Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Christ in our separation of church and state country by gorging on food and indulging in rampant consumerism and waste. Oh yes, and we spend time with those we love.....

So what better day than Christmas to read bad poetry and overly dramatic entries from the journals I kept as a 13 year old?

Tune in at 7am PST on Christmas Day as Riku Matsuda has me on his morning show reading 13 year old Kristina Wong diary entries and poems!

You can listen to the show anywhere in the world at KPFK.org.

Listen as I spend the most celebratory day in the year of change totally humiliating one of the many pretend boyfriends I had at 13 (or, if anything, humiliating myself! Yay!).

I do believe the show will be archived if you miss it.


*****ALSO Please join my fan page. Every new fan adds a symbolic centimeter to my ego penis.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kristina-Wong/13597459996?ref=s

love, Kristina

ps To my Jewish friends! I also eat Chinese food with you on Christmas Day! We are one! (Yes, the joke never gets old, as long as I'm around.)

Labels: mortified

I was looking through old journals for some teenage writing to submit to Mortified (a reading series of adults reading from their teen journals). I'm learning that not only was I not getting laid at 13, but I was also a bitch, a homophobe, and a hopeless/hapless romantic.

Come and read some of the great delights of my youth. Transcribed below. I'm screaming as I read some of this stuff. It's godawful and so wonderously embarrassing. But I can just pin the blame of these literary horrors on my youth and sassy San Francisco upbringing.


I think I wrote the below poem after being rejected by Yasuhara Inagaki. And by "rejected" I mean that I had a secret crush and he told someone that I was stupid and ugly.

Burn in hell Yasu, burn in hell.



Untitled Poem by Kristina Wong, Age 13

as the sun comes over over the clouds
the sun peers
light streams through the cotton clouds
on the purple horizon
days of heat
nights of passion
no need to become
no need to be
why oh why?
is life so sweet that a first kiss is deadly?
words, to live by
i'm a poet, I'll starve.
i'm still a poet.
gosh i'm a fool i can't believe i thought Yasu might like me.
life stinks

Labels: mortified

I'm in SF now, and want to tell you about my experiences with $6.99 rent-a-car. Or as I call it... "No free lunch rent-a-car."

Last Sunday, being the social butterfly that I am, I found myself with invites to five events all over town on one day, and all but a bus pass to get me from Culver City to Santa Monica to Glendale, etc. Seemed like I had full license to treat myself to a car rental!

Only problem was, to take out the Zipcar (my carshare service) for the day would be $72. Yikes! Yes, it would include all gas, insurance, and 180 miles. And the car would be very new and very safe. But that's a lot of money for 24 hours of wheels! Perhaps this was a situation to try out a less expensive rental.

I heard about 699 rent-a-car from an actor who also lives without a car. The thing is it works for her because she lives in Hollywood where their lot is located. And they actually do pick-ups within a three mile radius. She told me that sometimes their cars are missing radios or aren't the prettiest. I've found three reviews for the place online. One is appreciative of the cheap rental cars. Two are condemning and report things like cars that break down, overheat, are missing registration stickers, and bad service.

I figured it was worth the "lets see what I'll get for $6.99" adventure. I had to leave the house half an hour earlier to take the 704 to Hollywood and then walk up past a bunch of homeless trannies on La Brea to get there.

When I get there, the office was not so bad. It's like a graphic designer's office. There's one guy working there. Kind of your typical, aspiring Hollywood actor at his day job thing. The wait was a little annoying. Especially since I had already been on the bus forever to get there, and when I pick up my Zipcar, there is no wait nor paperwork... I just wave my card and jump in. Most other car rental places you don't have to wait because there are so many people on staff. I ask another guy waiting for his car if he's tried it before and he hasn't and is nervous and excited to see what repo'd car delight he will get for $6.99. According to the site, $6.99 will get you something like a "Kio Rio Grande or similar."

"Or similar" is the operative term.

When it's my turn, I have my choice of two cars to rent: One with a broken horn or one with no wipers. I didn't think it would rain, so I choose the one with no wipers. After all, it doesn't rain in LA.

The car is a teal green two door, Mitsubishi Galant. The damage is noticeable. There is a three foot crack in the windshield, dents all over the front and back bumper, happy meal stickers all over the back walls, and a big bird shit on the top of the car. Also, it smells like someone ate several fast food meals in there with the windows closed and farted a lot.

Oh yeah, and it's not quite $6.99 either. It's $6.99 plus .19 cents per mile OR $16.99 which includes 100 miles. And then I have to pay $13 for the liability insurance. Luckily, my credit card covers collision on all rentals (this is important to know if you ever rent-a-car). So already, $6.99 rent-a-car has turned into $30 rent-a-car.

The people waiting for their cars have stories of other cheap car rentals they've done. This one woman tells me that at Rent-a-Wreck, her wheels were shredding on the way back to the lot. I wonder if it's worth the risk to rent so cheap.

As I leave the lot, I say to the people in the waiting room: "Ok, I hope I live to return this car."

The car drives ok. I am getting a lot of flashbacks of Harold breaking down as I drive this car which send moments of panic. The locks are flimsy and I'd never leave valuables in this car if I owned it. The gas pedal is sticky and doesn't press down easily and takes a couple of firm presses to get it down. Also, the dome light in the car doesn't work nor does the whole dash panel light up at night which makes it really hard to read directions.

It's definitely a beater. But it works. And in 24 hours I hit all these parties I've been invited to, and run a crapload of errands including buying Oliver a big bag of Science Hill Diet cat food. Even though he has half a bag left of this holistic food, I have been having anxiety that I wouldn't be able to replenish his supply by the time he runs out and that I'd be forced to buy him some subpar cat food which he would refuse to eat, thus causing him to starve to death.

This anxiety/transportation anticipation is something I've been dealing with a lot since my car caught on fire in August. I keep freaking out about not being able to do all these "theoretical" moments that will transpire in the future.

As I drove that crap rental, with it's cracked windshield and weird smells, I missed owning a car for this convenience. I feel like I've been more housebound since the car left. I forgot how much faster the car is. How much more ground in much less time can be covered in a car.

The next morning it rained. And guess what? I picked the rental with the busted wipers. Luckily, they worked enough to move the rain out of the way and it stopped raining by the time I got on the freeway.

When I returned the car, turns out I went over 100 miles! I drove 138 miles and at .45 cent per mile over the 100 miles, my bill came to $49. With the gas I put in, my rental was about $57.

I was so peeved. I screamed "Merry Christmas!!!" at the guy working there in a tone that mixed angst and merriment.

The crazy thing is if I had lived near the lot, that was easily 15 miles that I would have not have driven for the pick up and return. Just the driving to the lot is what made the bill so much.

I had to take the bus all the way back to West LA from the rental place. By my math, I saved $15 from not using Zipcar. But I might as well have rented the Zipcar because the Zipcars are closer, would not have taken as much time to pick up and return, and the are safer. Also, if I took the Zipcar for a carwash in that 24 hours, and mailed them my receipt, I would have been credited back an hour of driving.

Argh. And now I know.

I've been doing research and I could have rented a car from the Enterprise in my neighborhood and it would have come out to the same amount of less since their cars allow for unlimited driving.

Returning any rental car is always a little stressful. Zipcars can be stressful to return because there is absolutely no grace period and if you are late it starts charging you $50/hour automatically. There may be someone waiting in the lot to use the car next, so you MUST return it on time. In traffic this can be really stressful to do this to the minute.

I'm still trying to figure out this carless living stuff. I insist in making this work until next August (making it a solid year of carlessness/ martrydom) It is nice to be able to leave town and have 10,000 pounds less I don't have to worry about in LA. And when people talk about their car accidents and their breaks blowing out and needing replacement... I definitely don't miss owning a car.

*********************

Though, for the first time in my adult life last week, I've feeling a little bit ashamed that I don't own a car. And at that, that I don't own a fancy showoff car like I once did in Harold. It hit me when for some godawful reason I was watching TMZ (the gossip show on TV). The TMZ Paparazzi followed MadTV's Bobby Lee as he was waiting for the valet to return his car. The paparazzi were all shocked that even though Bobby Lee was on TV for seven years, that he drives an old Toyota covered with bumper stickers. The paparazzi said of his car, "Must be the hard economic times."

That or a slow day in the news.

If the paparazzi ever bothered to follow performance artists, they'd be horrified to see me at the bus stop laden down with my newspapers and multiple totebags, but still... looking cute as all hell.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

If you were curious. I set a goal a few posts ago to reduce the contents of my apartment by half. Sell at least $1000 of crap out of this place (via Amazon and Craigslist) and put that moolah into my friend's restaurant. And move move move stuff out of here!

So far, I've made $500 ridding the crap out of this place.

Some nice surprises...

Got about $70 for a stack of old Bust and Adbusters Magazines.
Got $100 for a wetsuit I will never use.

The more I go visit my friends in their nice clean apartments, the more I want to stack stuff up and get it out of here.

Have not reduced the contents of my apartment by half. But what room I've made makes a big difference. Somehow though, I seem to have accumulated more since coming back from Seattle....

Labels: buy nothing day year, buy nothing year

Why do I totally want to be this woman?

I am back from a great six day respite/ workspite in Seattle. It's just what I needed after being in total post partum from my show that closed way back when in September/ October. I'm back and ready for action.

I took hardly any pictures. But there's something about that Seattle cold and fog that warms my heart and stays with me. I was out there for the National Performance Network conference. I didn't perform but I connected to a lot of national colleagues who I ironically, see more often than some of my friends in LA. It was comforting to know that even in this economic climate there are people who still care about my vision and want to give a space for it. It looks like in 2010 I will perform for the first time in a landlocked state (can you believe I've only performed in states that have water on one side?) Start telling your friends that in 2010, Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is going to Tulsa, Oklahoma!

I feel good about the future. I think the world is all on Facebook, but soon enough the internet will be so overwhelming that people will want to go back to the theaters and the printed page. They will want to meet in person, instead of in chat rooms. They will want to spin cat hair and make little purses with them.

And folks, this is where I come in.

Labels: artist life., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

I'm in Seattle in a cute little coffee house in the I District. The weather is like the worst of San Francisco all day long. But seeing a real winter with falling leaves has it's charm. I only know winters in LA because the City puts up holiday decorations on Wilshire and there is a temporary ice skating rink in Santa Monica.

I got in yesterday and I've been staying with my composer friend Byron who helped me find a tv set so we could watch a "Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins.

It was feminist research.

After two seasons of Tila Tequila, just when you didn't think it couldn't get worse, the folks at MTV looked under the bottom of the barrel and found two obscure import models who are both "bisexual." They are quite homely looking and uninteresting. But they are much more convincing at being bisexual than Tila Tequila was.

We ended up watching the show at my friend Howard's boyfriend's place. It was so funny to watch the show with three gay men. They really got into it and were commenting on the selection of straight men as if they were the Ikki twins.

There's much more critical theory I can go into about reality dating tv shows. But I won't.

I randomly got a comment today on an old and really personal blog entry I made over two years ago, back when I was in a relationship (that was actually disintegrating partly because my career "blowing up"-- at least that's what I'd like to think had happened.... ). That was a weird blog entry to reread. I can't believe I put it out there. Oh well. So it goes.

And now two years later, I still find myself in somewhat of the same boat. Still traveling the country, alone, coming home to the cat. Except, I'm married to myself. Which (somehow) helped ease the feelings of being crazy when I'm on the road alone. It was a hard life to get used to but time has made me slightly more resigned to this roaming the country with my art as being a way of life.

Just ten years ago I hated being alone. I didn't know what to do myself if dropped off in a new place to explore. And now, it's a marvelous way of living. I guess.

I am weary of traveling alone as a single Asian woman in other parts of the world. Safety is a huge concern. As is feeling marked by my body. I went to Europe in college and the incessant screams of "Konichiwa!" in the street were enough to make me punch someone's lights out.

I'd like to pow-wow with other single women artists of color my age who make a living doing creative work and have to travel so much to make a living. Are we the revolutionaries of our generation? Or the new spinsters?

Speaking of unmarried spinsterism, I am actually hanging out with my friend Wes Kim tonight and spinning yarn with his wife after dinner on her spinning wheel. It's all I've been looking forward to about coming to Seattle all year.

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #7

I also realize I have not blogged about being carless in a while. So here is the update.

The good. The bus means I've actually been reading the newspaper instead of letting them pile up in the house still bound. And I've been reading books! My mind has been wandering back to a more creative space now that I don't have to stare at the ass of a car in traffic for hours on end. I also have a lot more money at the end of each month which I blow on booze.

There are some downers about it. Like, I was offered a free month of acting classes, except they were in Burbank which is a pain to get to, especially at night-- do I rent a car just to go to that class? Or do I just pay for classes that are in my area for the equivalent amount? There are also tight time frames that I can't do. I used to have this ritual on Sunday of going to the Farmer's Market, getting a tamale, and then going to church, and maybe after going for Ethiopian food after. But I can only choose one of the three. It's also trickier to do a lot of errands, even if they are along the bus route home. Like I can't just jump off the bus, do the errand, and get back on like it's the subway in NY. I'd have to buy a day pass and be prepared to wait and wait and wait at the stop and only do errands where I won't have to pick up things that are super heavy.

The quirks. The poop pee vomit smell on some of the buses is no fun, nor is the more eclectic company of homeless people I wait at the stops with. Though it is interesting to see how long some of them can sustain conversations with themselves.

I've been researching backpacks with wheels to make things easier on my back when I have things like a laptop and stuff to lug around. This is admittedly a baby step towards becoming a total bag lady. Though I think I've already gotten there in the shopping cart that I keep padlocked to my balcony.

Byron is also turning me on to getting an electric bike. That way I can get up hills and do long distances easier without having to get a special license or scooter insurance. The issue is... electric bikes are around $1400! Bleh.

I still haven't quite figured out the safest way out of downtown at night. The other night I went to visit my manager in Downtown LA and even though it was only 8pm when I left, it was kinda sheisty out. I insisted on waiting for the 720 which is a half block from his office, but when these homeless people started screaming at each other, he walked me to Pershing Square to get home, so that I wouldn't be waiting at the 720 stop like a big target. He's actually quite supportive of me going carless and excited about this new show I'm (supposed to be) working on about LA carlessness because he's from NY. I thought when my car caught on fire that he'd be like, "You need to get a car! How are you going to take meetings in this town without a car?" But he seems to sympathize with my car trauma. Though he does say I'm being "really hardcore" to go so long without a car.

I still have car owner phobia. It's a good time now to buy a new car because nobody is buying cars plus car dealers are desperately trying to meet end of year quotas. But I'd so much rather put that money into a house or my friend's restaurant. And even the idea of having to buy new tires or get an oil change sends shivers of post-traumatic Harold stress down my back.

I have dreams about owning cars. At least twice I've had dreams about owning a smart car (those little two seaters). Harold (my old veg oil car) has shown up in a couple dreams too. I also had a dream that my grandpa was driving me around because I had no car.

I met someone the other day who owns a vegetable oil car. She said her car was doing fine. I felt so alone in my veggie-car-on-fire sadness. How come I seem to be the only one whose car caught on fire after thousands of dollars in repairs? Why me?! Why?!

I think this new carless show will be a love story/ story about an abusive relationship. The automobile that betrayed me. The ones that call me back to own them. And how I fight his beckon call to instead, travel about the world on my own two feet (and bus pass). Smelling like someone else's vomit.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, hollywood wong, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

I totally found this online looking for clips of my other work.

Labels: art talk