a webcam."

Oh... you think I'm kidding?

Labels: artist life, cat lady, hollywood wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn

So I went from being the big Kahuna in Miami to being the doormat du jour in Los Angeles. The CBS showcase is Tuesday and I swear it's crushing my soul. I appear in one sketch (even my one liner role as Ming the Burmese handjob giver was cut). I never remember theater being so cut-throat. It truly is a business. I don't regret the experience of the showcase and it really is thickening my skin.

During yesterday's rehearsal I had the following thoughts. Like really, I had these thoughts...

* "Where can I buy drugs like coke?"
* "Maybe I should call my sex worker friend and see how I can get into her line of work."
* "Is the bar in my closet high enough to hang myself from?"

I also called my hypnotherapist friend during the rehearsal to schedule an emergency appointment. I've never tried hypnotherapy, but right now I need all the magic fairy dust I can get to maintain my sanity.

I was also caught trying to poke my eyes out with my own finger during the rehearsal.

If anything, I am really understanding how important it is that I do my own work and how lucky I am that if this acting stuff never pans out, I will always have performance art to lean on (how freaking strange is that?!). And as much as I want to retire from performance art and make tons of money in ONE city rather than roam the globe for pennies, at least I have my own artistic vision at the end of the day.

My friend, the famous playwright Alice Tuan said that she felt my blogs made it seems like my life was really charmed and easy-ish. Which is so crazy because despite the perks, my life is totally insanely crazy. It was really good seeing Alice last night after the monster day with CBS. I cried and cried and then we laughed together.

Anyway, I've been up looking at my press from Miami. Check it.

Miami New Times
(Yet again, I find another opportunity to call out the Korean Pick Up artist like the psycho freak bitch I am.)


Anyway, so I'm planning to go to church today. I need to pray. I don't care what god. I just need to pray.



I also seem to be on Miami time still. As I'm blogging at 5am and going to bed at 9pm.

Labels: artist life., balance, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, losing my mind in los angeles, miami, neediness., press, stamina, vision

I'm back in LA. It's 3am and I'm up typing. The day after my show was not pretty. I jumped on the 8am flight, which meant I had to pack all my crap up in the early AMs. Barely drove the rental car back to Hertz at 6am, paid $50 because my bags were too heavy (i could have threw stuff out but was exhausted and gave up), tried to memorize new lines for this sketch I'm in for the CBS showcase on the plane inbetween passing gas and trying to sleep on the cramped plane.

I landed in LA, drove to CBS in my 1981 veggie oil car which after driving a brand new Miami rental for two weeks, felt like it was running on a wing and a prayer and rubber bands. I found out most of the parts for this showcase have been cast and I have like one scene. Almost threw up from exhaustion and overwhelmedness, left CBS too tired to cry, got a massage, ate thai food, passed out, and now it's 3am and the day has started.

I really am not sure how much longer I can do this road warrior stuff.

Oh yes, and the show rocked! I think there are dead people by the theater still. I am very blessed to have known nobody in Miami and get a very nice crowd of around 250 folks on the Wednesday slot where Louis Ck and Kathy Griffin were also programmed. The awesome folks at Miami Light got the mega- poster with my face on it out of the marquee for me to take home and now I get to look at my ego everyday.

The kids I taught last week from Little Haiti came and sat in the front rows. They had a blast. At one point they were jumping out of their seats screaming when I was like, "Are the Asians in the house?!" See, it didn't take long to convince those kids that they were little Wongs. If I corrupted them, they didn't seem to notice or mind.

My shining moment was when as Officer MacGillawongster, I put a plastic gun to a pregnant woman's stomach and said, "Ma'am, I need you to remove that, it's very dangerous and because of post 9/11 security measures, we must have you take that out in the fight for terrorism."

Labels: hollywood wong, miami, my mind in los angeles

I'm at the Lobby at the Standard now. There's actually a casting call for Abercrombie male models by the pool but the models check in here. HOT. Nurit and I are trying to meet and talk about our big day, but in the meantime, I'm drooling and squealing with every piece of man meat man that walks in here. And because we are literally facing the casting guy and the models, some of them have been coming up to us asking, "Where do I sign in?"

"Why you can sign up in room 92, where I'm staying."

We've been joking with the casting guy that we're finning to get discovered.

It's so unfair. Gorgeous people have it so easy. I should know. My life has been a breeze.

Anyway, I have a big day today. The show is today. Here are all the HOLY SHITS of my time in the last few days.


HOLY SHIT.


HOLY SHIT.


CUTE SHIT.


HOLY SHIT.



HOLY SHIT!!!!!


Wish me luck. I'm freaking freaking freaking out.

Labels: artist life, hollywood wong, hot people, miami

Not much to say in this update other than it's been really nuts here. I'm still memorizing and rewriting stuff. The show is tomorrow! Nurit said last night, "This show is so raunchy."

She's right. It's totally disgusting. And yet, oh so good.

What better way to capture my state of mind than a 3am videoblog?

Labels: miami

I'm teaching little Wongs all week in Little Haiti and doing guest talks at different colleges in Miami. I've been teaching improv games and writing exercises to these cutie pies at Youth Expressions. Many of them are coming to my show next week, and I actually worry that it may corrupt them.

What a strange trip this has been and I still have six more days here. I really feel like I could live here. Of course, I'm spoiled and staying at the Standard so of course I could live here. I love the drive back to the hotel where I pass water on both sides. I love looking at the Bay outside the hotel pool. I love the artists and people I am meeting. I love the food... well... kinda. The Haitian and West Indian food has not stuck too well to my sides.

I wish I had more time here. I've been getting invites to shows, to go yachting, and to get drinks but this old lady conks out early and I'm running out of time to get the show together!

And I have yet to really get plunged into the show. My director Nurit comes in this weekend and we will be doing some intense rehearsals.

So, what kind of omen is this?




There was a dying bird on my car last night! I tried to shoo it off, but it wouldn't move. I guess it wanted to go for a ride with me. I didn't want to touch it so I just tried to drive it. But about two blocks later it slid off and flew/rolled off into the street. What does it mean when dying things that cannot fly try to catch a ride with you?



Picked up again in Little Haiti! Screw the Korean diplomat! I got me a new Miami man! Meet my new fake boyfriend Ron! He cooks a mean saltfish and banana dinner!

Anyway, I did get a call from the Korean Pick Artist yesterday. He had read my account of him on the blog (and was not upset!), but sadly, did not hear me scream his exploits out on Miami sports radio. He cannot make my show next week because he has tickets to the Foo Fighters. WEAK. Kristina Wong or Foo Fighters? I say scalp those tickets and watch me march around in my one piece swimsuit.

I can't believe I have to switch gears super quickstyle when I get back to LA for the CBS showcase. One of the actors wrote saying they miss me over there. Is it bad that I don't miss LA much?

Labels: artist life, miami, stamina

Here I am on my lazy Sunday at the beach with crazy frizzed hair.

So I went from being lonely and bored out of my mind in Miami to doing the work I've been paid to come out here for, and at like, breakneck speed.

And yay, this is what I do as a solo artist!

I'm teaching guest workshops all over Miami this week. And also doing the round of press interviews.


Oddly enough, Miami seems to be the town for a lot of firsts in my career. I was interviewed on a radio show just last night. Not just any radio show-- a bilingual sports radio show! Yes... a SPORTS SHOW!!! I always thought Bill O'Reilly would put me on the air before a sports show. I sure was nervous that they wouldn't "get" me, and that it would be scary frat-like (the show was sponsored by Cheetahs Strip club!), but the two sportscaster guys were super sweethearts and totally listened to me. I did alright!



So for my sports show interview, I put on my best "alpha male" face, tucked a rolled up sock into my panties, and interviewed with my best "brazen broad" persona.

Listen to me here. Thanks Wes Kim for hosting the interview!

Some of my highlights from this radio interview...

* Used the "F" word at least five times. (The "F word" being "feminist")
* Talked about sports. (huh?!)
* Talked so dirty that I made both sportscaster guys blush.
* Said one thing that they had to "dump" because it wasn't appropriate for the air (Ironically, the phrase they "dumped" was "poopoo peepee.").
* When I ran out of material, I would comment on the homo erotic tension between the two guys.
* Snuck in some third wave feminist commentary about performing gender within the PUA community.
* Screamed the name of my Korean Pick Up artist, dictated his exploits over the airwaves and demanded he call me at the station (he didn't btw :<).
* Declared National Dry Hump Day on Jan 16.
* Declared the end to the use of the word "minorities" and instead a push for the word "majorities."

This is all so weird, being so, dare I say... "mainstream." I feel like I've crawled out of a cave of women's studies and now I am interacting, a lifetime later, with the rest of the world. I just hope my show doesn't disappoint. I still feel like my references may be too obscure for a comedy audience. But they don't think so which is how I ended up at this joint.

Oh well, embrace and enjoy the ride.

I also might be on TV here later this week. Yay!

****
Here are some other pictures for my mother who likes to look at pictures of food on the road...


Here is the Cuban omelette sandwich I ate today.


And here is the Banana Cheese Omelette I had yesterday. Ew. Didn't like it much.


And here I am cruising at a gay bar on the beach.

Labels: artist life, magic powers, miami, oh my god, press, the pick up artist

Saturday night I was lounging around the room with nobody to go out with and decided that "Hey, I'm a big girl. I can go out alone." I got dressed and drove myself down towards the beach where all the clubs supposedly are. I've never gone dancing or to a bar alone. It seems semi-loserish and dangerous, especially in a town I don't live in, but the cabin fever was going to kill me more.

I park the car, wander towards one of the hotels where these security guards are standing and ask naively, "Excuse me. What is this?" (You know, not wanting to crash a private party.)

"It's the Skybar."

"Oh, a club?"

"Yeah."

"How much is it?"

The security people laugh at me.

"$1000 bucks."

They open the elastic barrier and let me in.

I compensate, "Sorry! I'm from out of town."

So I'm standing there at this bar/club nursing my tiny $15 (wtf!) cape cod and thinking, "I hope I figure out how to make some friends or something before I have to buy another $15 drink." There's no dancing at this club for me to hide myself in. So I'm just standing there, taking in this amazing joint (the clubs on South Beach are mega swank because they are all part of the hotels. Like the Standard, except larger and with better furniture.)

Anyway, so this Korean guy comes up to me and is like, "I'm looking for my friend. He's 6'3" and Dominican. How am I going to find him here?"

And I'm so relieved that someone is talking to me, and at a non-creepy yet somehow strategic 45 degree angle. And I'm especially excited that this Korean guy is talking to me because I had passed him seconds before thinking, "I wonder what that Korean guy is doing in South Beach." So we talk about being Asian in Miami and what each of us is doing there.

And suddenly, like three minutes into the conversation, I'm totally swooning.

The whole conversation is all too slick. His friend swoops in and is like "Hey, kiss him on the cheek."

It's all too familiar. Like I've read this in a book or seen it on a tv show....

I'm like, "Wait a second. Have you seen the Pick Up Artist on VH1?"

"Oh yea! I watch that show religiously."

"You know, I got a ride to the airport from Spoon and Brady."

"No way."

"You've taken a Pick-up workshop haven't you?"

(moment)

"Actually. I have."

I'm jumping up and down wagging my finger and screaming!

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I knew it!! I knew it! I know all these tricks! I knew this was all familiar."

Anyway, he was smooth, gorgeous, and works as a diplomat. And even if he was totally awkward and untrained in the ways of approaching a woman, I would have talked to him. He wasn't wearing aviation goggles or a fur hat. He was just well dressed. And he's taken workshops from Tyler Durden (the anarchy-ish PUA revolutionary) and Mystery. It felt really weird to be part of some script, and I kept questioning his sincerity.

But he wasn't as choppy as the guys from the show who seemed to work with a lot of canned material. And we had a good talk about the Pick Up community and "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I kept calling him on every thing I could recognize. I started mocking him by stroking my hair and squealing, "Look buddy! An IOI!" (Indicator of interest.) He takes my hand and whispers in my ear, "Ok, let's help Juan get a girl." Suddenly we are winging his friend. It was crazy watching these two guys scan a room and funny to be part of it. I was like a live action DVD commentary, making smart remarks the whole time.

He was like, "Kristina, can you turn that off?"

I was like, "Can you turn it off?"

What a trip. I got "opened" by a professional pick up artist. And I kinda thought this might happen because there are pick up artists all over this place. It was an experience. And I'm glad of it.

I think my fascination with the whole Pick Up Artist community is that they do what I do in ways-- site specific performance, culture jamming, and performing gender. They don't do it to the same effect that I do, as their work lacks the social commentary, and they aren't going to get grants to pick up women. But I think the fact that men pay thousands of bucks to learn how to denote their high value (DHV they call it), create conversations that add exciting information (kind of like a good improv), and use a lot of tactics from the sales world (to "close" in PUA speak) says a lot about how much men need companionship as much as women.

He and I, we're both performers.

He said he might come to my show. Perhaps, this is my tactic to make sure I fill that 400 seat theater. I will stand around at clubs and mock pick up artists and guilt them to coming to my show.

So for my mother and others who wonder if there was a love connection.... Nah, everyone knows that my dream man is that guy I've been sending letters to in prison who will be getting out in 5 to 10. I hold out for only the best. ;)

Labels: loser, reality tv, Spoon, the pick up artist, Vh1

Miami has been gorgeous the last few days. It's unreal that I get to be here so long. And I'm almost agitated because I am having a hard time embracing that I've earned this. Can artists really be treated like a million bucks on the road? Like shouldn't someone at some point be bopping me on the head and telling me that the empty dorm room bed awaits me??!

Here's the photo story.

First, as promised. Evidence that Spoon and Brady from VH1's "The Pick Up Artist" did indeed take me to the Airport. No pictures of me WITH them, but that will be the next ride to the airport!



Spoon driving with his 6:30 AM on.




Brady being crushed by my monster luggage.


And now I am in Miami. I've never been treated so well on a residency before. I mean I thought I've been treated well. But his is like fantasy residency! I've been given a rental car, a per diem, two weeks at the Standard and a pretty loose schedule to enjoy the surroundings. The car has a GPS and says, "You have arrived" when I get to my destination. And when it says that. I feel like they are saying so much more. I really have arrived it seems.


I can't believe what a luxury this is. It's like my friend E said once of being hot and single and waking up alone every morning, "This is such a waste!"

Indeed, this place is so gorgeous, it seems quite wasteful to be in this awesome hotel all alone. So guess what? You are coming with me! Check it. I present a grand tour of Miami so far.... Mostly the hotel.


A dock overlooking the water. Just behind the hotel!



The lounge chairs at dusk.



The giant king bed is 6 feet across and mocks soloness when I sleep in it.



This is where you load up in mud and wash it off. Going to try this tomorrow.



The view at dusk.


A note from the general manager welcoming me to the Standard and to Miami. I felt like such a rock star.


Anyway, the being here alone thing is killing me. I can't go this long without having someone to talk to and it's only been like a day! This joint is swarming with couples and cool people. I was thinking there would be solo artists roaming the joint and wanting to party... kinda like when I went to Greece. But in odd ways I'm having flashbacks of middle school. Next week I'll be teaching workshops all over the place and my circle of Miami folk I know will grow. But I feel like I showed up at prom alone being here. It's like a honeymoon for one.

I was thinking about what a rock star I am this week and how people would love to join me. So perhaps my friend Jess is right, I need my own reality show, "a Shot at Love with Kristina Wong" where people vie for my love in special performance art challenge like who can convey the most oppression with fake blood and howling sounds. Ha!





By the way, I'm here early assembling a cast of community artists to be in my show. I already found my cutest cop! Look for Sasha at the show! She takes after her mom who is a notable Miami B Girl.

Labels: artist life, balance, dying alone, miami, reality tv, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, Spoon, the pick up artist, vacation?, Vh1, vision

I'm at LAX now for my 8:25 am flight to Miami. I packed the whole apartment into two suitcases it seems.

Yet again, I couldn't bribe anyone for a ride. So I turned to my new best friend, fake tv boyfriend, and ex-reality star for help.



Yay! Spoon, from VH1's "The Pick up Artist" gave me a second ride to the airport. And this time he rolls up to my apartment at 6:30am and there's a guy in the passenger seat. I hear, "Is that her?!"

(And I project, from his voice, that perhaps he too was a wee bit disappointed that I don't look like a school girl, instead I look like Kristina.)



It's Brady, the runner up from VH1's the Pick up artist, also Spoon's roommate. Brady also got a stripper to make out with him on the show. Which even as a feminist, I found impressive.

I think Brady and Spoon were the cutest ones on the show. I was so starstruck by these two ex-reality stars outside of my apartment taking me to the airport, I started to jump up and down with glee. I think they were happy to be appreciated as their show was kind of the sleeper hit of VH1's line up in 2007 and their return to real life has been not as glamorous.

It was such a fun ride over.

Brady busts out with one of the pick up lines ("openers") that I knew well from watching the show and reading "The Game." He says from the backseat, "So who do you think lies more, girls or guys?"

I started screaming and laughing, "Don't pull that shit on me! I know all the lines! I've read the pick-up books! I know all the tricks! Those openers they taught you were so ridiculous."

And then Brady ad libs with another opener, which had to be the dumbest one on the show, "Did you see the fight outside?"

We were all laughing.

Then I started to wag my finger at those two and scolded them, "You know, you two were just as cute, if not cuter before your Pick-up makeovers. I actually preferred you guys when you were dorks."

Spoon shook his head as if to say, "No like the old Spoon."

Anyway, I was so happy when they dropped me off at the curb, I jumped up to hug both of them.

Yay! Rock Star!

Kinda.


Will post pictures when I land.

Labels: asian men, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, reality tv, Spoon, the pick up artist, Vh1

Still getting everything together for my big residency in Miami! I can't believe I get to start the year out like this.


So far... no video marriage proposals from my last videoblog. But I did get a comment saying this....

"ya know, you're kind of sexy. lol. i'll marry u. i mean u have great natural beauty, but i was just love to see u in something sexy (short and tight, lol), with a little make-up, and in serious mode. that would be very interesting. i'll be sure to keep the lotion near by should u decide to make a video like that. lol. happy new year!"


Blech. The Wong don't get sexy for nobody.


Well, at least this flyer makes me excited!


With more street cred than you can shake a pair of Hammer pants at, Kristina Wong makes her Miami debut riffing on notions of freedom in times that would make Joe McCarthy gasp. Excerpts include a satirical homage to "save the world in five minutes" spoken word, a Flashdance tribute, and an explanation (or un-explanation) of why she prefers life in the almighty closet. Bidding paddles will be provided for a live auction of gentrified neighborhoods. Adding an interactive element, Kristina will select a group of South Floridians to perform in one segment alongside her.


Miami Light Project
presents
Kristina Wong
Free?
January 16, 2008, 8:00pm
Colony Theater
1040 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, Fl 33139
Tickets $25.00
For tickets call Ticketmaster at 305.358.5885
or visit www.miamilightproject.com

Labels: artist life, balance, dying alone, neediness., stamina, vision

Aw, so far, it's been a great year. I spent it with friends and laughed a lot more than yesterday when I was lying in bed freaking out about how I'm going to pull off the next three weeks. And then the next three weeks after that... and after that...

I'm taking matters into my own hands and am asking folks to start proposing to me via youtube. Men, women, children, animals.... No marriage proposal too scary or flippant. We must send the energy waves my way so that I will be married to a rich oil tycoon by the end of the year and can retire from performance art to become a lady of leisure.

And guess what! My "Buy Nothing Year" is finally over! Can you believe I went all of 2007 without buying new clothes or non-perishable gifts? It wasn't that hard, but I did stave off temptation on more than a few occasions. Now.... Let me at the mall! I got an economy to feed!

Labels: artist life, balance, buy nothing day year, buy nothing year, cat pee, losing my mind in los angeles, neediness., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., vision