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7.25.04-- love is work So on Friday morning, I took myself out the Venice Canals by bike. It was beautiful. It's like when you find a five dollar bill in an old pair of pants. I've lived here for eight years and for the first time, I walked through the canals. It's a gift to make those kind of discoveries in this city. It's really so beautiful, I can't believe more people don't talk about the canals more. Or maybe they don't know they are there either. I parked my bike behind a restaurant at the end of the bike path. And strolled along the very expensive houses on the canal. Everything felt so clean and fresh. I can't believe there are canals in Venice and that people who live in houses along the canal can step into their yards to look at ducks and go for a paddle boat ride. One woman was watering her garden and she said hello to me. It was such peace in her voice. I giggled as the ducks walked ahead of me on the trail. I took deep breaths across the bridge. It was such a beautiful romantic time I was having all by myself. I was so refreshed. And I think I even said to myself, "God, life is so beautiful and so am I." Then when I got back to my bike. It had been vandalized. My "Bush/Satan 2004" and "Bikes Against Bush" sign stolen. Ripped away violently from the back of my bike. I peeked into a nearby trashcan and it wasn't there. The rest of my bike was ok. No sign of the thief. The area where I parked my bike was empty. I felt totally violated as I rode my naked bike home. How petty. For someone to be so opposed to my sign, that they couldn't just walk past it, that they actually had to rip it off my bike. It was really secured onto my bike too. I don't go around vandalizing pro-Republican signage on people's property, so why was it ok for someone to do that to me? It's a bit ironic to me this happened in Venice. Which to me used to be a place known for free love and hippies (or was that the Haight/Ashbury?). I biked home feeling somewhat incomplete and disturbed. And of course, figuring out what my new sign would say. ***
Then yesterday morning, I went to check on my bike that I keep locked in the courtyard of my apartment building. It's a safe enough courtyard. My old neighbor used to keep strollers, tricycles, and other stuff unlocked in that area, and they were fine. Which is why I lock my bike there. I had a Fannie Wong postcard lying in the milkcrate in the back and someone ripped it in half and threw it back into the milkcrate. Freaking awful! It was like hateful voodoo on me. The tear on the postcard went right across my face. And my odometer (yes, my fault, for not taking it off my bike) was stolen. What is someone going to do with half an odometer anyway? You need the sensor for it to work. This happened at my building which is so upsetting because now I have to wonder if it was one of my neighbors or if the area where I lock up my bike is just not as safe as I thought it was. Now I am looking around my apartment for my night lights for my bike. And I can't find them (or were they stolen too?). I think I may have put them in a place so safe that I can't find them. I am bummed because without my lights, I can't bike at night. And they are too pricey for me to replace right now. And I don't want to ride my bike if it feels naked and violated. Which it has since the vandalism. I spent this morning feeling crappy and laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. It hasn't been just the bike stuff. But other things creeping into my life. Normally, when I feel this way, I would ride my bike. But it's like someone took my bike from me yesterday. I don't do well when unsolicited hate is directed towards me. (But I actually do quite well with solicted hatred!) The big challenge is to not take that hurt and direct it towards others or towards the people I love. I have to challenge myself to transform that hate into compassion, love, and humor. I have to challenge myself to create peace from hatred and places where peace doesn't exist. I need the courage to forgive.
(Wow, this is beginning to sound like Sunday School!)
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