7.18.05-- A Memoir from My Week in Suburban America
Welcome to Rochester, NY! This picture is a bit misleading because Rochester is actually a pretty nice town. The gay pride parade last Saturday did create quite a stir though among certain Christian factions (above) who found it necessary to scream "ABOMINATION!" and "You gays will die of AIDS!" over and over again from the parade sidelines. I am happy to say that they were well outnumbered by people in support of the parade. According to this sign, sports nuts and Mormons will be judged by God. But what is even more impressive with this guy's sign is his use of Microsoft Word clip art.
I left New York City last week and took a train to Rochester, NY to visit my old neighbor Natasha and her family. Natasha is a sociologist and I think we share this similar tendency to "stalk/ study" deviant personalities over the internet. Except Natasha can legitimize emailing porn stars as "research" because she has a real PhD degree and I don't have a Phd which makes me a big perv who does a lot of sorry ass "personal research."
Natasha and her husband Jeff who is actually standing on stilts.
Natasha, if you remember, is my old neighbor who used to read my blog back when she lived in my building in LA. She let me babysit her kids because I was blogging about having those evil maternal instincts. Once I babysat her kids, I didn't want to have kids anymore. I immediately recognized that my maternal instincts were straight out of one of those "Maury Povich Naughty Teens" episodes and babysitting Natasha's kids was like the drill sargeant I needed to set my head straight.
They moved out to New York last year because houses in Los Angeles are like a million bucks and LA is no place for kids to grow up. They got this huge house in Webster, NY just outside of Rochester. And there are tons of families there and the entire building I live in could fit in their backyard!
I don't even know what happened all last week. I just hung out and was part of the family. I took a lot of naps, read books, watched their kids, and halfway through the week I presented my work in Natasha's sociology classes. It's like this is what happens in Suburbia. People just live. They go to the Renaissance Fair on weekends. They raise kids. They watch cable tv. I don't really know what happened last week because it was such normal living. Natasha was concerned that she wasn't "entertaining" me enough, but something about living in suburbia for a week was like so cleansing. I'm having a hard time thinking about what my life will be like when I get back into the LA groove of things.
A Week in Surburbia= Shrunken Ovaries
I think I told my mother a few years ago that I might have one kid when I grow up. And then she got all crazy and was like, "No, you should have at least two. That way you don't put all the pressure on one kid." I was like, "Geez mom! I wasn't allowed to date until I was 22 and suddenly you expect me to be a baby machine?!"
Well, it's safe to say, that there aren't going to be any kids in my future. After hanging out with a family for a week, I have to give it up to parents. Raising kids is freaking hard. I think it's one thing if you got a partner to support you in it and a job to support a family, but I have neither. So that's that.
Pride in Rochester
What was a beautiful thing was going out to the Rochester Pride Parade and witnessing a small but proud LGBT community coming together. Being from San Francisco, and living in LA where almost half of my friends are queer, and going to so many queer art events, I feel like Pride is every week sometimes. I really take for granted that pride parades in SF and LA take over the biggest boulevards, have the flashiest parade floats, and more leather daddies than you can shake a stick at. I saw none of that at this Pride. It was a totally different and family oriented vibe. Believe or not, I saw no bare ass cheeks and no leather daddies!
Here I am raising a revolutionary fist in front of the God Hates Fags contingent at Rochester's Pride Parade.
It was great to see so many churches that support the LGBT community and to watch them walk by and wave at the protestors. Some of the people carried signs that said, "My God doesn't hate me for who I love."
Here the cool anarchists hold a big queer flag to block the God Hates Fags people.
Yes, Asian Rednecks are Real! They aren't just characters in sketch comedy.
I hung out a lot with Natasha's brother, Amos, who is a real life Taiwanese redneck. For reals. I've met Asian hipsters who don't really pull the whole hipster motif off very well. And also I know Asian hip hop people, who can sorta pull that off. But Amos is a real Asian Redneck. And he doesn't just pull it off. He just is. One of his friendsters describe him as the Taiwanese Fonzie. And it's so true. When he walks into a room, it's like you can hear all the girls in the audience screaming their heads off. Except Amos doesn't whip out a comb to style his hair in front of the ladies or close doors with the back of his heel.
He's from Texas and he's like a total hick squeezed into a skinny Asian boy body. He doesn't shower, has a dog named Tippy, talks with a cool Texan accent, has all these tattoos, used to drive a truck, smokes cigarettes and drinks PBR beer. But somehow, he doesn't smell so bad. Must be good genetics. His place looks like a total crack house. Like indoor camping! It's the kind of place where you might pass out drunk on a Friday night and then wake up in a panic the next morning to make sure nobody took your kidney out while you were asleep.
Amos wouldn't let me take a picture of his place. So this pic on the web is a pretty close rendition to what his place looks like minus the guy with the gun.
But I tell you, Amos is so oddly charming despite all of these seemingly unflattering details I offer and has quite possibly reawakened my interest in trailer trash. And he's going to be a nurse one day which I find to be so cute. He also is a hardcore cyclist which isn't really a redneckish characteristic. However he rides a fixed gear track bike to commute about town. That's something only a crazy redneck would do! Those bikes scare me because you have to backpedal and skid to a stop. And he rides it without a helmet. Talk about living on borrowed time.
Amos stretched my urban vernacular which I will share with you below.
"Buttstains"-- What distinguishes dirty boxers from clean ones. "Buttertits" or "Butternipples"-- A nickname for a grown man with breasts or breast-like growths. "I'm Fixing to Kill the Toilet"-- I am going to poo. "Rub it out"-- Refers to male masturbation. |
This has been a great trip. And three weeks is actually the longest I've left LA as an adult. How sad. I'm looking forward to leaving town a lot more. In August I go to Virginia for a show and then Seattle for a wedding and whatever other trouble I can find.
I look forward to writing you more updates with more adventures.
Love,
kristina
ps Good news, while I've been gone, I found out that I got this scholarship for activists! And also I am going to Korea for 10 days in October!
