kristinawong.com

Yes, we did.

2008-11-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

I woke up, slightly hungover from a lot of late night celebrating to a slew of text messages this morning. They include:

"Pinch me."
"Good morning. No, last night was not a dream. It really is a new day for America."
"Good morning to a new page in American history!"
"Yes we can (crap in our pants)"

I was surprised how early John McCain conceded but he so got his ass handed to him.

Last night, en route to the parties, I was in Soo-Jin's car thinking we had at least another hour to go before any kind of concession. But the swing states have spoken.
I now have faith in Florida, Ohio and Nevada like never before. I take back anything I said four years ago (and in the last year) about people from those states being inbred. They really have proved the world otherwise.

I was stunned how extraordinarily classy McCain was about his loss. His concession speech was probably the first time in all these months I've actually been able to listen to him for more than two minutes and feel no creepiness emanating from him.

I was screaming in the car ride as McCain was giving his speech: "We need to get out of this car! We need to watch Obama's victory speech!"

We paid $20 to park Soo-Jin's car in Hollywood to go to the "No on 8" party at the Music Box. Last night was like Happy New Year except Tuesday and a week night. The place was at capacity and we were in line outside trying to get in. Cars were honking victoriously. People jumping and screaming in the street (mostly me).

I was screaming at the security people keeping the line at the Music Box: "Please let us in! There is history happening in a bit! I can't tell my kids that when Obama gave his speech that I was stuck in a line outside the Music Box!"

We decided to go to the restaurant next door which was a very good option. They had TVs, beers and seats. It was amazing to sit there with people who were also so awed by the moment. I was a wee bit out of control in my enthusiasm (as I'd been a bit inebriated since 6pm-- taking sake shots with each state that went blue) but so was everyone else. We were screaming in that bar. Toasting! Crying! I even kissed a couple people (in a non-romantic way)! And when Obama gave that speech there wasn't an unawed faced in the crowd.

I finally got to watch McCain's speech just now on Youtube. On the radio, you couldn't see how Sarah Palin was crying in the back. Part of me is going to miss that crazy unqualified would be VP... but not enough to ever want to see her or her politics near my country again. May she rest in peace along Dan Quayle in the annals of political humor history.

I think it's odd to see disappointed Republicans who remind me of left wingers of 2000 and 2004. They are now the downtrodden. They are the ones who are depressed. They are suddenly "the oppressed" the "unheard." They talk of doom and gloom the way we did when Bush was elected, then re-elected.

Maybe they will be the ones to start making bad performance art. They are kind of off to a good start with all their "anti-Obama" art. They seriously should consider taking a survey class in post modern agit-prop theater art.

Later that night, I was at a burrito stand in Echo Park. Cars were still honking and hipsters were screaming in the streets about the high speed train to San Francisco that we will build. One guy was so wasted that he screamed into a police car at a red light, "WE DID IT!! OBAMA!!"

It was amazing, then sobering again when two homeless people came by begging for money and booze. They could have cared less who was elected.

This morning, I was in bed wondering: Holy shit, what am I going to do for a living now that cynicism has been eradicated from this planet? It's like I have to look at my role as an artist in a whole new way. It's no longer through the POV of the reactive and helpless American, but instead, from a place where an impossible victory was had. It's like we've been freed by some awful prison sentence. Finally our utopia has arrived.

Oh, but wait....

Prop 8 passed. Some church that I don't belong to (and one very large church in Utah that I definitely don't belong to) has decided how half the state should define marriage. Ah yes, I remember that old familiar cynicism because it's coming back to me.

Yesterday I worked for three hours at a polling place in Brentwood to remind voters "No on 8." It was amazing how many people took the day off of work to volunteer. There was even an exchange student from Chile there who is going home in a few months but didn't want to see the proposition pass and was spending the ENTIRE day electioneering at the polls.

My bright moment was when I managed to fenagle a couple of potential "Yes" voters to "Nos." They were these women who were a little one the shortbus side. You know, wearing their ID's and bus passes on those clear plastic necklace thingies, lobotomy scars, and wearing sweatshirts and scrub pants even though they clearly didn't work in a hospital.

The scenario played like this....

KW: Hi, vote no on 8.

Shortbus women: Which one is this?

KW: This is the one that would eliminate marriage rights for all.

Shortbus: (confused) So I believe marriage should be for a man and a woman. Is this the one it is?

KW: Yes, this one is for equal rights and the right to marry for all. (Then I start nodding obligingly like I totally get them.)

Other volunteer: Yes, see, Arnold Schwartzenegger endorses No on 8. A no vote is about marriage equality and equality for all.

(women seem obviously confused by what the word "equality" means)

Shortbus: So if I vote "no" that would mean I am for or against gay marriage?

KW: Yes, a "no" vote would support marriage equality. (I hand her a flier as if it will help her in the booth to meet her objective.)

Shortbus: Oh! Ok! (She starts nodding to her friend. Looking at flier. They walk off.)

(We act calm as volunteers and start screaming at how we just manipulated the mentally challenged as soon as they are out of earshot.)

Hey, listen! I didn't lie to them! I just told them what was up. That a NO vote would support equality. Which is all it is.

There was an occasional hostile voter who would grumble or shoot a bad look as soon as they saw us. But it was nowhere near as hostile as how I thought electioneering would be. I imagined getting into shouting matches with old people. But nothing close to that ever happened.

One woman said, "I'm voting against this! But if there is anyone who has an issue with gays sees this they won't vote no! You just totally screwed yourselves!" and stormed off.

We were pretty confused by her too..

I had a tough moment with one woman who said, "It's not that I'm against gays or anything but my church told me that if gays are allowed to marry, then our church would have to marry them. And we don't want to be sued and lose our tax exempt status for having to refuse to marry gays. I have to vote 'yes' to protect my church."

Of course, what she had been told by her church is a huge point of misinformation about Prop 8. Churches cannot be forced to marry gay couples (and why would a gay couple want to be married in a church that hates them?) and the government does not have a role in changing how churches run. But Churches have told this and other lies to get their congregations to vote YES.

Sheep and Mentally Challenged people-- these are the voters who favor crappy propositions.

I learned from our volunteer captain that propositions get on the ballot when enough petition signatures are gathered. This is not how it happens in other states. The proposition system is great and problematic this way. The perks-- anyone can get a proposition on the ballot. The bummer--- anyone can get a proposition on the ballot. This is why so often, we have very strange propositions on the ballots.

There was this one proposition about requiring roomier chickens cages that passed. I actually looked at the voting grids and it looks like everyone in California cities voted in favor of it while the rural farm parts voted against it. It's kind of like Prop 8, people who aren't affected by gay marriage deciding the fate of gay couples. Except it seems that people who don't own chickens care more about having room for chickens than they do about actual human beings and just want the equal right to marry who they love.

It was warming to see a lot of older folks, folks who were straight and had no immediate stake in gay marriage say things like: "Absolutely! Without question!"

Some people were so passionately supportive: "I can't believe this fucking thing is even on the ballot? Who cares if gay people get to marry? It's none of my business!"

One great funny moment last night was the Mayor came by to the "No on 8" party. I was inebriated, but my friend was more so. And as I stood at the side of the stage so the mayor could come through, she threw her drunk ass on me and we both fell on the floor.

I was screaming as she was on top of me, "Get up! Get up! The mayor is trying to get through."

And next thing you know, Mayor Villaraigosa is hovering over the two of us on the floor holding his hand out to us, getting us up off the ground asking, "Are you ok?!"

By the way, our mayor is really freaking handsome.

It strikes my friend and her wife that we are talking to the mayor and they start screaming! Then I start screaming, "Sorry! We're drunk! And you are the mayor! And I voted for you!"

I took a picture of him with my friends who just got married and was screaming to him: "Mayor! They just got married this weekend and we want to keep it that way!"

He is a good guy and gave a great speech that we would not let this fight end here.

But anyway, Prop 8 passed. I'm still in denial. I haven't moved the "No on 8" sign off my balcony.

And now.... The wait....

2008-11-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

Not bad. I got to my polling place at 7:04 am and was out of there just before 8am. The word on the East Coast from my tech Jen in Philadelphia was that the lines were 2 hours long.

Which leaves me wondering... either West LA polling places are super efficient or not enough people are voting!?!

But I loved being in that line with my fellow Americans, I took at least 20 photos of the whole process on my Blackberry. I was ready to wait up to 3 hours which is why I was up at the ass crack of dawn. I couldn't sleep as I listened to the rain. This is like the prom or something.

I feel so proud to be an American citizen.

There were times in line this morning when I just wanted to shout and scream, "Yes! We are Americans!!!" and high five my fellow Americans (be they Democrats or even Republicans-- gasp!) for showing up to vote!

It was cool seeing the teenage boy who lives in my building and his mom coming out of the polling place before me. They are black. I bet this was his first time voting and what a great thing it must have been for them to see a black candidate on the ballot for the highest position in the land. He said hi. It was so cool to see my neighbors at the polls. Like a real community.

Here is how I voted on one important item.....

And another.....

And in two hours, I'll be handing out palm cards for "No on 8!"

Those ballots are scary. I was shaking as I held my pen because I didn't want to make any mistakes. I've pretty much memorized all my votes, but as I'm in there looking at the different little dots.... I'm like: Wait! Did I do this right?! Is it No or Yes?!!

I double checked it all for accuracy and handed it nervously to the Armenian senior citizen poll worker who was taking the ballots and running them through the machine.

By the way, I don't want to give anymore attention to the opposition but I must point out how bad the acting in the following two commercials are. I don't know what remedial ass acting class they got these actors from, if anything, the bad acting should clue you in to how hard it was to find people willing to represent a "pro" position on this crap.

If you are still undecided on Props 4 and 8-- just vote against them based on the bad acting....

This is funny, I saw it when I got home and was laughing to no end. You can almost see the guy fishing for his lines. I'm glad that they were able to give work to the out of work writers of 80s afterschool specials for this one.

The look of disdain on the actor playing Mommy's face is priceless.

"And you know what else I learned Mommy? That the princess can use a harness and a plug and whips and chains!?!"

Anyway, back to freaking out around the house.....

It's like a test but there are no grades...

2008-11-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, many of the fungoers out in West Hollywood did not have the imagination to see that I was Sarah Palin on Halloween night. It could have been all the excessive props (tiara, sash, assault rifle and binoculars for seeing Russia).

I can't believe I am setting my alarm at 6:15am so that I can exercise my right to vote today/tomorrow. I've been batshit antsy about this election. I don't want to miss my chance to do this right so I am going to be one of the first people in line. I've just prepared my voter cheat sheet so I know who and what to vote for. (Fyi, SEIU has a great one as does the League of Women Voters).

So far I've had at least two nightmares about the election. One dream I had last week was about how my friend Mike had to drive us to upstate NY so we could vote and when I got there I kept punching the wrong holes in the card. And when I went to pick up the card out of the puncher it was full of hanging chads (gasp!). The other nightmare was about the "Yes on 8" weirdos having their way with this election. Separation of church and state--- lest we forget!

On election day (Btw, I prefer to call it "Erection Day"-- no reason), from 11am -2pm I will be volunteering 100 feet (or is it yards?) from the polls to clarify voters on "No on 8." There is some really bad information out there. Apparently people think "Yes on 8" means "Yes for Gay Marriage." Also some shady "Yes on 8" proponents have targeted gay folks and confused them that "Yes on 8" means "Yes to gay marriage."

Right now, we're so close in the polls. It's pretty much, a tie. So every vote against Prop 8 is critical.

Argh! I've not done such sincere proposition campaigning in a long long time. I'm used to dressing like a fake billionaire and giving fake interviews. I went to a training on Sunday and it was really moving to see so many people ready to volunteer for equality. It was kind of teary for me to be in a room with so much passion. And it was people from all walks of life-- young and old, gay and straight, white people and people of color. I've been inspired by this election. How much hope and love there is this time around. How it isn't about "Oh no! Not Bush!" but that we've got an amazing candidate in Obama who has really made me rethink how cool and real politicians can be. How I can actually find a hero in a politician.

They told us that our job is not to debate or argue with people, but just to clarify to people what Prop 8 is. They reminded us repeatedly-- "disengage from confrontation"... what a challenge for me.... I so much prefer being a sassy pants. But for the cause, for three hours, I will be on my bestest behavior.

And then tomorrow night, I'm prepared for an Obama victory (it has to happen). I'm headed to an Obama Victory party which will be the greatest "Happy New Year"-esque party in the history of life. I want to be by beer and people and televisions. I want to cry and hold strangers like we've been given a second chance at a great American life.

We're in this place America. We're smack dab in middle of a fork in the road. It's either going to be the end of the worst and the beginning of the change we need so badly. Or it will be yet another chapter in the Red bloody nightmare that's being playing out the last 8 years.

Please vote.

Gesbian Pride

2008-10-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

My awesome trans friend Riku commented that this has been the gayest week of my life. And more awesome than that, he said that I may have actually "out-gayed" our gay as hell friend D'lo this week.

It really has. I was out campaigning for "No on Prop 8" on Wednesday. It had been a while since I stood out on the street with a sign rallying. And yesterday, I coordinated "Kristina's Lesbian Jamboree." It was a gathering of lesbians and their friends in West Hollywood. It was about getting the married lesbians out of the house. Introducing my lesbian friends to each other. And also building some awareness around "No on Prop 8."

And oddly enough, for a gathering of Lesbians, it was not that dramatic.

I still struggle with pinning my "orientation" down to any one word. And though many speculated that I may have definitely been bi- or bi-curious when I rode my bicycle with the "Dykes on Bikes" at Pride a couple years back, I was still mums about how it is I identify myself.

But I've decided this week to come out of the closet.

Ladies and Germs, I am a loud and proud Gesbian.

I know this may come to a surprise to all of you. Particularly, this may be hard on my family who like my friends, are still trying to figure out what a "Gesbian" is. (I want my family to know that I love them and that I would never do this to hurt them.) I'm sure my family and friends are worried about me-- getting "Gesbian bashed," being discriminated against for being a "Gezzie," and will I have the right to marry another Gesbian? Could I have kids with another Gezzie?

I'm ready for the scorn, the discrimination, the Gesbiphobia. Because this is who I am. And I refuse to be someone else. I've hidden it for so long. But at my core, I'm a GESBIAN.

Last night my two good girlfriends who are partnered and are absolutely meant for each other sent a late night email that they are getting married today at City Hall. I think if they had the choice they would have waited to plan their wedding more at their pace. But right now, they don't know if they will have the choice after November 4. So they are rushing to do this.

I cry now as I re-read their words and the passion behind them.

"those of you who are closest to us know how much we care for and love one another and most of you understand the commitment we continue to make in our "practice" of lifelong love. it is not a magical something that just appears, even when it feels magical. it is the practice of committing and trying and learning that makes our life together strong and lasting. homophobia and heterosexism do not always give us the best options when it comes to this practice.

"we are hoping that in the awful event that proposition 8 passes, our marriage will not be retroactively nullified. and therefore, affording us all the rights and benefits that married couples have in the state of california.

"we would love to share this moment with all of you, so please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow as we marry. please keep us in your thoughts when you vote on Tuesday. the best you can do for us is to vote NO on Proposition 8."

I think it is remarkable....

That they believe in their love this much that they will stand up against the ignorance of homophobia and heterosexism to have that love.

That consenting adults still have to fight for the right to love who they love. And that other entities will spend so much money and energy to stop other consenting adults they do not know from marrying each other.

That their marriage ceremony does not have the luxury of being planned with the time that a straight couple has to plan, and that it still risks being nullified if something as archaic as Prop 8 passes.

I am not getting married anytime soon to neither a man nor a woman. In fact, if you remember, I am married to myself and would love the government to recognize my marriage as a real legal binding contract. And on top of that, I am a pioneer in the fight for Gesbian rights and visibility.

I am working on the "No on 8" campaign because it affects my friends. It's about equality and that's something that we all should be concerned about. I am encouraging you to vote "No on 8" because discrimination should not be written into the constitution. (Leave that shit for reality TV!)

Just one more week and all this shit will soon be over.

2008-10-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today I am doing some work on the "No on 8" Campaign. I've not done direct political campaigning work but I feel both a need to speak out against such an awful proposition and also feel involved in this vote. What a freaking backwards ass proposition. I opened the paper last week and some fear freak took a full page ad out with a picture of Jesus on the cross and a quote from Leviticus about how a "man should not lie with a man." And then it's followed with a tagline "Vote Yes on Prop 8" at the bottom.

By the way, Leviticus is really like the Marlon Jackson of the Bible (ie "Wait? Who's is that? Which one of the Jackson 5 was he? Is he still alive?").

I say, if this ad doesn't have Jesus with a straight up speech bubble coming out of his mouth saying, "I died on the cross because I want you to bomb Iraq and discriminate people based on who they choose to love," then I am not convinced that Prop 8 and Jesus are in cahoots.

Here's my CA voter guide.

Vote Obama

YES--- Prop 5, Measure 1A and R

NO-- Props 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11

And if you are in San Francisco

YES-- Prop K

Hello it's 4:55am, can someone explain retirement funds to me?

2008-10-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Yet again, the economy has interrupted any semblance of normal sleep patterns to bring me....

THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW I SHALL RETIRE! AND MAKE MONEY IN THE AILING STOCK/ HOUSING MARKET!

How is it I am becoming my parents? I never thought I'd be obsessed with things like retirement and the stock market. I always figured if I got old and had no savings that I'd do background work in movies because old people doing extra work seems to be in really high demand-- at least now it does. That, or I'd do the equivalent of what the 70+ year old Thai Elvis does at Palms Thai Restaurant in Hollywood-- dress up as "Chinese Barbara Streisand" and sing standards at a Chinese restaurant in my olden years. I guess by the time I am old, movie studios will figure out how to CGI background actors into scenes so we will be totally unnecessary. For this Brave New World-- I must be prepared!

Somehow, as of late, I've turned the corner and there it was ahead of me... the great beyond of living up your artsy 20s comes the realities of getting older. And the scary realities of what this economy is doing to the market for artists. I have a few engagements coming up, but nothing like what it used to be. Playgirl has folded. My friends can't even budget enough to go out for a beer, let alone live theater. More dates are going dutch on this classy broad than I think necessary.

So rather than drown, I choose flight. Who is coming with me?

I'll always be an artist, AND I will always be a financially savvy one. I have long since rejected labels like "starving artist," "struggling artist" or "poor artist." Because the more you let people call you that (and the more you call yourself that), the more you become it.

At the same time, "living rich" doesn't mean you should blow your savings at the bar, or outspend your means because you "deserve it." I see this happen so much. I have friends who are drowning in debt, or worse, filing for bankruptcy in their 20s and 30s.

For a half second, when I was tired of writing grants, I contemplated marrying into wealth by going on Bravo's "The Millionaire Matchmaker"-- but there ain't no free lunch sisters. That show is so sad. All these millionaires dating out of work actresses with no sense of identity. All these women desperately clawing towards these douches.

Listen to me! I am married to myself! Women need to learn to take care of themselves without the help of men. Yes, and we must learn to take care of the family with only a little, if any, of their help. We must have our own backs. It sucks, but we must do it!

The scary thing is in my last few relationships, I've been the "rich" one... WTF?!

I'm reading all sorts of wikihow articles on how the stock market works, how to be rich, and how to invest.
Here are some interesting things from the how to be rich article.

Cut expenses
Get a job that pays more or get a promotion
Downgrade or give up your car
Downgrade your apartment or house
Reallocate your spare time

Well, I got the give up your car thing! Now I must work on the other four.

See you at the country club! I'll be arriving by bus!

Hello it's 3am, can you teach me about the stock market?

2008-10-16T02:56:00.000-07:00

I rarely stay up past midnight, but I was lying in bed as I have been the last few nights looking around at this same darn West LA apartment that I've been living in for the last seven years with it's dingy carpets and cottage cheese ceilings, and post-college furnishings, and yes... rent control (though steadily increasing at 3% a year).... and I'm thinking....

"I need to get out of here. I really need a space of my own."

I've tried making the move many times to buy property. Like begging my parents to help me. Like motivating myself by drawing a little thermometer set at an insane amounts of money, taping it above my desk, and barely filling it in as I made each tiny deposit. Like looking into being a slumlord in Indiana and owning my own little piece of Section 8 property for $5k.

I've read books about buying property. Done all that visualization crap from "The Secret" like lied to poor realtors at Open Houses that "I was in the market for something under $500K" (yeah, WAAAAAAY under!)-- this was my way to get into "the mindset" of being a home buyer.

Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

And as much as I've saved (and it's quite a lot for someone who works as a performance artist, mind you), it still isn't enough for a down payment on much of anything... in Los Angeles especially. And if I ever do move, I'll definitely have to buy a car because any of the neighborhoods I could possibly afford are FAAAAAAR from civilization.

I've contemplated hitting up amateur night at the Spearmint Rhino to score some cash.... having the world's most lucrative yard sale.... getting married (yuck!)... and yes, even selling my eggs (GASP!)

(Little Kristinas running about the country so that large Kristina can have her own compost bin in her own lawn, next to her own little house? Yes! It almost came to that.)

I did think about getting a real job for a second... but come on... no need to get irrational here.

And then it dawned on me!

"What a great time to buy stocks!"

Yes, it's a shitty time for the economy, but this $700 Jazillion Government welfare check should help somehow right? And even if its shit now, it will inevitably go up right??!

RIGHT?!

I have a mutual fund that I bought after 9/11 that is currently tanking (but I have faith it will climb back up, at least, when I'm 65). I'm not even sure what's in that fund-- was it metal? poultry? Hell if I know. I just knew that I wanted a nest egg. And I heard mutual funds were the way to go.

But time to get aggressive! Time to be a day trader! Or... whatever they are called. I'm going to invest in the stock market! Woo hoo!

I've tried many times to try to understand the stock market, and I just don't get it. It also gets discouraging to see people I know who invest in stocks and whose emotional Ricter scales mirror the rise and fall stock market.

Suze Orman talks a good game but I am still confused on how you even go buy stocks. And will a stock broker even work with me if I all I have is $150? Or $50? Or $10. I think they purposely turn company names into weird symbols to shun writerly folks like me who like reading words and sentences.

But I think it's time for me to play the game. I am up reading about etrade.com and scottrade.com. And there are some cheap books for dummies (that would be me) on how to use these sites. Some are a penny and I've already wishlisted them. I have no idea how these sites work, but if I can read a knitting pattern, I sure as hell can learn to do this. And I can move myself out of this apartment all by myself!

The thing is that in my profession, I sometimes feel so disconnected from the real world of dumb American consumption. When I'm in malls I feel like I've been sucked into an otherworldly hell. If I was on the Price is Right, I would totally guess the cost of things all wrong.

"Yes, Drew! I think that Ford Fiesta costs $50,o00!"

(After all, I am the one who spent $6k on a junky 1981 Mercedez Benz with 180k miles on it. Only to have it catch on fire.)

I have no idea what the kids are buying because I'm too busy pulling crap out of my fake theatrical vagina in small black box theaters as I comment ironically on my own identity.

How did the price of gold go up? What cars are people driving? My own buying habits are a very poor gauge for how the rest of America consumes. So how will I know what to invest in? This is what I must learn in order to make money on stocks in this shit economy.

If I could be sure that the rest of America spent their money the way I do, then here are Kristina's stock tips....

Hot Stocks to Invest in, if everyone in American shopped like Kristina Wong

Tidy Cats cat litter
Michael's Craft Store (or other stores where you can acquire the materials to make fake vaginas)
Metro and Santa Monica Blue Bus
US Post Office
Long Island Iced teas
Merkato (Kristina's favorite restaurant)
Alternative Live Theater spaces
Zipcar.com

Kristina's Junk Bond Tips

Laundry Machine downstairs
Mexican Produce truck two blocks over that sweeps neighborhood
Thai Massage place up the block
Jdate.com

Now go! Invest! See you in the little Section 8 property in the sky!

Bai Bai Show!

2008-10-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

Bai Ling, fashion misfit and famous actress (but don't ask me to name what movies she's been in because I can only think of a few... "Wild Wild West" and... "Beautiful Country" and hmmm....) came to my show on Friday! She said to me after the show, "You're crazy! You should end the show nude!" I asked her, "Can I call you 'Bai Ling'?" and she was like, "Call me 'Bai anything'!"

Wow, it's Thursday and I'm finally getting back to work. I've been cracked out the last few days just sitting in my own filth, pretending to unpack (my set is still all over the living room), sewing my felt dolls, and slowly facing the reality of two months ahead in LA and no real work. No tour dates, no big shows... just... DOWNTIME (?)

And no real income!! Oh boy! Hit the panic button!!!!!

But wait...

Luckily, I've learned that I need to keep myself scheduled. There are a couple grant deadlines this week and a whole host of stuff ahead. So maybe the post partum depression that inevitably hits after a big show will pass right straight by this time around. I do have my BECAUSE IV workshop to float me through the end of the year. That will be fun. And a few little speaking gigs here and there. So it's a welcome respite and a nice surprise to be home for EIGHT STRAIGHT WEEKS?

What other things can I do to occupy my time? Well, VH1 starts the second season of the "Pick Up Artist." Plus some other crackalicious shows like "Rock of Love's Charm School," and "Real Chance at Love" starring reality show rejects Real and Chance, who were rejected by New York who was rejected by Flavor Flav (twice), who was rejected by Brigette Nielsen. So meta.

What will I do with all this time? I've been sewing, watched Season 4 of the office, called a bunch of people who won't return my calls, pretended to clean, watched theater. Gotten a massage.

I guess I actually have some downtime to create some new art work. IMAGINE THAT! Art time!

I've also set a goal to come up with $5000 to put in a "nest egg" account by the end of the year. I am not sure how I will come up with this money though. But it starts with the thought.

Maybe I will sell crap in my apartment. Or hit up amateur night.

I spent $215 to make my teeth all pretty for you this weekend.

2008-10-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

Just wanna let folks know I went to see the dentist. Not the free dentist but a good guy named Dr. Sakakura that came recommended by my friend Aika. And now my tooth is all fancy and fixed and no more food gets stuck back there.

Here is my photo album of my dentist visit.

The show closes this weekend. We shoot it tomorrow for camera so I have to get my beauty sleep.

Here's the latest review from the LA Weekly.

GO! WONG FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST Performer Kristina Wong opens her one-woman show under the pretense that she will, in an earnest yet fun-loving fashion, explore the cultural phenomenon of high rates of suicide and depression among Asian-American women. She then proceeds to fail spectacularly at this task, spiraling into a miasma of pseudoacademic theory and her own expression of identity. So what purports to be an entertaining and educational romp through the oft-trod territory of identity politics dissolves into a humorous and poignant refutation of there being much commonality to the female Asian-American experience at all. Wong’s conclusion is multifaceted and profoundly personal. She eschews indulging maudlin stereotypes while embracing — or maybe even reclaiming — a personal story at the core of every Asian-American woman. Wong’s performance is quick and controlled, allowing her to slowly unveil her portrait of madness with such skill, we barely realize it’s happening. Miles Memorial Playhouse, 1130 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica; Fri.-Sat., 8:30 p.m.; Sun. 3 p.m.; through Oct 5. (310) 998-8765. TeAda Productions (Luis Reyes)

toothless whore

2008-09-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

Here's the review!

“Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Solo artist Kristina Wong unveils a string of imaginative surprises as she supposedly examines the high rates of depression and suicide among Asian American women. She darts around this grim subject with the kind of meta-theatrical wit that creates one of the funniest shows in town and engenders a level of audience participation that’s enthusiastic without becoming embarrassing. Then she ends with a sobering coda -- another kind of surprise after all the laughs. It’s a wild ride, and Wong’s a magnetically energizing artist. TeAda Productions is the host. Miles Playhouse, Santa Monica. (310) 998-8765. http://teada.org. Closes Oct. 5.”--- Don Shirley, LA City Beat

Today was kind of depressing. I was supposed to take the day off, but instead I moped around the apartment. Passed out for a few hours and woke up in my own drool contemplating the world's unreality.

The run is going well. We've had audience. We could stand to perhaps have a little more audience, especially in such a big theater. But the ones who've come are valuable and have been attentive.

I am grateful for many things about how the run has gone so far.

Lots of people who don't know me are coming.
The stage with all the lights is beautiful.
There are all these volunteers helping behind the scenes so that I can be an artist.
The reception was unreal... ("All this for me?")

Things I am hoping for.

That friends who have known me for a while and have never seen my work, or at least have very poor assumptions of what my work looks like... will come to the show.
That the company producing me will be able to break even with their investment in the show.
That I might recuperate at least a small fraction of my financial investment in this show. (Right now, I will not make any money from this run. I'm actually losing money. :< )
That I will actually inspire people to dialogue about depression and suicide.

Last week while chewing gum, part of my tooth broke off in my mouth. It was my molar, third from the back. And now I have a nice little hole for food to collect in. Like a built in holiday feeder in my mouth.

I've been calling all sorts of free clinics today to get help. I called the USC dentistry school who work on people but it is a very time consuming process. All the free clinics seem to have had budget cuts (ironically, the government is bailing out the fat cats but can't help me get a little cement put on this tooth back here.) The last time I had dental insurance three years ago, the guy told me I had to get a root canal and found $1500 in repairs in my mouth the half second I opened my mouth. Sounded like a big sham to me. Dentists have become salesmen. It's sad that I can't even trust a dentist these days.

I may break down and call a regular old LA dentist. I called my dentist uncle in San Francisco who I wouldn't be able to see for another month when I can get up there. But my gums are bleeding and it's a big mess back there right now because of the broken tooth. I just don't want to get screwed.

There's one section of my show about trying to get free mental health services in America. It's a process of searching that's liable to make you more crazy than before you started looking for help. It's not easy to get much of any kind of health services for free here in the "free world." But god forbid you ever get sick here because it will cost you.

My first year of college, I fell off my bunk bed. More remarkable, I wasn't even drunk. I limped around campus for a good week, moaning, howling in pain, moving at the third of the speed of a senior citizen. I had no idea if I had a simple sprain or had actually broken a bone. I had insurance then but was cautioned by my mother many times that using insurance would just drive up my rates. So even in the most pain of pain, I didn't think to use it.... even though it was getting impossible to function.

My roommates at the time, couldn't stand the howling any more and called the SHAs (student health advocates-- basically pre-med students) to come check on me. Seeing as they weren't really doctors, they just called the campus hospital for me. And I wailed with those EMTs screaming, "I don't care if this is broken! I can't pay for it! If the insurance co-pay doesn hurt me, my mother will kill me!"

But in some dramatic lift off, they wheeled me out of the dorm on a gurney, through a busy lobby of students. For some reason I chose to wear this Holly Hobbit dress that day and looked Britney Spears a la early 2008 as I was pulled out of there.

As it turns out nothing was broken. They bandaged me up. It still cost $100.

I stumbled home.

nerves.

2008-09-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight is only the tech run thru and I'm already pacing around the house.... Nervous. Nervous.....

Are you coming?

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/39641

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #6-- The Norma Rae of the Seventh Veil

2008-09-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

Jenny Shimizu, I'm waiting for you.... At the bus stop...

Being carless has its perks. Right now at this very moment, it doesn't. I'm cabin feverish, as I've been all week. Too lazy to jump on a bike and to skiddish to call someone to take me out. I'm at a stalemate at my computer. But even if I did have a car, where would I go? I have to wake up early tomorrow to try on bridesmaid dresses in Torrance. And a shit-ton of work to do for this show. Oh man, this show! I got a little scared again today about it. I'll still tour this show for another few months after this Los Angeles run. Heck, I'll tour it as long as there is interest. But my life is changing and there are new shows to make.

I'm ready to move onto "not as political or fix-the-world-esque" stuff. Will there be a market for me? Will I survive this economy?

Where is my bootleg copy of The Secret when I need it?

But time to share more carless adventures. This past Tuesday night, my friend suggested we take advantage of the free drinks at this DVD release party for "Itty Bitty Titty Committee"-- it's like the hot new lesbian indie film. But more importantly-- free drinks! And I was getting a ride over.

I think I've mentioned it before, but my lesbian dreamboatess is Jenny Shimizu, former Calvin Klein model and ex-lover of Angelina Jolie. Yum yum.

We've met twice before. The first time was at a small apartment party in Koreatown where as soon as I saw her, I started screaming excitedly in her face that she was Jenny Shimizu (don't tell me that I don't have game). And another time was at this transgender beauty pageant where she was one of the judges (and while taking a photo, I managed to poke Chay in the eyes in my excitement).

So after tossing down drinks, I see her. Across the bar. I started jumping up and down and my friend and this Korean gal we just met there were like, "We're just going to tell her about your show!"

"No! What if she hates me!?!" I screamed. But they push me towards her anyway.

So there we were on the floor. All I can stutter out to Jenny Shimizu is: "We've met before! At that lesbian party! You know, of that lesbain couple, in Koreatown. I forget their names. They were together, but then they broke up? They have dogs? You know who I'm talking about?"

Nevermind that I basically described every lesbian in Los Angeles....

All we got were these blurry photos from my Crackberry. Gosh I can't wait to get my nice camera back and start taking nice pictures again!

So I'm following Jenny all over the bar with a Long Island in one hand, when our new Korean lady friend was like, "Do you want to go to the Seventh Veil now?"

For those not in the know, the Seventh Veil is a strip club on Sunset Blvd.

***
The last time I went to a strip club was in 2002. Back then, I was scraping by in my fledgling artist career and saw this coupon in the LA Weekly for free admission to this strip club within walking distance of my apartment. What really caught my eye was the advertisement for "Free Buffet Lunch."

Free Admission? Free lunch? Yay! Free food AND feminist research! An artist's dream come true. I had to check out what a buffet at a strip club would be-- chicken wings covered in cigarette butts? Salad that smelled like ass? And what would it be like to eat lunch with a shaking crotch over my plate?

Feminist Research.

It wasn't totally free-- $6 for a "drink ticket." But still... free food... and yes... feminist research. It was funny to walk down Bundy to this little strip club (the Silver Reign) that I'd always noticed behind Staples and never thought to go to. When I got in there it was so dark. I could barely see the dancers. They were blurs of boob and ass. The buffet sat on a little card table in the corner. It was cheese pasta in sternos, salad from a bag, and sliced bread-- the meal of champions!

I sat in the corner with my then boyfriend's best friend who came with me because he wanted a free meal too. We hunched over our baked ziti, trying to look very involved with our food, avoiding eye contact with the dancers so that we wouldn't have to pay for lapdances or tip (as we were pretty much out of money at that point).

It was really surprising how many guys there were there. After all, the sun was out.

The dancers were quite taken by my presence as the only (not naked) girl there. They kept coming over, shaking my hand, letting their hands trail against my leg. All the while, I would just nod politely and stuff myself with pasta and send them on their way to circle the club to find someone who could tip them.

***

Anyway, so this last Tuesday, filled with free drinks, I am in the backseat of our new friend's car on my way to the Seventh Veil. And my friend is with me back there. I had to go. After all, this was feminist research! Plus, what else was I going to do? Take the bus home?

$20 to get in! And I got another $20 broken into ones. It was exciting though to actually be able to tip the girls instead of hide from them. But... Is it me? Or are strip clubs passe? Aren't we completely desensitized to stripper-esque nudity in this day and age? It's not that interesting to see a girl in her bikini anymore. Or even a naked girl. I can look at that at home for free.

But we played up the part of saucy strip club patrons. I tucked bills into G-strings and played the role of the music video jerk guy. Raising the roof and letting these dancers do insane, yet totally numbing stuff like stick their boobies in my face.

All that ass in my face got so dull. Very quickly. And the guys who arrived alone and who weren't tipping were pissing me off.

Still tipsy, I turned to my friend and kept asking, "What's going on? How the heck did we end up in a strip club with a lesbian on a Tuesday night?"

Ah yes, I remember now. I have no car. And this is how I'm getting a ride home.

And in another moment I thought to myself: "Nudity is so boring. Maybe I should work here if my touring dries up. Sure I just turned 30, but I still got it. It would be... feminist research! Like Diablo Cody's early years!"

One of the girls asked us if we wanted a dance. Still inebriated, I found myself educating her about her labor rights.

KW: Do you pay a stage fee to work here?
Dancer: Yeah, we have to pay a portion of what we make.
KW: Just so you know, I had a friend who was a dancer in San Francisco, and she was able to successfully sue the clubs she danced at for back wages. Because it is illegal to have to pay to work.
D: Well we make a lot, so...
KW: It is illegal for you to have to pay to work! They already make $20 at the door. And they shouldn't take more of your wages when you are inside. Waiters don't have to pay to wait tables! So you shouldn't have to pay to work here. You really should check out the Sex Workers Outreach Project here in Los Angeles. It's your money and you have the right to it!
D: (Quiet, then...) Well, let me know if you want a dance.

That's right folks. I was organizing that club from the inside!

I think the unfortunate difference about dancers in LA (versus somewhere like San Francisco) is that it is probably a lot harder for dancers to organize. And I also wonder if there is less interest. In the "Live Nude Girls Unite" documentary about how San Francisco dancers formed the first exotic dancers union -- most of those women were Women's Studies majors, artists, super educated and very activist oriented. There seemed to be a whole pride and identity around being a "sex worker" in San Francisco that there might not be in Los Angeles. I feel like in LA, it's a lot of aspiring actors working the pole who are trying to get in and out of that business while they can.

Anyway, for my mother who is probably totally horrified as she reads this: I do not plan to pursue being a stripper. In order to protect the Wong Family name, I will find another way of collecting feminist research. I'm sure there is a massage parlor somewhere that could use my help.

Yes, folks, the carless life has meant a new life of debauchery-- booze, lesbians, and strippers. Oh yeah, and labor organizing. Do not judge me. It's feminist research. I swear.

The Self Fulfilling Prophecy

2008-09-10T21:38:00.001-07:00

Today is my father's birthday. I called to wish him a Happy Birthday" and he asked: "Have you seen 'America's Got Talent?' so entertaining."

My mother picked up the phone and said, "I read your bob Kristina" (for some reason, my American born mother pronounces "blog"-- "bob") and then she began to scold me for my entry below. "You are creating a self fulfulling prophecy... If you keep thinking that nobody will come to your show... then nobody will. I think you should vocalize all the good things you think will happen like, 'What if the show sells out?'"

It was all so very "The Secret" of her. I was suprised. After all, I thought I got the gift for worry and panic from my parents.

So here are my new "what-ifs"....

What if my show sells out and people stop getting depressed and stop killing themselves?
What if everyone loves it?What if it goes really well and people love me?
What if men with jobs watch it and fall in love with me and ask me out and then marry me and I become a kept woman?

Thanks Mommy.

By the way, tomorrow morning (9/11) at 7am, I am on the KPFK morning show giving out free tickets for the show!

The Panic Cometh.

2008-09-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or in the last ten years have the days shrunk? I seem to get nothing done in a day.

I have just been working on my run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Los Angeles. And I'm completely and totally freaked out about it all.

Among the "what-ifs" that I keep asking myself....

What if nobody comes?

What if nobody likes me?

What if nobody likes the show?

What if I play the show to two people on a given show night?

What if I play the show to NOBODY on a given show night?

What if I never get to be an artist again after this?

This is all so intimidating and scary. And yet, I've done this show quite successfully before on numerous occasions. I think what is so intimidating is how big the theater is. And I haven't done Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest since May. And I already feel like its "an old show."

Oh this growing girl that I am.

That's all. Time to stop worrying.

Here is the link to buy tickets! Please come to my show.

All good things must come to a relaunch!

2008-09-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

In all my madness of getting ready for my upcoming 3 week run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Los Angeles. (Btw, did you get your tickets yet?), I totally didn't realize that BigBadChineseMama.com (the once cutting edge for a fake porn site that I built way back when in college) had gone in for a redesign thanks to Steve at Asianloop.com. I really appreciate that he fixed it up for me! I had no motivation to.

New features....

* Submit yourself as a bride!
* More faux porn layout

It still needs a lot of rewriting and work. But it's up and that's where we'll start.

In other news, I am going to be a bridesmaid this winter in my friend Chay's wedding. Yay! A chance to participate in the world of hetero normativity within close proximity! I was a bridesmaid before for my friend's Mormon wedding, but because I was not Mormon could only show up at the reception with a wine colored skirt on and my offensive arms showing.

I was also asked to MC my friends, Mike and Nancy's wedding. That was cool. I wrote jokes and stuff for them that were too brilliant for the masses to understand. This time, I get to actually walk in the ceremony. I will forever be part of Chay's wedding memories! GASP!

Chay brought me a brochure of different bridesmaid dresses to choose from. I was a bit disappointed that there were no pop-up collars, sequins, gorgeously tacky bell sleeves, rip-away pants, or hoop skirts in any of the selections. But I will make due. I'm supposed to walk with her future brother-in-law (who's single and hot with a JOB, btw) down the aisle or something hetero-normative, pseudo marriage-ish like that.

I already told Chay I'm not going to be able to do this wedding stuff with a straight face or without mugging for the camera the whole time. And that if her future bro-in-law is as hot as he is in his pics, I'll probably just park my ass at the altar when we get there and scream, "My turn! My turn!" She said I can work my antics out during the rehearsal. I told her the rehearsal will only make my behavior at her wedding worse. I also volunteered to be the entertainment and introduce the families. Do a table dance, drinking contest.... you know, whatever it is these normal straight people do at these wedding things...

What can I say? I am the Wong.

"OMG! These Cute Obama Shirts are Cheap to get! $12!"

2008-09-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

I was told to let you know the following by my masters at moveon.org....

Hey,

Want an Obama T-shirt? MoveOn's giving them out if you make a small donation to their young-voter registration program, aimed at registering half a million young voters in swing states. I just got mine, and wanted to share the opportunity with you.

Click this link to get your Obama T-shirt:

http://pol.moveon.org/obamatshirts/index13.html?id=-5172334-XZmO3nx

Thanks!

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #5-- What is your Walkscore?

2008-08-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

Another scene from Cat Lady.

Part of switching to a low car diet, means living in neighborhoods that are compact and have everything you need within walking distance. This is why most New Yorkers and folks in San Francisco can go without cars. CNN featured this website called walkscore.com which basically takes your address and rates how good a walking neighborhood it is on a scale of 0 to 100 based on what things are in walking distance from your home.

Seinfeld's neighborhood in Manhattan is a 100 because it is within walking distance to theaters, groceries, bookstores, libraries, gyms, churches, schools, bars and all the things you need access to in order to have a good life.

Turns out my neighborhood in West LA is an 88! And the neighborhood I grew up in, in San Francisco is a 55 because that neighborhood is actually very far from commerce. Though San Francisco overall ranks as a more friendly city to walk in than New York!

My guess is that most neighborhoods in Los Angeles along the 10 freeway rank pretty high. Because if you think about it, there really is a major boulevard with lots of commerce and business on every corner.

So why aren't more people walking here? Why do people drive all the way to Vermont Ave or the Santa Monica Promenade to walk? Why not walk just outside your door? Why don't we shop at the carneceria around the corner and instead drive across town to go to Trader Joes? Why don't we get drunk at the bar four blocks away but trek to Roosterfish in Venice instead? Why do we drive to the Barnes and Nobles at Westside Pavilion instead of checking out a book at the local library?

It's interesting to think that I pretty much never have to leave my neighborhood in Los Angeles to get the bare basics of living. In the seven years (!) I've lived in my apartment, I have yet to go to the Oaxacan restaurant up the block or the bar that I found out on Walkscore is only four blocks away.

The thing with Los Angeles, is that "community" is not really defined by where you live. There have been times that I identified more with the citizens of Koreatown because I was spending so much time there. There were times I've felt more identified with the Little Tokyo community because I was doing so much work down there and that's where I'd meet up with friends.

Who will be my community be without a car? Where are you? Let's push our shopping carts down to the Jewish Grocery store together!

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #4-- It adds up.

2008-08-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

Anyone want to drive this classy lady around?

So far, so free on the car free front. My camera is unfortunately in my friend Cindy's car (she picked me up from the tow yard). So I only have this picture from Cat Lady as the only visual hook to this blog entry which is about the money I have left in my pocket.

The Economic Perks of being Car Free, Thus Far.

Renting out the carport!
Score! I found a renter for my carport. $90 a month to do nothing but give parking to someone. That's $1080 over the course of the year. I actually think, now that I look around on Craigslist that I could have gotten up to $125 a month, but no matter. I'll gouge the next one that comes along.

REFUNDS! and Things I don't have to buy anymore.
So I didn't have insurance to cover the car loss when it caught on fire, I did get a refund on my car insurance that I wont' be using for the five months ahead ($390) and it looks like like I can get a refund from the DMV on my car registration ($90) and I won't be renewing my AAA membership this year ($78).

From the time I've been carless on August 14, this is what my transportation expenses have been...

$150 to set up a a Zip Car Membership ($25 for application, $50 for annual membership, $75 for optional $0 deductible insurance)
$10 in gas money for Marie Reine
$10 in taxi on drunken night with Greg
$10 approx in bus fare.

TOTAL $180.

This is not bad considering that I won't have to pay ZipCar again unless I actually use their cars. I may actually spend as little as $100 a month to get around if I really use my bike and public transpo to get around and no cabs. And that's pretty much what I'll be getting to rent out the carport. Woo hoo!

The Approximate Numbers: My attempt at Math....
According to some sites I've been looking at, the average car owner spends $7000 a year to own their car. I'm pretty sure my old Vegetable oil car cost me a lot more than that. I think this $7000/year estimate is old (from 2004) and the cost to drive has gone up with gas prices. So let's say, that it is actually $8000 a year to drive with current gas prices.

If I use a Zip Car one full day a week for four times each month ($264), budget public transpo at $3 a day for all other days of the week since I don't ride every day($75), money for gas/ parking chip-in ($30), taxis for drunken nights ($60), meals for nice friends with cars who drive me around ($30), and bike maintenance ($15).

My monthly transpo budget is at-- $474 a month

Multiply this by 12 months (and mind you, I'm on tour so much that there are months I won't even be spending anything on transpo)-- $5688

Add the yearly Flex Car membership and insurance-- $125

Subtract the amount I get from renting the carport-- $1080

TOTAL to transport me around town-- $4733

Savings (against $8000 estimate a year to own a car)-- $3267

Does this math sound right? It doesn't actually seem super significant a savings considering the headache of figuring getting myself around. I actually think I save a lot more since I'm not around all the time and work from home and don't even use the bus or won't always need the Flex Car. Oh yes, and I won't be having THAT many drunken nights that I need to cab around town. So my guess is that my savings might be something closer to $4000 a year, if not more.

OTHER PERKS OF THE CAR FREE LIFE
* I've been reading books on the bus! Yeah! Remember those?

* I have been taking notes about bus riding and have already been talking up "The Bus Show" with a really big LA Theater presenter... this very well could be a show!

* Needing to get around means I'm spending more time reaching out to friends. With cars, and without.

* I'm making new friends who don't have cars! Like my friend Narinda who blogged about me.

THE JOYS OF THE SUBWAY
I found myself in Downtown LA Sunday morning and needed to get to Koreatown. I had no idea that the subway (yes, there is a subway in Los Angeles) would get me there so quickly. It was exciting. Like I'd discovered some secret Los Angeles portal.

I've taken the subway here before, but had no idea how convenient it was. All these new stations opening! And there is nobody to check your ticket!

The Honor System? In Los Angeles?!

My friend Soo Jin and I went to Sunset Junction to see what the big freaking deal was with that annual summer Silverlake Street Fair. Basically, it was a sham. $20 to see bands I've not heard of. So we tried to recuperate the admission cost by amassing condom samples, free lightbulb samples, and beer samples. Someone bought our wristbands from us for $10 when we left, and we were happy for the rebate.

It was a fun weekend. We took the subway to get to Sunset Junction (avoiding a lot of parking headaches), and then took a bus to see the 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors show. After the show, the guys from 18MMW gave a shout out to Herbert of Culture Clash and then to ME! I was so honored. I didn't do anything but show up.

And then I got a ride home from a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He gave me some real estate advice on the ride home. That's what has been nice about riding home with people, we actually get to talk outside a computer screen!

According to my friend Jay who drove me home, we got another year or two before the real estate market bottoms out!

I'm ready. I'm on the path to saving up for my first down payment on a house in my car free life and I'm going to invest what I have already until this market hits the pits.

Home ownership... here I come! Watch out Malibu! I'm coming for your foreclosed beach house! (By bus... at least....)

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #3-- How Fast I Fall.

2008-08-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

Did you know that not only are there children in Los Angeles, but seniors, and people who use wheelchairs to get around? Yes! It's true! I see them on the bus!

On the bus today there was an older woman with a big suitcase she couldn't get onto the bus. She screamed, "Help! Help!" And this younger guy got out of his seat to help her carry it on. She was so thankful and kept thanking him. He smiled back. And it was the sweetest interaction I remember seeing between two strangers in this city in a long time. I mean, when was the last time you saw strangers helping each other in LA who weren't expecting to be tipped?

So far, so good on the car free front. The bus has been good to me. My friends generously offer me rides when they can. And my friend Yen is loaning me her folding bike, so I have an easy-to-collapse bike option.

As I was filing old receipts, I cringed at all the auto bills from the last few months. I hate that car! There was easily a mortgage on a house in the desert in that car. Gone! No more investments that depreciate in value! Car Free! Here I come! For sure!

I have had weird anxiety dreams the last few nights about traveling. Last night, I had a dream that I was trying to get from Salt Lake City to Columbus, OH and couldn't find a direct flight to save my life. In the dream I had to drive to Bozeman, Montana to get a flight that could get me to another city in Ohio. And the whole time there was a guy screaming that I would never be able to get to Columbus on a direct flight. Never! He kept screaming in my dream.

I had a meeting at TeAda today about my show in one month. That's right! Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest hits Southern California for NINE SHOWS September 19- October 5! (By the way, the tickets are on sale NOW.)

I was telling the TeAda staff about my new life without the car:

"Last week I was a high class lady driving a fancy pink Mercedes down Rodeo Dr. And this week, I'm pushing a shopping cart filled with kitty litter past the homeless people on Santa Monica Blvd and sitting next to men who wear feces stained coveralls on the bus. Between that, my stimulus check, and the $40 coupon from the government to get a digital converter for my TV-- I feel like a senior citizen on welfare. How fast I fall!"

(insert their laughter)

I know, I'm being dramatic. And it has been pointed out to me many times since last week, I am fortunate that making the decision to be a car-less citizen of Los Angeles is my choice, not an economics obligation.

But I can't help but feel like a second class citizen of the city as I wait at these bus stops all vulnerable to the big noisy cars vrooming past me. Sitting with other quite-average-for-LA -standards people who many Angelinos forget also live and work in our city. It's been great to get some reading done, to send emails from my blackberry, and to get a few blocks of walking in here and there-- but I still feel very disoriented in my new identity as a car free citizen in this city.

I was on a big bicycling kick three years ago (remember when I did the AIDS Ride?) and left my car parked quite often. But there is part of me that feels invisible/ lost/ disabled without a big machine in my carport with my name on it-- literally.

Though, I did kinda flip out today when I realized how much this car loss has hit my bank balance. The car loss was conveniently timed after all these expensive repairs, my return from an unpaid 6 week residency in Florida, and a long summer with virtually no shows dates scheduled. Lest my readers forget, this artist must survive in the same economy as you! I'm actually looking forward to the school year starting-- schools shows! I need you!

Perhaps its a great thing that the car imploded. Because at this rate, it would take down every last cent I had.

By the way, I was just approved for the Zipcar carshare service yesterday. So I will have an option for a lo-cost rental car with free gas should I so desperately need a car in the next year. If you are interested in signing up, let me know, I can send you an email that will allow me to get $50 in driving credit!

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #2: I CAN ROCK A SHOPPING CART

2008-08-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, my friend Greg came by to comfort me in my new car free existence. Greg is a dancer/ performer and doesn't even have a driver's license. Yet he performs all over town, parties and does all sorts of stuff in Los Angeles with no car. I think this car free life will mean I will be entertaining more around the apartment, as people will have to come to me more than I am able to come to them. I cooked fish for us and we drank wine.

Already, being car free has reintroduced alcohol into my life. I had two glasses of wine before my audition yesterday, in fact. It feels very New York to me to be able to drink at all hours like this and not worry about how I will DRIVE myself home or leave the house to go out. This is also why I had decided I couldn't be a permanent New Yorker-- because three Long Island Iced Teas a night and drunk dialing my parents from my Brooklyn sublet is funny for a week, but not a way of life.

We watched my UCLA commencement speech on DVD. It just arrived in the mail. I had a hard time watching myself on the DVD. Did you guys know that I have the strangest voice in the world? Where did the Midwestern thing in my voice come from? From growing up in San Francisco? The edit of my speech looks great except the sound source from my mic doesn't match evenly with the non-mic'd reaction of the audience--- so it almost seems as if all my jokes are landing flat. I swear there was laughter that day! I swear! It doesn't help that when the cut goes to the graduates in the audience, that they just wave to the camera and smile instead of looking extremely involved with my amazing speech.

Greg and I took the bus to the Promenade (only .75 cents each!) and walked to Venice to go to the Roosterfish (the local gay bar). Greg taught me how to pack for these night ventures sans car. No packing a purse or wallet, instead, just the basics were carried in his pocket-- cash, credit card, ID. And I put my phone in my pocket.

We were walking and walking and walking to get to Venice. At one point I screamed out, "I don't know why, but I feel homeless right now!" It was kind of unreal (mostly because I was tipsy) to experience so much Los Angeles by foot for function, not leisure. I felt like such an outsider with no big machine to go back to at the end of the night when I walked by all the obnoxious frat people on Main St. This car free thing is making me feel like a college freshman all over again. Like I'm rediscovering the world for the first time, from a new and more vulnerable space.

I was such the enabler at the Roosterfish thanks to the two long islands. At one point, I demanded reparations from a cluster of men, and got $2 from them. I put the money into my underpants and later handed the bills to Greg to pay our tab. I also kissed a couple of the gay men. Neither of us seemed to really enjoy it, but it was funny and that's what matters. And at one point, this one guy told me to feel his boyfriend's package from outside his pants. And who was I to say no?

A few times I'd spot two men talking together and scream, "Give him a kiss! Give him a kiss!" And the response more often than not was, "Sweetie, we've already fucked like ten times."

At one point I had a huge cluster of men around me adoring me and hugging me for being so awesome (apparently, I was hilarious). Despite their love, I kept demanding reparations from them in one dollar bill increments. This one guy who is a hotshot hairdresser offered to cut my hair for free in my kitchen. And outside, Greg was nursing some guy who kept punching his fist against the wall because he was mad that his boyfriend was flirting with other men.

Me and Greg took a cab home (it is possible to hail a cab in LA, btw). We stopped up the block from my apartment for the world's worst tacos and managed to freak out the cooks without trying to freak out-- we were just trying to order. I woke up in the morning on the living room floor and "The Room" DVD was playing on the TV. I crawled to bed. Greg was passed out on my couch with his hand in his underpants.

What is the point of this story? To show you that not having a car in Los Angeles is bringing out new kinds of social depravity I never knew I was capable of at my age.

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Today was my first Saturday being car free. I put little flyers up on my neighbors' doors telling them I was car free and renting out my carport for $90 a month. That's right! I now have some valuable real estate on my hands. If someone rents it... that's $1080 a year! Enough for 108 Long Island Ice Teas at a mid-scale bar. If nobody uses the carport, I will set it up with a hammock and read poetry.

It also took me a good two hours to psyche myself up for running errands via little black shopping cart on Santa Monica Blvd.

So there I was, pushing this shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd to go get kitty litter and toilet paper from VONS and also to check my PO box. It was getting hot. The gridlock of cars on the road is overwhelming and it feels totally vulnerable to be one of the few pedestrians walking on a big boulevard packed with moving cars. As I am dragging all my belonging in that little hand cart, I found a remarkable kinship with other Angelinos pushing shopping carts-- homeless people, Latino families, older people, and people who talk to themselves.

Did you know there are people in Los Angeles over the age of 50? Yes! You can see them if you walk along Santa Monica Blvd!

Anyway, so I'm kinda checking myself out in the reflection of all these store windows and checking out how silky my black hair is and how tight my little body is in my sundress and the cart is bumping along behind me.

I'm thinking: "Hot damn! I look good for a girl pushing a shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd! I bet I'm the hottest girl pushing a shopping cart in Los Angeles right now."

As the big wheels clunked up and down the squares of gum stained pavement, my hotness was confirmed with a nice long whistle from a homeless man crawling (on his hands and knees, no less) in the street.

That right America! I push a shopping cart filled with kitty litter and toilet paper down Santa Monica Blvd. and I look damn good doing it.

Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #1

2008-08-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

This made the horrendous walk from the bus stop a little bit better. It took me 3 hours to get to and from an audition today. aaah...... But at least I got to read the paper?

The idea of owning a car again makes me so nauseous. I just think of my car on fire and the tally in my head yesterday: "Those tires-- $200, there goes the hose I just replaced-- $240, oh and $40 in fuel... and... and ... and....")

I think I am going to actually go car- free in Los Angeles. Or... try this at least.

Lemons from Lemonade. Folks have been quite encouraging today over Facebook that I somehow turn this into a show. How the hell am I going to get to the theater?

I'm going to blog about my new car free existence with the above title... "Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles."

I kinda wish I was car free last year when I was on tour most of the time and didn't need to be paying for an unused car parked in my carport. But this is how the world works... not timed in our favor.

I've been running down my options for getting around: Flex car, bus, bike, walk, borrow friend's car, catch rides, car service and taxi. I have a rather large headache thinking about how I will manage those monster days when I have appointments in the Valley, then Hollywood, then Downtown back home. How I will watch theater shows out in the Valley, then go grocery shopping after, then stop by to see a friend for coffee.

It's a little daunting to take on. I started to have what I like to think of as "crazy people thoughts" (and yes, these differ from thoughts I have on a day-to-day basis).

These are some of the "crazy people thoughts" I had today when considering my car-free life ahead of me.

1. "Maybe I should start dating someone who can give me rides around town."
2. "Maybe I should date a guy with no job and a car who can live here with me in the apartment and can drive me around town when I need a ride."
3. "Maybe I should have never broken it off with ____ from so many years ago. I could have used his car right now."

No matter. I just have to do it. I'm going to try it for at least a month. Maybe if I am really good at this car free stuff, I can do it for the next four months until I leave on tour again.

And my friend Greg who is also car-less is coming over to keep me company. He left like 3 hours ago to get here by bus. And is not here yet. Oh boy.

RIP Harold 1981- 2008

2008-08-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

The good news! I'm ok and escaped with no injuries. And everyone who drove past my car while 20 foot flames enveloped it is ok too.

But what a surreal day. I get to LAX from San Francisco at 10am. Get into the car at 1pm for a meeting in the Valley and at 1:30pm, I am at the Victory exit calling 911 to extinguish the car. Right at the tip of the exit.

I was quite calm while watching it. I'm really learning how your possessions can possess you and was quite relieved that I would not be taking that car in for another repair ever again.

The entire hood and engine has melted. My big pink car is gone. And now I am carless. I had no insurance to cover fire damage. And right now, no desire to own a car again.

It's going to be ok. I had been thinking for some time that I wanted to go carless. This car was a total money and time suck. And I guess the car has made its mind up for me. I shall live without a car in Los Angeles.

I'm already adding it up. Life without a car means no car insurance, no REPAIRS, no fuel, no parking, no AAA membership, no DMV registration costs, and absolutely no carbon footprint.

It will be tricky to get to auditions, meetings, and shows without a car. But I have friends who've been doing it for years. And my ass needs to get back on my bike.

Can I get a ride anyone?

Things I've wondered about in the last 24 hours

2008-08-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Why is Nancy Grace so obsessed with dead and abducted children?

Why doesn't human or pet feces make good compost?

What is it like emotionally to be a 13 years old girl and lose your virginity in 2008 versus in 1991? (Not that I was a 13 year old girl in 1991 who lost her virginity, mind you)

Why did I just spend over $100 on dresses when I already have a closet full of clothes and no business buying anything right now?

I guess I should pack for San Francisco. Going up for six days. My grandpa turns 89 this weekend! But, we aren't sure if that's his real birthday or INS birthday. Though that's the one we've been counting.