I took Oliver to the vet for the first time ever in all the years I've owned him. And after I got the bill, I think I must table the plans I had to install hardwood floors in the loft. Oh, tis life.



He screwed up his tail somehow and had an infection so bad I gasped when the vet shaved his tail down to show me huge gaping infected holes. And now, he must wear the cone of shame.


I have nothing much to report. I've been home for a week, my place is still a disaster area of boxes. And for the first in a long long time, I'm going to be home in LA for more than three weeks. I love my new place still. I love the loft. I love being able to show people the place even if it's littered with crap from my past lives.

My life now consists of me walking zombie like through IKEA, pricing out wood flooring in the middle of the night at Home Depot, and programming parking garage door openers.

It's a very sexy and awesome life. I've never been happier.

Labels: Open House

I had a real estate orgasm Wednesday when I finally officially got notice of official close of escrow at 3pm on March 17, St. Patrick's Day. I was so excited about closing escrow that I misplaced my keys to the old place twice trying to get out the door to Koreatown.


Yes, I have a mortgage now, I must now worry about things like leaky faucets, faulty electric, property tax, termites. That part sucks, but I feel like I'm in love with life in this weird equity-esque way. I actually have pride in where I live. And I finally feel like I'm not that kid who just got out of college and is blindfoldedly navigating life. I feel so happy and at peace with my past and with my life. So weird is that all it took was a little condo in Koreatown to do it.



My realtor brought me a bottle of champagne for my arrival and left me alone in my new home. I sat in the living room, sipping on bubbly and taking in my new setpiece for my life. Imagining a whole future ahead.

My friend Nahkone is moving into the second room. He's a very fun gay boy and we played records on my Fisher Price record player I've had since I was a girl. When I was growing up in San Francisco, my friend Ariana and I would play the same records on the same record player. We talked about how we'd buy a house one day and play records when we moved in. So it was a great moment that I'd been anticipating since I was a girl. Me and Nahkone played music and took turns walking down the stairs like we were Norma Desmond and it was Sunset Blvd.

I danced by myself in the living room and we cheered for each other.


Ironically, I went to two housewarming parties yesterday. Two different friends who just bought new places. I never thought it was possible to be up late on a Friday night talking about home inspections and linoleum, but baby, meet the new boring Kristina! I'm loving it!

Labels: marriage grown up crap, Open House

It's quite possible that any desire to love or get closer to another human being has been completely obliterated for the next 30 years-- the amount of time I have left to pay off my mortgage.

It's been a while since this little cat lady has gone on a date. And last night I found myself invited (thankyouverymuch) out to dinner and a show. He's a totally cute fella and we get along enough. And he even pulls up in his shiny new convertible with the top down to pick me up. He asked how I was doing, was super attentive and caring, and all I could talk about was my condo. How I was going to orchestrate this move. How I didn't know what furniture to get. How I wanted to steam clean the carpets and bleach the toilets as soon as I get my keys on Wednesday. You know, real sexy talk.

He'd reach for my hand, I'd squeeze it back. But all I could really think as I looked into his eyes was: "I wonder if I'd get more renters for the second bedroom if I lowered the rental price $10 and included utilities in the price of rent..."

We had an hour to kill before dinner and the show. He asked, "What do you want to do Kristina?" probably anticipating some kind of romantic response like a walk in the park or a stop for wine at a bar.

I screamed, "I want to go to the Mattress Superstore! No! No! Bed Bath and Beyond!!! I need to look at duvet covers!"

Yes, I was serious.

On Saturday night, my recently divorced friend had a bunch of women over at her place for a pool party. I hadn't hung out with a bunch of women like that in god knows how long. We were like a non-profit women of color version of Sex and the City, with more cat hair. We were talking about how owning a home and being financially independent totally makes you look at dating differently: What's the point of dating anyone if you have your own condo? And what self-respecting homeowner dates a renter?

That's right, I'm turning into a homeowning snob! With no libido. Who instead of being obsessed with love is now obsessed with carpet cleaners. Hot.

Today, I go to the mortgage office and drop off a check for a large amount of money. Please pray that check does not whip out of my hands into the sky on the way to there. Wednesday, I pick up the keys. And at that point, I finally unite with my soulmate for eternity-- a 2bedroom+2 ba+loft condo in Koreatown.

It'll be true love.

Labels: cat lady, Open House

Last night was Friday night. Rather than go on a date, party, see a show or live life, I was on Ikea.com trying to pick out the set pieces for the rest of my life.

It looks like I might close escrow as soon as Monday and pick up my keys Wednesday. I did the final home inspection Thursday and feel really great about this new life transition. I feel totally confident about this purchase now. No matter what happens in my financial future, I've put a huge net under me. And I expect this to be the first of many homes I'll purchase in my life.

I am in the market for a new bed, mattress, new chest of drawers, crafting table, dining set, flatware, dishes, and a whole lot of other stuff I haven't bought in a long long time. When I moved from West LA, a lot of my furniture (mostly hand-me downs from past subletters and friends) were falling apart in the move. I actually had to dump whole pieces that had totally fallen apart as soon as they came out of the UHAUL as they were literally disintegrating in my hands. I'm leaving behind my dining set, my futon, and futon frame. I was going to leave my couches behind until I saw what new couches were going for.

For the first time in how many years I actually walked into the antique furniture stores on Santa Monica Blvd. I've passed them so many times, and wondered how they stay in business. And I found myself looking at end tables. And dining sets. And antiques. And so confused wondering who I am. I've been sleeping under the same sheets for 10 years!!!! Am I shabby chic? Modern? Art deco? Am I a King bed or Queen bed gal?

I'm basically trying to build a whole new big adult life. It's kind of awesome. And for the first time in my life, I have the advantage of choice, and $8k from Obama to do it.

I've never had the dilemma of choice. And I've never really gotten to choose my furniture. It always chose me. The desk I write you from, was a hand me down I've had since college. My couches were fortuitous offerings from Out of the Closet. I have been travelling so much that making a "home" has always been a challenge. I take what I'm given.

I have the means but I only seem to have one chance to really get these decisions down right. I've been thinking about sustainability and how I'd like to have furniture that lasts but doesn't kill the planet. But just looking at sustainable furniture is making me broke. $1400 for a bamboo coffee table? Wha?!?

Unfortunately, Ikea does not have the best reputation for furniture that transports itself well or lasts. And that's a real sustainability issue. But nor do a lot of other furniture makers have a reputation for environmentally sound production.

So for now, I'm going to move most of my old furniture in. Buying new pieces to slowly take their place. And trying to keep my new place spare and beautiful.

Labels: Open House

With some confidence I think I can announce that I've almost bought a condo!

It's not final. But I think.... soon I will be the owner of a lovely 1600 square foot condo. Two bedrooms and a loft. Hardwood floors. A washer and dryer, dishwasher and even a rooftop terrace for gardening. All mine.

Yes, it all happened that fast. And I can't even explain half of what I did or what happened, I've been in a daze of real estate terminology, home inspections, and handing over checks for insane amounts of money. I wake up every day wanting to vomit because this has been so overwhelming. The last two weeks has been a whirlwind of nausea. It really is stressful to think that every cent you've worked for still isn't enough to get you in the neighborhoods you really want to be in. And it's even more stressful to spend every cent you ever made all at ONCE.

But lord oh lord, is this finally the investment that I've been wanting to make all my life! I'm getting excited about trading in my IKEA furniture (which is already decomposing) and milk crate organizing system for real classy stuff!

I got priced out of Los Feliz, Silverlake, Echo Park. I did find some stuff within range in Chinatown and was kinda excited about the idea of brushing up on my Chinese as I move in with my people. Somehow I ended up finding this place in Koreatown which never dawned on me to move to, it's near public transportation, somewhat affordable and very central to everything in the city. I think I may stay here for only a few years, and either rent it out or sell and buy another bigger home in a few years. Property mogul and artist! YEAH!

I had a whole flood of emotional experiences. From visiting a condo in Chinatown where the owner (a very sweet woman) was dying of cancer and I was trying not to cry in her face as she told me she was going to go to a hospice... to going to a quirky tri-level unit in Silverlake that would have absolutely broke the bank and my heart because I just couldn't afford it... to looking at one super cheap unit across the street from the freeway and imagining the next few years of my life with the buzz of cars always in my conscious....

Home hunting been a very emotional ride. I had some moments where I thought maybe I should just give up. Rent forever. Wait for Armageddon and buy then. But that didn't seem right either. This was it. The Armageddon to buy in is the one right now.

If these next few weeks go smoothly, if all the repairs are done, I'll be headed towards my lovely new condo in Koreatown next month.

It's not where I'd imagined living. But I think for what my needs are and what my budget is, it's great starter property. I have one room I can rent out to a roommate. I have a loft for my office and craft activities, and a large bedroom with cathedral ceilings! I also can throw some nice dinner parties! If I have a roommate then my monthly payments are about the same as my rent now. Because it's a condo (my HOA fees are relatively low at $220 a month), it's easier to maintain and I can tour more without worrying too much about my home falling apart when I'm gone.

I appreciate all of you that have been so optimistic and encouraging. I also appreciate all the private emails people have sent with advice. It really is a whole other ballgame to be on this side of the fence. It's not an easy process, but I definitely think in the long run, it's the way to go.

Fingers crossed. This is one of my big life's goals, and I'm finally making it a reality! I've worked so hard to get here, and I am proud and know I've earned it. I'm a grown ass woman now.

I've learned some things about real estate.

1. If it's been on the market for a while and is priced cheap, something is wrong. It probably is a major fixer upper or located in an undesirable area. Good stuff in Los Angeles usually gets snatched fast! (My condo was on the market 4 days when I made the offer.)

2. Learn to write a "love letter" to woo the buyer. Luckily, I write grants all the time, so I whipped out the most convincing love letter of why I was most worthy to move in and the buyer chose me of all the offers! Go me!

3. Get a good, thorough and hungry realtor. It isn't enough to have a friend with a real estate license. Someone with thick skin who can bully up with the rest of them. It's a tough business and I never realized how hardcore these realtors can be when doing these negotiations. They have to move fast!!!! I have a great realtor named Ella who is younger than me and was so on it! She sometimes would be up at 1am prepping listings for us to check out. She was also super thorough and would know how to get tough.

4. Get a time machine and buy property in 2002 or 2003.

5. Short Sales are a slow and frustrating strategy to buy. Short Sales take months to go through and usually go for way more than what they are listed at because the low listing cost is to provoke bidding wars. I almost made a few offers on short sales but realized quickly I neither had the patience nor the actual money they would end up selling at.

Labels: Open House, property mogul

I woke up the other night to the sounds of a police helicopter circling for what sounded like hours. I fell asleep and then woke up again to the sounds of homeless people crushing cans in the alleyway. Yep, I'm back home in Los Angeles.

I just got off a Skype call with my director Katie Pearl where I cried and cried and yes, cried to her. We just finished an amazing run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Arizona last weekend. It was sold out, standing ovation, they put me up in a 3000 seat theater (but the seating for my show was 200 seats on the stage... a stage which they built for me thankyouverymuch), then the (Republican!) mayor came as well as ASU Gammage's very generous theater patrons with extremely warm feedback.

Creating and touring Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest has been a helluva journey. From the first miserable runs of this show that clocked in at 2 hours, Q&As where I held back angry tears because every audience question sounded like a personal attack, walking the streets of cities I've toured through catatonic and shaking with depression because I felt like I handed over my soul for the price of a pay-what-you-can-ticket.... this show has come a long long way baby. It's was like a deformed baby that now could place in a kiddy beauty pageant. I am so blessed that I had so many shots to get this show down right. And I am so proud of what I've accomplished with it.
I am proud that people I've never met organize themselves in groups to come. I am proud when I get emails after from people telling me how much the performance affected them. I am proud when people tell me how fearless the writing is.

And most importantly, I've survived what has easily been the most excruciating and lonely life that one can imagine (dragging around an exhausting show about suicide which is performed alone and supported, virtually alone) and returning home to unsatisfying and/or non existent romantic relationships (which includes an abusive relationship with my spraying cat).

I cried and cried to Katie because I really felt like the process of doing this show (going into YEAR 4!!!!) has been a bittersweet learning and growing experience. But what I'm really learning, is how important self-respect is. I've played the shittiest venues, I've worked hard for no pay, I've worked with (and dated!) people who claim to want to help but have put me down.

My time at MacDowell was a real time of creation but it also was a ripe time for me to reflect on how hard I work and how I do not deserve anything less than how hard I've worked.

I've been through the trenches and as Mary J. Blige would say, "No more drama." I'm on a "no-bullshit" diet. No more depleting gigs, depleting relationships, and no more depleting collaborators.

So what better way to celebrate my newfound pride and self-respect than take on the totally demoralizing activity of trying to buy a home in Los Angeles?

I started looking at houses today with an approval letter for a home loan in hand. Can I just say that banks are really good about not laughing in your face when you explain what it is you do for a living?

What can a performance artist buy in Los Angeles you ask? And also, a performance artist who still refuses to buy a car? And actually, cannot buy a car if she is to also pay off a mortgage? And finish a show about not owning a car which hopefully will help her pay off the mortgage?

Um, well... right now, the options are not plenty. What I can achieve in affordability, I compromise in aesthetics and safety.

In fact, I must confess that a certain panic has set in as I look at these homes.

Am I really ready to commit to a mortgage for 30 years? Am I going to be making enough as an artist the next 30 years for my mortgage? And am I going to be ok living in some of these neighborhoods I can afford?

Suddenly, the thought of taking that low-ball gig where I am splayed out afterwards too exhausted to cry sounds so good. That collaborator who tells me I'm half-assed but doesn't charge much for her time sounds like a good bargain. Suddenly, "taking my time" before moving in with someone I'm dating sounds completely fiscally irresponsible.

Suddenly, when confronted with a mortgage, all those bets on all those self-respecting aspirations... they're off!

Labels: Open House

Welcome back to “Open House” my series of blog entries detailing my journey to home ownership (to suit an artist’s lifestyle with an artist’s income… all by myself.) These blogs are also research notes for my new show about being Carless in LA and will be integrated into a show I’m developing through an artist residency March/April 2010 at the Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia, PA.

Last week, I visited my friend Jih-Fei , a PhD candidate who presented a paper last summer at a conference in Hawaii about Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (stroke stroke stroke my ego Jih-Fei!). He lives in the Little Tokyo Lofts downtown.

From the website….
"In these extraordinary lofts, you can almost feel the electricity of the city (granted, the fact that they've been built in the old Westinghouse building might have a little to do with it)."

I’ve been curious about the new loft developments just outside the "bastion of safety" that is Little Tokyo. Since the stock market crash, downtown lofts have been foreclosing and many of them still stand empty.

Also from the site…
"You will live close to a grittier flavor of nightlife with dozens of underground clubs and bars known only by those who reside within the glow of downtown."

Yes, and that flavor is.... urine. The smell is unmistakable. The bus drops me off five blocks away from the lofts, just as the warehouse district closes and tents of the old residents get pitched. Are these cardboard coffins that people sleep in for insulation, that glow under the nightlife… are these the people who know of “the underground clubs?”

It does feel precarious to be an Asian woman carrying a large purse on my shoulder to be walking these streets alone. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have walked through this neighborhood EVER and definitely not alone. But there are new bars and restaurants that have sprung up. And even a few dog walkers. But the old residents remain. Homeless people, day laborers, and other longtime inhabitants of this area. Some of them greet me as they assemble their homes for the evening. I stutter a hello back but find my pace moving from brisk walk to light jog.

Again, from the site...

"Or spend a relaxing night enjoying the skyline view from your loft while ordering Chinese take-out. It’s nice to know your food will actually come from Chinatown."

Hmmm.... if I cook the food, will that make the food even more authentically Chinese?



PRICE
Pros
The price is right, as you can buy someone's lived-in condo for as low as 200k.

Cons
HOA fees are HIGH at around $400-500 a month. And those fees can go higher whether you like it or not.

MAINTENANCE
Pros
Aside from cosmetic changes inside the unit, bigger issues like a roof repair, and busted pipes are all covered in the HOA fee. The building is also very clean inside and well maintained.

Cons
HOA fees are still too high. And I really don't feel the need things like a dog run or swimming pool which are part of this building.

COULD I LIVE THERE CARLESS?
PROS
The Gold Line is nearby. As are restaurants, galleries and theaters. I can also rent my parking space to someone else in the building for $100/month. I could possibly get around by bike.

CONS
It's not a great sign that the parking situation requires a 24 hour security person and a large metal gate. I also don't feel terribly safe walking around there at night, stepping across homeless people. When we walked back from the REDCAT, we must have been approached by at least 4 or 5 homeless people. I don't think I'd feel good about carrying valuables on me and walking alone or waiting for the bus at night. I’m also not terribly impressed by this quote on the website: “There's also 24-hour courtesy patrol. Because while urban living has its edge, that doesn't mean you should get cut on it. "

NEIGHBORHOOD
PROS
Having lived in LA for a long ass time, I have noticed how the downtown neighborhood has shifted from a nighttime No Man's Land to a bustling pretend Manhattan. Japanese food is just a few blocks away. Its well situated in walking distance from Little Tokyo.

CONS
It's still not Manhattan. And while the homeless people were nice enough, I don’t know that I could just up and go for walks at night the way I have in other places I’ve lived in LA. Also, the human excrement smell that would be outside my front door isn’t exactly “going outside for a fresh breath of air.”

SPACE ITSELF

PROS
12 foot ceilings are nice. And do open the head. Also there are washer/dryer machines in each unit.

CONS
I don't have the imagination necessary to build shelving, storage and room dividers to keep an open loft space from turning into a whirlpool of shit. I also like greenery and there's not much here except for the planters by the sales office.

NEIGHBORS

PROS
I would be living near Jih-Fei, Kennedy and maybe some other new friends… many of which are homeless…

CONS
Don't know if I can deal with the daily irony of living in an urban luxury fortress that is so purposely built to shield you from the realities outside.

SOUND FINANCIAL INVESTMENT?
PROS
The neighborhood is changing. A condo unit could be worth something if I sat on it for ten years.

CONS
Condos don't appreciate much in value and those HOA fees don't come back to you when you sell the place. You can't write them HOA fees off in taxes either. The economy has slowed down the growth of downtown. So who knows if this is an investment that would actually appreciate.



Final Verdict: Could I see myself living here?

I think I'm more a green neighborhood gal and would miss the presence of trees and parks. While I'm adventurous, I need to feel safer where I live. And I want to be able to engage in my neighborhood in a meaningful way, not feel forced to drive because I need the metal armor to navigate the surrounding streets. I may take a look at some other lower- frills condos with lower HOA fees in Downtown or Koreatown, but am passing on these lofts for now.

Labels: Open House

I know I'm like really old, but I'm also looking into getting adopted by Brangelina.



For those of you who are homeowners thanks to the financial help of your friends and family, I say, be so so grateful for what you have been given. I really was serious when I was saying that I have to do this buying a house thing all by myself. I wish I had financial handouts from my family, a sugar daddy or an inheritance in the foreseeable future.

But I don't, and don't want what I don't have to hold me back either.

Which means, I need to come up with a lot of money very quickly. Because baby, I'm going to be a homeowner in the next year before the market creeps up again. Plus home equity is the best guarantee anyone has at retiring with a key financial asset under you.

I started looking at Wiki How articles to figure out how to make money really quickly.

Here are some articles I found....

How to be an escort
(After some consideration, I decided against this. I'd suck as an escort.. hey! No pun intended....)

How to Save money
(I do most of this anyway, so this wasn't really helpful.)

How to Make Money Fast
(These ideas are really time consuming and lame.)

And here are some steps I took...

• Downgraded the text message plan on my cell phone (which only saves $60 a year... but still.)
• Swearing off all purchases for the next year.
• Signed up for this Black Friday special at ING Direct which gives me $121.
• Opened an account on Mint.com so I can start to manage my finances in an easier way.
• Writing people who owe me money to pay me back.
  
  I'm considering canceling my health insurance ($228/month-- Jesus!) since I barely use it, and when I use it, it seems to cost me more than the $35 co-pay. But for now, will hold onto it. Though I'm a pretty healthy person and wonder how much I need it.
  

Anyway, I'm a tough girl. I'll figure this out and I actually do think I can do this. If I have kept myself alive and thriving as a performance artist the last few years, the buying a house thing is going to be easy in comparison.

I'm blogging about this journey because I think a lot of artists don't feel it's possible to do things like this on your own. But it is. Or at least, I'm going to pull it off. And I'm going to outline my process the whole way. Plus making this journey public is going to make me accountable.

These are going to be a fun string of adventures in my blog. And the great end result is that I will hopefully have a safe and wonderful place to live.

The American Dream.

Labels: Open House

Happy Thanksgiving friends! I come with great news! I intend on being a homeowner by next year!

I know what you are thinking...

"How the f$#* are you going to get a house if your parents aren't going to buy one for you? And by the way, if you haven't checked, you make a living as a performance artist!"

Those are minor details my friends... But I've been scrimping for the last ten years towards this moment, maintained excellent credit, and the not owning a car martyrdom has cut an $8k a year line item out of my budget (and would be an amount I can put forth towards a monthly mortgage). I've also figured I can sublet the place whenever I leave on tour. And it will just be impetus for me to work more.

Ain't no fire under your ass like a mortgage payment to get you up and going in the morning!

I'm starting a new blog series called "Open House" about this whole journey of looking and buying a home for an artist's lifestyle on an artist's income.

Last year, I went to Open Houses with my friend Timo. We pretended to be married and would tell these poor realtors that "you know, we are looking for a home to start a family in. Something under $2 million." These blogs will be more realistic as I have to look WAAAAAY under the $2 million range.

This throws a lot of the carless living into jeopardy. I'm looking for places that I can singularly afford. But also, ideally, a home near public transportation. Because I want to continue these creative explorations of Los Angeles sans car... AND I will need every extra penny towards the mortgage.

I am open however, to splitting the difference should the situation arise. Buying a less expensive place and a car to get me to it. This does make me shiver a little... The thought of being held down again by a car. I know, there is such a thing as a reliable car. And not all cars run on $5/gallon veg oil and burst into flames on the highway.

I just want to have my cake (the house) and eat it too (not have to drive 20 miles to get there).

I'm starting my search in neighborhoods I never really wanted to live in before... Koreatown and Downtown because the condo prices have dropped dramatically and they are both within the city and near public transportation.

Stay tuned for my Open House blogs!

Labels: Open House, Sans Home, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles