Yesterday was tough. I'd anticipated this phone call for some time and when it came it was both sad and relieving.

My grandfather passed away in San Francisco yesterday in the care home he was staying in. He was 89 years old.

He'd been in a great deal of pain and his quality of life had deteriorated for quite some time. It was always so hard for me to say goodbye to him before leaving for LA because I wasn't sure if I'd see him again. I can't quite grasp that he is no longer alive, especially because he's so alive to me in my memory. And also because I am in Homer, Alaska. He practically raised me and my brother when my folks were at work. He was the nicest kindest man in the world. He immigrated to the United States as a teenager, taught himself English, and eventually bought and ran a laundry business and raised a family.

He embodies the American dream. He is my hero.

The one thing I wanted him to give me before he passed was a Chinese name to give my kid-- you know, basically a Kunte Kinte naming moment. And if I don't ever have kids, I guess I'll have a bunch of pets running around with Chinese names. But he said he couldn't think of one and that my "husband's father" should name my kid. A gender thing, I guess. So I tried to get him to give my brother's imaginary kid a Chinese name, with the idea that I would just steal that name for my kid. But no dice.

It was rough to run through the show before we opened to the public yesterday. I couldn't deal with a rehearsal and had to go upstairs to sob to Pete on the phone. He said some really encouraging things about letting myself feel what I needed to feel. That this is all part of life. I got myself back together and went back to rehearse.

I had a couple hours to relax. Then I took a breath and we did the show for a nice sized Thursday crowd here in Homer. I wasn't sure if I would just rely on my "autopilot performer" or if in all my grief I could actually muster up a present performance.

The space is already a bit tricky because it's really a gallery with some theater equipment put in. The show is going along... Then, nightmare of nightmares... the video projector doesn't work. The video projector is integral to the show. A tech disaster of this magnitude has not happened before. I didn't realize it until my technician and the gallery director are running towards me onstage doing frantic tech troubleshoting while this was happening. I vamped, and the audience was really patient and funny about it all.

I did have a moment where I thought, "Just stop the show. Just end it all. You can't do this without your video projector and right now they can't follow any of this. Plus, you're tired." But then another part of me thought, "All these people drove in the Alaska winter to see a show-- your show. So give them a show, broken projector or not. And goddamit Kristina, work it."

So I did the show. We ended up doing part of the show with me holding my laptop up to the audience (so ghetto), and then I had to improvise the absence of the projector.

It actually worked out ok. And the audience who had never seen how the show was supposed to go, said they didn't really miss much without the projections. And another surprise, the part of the show where I cry, was actually very hard for me. I figured my grief would naturally spill into that moment but I guess I do have some boundaries to not exploit one real loss for one fictionalized one on stage.

I ended the night with a big glass of pale at the Irish pub next door. I went to bed feeling wrung dry. At 4am this snow plow that sounded like it had an alarm clock attached to it went zipping in circles around the block for half an hour. I wasn't sure what the sound was at first, I thought that maybe the volcano that is 100 miles away went off and it was the city alarm. It was so loud, I couldn't sleep.

Today it is windy and snowy. The waves are choppy and according to weather.com it feels like negative 11 degrees out. It's quite miserable but fun to watch things blowing around. We've been invited to eat at this Native guy's (Ernie) home. He is gong to cook us deer and fish. I'll only be eating the fish. So kind for people to treat me like family.

I will continue my tour. I am just doing a detour after Alaska. Instead of two days in LA, I will be in San Francisco with my family.

This transition has me feeling older, more responsible, and want to take the reins on life that much more. It's also really confusing to have already been tempted by all these Alaskan breeders and now face the pressure of having to create the third living generation of my family.

One of my new years resolutions was to pursue my life's purpose without abandon. But before that... figure out what it I'm supposed to be here for.

Any ideas what this life thing is all about?

Labels: marriage grown up crap, San Francisco, vision

Damn I'm lucky! Snow and the beach at the same time! Can you believe I get to come here as part of my creative life? This has probably been up there with one of the best tours ever. It was well worth all the packing anxiety and the year-long contract negotiation process. Say what you will about Alaska in the winter, but I've really had a great time seeing this totally different part of the world. And granted, I've hardly even gone outside.




We took a little plane here from Anchorage. It was really exciting to fly in a little commuter jet where we were still close to the ground enough to make out dog sled tracks in the snow. We didn't even have to go through security before getting on the plane.




The sign outside of Two Sisters Bakery where I eat breakfast each morning.



I've already become a staple at the neighborhood bar. I've never been a regular at any bar, but seeing as there is nothing and nowhere else really to go at night, we've made a home at Duggan's Irish bar. The bartender already knows my "regular drink" (a pale ale they have one tap) and brings it to me as soon as I sit down. I've decided that I shall be known as "Norm." I also decided that Nicole (my technician) will be "Frasier." It also turns out that the night we got in was Karaoke night and thanks to the cordless mics, I can sing in the kitchen.

I am holding the pan for emphasis




John, the line cook, and I are already best buds. I sing him "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey.




John was really nice about the fact that he would have to wipe down the counter again after the song's finale. No thanks to my dirty shoes.




I already have new friends coming out to see my show... which opens tomorrow!




Gorgeous huh? What a great life. Though I must say, I do need to get out of Alaska soon because the men are actually becoming attractive to me.

Labels: road wong

I'm in Homer, Alaska and love it so much that I am pretty much a full blown Homersexual. The small town charm cannot be beat.

I am inside though most of today because it's bitterly cold and windy out. My face is getting chapped pretty fast.

I am redesigning my website with the help of the folks at Atomic Kitchen Graphic Design!

I was going through old pages and totally forgotten that at one point way back when, I whored out my male friends to a pre-friendster world.

LADIES! COME DATE MILES!

LADIES! COME DATE VINCE!

LADIES! COME DATE BERNARD!

This shit is brilliant. My writing is superb. Read it before kristinawong.com v 1.0 disappears. Incidentally, Miles and Vince are taken (not because of me though.) I think Bernard is still available.

Labels: asian men

A rare sighting of a wild Alaskan clown.

My last show in Anchorage is in about three hours and the shows have gone really well. I am spoiled by experiences like these. Rolling into towns I've never been in before, where I hardly know anyone and they come! They pay their hard earned money to see what I have to see. They come like audiences in LA won't come if you don't drag them in.

Last night's show was a lot older and whiter than audiences I've had. I sit on stage during the preshow to set the tone of the show and do an inventory of my audience when they come in. I counted only three people of color. A black woman, an Asian (or Native) guy, and an older Asian woman. This made this one bit I have where I have to "pick on" an Asian woman very difficult. This woman who I swore was Asian (turns out she may have been Asian, or she may have been Native, or maybe just really shy when I broke the fourth wall) was my lone target for the joke. It was a little awkward because I think she was older than my mother and because there weren't many people of color around to confirm how brilliant my little bit was, it just kinda landed awkwardly.

But it still went over well. I had a few flashes during the show that it really is time to start creating new work. This show is becoming as familiar as breathing and while that's comfortable, it puts me at risk of being complacent. I've certainly grown a lot doing this show and touring. My challenge is to keep pushing forward with exciting new work.

I've gotten to experience the bar scene in Anchorage. Without going into much detail, the singles scene can be summed up as: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

I'm tripping out, as I normally do at my age, about how so many of my friends from high school are all grown up, married, with kids. Of course, I know that childbearing is not required of me, but sometimes as I find myself wandering from city to city... especially cities like Anchorage where people breed as a way of life and I still feel like a kid in my "childlessness".

One woman who works at Out North has the cutest freaking kid in the world and I swear I get pregnant just looking at him. She described how she starts lactating if she sees a kid or hears a baby crying. This is something I learned about watching Grey's Anatomy.

One of my best friends from middle school is living in Anchorage and I haven't talked to her since we were 13. I think her last impression of me was as a "big weirdo freak" (that, has not changed). We've been facebooking and she says she and her husband may come out to see the show if she can get a babysitter. And this trips me out because in my mind, she's still the 13 year friend I last saw. And I feel somewhat self conscious about her seeing my show and proving to her that I'm "all grown up"-- as if it wouldn't show on its own.

I actually got to thinking this morning how few friends I keep in touch with from San Francisco and even from UCLA. I'm actually better at staying in touch with my teachers from school, and not the friends I grew up with. Sure, of course, people move on with their lives and grow apart, but when I hear people talk about "their old high school buddies" and their "old college buddies"-- it almost sounds as if they have a whole gang of folks from the past who rally behind them. I don't have this gang-- I have a whole lot of older white Alaskans who come to my show. I have my crazy gay artists friends in Los Angeles.

I can't help but feel cheated of those mythic post- high school relationships. That 90210-esque friends forever gang that will have your back even during the remake show, 15 years later.

When I have looked for these old school friends on Facebook, they've been replaced by pictures of toddlers. And here I am in Alaska looking back at them. Living the longest, most extended version of my teenage years possible.

Today is our last day in Anchorage. Tomorrow, we hit up Homer, Alaska. A small town of 5000. I look forward to meeting my new Alaskan posse.

Labels: marriage grown up crap, road wong

I've watched him get sworn in like how many times already? And I'll probably watch today's footage again and again. Looking for a new camera angle I had not noticed. A new glint in his smile... A hot new dance position he takes with his wife...

I'm searching for clips online, recovering the moments I've missed, and drinking them in like a hungry unsatiable American beast. Mentally reliving an event I wasn't at in person, as if I was there... imagining myself as one of the characters in the story. And I've seen it enough that I actually believe I was there. I am.

Is this healthy? Does it matter if today was just the fantasy celebration before the tedious reality of rebuilding our nation? I just want to inject myself into this narrative of this day as if it was my every day reality. Even if the smiles, the gestures, and the greetings and goodbyes have been fabricated for the media.

I just came back from a night time celebration in Downtown Anchorage where I watched his inaugural speech again. I know how it ends-- he swears in and becomes the President... it's just the ride was soooo good.... and I can't help but play it back over and over again.

But unlike porn, I am not getting desensitized to it. (Not that I have ever seen porn before.)

Though, I do think I had an orgasm when he did the shaka brah to the Punahoa Marching Band.


Sure, I have my criticisms about today. Rick Warren and his hypocritical invocation about loving and accepting everyone (except gay people... right?). The endless marching bands (we couldn't throw in one gay pride float?). I was a little confused about why he wasn't introduced as "Barack Hussein Obama" and instead as "Barack H. Obama" when he made his entrance (he did make it up in the swearing in and quite smoothly). His speech lacked the quotable "hooks" of his campaign speeches. And why couldn't they have just pushed Dick Cheney down the stairs in that... WHEELCHAIR?!

But I'd repeat today again and again. That feeling of instinctively thrusting my fist into the air and screaming when he was sworn in. Going outside of the University of Anchorage Auditorium and the sun was still not up and yet, we had all seen the light. Looking at the White House site for the first time and really absorbing that no, it's not a joke. It's not a hoax. This is really it. We really did this. We don't just have a black president, we have President Barack Hussein Obama. We have First Lady, Michelle Obama.



I've been pleasantly surprised with Anchorage. And so pleased to celebrate this day here. It is not the beacon of Republican dumb sauce. The pockets of blue are remarkable. AND..... Whoa of whoa! There are so many black people here! And Native! And Asian! Or maybe the Asians are actually Native.... this is kind of confusing and I must figure out a way the jokes in my show can work with this "Asian look-alike" dynamic. I was happy to stand among them and know that we had come together to witness each others awe of this crazy long awaited moment.

There are things so logical about this moment. That are country is being represented for once by someone who is both qualified and whose own life story reflects the actual experience and dreams of so many Americans. That our president and his first wife actually came from working class roots and immigrant dreams. That this is the America we've been waiting for.

This should have happened so many years ago. And yet it still surprises us. This moment where we gathered in public places, we came together as Americans, and we looked around at each other, all of us different in our histories that brought us here to this moment, and today we saw each other.

Labels: Obama is hot

Labels: Obama is hot

Sure, I've been here in Anchorage for less than 24 hours, but I was really expecting something much more apocalyptic when I arrived. You know, 100 degrees below zero, moose and grizzly bears roaming the unpaved streets, Midnight 24/7 that would sap my emotional core and leave me in a deep unending depression, Super Christian teenagers with names like Twig and Birch speaking in tongues to their illegitimate kids, old black and white televisions (set only to the PTL station) powered by generators, Russians rearing their heads at me from across the water.... The kind of scary stuff that Sarah Palin made us think Alaska was.

I'm actually kind of bummed that this place isn't as freaky ass backwards as Sarah Palin was making us think it was. Turns out it may just be her... Below is proof though that she is Governor and it's not just a hoax.



As it turns out, Anchorage is just like any other town in America (aside from a greater than average number of gun stores and $6 bottles of sub par kimchee.) There is a bourgeois grocery store, lots of corporate retail chains, tabloid magazines, immigrant run restaurants and businesses, and all the comforts of home. I bought some wild salmon at the grocery store to cook ($8/pound, btw) and will report with my taste test later. It's not even season for salmon fishing, so the slab I got was caught a while back. In fact, a lot of the seafood comes from other parts of the world. I had fantasized that it would be fresh caught in the rivers just behind the market.... but it seems that this mom and pop world does not exist anymore.



I must say Anchorage is gorgeous. Mountains covered in snow all around. Crisp cleaner air. Trees. Water. I can see why people leave the city life to live here.


It's 9am and the sun has yet to come out, but the sun comes out for six hours a day. I had been told it would be two straight weeks of darkness with an occasional 20 minutes of twilight-- oh, the rumors! It has also warmed up 50 degrees since last week (thanks global warming!) and was a nice 40 degrees when I rolled in. In 2005 when I went inauguration, DC was so bitterly cold. This is nothing like that. This is heaven compared to DC. It apparently won't stay like this though as rain and cold are to come.

The Anchorage streets are icy and I have to wear cleats (little spikes) over my boots (boots that I have not worn since college and I'm not even sure if you are supposed to wear them in this weather, but it was all I got). But I have to tell you, I feel a little silly for packing as much clothes as I did. My friend Teri loaned me all her snowboarding clothes since I don't own things like jackets or pants living in Los Angeles. I'm not sure how much I'll end up wearing if the weather stays around this cool. I was actually sweating in the car ride from the airport wearing my mom's down jacket. I was prepared for that scene out of Superman where mortal Superman is walking out of that Crystal house thing, through endless miles of snow, back to the city.



There are signs that I am in Alaska. Everyone here looks like they jumped out of the 1998 LL Bean catalog. There are lot of stores in the downtown Anchorage area that sell fur (and one store sold fur jockstraps!). I also visited a co-op where native villages knit yarn spun from Musk Ox hair and sell their creations to create income for their villages.


Last night we had Himalayan food. But it was actually Indian food. Kind of expensive and smallish portions. But very delicious. It just kind of reminds me that wherever you go, there are all sorts of people who somehow ended up there too-- as tourists or not. There's a sizable Korean population here in Anchorage. How this bottle of kim chee ended up being $6, I don't know.

Not sure what to do with myself on my sacred Sunday. It's too icy to try to play outside. In LA I normally go to the farmer's market, then Agape, then hang around at home.

I've decided to go visit a Pentecostal Church at 3:30pm for their service and glimpse the spiritual Alaska life. There is an Armageddon somewhere, and I will find it. I wanted to go to the Wasilla Assembly of God (where Sarah Palin went) but it's hard to get down there in these road conditions, and apparently they are wise to visitors now. Too bad because I was looking forward to meeting the people responsible for this masterpiece below....



Will be back with a full report!

Labels: road wong

So with the sun shining so bright in Los Angeles, it only makes sense in Kristina Wong logic land that I go to Alaska for two weeks to do shows in Anchorage and Homer (where I'll meet the guy you see above from the Homer, AK website). The sun comes up for like 10 seconds a day this time of year, so pretty much it will be like a two week long evening in 17 degree weather. We shall see if my sanity survives. I'm popping Vitamin D pills and staring into sun lamps every chance I get.

(Insert Palin joke here.)

My packing method is me throwing underpants and long johns on the dining table and then going into my office to email people. I may die with what scant wardrobe I have with me. I seem to not own any sweaters. I don't think I have owned a sweater since my teenage years in San Francisco.

I'll be up at whatever time it will be Alaska time (7am?) to watch the inauguration January 20. I'm a little Obama'd out to tell you the truth. It's kind of like, I feel like I've been romanced by this President Elect for the last few months, and after January 20 come the realities of boring sexless married life and making serious adult decisions.

Apparently there are a few gay bars in Anchorage, and I'm all up on that. Are there go-go boys in Alaskan gay bars? What do they dance in? I'm also interested in seeing what a church service in Alaska is like, especially those ones where they start talking in tongues out of nowhere. I hear there are churches every three feet. Do they let you become the mayor if you stamp your church card enough times? How does this other planet named Alaska work?

I'm currently trying to pack and finish writing this monster grant before I leave. I also have to clean my place for my subletter. It looks like I'll be in New York City for a couple weeks after Alaska (where the weather is.... warmer?) and I'm getting a little bit of anxiety about being away for four weeks. When I first started touring like crazy a few years ago, I'd cry when I was at the airport. It was just so hellish and I was a horrible traveler. Props would break because they were so poorly packed, I'd bring too much weight with me. I'm better now, but I get anxiety about being away from home, and then I get anxiety when I'm home and not doing the show as I've been since my show closed in Santa Monica.

Oh Kristina Wong, you'll never win.

Aside from my recent rant about Zipcar, I've been admittedly quiet on the blog front. I found myself in the last month and a half becoming an "update addict" on Facebook. So instead of blogging, I was finding myself spitting out fractions of life updates in 180 character miniature broadcasts. Then eagerly awaiting someone to comment on them, to validate my moment of living. It was a lot of energy to spit out into the universe. And then, no time left to blog more complete and developed thoughts.

I actually decided two weeks ago to detox off of the Facebook updates and went a whole week without sending those tiny transmissions into cyberspace. It was time to live, rather than report on living. It was so freeing. I rediscovered the life I had been neglecting. And found myself harnessing my creating energy back to my work again. And I think that is going to be the theme for 2009.

My friend Wes and I were on AIM saying that in this economy, every seems to be much more focused on what matters. I know I'm working really hard to just keep working as much as possible.

A few weeks ago I was watching paternity test results on Maury Povich and all the commercials were for trade schools where you could study to be a "surgical technician assistant something or other" (ie glorified scalpel cleaner). I lay up in bed wondering what else I'd want to do with my life. If I had to transition to "a real job" what would it be? There's certainly a lot I'm capable of doing-- marketing, teaching, grant writing, event producing, administration... but when it comes down to it, I'm blessed to be doing the work that really believe in and I love to do. And I don't want to stop doing it unless I'm dragged kicked and pulled away from it and people are dying.

So it just means, I have to keep working harder. Stay the course. And stay focused no matter how much people try to scare me about the economy. Fear is a horrible motivator and I don't ever want it to be mine.

I really want to generate more work this year now that Cuckoo's Nest seems like it's pretty much finished. I spent the last few weeks pulling up my bootstraps and psyching myself up for new projects.

Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: The Concert Film is in post production. My director and editor Mike Closson lives with his wife by the beach and I went for a walk with her after taking a look at the footage. It's been so chaotic over here I've not had a moment to do some beach walking. We saw tiger sharks in the water! Can you believe it? There is actually marine life in the Santa Monica beach! It was a great short break and what makes Los Angeles/ global warming great. Tanning weather in January.

The footage from the concert film looks really great. My first starring role in a feature film-- and I wrote it! Ha! I guess that's the way things work around here. There was this really depressing article about Sundance in the Times today. Too many films, not enough money to buy them all. Which leaves me wondering how such a thing as a concert film for a solo show of a relatively unknown solo performer will ever find a home.

Don't know if our concert film will be the multi-milliion dollar blockbuster that CLERKS was, but it's a wonderful archive of a show that I'm extremely proud of. And I know if anything, distribution or not, it will definitely open a lot of doors. I'm not sure what those doors will look like in this economy. But I am grateful that I am working right now, and I intend to keep working, and I'm not leaving this dream any time soon.

Labels: road wong

Argh! How did Zipcar manage to ruin my Sunday?

I've had an hour and half to calm down (that's how long it took me to WALK home from the Zipcar lot, when I should have been driving away from it-- oh yes) but really, I managed to interact with the customer service automaton from hell.

I just got a two hour massage treatment at the Korean spa (aaahhhh....) Saturday and I managed to practically throw all the benefits of it in reverse in one really bad interaction with their customer service.

I really wanted to adore Zipcar, to love them. What a great concept. That people who didn't drive all the time could share cars and not worry about gas, insurance, or repairs which are all included in the rental price. This could be the future of car ownership! In fact at one point I wanted to invest in some shares of Zipcar (but alas, they are not publicly traded).

What I have liked about my experience is that ZIPCAR, when their cars work it can be super convenient. I was able to make an interview at KPFK in North Hollywood last minute. I also have been able to rent their cars for a couple hours to do drop offs at a theater. It also has been a good "stand-by" option in my carless life (going on FIVE months now! Can you believe it?) so that I know if I really needed a car, I could just go grab one and not feel mentally constricted by carlessness.

But I have some beefs to share about their car-sharing service. And I hope they are reading. Because they won't survive if they don't improve. It's tough love as Sharon Osbourne said to Courtenay during Rock of Love Charm School.

WHAT SUCKS ASS ABOUT ZIPCAR

1. The customer accountability is often lousy. Their drivers treat their cars like shit. I often have to throw out trash left in the cars by other drivers. (Though once, another driver left .73 cents in change in the coin holder. I claimed it thank you very much.)

2. Sometimes the cars have hubcaps missing or expired tags. (Though, to their credit, if you report these kinds of things, you are not held liable.)

3. Zipcar makes sense for "driving days." If you want to pick up your friend from Chino and bring her back to your place, with no stops in between, it's a good value. But if you need to to go to Burbank to go watch a two hour play and then go home. It's not worth renting the car for the two hours its parked at the theater.

4. In Los Angeles, most of the lots are around USC or UCLA. For me, this is still a 2.5 mile walk or bus ride. And if you don't know either of those campuses to a T, I sure hope you don't ever have to roam the bridge to nowhere (like I did today) to figure it out where your car is.

5. There aren't enough cars available. Especially if you need to rent a car last minute or for a 24 hour period. This is especially the case on the weekends when if you want a car last minute, you may not get one. Or you may have to rent the slightly more expensive ones, which tend to be the only cars left for 24 hours on the weekend.

6. One Zipcar customer service people will humiliate, repeat unnecessary information, give erroneous directions, and effectively waste your morning.


I am on this plan where they charge me $50 in credit every month to use their service and for that I get 10% off my rentals. If I don't use it, I lose it. I actually just cancelled that plan because I'm finding that I'm doing ok in this town without a car and the way I get about town, I can probably go without a car a couple months at a time. I also leave town so much that I won't get a chance to use Zipcar EVERY month.

I decided to rent a car on Sunday because I had to use to the credit before it expired. But also, I wanted to do what I used to do when I had a car... have a wonderful Sunday where I go to Agape, then go to the Farmer's market-- two simple things that refresh my week. I haven't been able to do that since my car exploded because it takes 3 hours to get to and from Agape by bus, meaning I have to choose between Agape or the Farmer's Market.

Anyway, so the only cars left on Sunday morning to reserve were the Mini Coopers, which were more expensive. I was like, "ok, whatever, I'll pay an extra $30 and take it, or I'll lose this credit." I reserve it around 5am, and because the buses run so infrequently to Westwood that early in the morning, I decide to take a morning walk (2.5 miles) to Westwood to pick up the car.

When I get to the car, I open it with my universal card, the car is filthy on the outside btw, and the key fob inside is missing. Someone had ripped it off from where it was supposed to be hanging (all the cars open with a universal key and the car keys to start the car are hanging under the steering column). Service at Agape was starting in a few minutes. I call customer service and I get this guy who initially is very accommodating. He thinks he's doing my a favor initially to change my reservation down an hour, but I keep telling him, "I'm missing the engagement that I'm supposed to be at now, the whole reason I am renting this car... and this was the only day to use this credit."

Unfortunately, the only other options are to get refunded for my rental, or be moved to another car. I have to push him to offer me a $25 credit for the inconvenience of having to switch cars and be late.

And he says what he says during the duration of the call, it was like he was robotically programmed in a conflict resolution class.

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."


So basically, we resolve that he'll move me to another car... but it's .78 miles away (mind you, I've already walked 2.5 miles to Westwood) and he gives me the streets where this other car is, and I don't recognize these streets because they are streets on the campus... or so I think... He does not offer any landmarks or street numbers, he just tells me to go SOUTH on Hilgard, when my instincts say North. But not wanting to walk .78 miles in the wrong direction, I follow his.

Anyway, long story short, we spend a good 20 minutes, if not more, with me going up and down the same four blocks. I easily walked the equivalent of a mile, with him on the phone giving me bad directions, harping on me to look for streets that don't exist. It was so confusing, he'd tell me, "Walk towards Wilshire, and you should run into Westholme." I'd tell him, "Look, you are giving me the wrong directions, I am pretty sure Lot 2 is somewhere on the campus, not in Westwood Village." And he'd reply, "Go south on Hilgard to the fork in the road."

Their customer service is in Oklahoma and they have no idea where things are. They can only read off what they see on a map. I keep insisting that it's north, but he keeps telling me to go south (btw, my instincts were right, Lot 2 is on campus), and I'm tired, hungry, exhausted, and annoyed that I am missing Agape so that I can pick up an expensive rental that I don't need because I am missing the event that I am supposed to go to with the car.

He puts me on hold, not to try to look up clearer directions, but to figure out how to cancel my car use and extend my credit for another time, not even telling me that this is what I'm doing and to stop walking in the wrong direction for a second. I had already explained that I was leaving town for a month from the 17th to the 17th and he gets back on the phone saying, "We can extend if for two weeks." And I explain that I will be gone til Feb 17th, and he says, "You didn't say that." Then he puts me on hold, gets back on the phone and says, "I can extend it 30 days from now." I explain, "I just told you I am going to be gone until Feb 17." And he says, "You didn't say that."

At this point, I'm really tired, just want to go home and go back to bed. Its 7:30am on Sunday, and I've been looking for a non-existent campus parking lot SOUTH of Wilshire. I accept to take the credit extension to March 1. I did want it extended longer, since I am barely in town Feb. I tell him how upset I am that he had given me directions that were absolutely wrong insisting that they were right and how unsatisfied I was with this whole situation, that I missed the one event the car rental would have served, that I had Zipcar credit in Feb that I probably still had no use for, that I was walking up and down the same four block following bad directions, and that a lot of this was aggravated by the customer service person himself who was not listening to me.

Then he starts to repeat the bad directions he gave me, even though it wasn't necessary because I wasn't planning to rent the car anymore. And suddenly he has information that would have been helpful earlier. He names off nearby street number names, building landmarks... I asked, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? I was right, you were leading me in the wrong direction." And he said, "I told you all this from the beginning"-- in a tone that was "I told you so" and also an outright lie.

What was more aggravating is he kept repeating the lines he'd been taught to begin every sentence with...

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."

I finally said, "You aren't apologetic! You are trained to say that!"

Then he started to repeat the bad directions he gave me. I ended up hanging up on him. It was all so unnecessarily humiliating to be walking up and down the block like that looking for non-existent streets. I was so upset at that point I was tearing when I hung up from being talked down to. I walked home. 2.5 miles. I was able to stop at the Farmer's Market to get a tamale.

And that's my zipcrap story. I look forward to that not ever happening again.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles