2.4.06-- I am so happy because I am exploring depression and suicide!

Hey everyone,

A great update today and this time with no mention of Asian male penis (well, sorta)!

I got the Creative Capital Grant!

I have known this for a month and its officially ok for me to announce it -- I received the Creative Capital Grant-- what is perhaps the closest to the Academy Awards that an interdisciplinary solo performance artist can get!

You guys, this is big time!

I've been thinking of this new show for some time-- "Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" which I very much needed Creative Capital funds to create and complete. The last two solo shows and actually, all of the performance projects I've ever done have always been very rushed, underfunded and under very stressful circumstances. (So poo on all of you who think I got an easy life. I make it look easy!)

I sent an email out to mailing list sharing my great news and I was stunned at all the emails of support I got back. It feels like I have won the Academy Award or something! Lots of great emails saying, "You totally earned it!" and "I am so proud of you!"

Many of them came from people who I hardly ever hear from. So many women writing me with stories of how the people in their family are mentally ill, how much they have struggled with mental illness or depression, or how much they've wanted to hear about this issue.

I am so grateful for this. And the fact that my friends are so willing to share this with me. That they support me.

It's amazing because I remember when I was a lot younger, how stigmatizing it felt to be considered "crazy" and yet the definition of "crazy" didn't necessarily mean schizophrenic or bi-polar but just "different" or "to dissent." Even the people in my own family feared anything that would label them as "crazy." My mother, who was born and raised in San Francisco, told me when I was 13 that if I ever saw a therapist that my future employers would find out and I would never get a job. That was the end of that conversation. I remember feeling totally heartbroken that I had to choose between feeling better about myself at 13 or making money as an adult.

As dozens upon dozens of emails gather in my box, I think about how many other stories there are out there.

Back from Philly

I just got from Philadelphia where I did an artist's retreat at the Asian Arts Initiative. The theme was gentrification and dislocation. AAI is going to lose their space soon because of the expansion of the Philadelphia Convention Center. It's very unfortunate, and I've seen this happen before to other artists. The retreat was really a big "teach-in"of sorts led by the API women's performance collective-- The Mango Tribe.

I'll be back there in March premiering some new work.

Eskimo!

And here's a random update. You may see me in a commercial soon as an Eskimo as one of the contestants in the "Miss Antartica Pageant"-- it's all a commercial for auto insurance. I haven't seen it yet nor the much needed residual checks that go with it, so if you see it, let me know. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I didn't get chopped out of this one! It seems to happen way too often.

Gentlemen... Get your penies ready!

Last weekend I hosted my friends from Playgirl who were visiting here from NYC. And I pitched to them the idea of having an Asian male centerfold. No humor issue. No fake schlongs. Just pure Asian male manhood! They were totally into it! And now the search is on for an Asian male centerfold! I believe this will be a first. And we may even do some profiles on notable APA men.

I am the official model scout for this shoot and it feels great to be part of feminist porn history. I'll be sending an official call-out once I get all the details, but in the meantime fellas, please send your interests to my email box. You have to be 18+ and a US citizen or legal right to work in the US. Send photos.

More later,

Kristina