Happy Thanksgiving friends! I come with great news! I intend on being a homeowner by next year!

I know what you are thinking...

"How the f$#* are you going to get a house if your parents aren't going to buy one for you? And by the way, if you haven't checked, you make a living as a performance artist!"

Those are minor details my friends... But I've been scrimping for the last ten years towards this moment, maintained excellent credit, and the not owning a car martyrdom has cut an $8k a year line item out of my budget (and would be an amount I can put forth towards a monthly mortgage). I've also figured I can sublet the place whenever I leave on tour. And it will just be impetus for me to work more.

Ain't no fire under your ass like a mortgage payment to get you up and going in the morning!

I'm starting a new blog series called "Open House" about this whole journey of looking and buying a home for an artist's lifestyle on an artist's income.

Last year, I went to Open Houses with my friend Timo. We pretended to be married and would tell these poor realtors that "you know, we are looking for a home to start a family in. Something under $2 million." These blogs will be more realistic as I have to look WAAAAAY under the $2 million range.

This throws a lot of the carless living into jeopardy. I'm looking for places that I can singularly afford. But also, ideally, a home near public transportation. Because I want to continue these creative explorations of Los Angeles sans car... AND I will need every extra penny towards the mortgage.

I am open however, to splitting the difference should the situation arise. Buying a less expensive place and a car to get me to it. This does make me shiver a little... The thought of being held down again by a car. I know, there is such a thing as a reliable car. And not all cars run on $5/gallon veg oil and burst into flames on the highway.

I just want to have my cake (the house) and eat it too (not have to drive 20 miles to get there).

I'm starting my search in neighborhoods I never really wanted to live in before... Koreatown and Downtown because the condo prices have dropped dramatically and they are both within the city and near public transportation.

Stay tuned for my Open House blogs!

Labels: Open House, Sans Home, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I did it. Four DIFFERENT shows in one week. Two cities. And unlike Jesse Spano... NO NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

I just got back from San Francisco. I presented my Carless Comedy show Sunday. Saturday was the LA Storyteller Festival where I did two different pieces. Then Tuesday and Friday, I did the "Whoring for Hollywood" show with D'Lo at the LA Comedy Festival.

The storytelling community is no joke. Imagine folks from a renaissance fair and like an audience whose median age is 65 all mixed together. I wasn't sure how this crowd would take me. They are so sincere and so into folklore and myths. And I just do the strange things that I do. I was programmed in the "Fringe Tales" concerts which was their way of saying, "Filthy, saucy, dirty stories". I kept joking that they should have named "Fringe Tales"-- the "Motherf*cking Stories!" show.


My whole family came out to see me! And didn't disown me after!

The adrenaline from NYC and doing five new shows in five days still follows me. It was a huge challenge, but I made it through this week and kicked ass each time. It feels so great.

How'd I get through this week? I just took it day by day. On Sunday after my plane landed, I worked furiously at my parents' house to tack on 10 new minutes of material to my carless show. I was wondering if the disconnect between LA and SF would make a difference, but it really was a hit. The San Francisco audience was with me even though I was talking about trying to get around LA. And can I blame them? Who else could tell this insane story of owning a money pit car that ran on vegetable oil and then it catching on fire? Followed by my stories on the bus. I got this topic on lock down!

THIS CARLESS SHOW IS KILLING!!!!

I'm dreaming up more places that this carless experience can take me, and already, opportunities to tour and talk about this are presenting themselves all over the country. I'm talking books, radio, panels, commissions-- it's endless where this can all go.

Jesus! Spending all that money on a shit car, almost dying in a car fire, and then going carless in Los Angeles is the best thing that ever happened to me!

I've been really fulfilling my recession year goal of creating as much new work as possible, not getting stuck in a creative rut. Nelson Mandela wrote books from prison... I can certainly make shows for any space. I hit a lot of post-partum creative depression when Cuckoo's Nest was finally "done" but I'm feeling so good as I look ahead and finally see that I'm going to do the work, not the work around doing the work.

Give me a concert hall! Give me a lecture hall! I can do it! And most importantly, I'm more in practice as an artist than as an artist than as an arts administrator.

I think life is lining up nicely. I've just decided to run forward and not look back. Who's coming?

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car, vision

Ok, I know that I was supposed to not blog or Facebook for a week. But I had my great bright idea already.

I'm not only giving up owning a car, but also, having a place to live in Los Angeles!

That's right! I'm going homeless! Yay!

Hear me out! There is logic in this horrible idea!

I tour so much anyway, that for the last two years I was wondering, "Could I actually get away with not having a lease somewhere?"

So, I am putting my things in public storage next month. And starting January, will be without an address of my own. I'm going to couch surf and see what address will come to me next. I'm going to float about, and see what it's like to have no tethers whatsoever.

It does help that I have friends everywhere that have room for me to stay, that all of January, parts of Feb, March and April, I'm on tour. Oh yeah, and that technically, I still do have my apartment in West LA (my cousin lives there but there's a couch with my name on it).

But yes! I'm going to see what it's like to live out of Public Storage and a PO Box! Hoorah! It's the kind of unstable life that I thought I outgrew 10 years ago, but heck, better late than never!

And best yet... what great material for the show! (yes, just like women trying out porn acting for a day is "feminist research"!)

Woo hoo! Who's got a couch? Because here comes the mooch!

Labels: Sans Home, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I find that great public transportation days will completely restore my faith in Los Angeles living. I had an audition in Hollywood Monday morning then was to shoot a short film in Woodland Hills later that afternoon. It was one of those hypothetical carless situations I've dreaded for so long... having to get from one place to god knows where in a short time frame.

I worked it out with the director of the short film to meet at her school in Reseda and she would take me from there to Woodland Hills. The schedule gets so crazy, that I don't shoot a lot of student films, but she sought me out from my website and was willing to chauffer me from Silverlake if I wanted... so who was I to say no? I decided it was ridiculous to make her drive down the 101 and back up, so I volunteered to see what this "orange line" was and if it was possible to get to BFE Reseda in such a short amount of time.

But it turns out, it's actually easier for me to get to Reseda from Hollywood than from Silverlake to West LA. The wonders of our underused subway! I'm a huge fan of it. I actually think I got there faster than if I drove the freeways. The orange line runs on this dedicated street called "Busway" where no other cars go. I got there and back in a predictable and reasonable amount of time. I even hit Happy Hour at Akbar with my friend Greg before cruising home. It was so... New York. I loved the novelty of riding the bus for convenience in LA!

Sure, there were some moments at the bus stop. The man with the adult diaper peeking out from his stained denim jeans who volunteered without solicitation "you beautiful girl." Or the older Latino man at Vermont and Santa Monica who mumbled "Chinatown" while pointing at my face.

As a modern woman, I should embrace any and all compliments! Even if they come from derelicts at the bus stop!

Ugh.


In other news.... I'm still looking for a name for this Carless show. And I'm taking your votes and suggestions... I can't seem to find anything as clever as "Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

Here are some bleh ideas I had for titles:

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles
Carless in LA (I find this too easy)
Car Porn (trying too hard)
Car Porn: My Love Affair with an Older Car



I put a call out on Facebook and my friends contributed these suggestions, notice how people tried to be helpful by beating the shit out of my last name...

• The Kristina Wong Show
• DMV... DOA...in LA!
• Post- Fire, Walk With Me?
• in my shoes, literally.
• "How Pedestrian."
• Wonging in LA
• B*U*S*T*E*D
• Grease fires; not just for kitchens anymore
• Soles on Fire: Wong on Wong
• "That's Just Wong"
• "That's So Wong"
• Walk This Way-
• When the Veggie Breaks"?
• "All last night sat on the veggie and moaned/ Thinking about my baby and my happy home/ Going down down down down down now"
• Like water and oil Kristina and cars.
• green fury
• Who's Gonna Drive Me Home, Tonight?" (you can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong)
• "I'm on the Highway to Hell"
• "Lord, Won't You Buy me a Mercedes Benz?"
• "I Can't Drive . . . 55"
• "It Ain't Easy Being Green"
• "Who's Gonna Drive Me Home, Tonight?" (you can't go on, thinking nothing's WONG)
• "I Fought the Car . . . and the Car Won"
• "Shitty, Shitty, Bang, Bang"
• "The Up In Smoke Tour"
• Hoofing the Wong
• Hoofing Wong
• My Greasecar Done Blow'd Up Real Good
• Grease
• I am sexiest at the bus stop
• Karmama
• For I Have No Car And I Must Scream
• crisco inferno
• Wok no Roll
• Without a Car in the World
• Bicycles and the Big Blues
• 'on foot veggie car kaput'
• Wong Turn
• BUSting Loose!
• Foot Traffic, Veggie Car Blues and other stories
• Pun Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, oops, wrong show....I mean, WONG show

I am liking the ones with song titles kind of built in. Any ideas for me?

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

It has come to my attention on this Sunday afternoon that I am in page E4 of the paper! Specifically, an extremely flattering photo of me and Oliver, but unflattering picture of my old office is featured as part of Diane Meyer's "Without a Car in the World"-- her photo exhibit of 100 Angelinos who don't own cars. The exhibit is up at the 18th Street Arts Center until December.

Had I known she was going to photo me in my office, not with my bike outside, I would have cleaned up my slop. But here it is, my crap immortalized for all of Los Angeles!

On December 2, I'm doing a performance at the exhibit about carlessness. I believe the show is free and I hope you will come see my work-in-progress. What I've shown so far has gone over so well!

I took this picture about two or three months into my carlessness.

Anyway, I am in San Francisco now. I came up for my cousin's fancy wedding. I realize as a person who puts on shows all the time, how mundane weddings can be despite the glitz. Give me a drive thru Vegas wedding and a public BBQ any day. Weddings are like Neil Simon productions-- safe, scripted, formulaic, hyped.

Labels: property mogul, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I got into NYC yesterday and will be here for the week writing APACUNT with my team and then premiering it one week from now! The carless thing has me trying to figure out how to get out of LA more often to seek refuge in cities that don't require such planning to make it around town.

I realized at the airport yesterday that I forgot my drivers license.... Imagine the hysteria when I open my wallet and see my TAP card where my ID should have been. I started to backtrack how I'd get home sans transportation on an LA morning to grab the ID and get back in time for the flight.

I say to the woman behind the counter, my face tight with shock: "I don't know where my ID is."

I imagine hailing a cab home, grabbing my ID, then hailing one to take back to LAX. Easily it would be a back and forth trip of $100. At which point I'd miss my flight and have to pay to rebook. Or I could call a friend. Oh god, who would help me with such short notice?

PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! For I would have to live the rest of my life at LAX! Why must transportation always deny me?!

"Ma'am, it's ok. You can still fly. You just need to go through extra security."

She draws four S's on my ticket and points me towards the gate.

When I see security I say, "Listen, I don't care if you need to do an anal cavity check, I just need to get to NYC."

No anal cavity check, but I pulled out everything I owned with my name on it, they did a super thorough wipe down of my computer and the lady cop felt me up through my clothes.... and I was off and flying.

That's right, I flew without identification!

Yes, TSA, the same folks that make you take your shoes off, throw out your water and toothpaste, and walk through million dollar machines that blow air on your shirt, let me fly without any photo identification. I thought they might google me as per my suggestion to prove I was "real," but thought that might make the red flags go up higher. It didn't go that way. In fact, I think I got through security faster than other folks because I had a security escort the whole way.

I was kind of surprised when they asked if in lieu of a Drivers License, if I had a Costco card... those photos are notoriously obscure...



I did remember in all my panic that I once saw an episode of Pageant Place on MTV where Miss Universe forgets to bring her passport and is able to get on a flight with no ID by showing her sash and crown to the guy at the Southwest Counter.

And I guess I carry the same privileges as a beauty queen, for mine is the face of innocence.


(An unfinished proof from my carless photo shoot with Simeon!)

My love-it/hate-it relationship with car owning continues...

Last weekend, I thought I'd go to a baby shower on Mt. Washington without any transpo help. What would have been a 15 minute car ride, was actually a 1.5 hour walk/bus trek according to Metro directions. I was up for the adventure and exercise.... Two and a half hours later, after some wrong turns by foot at the top of Mt. Washington (uphill mind you), I made it to the party heaving and sweaty and a little humiliated.

I knew that the cars passing me by on Mt. Washington were headed to the party, and I kept looking at them through their windshields as they zoomed past me trudging on that dark sidewalk-less road, baby shower present in one hand, metro directions in the other. I looked at my fellow baby-shower attendees as they drove by, focusing on them with doe eyes, hoping they'd elect to pick up the girl on the street who was obviously headed their way and take her to the party. No dice. For automobile drivers are not mindreaders who know when to take pity on the carless.

November will be quite the test for this carless lass. If you check my schedule you will see I have an obscene number of events going on back to back to back. I have two shows going up at the LA Comedy Festival and I have no idea how I'm to transport all the crap for those shows across town. I am also writing new work for the LA Storytellers Festival and doing a show in SF. How the F I'm to do all this... and get there with no car? No freaking idea kids.... but can I tell you this Carless in LA show is writing itself?

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Without going into too much detail, as mentioning this is already jinxing (but a great carless story I had to write about), I had a meeting scheduled over at Oprah's new network today.

As you can imagine, I was jazzed and have been looking forward to this for months, if not my whole life. This would be such a logical transition from playing houses of 99 people to bringing my brilliance to the world. And I do mean.... THE WORLD.

Their offices are on Wilshire in Miracle Mile and it is two short bus rides over from my place in Silverlake. So, it wasn't really an issue.

My friend Simeon Den, a wonderful photographer, has offered for weeks to take pictures for my Carless in Los Angeles show (you know, the still unwritten show that all this carless martyrdom is supposed to manifest itself into?). He has an amazing studio set up in a converted garage with lots of natural light. After endless scheduling and rescheduling back and forth, we finally came to the conclusion that today was the only day we were both free to shoot.

Our shoot concept was this, me sitting at a bus stop with lots of little toy cars around me. A love story about me and a vehicle. I had borrowed dozens of little toy cars from friends (I'm on a kick to not buy anything) and piled them into a brown grocery bag along with some costume changes.

As I got ready to leave for the bus, I began to do mental tabulations:
1pm Simeon's, 5pm Oprah. Leave house at 12pm, bus for an hour to Hollywood, get settled, shoot for an hour, take half an hour to look at the pictures, 2pm, get ready to go to Oprah's, but factor in an hour and an extra hour in case of big emergency traffic, 4pm, sit somewhere outside the La Brea Tarpits and breathe in my best life, the Secret... or something like that that will make my face glow. Wait until 5pm when the meeting happens.

Wait....WHERE WAS I GOING TO PUT ALL THIS CRAP I WAS TOTING?!

I was faced with a real carless in LA dilemma. Could I walk into a meeting with the Big O's people dragging in a big tote bag of costume changes and a brown grocery bag of toy cars?

Sure, I'm a quirky gal... but could I get away with "bag-ladying it" as my first impression at Oprah's? Then I had flashes of the time I told someone on the bus that I was the commencement speaker at UCLA and got the, "Whatever, you crazy bus lady" look. I've also been rocking the whole "3rd Grade Chic" look of late. Partly because it is a nice innocent irony against the backdrop of the bus. But walking into big corporate offices dressed like an eight year old dragging along bags of STUFF?

Dammit, I could use a big exhaust pumping metal locker on wheels right now!

I imagined being in this meeting with the most head of honchos, two giant bags on either side of me, to the front and back of me, an SNL-esque scenario of trying to find a home for the bags. Blocking my own face with them, climbing over them to be heard, having to create a perimeter around me to accommodate them. Shaking their hands with the bags tucked under my armpits. Then trying to explain....

"Oh no, I didn't bring these bags in to show you anything... I came off the bus... I don't have a car to put them in... no, it's not because I'm broke or anything.... I used to drive a car that ran on vegetable oil. I bought it from a junkie eco hipster ... then somehow got embroiled in a class action lawsuit between him and another eco hipster... well...that's a long story... I just came from a photo shoot... I just have a phobia about owning a car.... Not like those scary phobias that would prevent me from working for you... this is more an experiment..."

Was this carless experiment going to now ruin my career? I dragged Simeon into the situation. Help Simeon! Where the heck am I going to put all this crap? Simeon offered to let me keep my stuff in his studio. But, that would just mean, I'd also have to schlep back on the bus for it. And when would I catch him at home again? And two of the toy cars in those bags belong to my friend Tre and I had to return those to Tre soon and and and and....

Maybe they wouldn't even notice if I walked in saddled down by bags, maybe the bags would start the conversation , or maybe I could walk in, leave them with the receptionist...

Maybe it wasn't a big deal, and I was making it a big deal and the fact that I was making it a big deal would be bad energy and maybe this bad energy would make the meeting go bad.

I was already exhausted by 1:00pm thinking about this.

Well, as it seems all that panic was for naught because I got a call at 2:00pm that the meeting got moved to Friday. So now I have more two days to practice giving away chicken and cars.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

"I got good news Kristina. I think I have a car you could buy. It's a 1990 Honda. Joel says it's in solid condition and is going to go over it to make sure it's ok to drive. I told him about your 81 Mercedes and he says this won't give you any trouble like that. Only $1200. What do you think? That's a great deal for a good Japanese car. You want to take a look? Then you won't have to worry about taking the bus so late at night anymore."

My hands start to shake. My heart beats faster. I'm catching my breath and yet, I'm just on the phone, sitting at my desk.

My fear of commitment is still too strong.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I learned an important lesson about being carless yesterday, especially on days where you are out for 14 hours, pulling around a wheeled suitcase for blocks and blocks, armed with everything you need for the day, sweating your ass off in the summer heat.

The lesson is this.... Pack snacks so that you don't have to give into impulse buying of food at restaurants.

But pack snacks that are LOW in fiber, not HIGH in fiber.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

There are no two words more frightening to this carless Angelino than these: THE VALLEY.

Yes, the Valley, that elusive urban suburban expanse above the Getty Museum where families and other kind of proletariat live. Where eggs can be cooked on the sidewalk because temperatures soar to 300 degrees. Where pornography is birthed, edited, and sent around the world. Where the 101 North somehow becomes the 101 West (or is it the "101 East"-- why is it so confusing?).

It's the godforsaken geographic anomaly crisscrossed by so many freeways that for the last year has taunted me to buy a car and brave its streets under 2000 pound air-conditioned armor. The Valley is the boring ugly step-sister of Los Angeles proper and I still cannot navigate her after years of living here... certainly not by instinct and only with meticulous Mapquest directions that I dare not stray from so help me god.

All year, I was brave to resist getting a car as I've coaxed myself: "Kristina, don't fear the Valley, for you will never have to go to the Valley last minute. What the hell do you need to get in the Valley?"

Yesterday, I had to conquer that San Fernando beast armed with only a bus pass. Specifically, the Sherman Oaks Galleria parking lot. Worst yet. I had to conquer it at 6am.

Why GOD did I have to be in the Valley at such a godforsaken hour?

Because I booked a national commercial! Finally, that elusive residual income that lures so many actors to Hollywood (and has evaded me for so long) comes at the right time!

Usually with any kind of on location shoot, you never know the call time or location until the last minute. It's a lot like a rave. I got hints from the production guys at the fitting that we were shooting somewhere in Van Nuys in two days.

My alarms went off. EMERGENCY!! CODE VALLEY!! TRANSPORTATION EMERGENCY!! I could not afford to get lost or be late for this. I imagined myself getting off at the wrong bus stop in Glendale, not being able to tell North from South, only to get on another wrong line. Or waiting at some transfer stop in Burbank where the bus line had been unknowingly discontinued. Calling friends at 5am to help drive me over, waking them up, angering them, losing their friendship. Maybe I'd arrive at set 2 hours late, at which time my part was forfeited to the girlfriend of the key grip.

No! I had to secure transportation! And not the public kind!

It was time to follow the long anticipated action plan of what to do in what I call "Situation: The Valley."

Step 1: Find a ride from someone headed there.

At the fitting in Hollywood, I tried to charm the question to the other actors working the spot: "Hi, my name is Kristina. What's yours? So where do you live? Do you live near Silver Lake?"

Unfortunately, everyone lived on the Westside or Burbank. Or maybe, they decided that's where they lived upon the desperate smile of a stranger. I knew their faces. The fear in their eyes of the prospect of spending time alone in a car with an actor they just met. My innocent request for a ride was definitely creeping them out.

In my car-owning days when I was on a set, I'd often run into carless actors. They were characteristically the most talkative ones to the point of creepy. Often the most overcompensating and annoying. They were always the ones with the million dollar ideas whether they were unwritten screenplays they were raising money for or pyramid schemes for water filters that they thrust unsolicited onto other actors. I often wondered if they talked themselves up so much so as to warm up potential rides they'd solicit.

I had become what I've loathed. Time for Step 2.


Step 2: Find a car to borrow

When I left the fitting, I frantically texted all the friends on my mental inventory of "to borrow" cars. First my friend Chay who often walks to work and leaves her car parked, then my cousin (because blood is thicker than water), then my friend Marcus who used to be a bus person until given this car, then Chay's sister Bangbay who has loaned me her car while it's been parked at work. If none of those panned out, I could start getting creative and ask new friends for their cars. I could also try to catch a ride, though like I said, who else would be going to the godforsaken Valley and as early as 6am?

I got two no's from Chay then my cousin who both needed their cars. Marcus was a yes, but he lives all the way in Santa Monica which created the added challenge of the pick-up. I also don't know his car. What if it breaks down? What if I can't get it from him? I panicked and asked Bangbay for her car which was easier to pick up and that I knew wouldn't break down on me having driven it before.

(Yes, I got snobby about a free car to borrow.)

Bangbay came to get me the night before the shoot. I took her back to her place in her Corolla. In a very Jack and the Beanstalk-esque exchange, I traded my bus pass for her car keys. She was a trooper for busing to work so I could drive to mine.

Score! I had wheels!

I got to set more than early. I'm glad to have arrived there by car, not bus and foot because there were a specific set of signs to follow off the freeway to find the crew. Had I tried to bus there, I would not only have had to leave at 3am (I'm not sure what buses even run in LA proper at 3am), but I might have been in the dark dragging myself across along the entire mile-long perimeter or the Sherman Oaks Galleria before I could spot the film crew.

I did have a car sorrow moment when I parked Bangbay's car alongside all the other cars that belonged to the crew. Some of their cars were big, flashy, signature cars for signature personalities. The black Toyota Corolla I was driving was so practical, so modest. And it wasn't even mine. I couldn't help but remember my Harold, that big pink ego/eco-mobile and how sweet it was to park at the studios among the Hollywood types in him. How nice it was to get in and out of him like it was no big thing.

How sexy I was. But those days are gone as I attempt to rock it without the carbon emitting armor.

I checked in with the 2nd AD. I enjoyed my Non-Deductible Breakfast (set speak). Put on my costume, sat in the trailer. The manager of the pizza place we were shooting in came in the trailer and made conversation with me. He asked where I traveled from to get there. I said Silverlake. He said, "Where is Silverlake?" And I thought: "This guy lives in Sherman Oaks and does not know where Silverlake is? Who are these heathens here in the Valley!?"

I shot my scene, wrapped by noon. I headed to where Bangbay works in West LA to return her Toyota Corolla. I filled her tank. (Good Lord, gas is getting expensive again!! $27 to fill a 2/3 of a tank? I don't miss that part of owning a car.) Since it was lunchtime, I took her for lunchtime tacos.

Total cost to conquer the Valley at 6am? $33. Not bad considering I will only need to brave The Valley once every six years. Plus I'd much rather give gas and food to a friend than to a rental company.


By the way, here are the other action steps of "Situation: The Valley" had the car borrowing not work out.

Step 3: Rent a car (but so last minute, the cost with insurance and gas could easily bring the rental to over $50 for the day).

Step 4: Suck it up and take the bus up. But leave 2 days earlier than it says to on metro.net.

Step 5: Take a cab or car service. Or pay ex-reality tv star to drive me.


And another BTW... To be fair, I do know actors without cars who are not crazy. Wyatt Cenac who now lives in New York and works on the Daily Show used to get around by bike. We did the CBS showcase together and he'd come in on two wheels, get rides, and he was so cool it was no big thing. My friend Blake works constantly, was totally sweet and helpful when my car exploded and told me how to get around without a car. We share our triumphs as actors living within the machine who don't own big machines and also share our moments of Hollywood carless shame. And I also met a woman named Enci who writes about how to thrive as an actor without a car and she's also given me a lot of ideas about how to survive carless. Her production company is Rebel without a Car Productions!

Labels: hollywood wong, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

My friend Marc Norberg took these pictures of me in Minneapolis before I left in May.

Last Friday I did a performance... an homage to one year of being broken up with car ownership. I held a picture of Harold up to the crowd and like a jilted ex-girlfriend choked through fake tears about how much I tried to make it work with him, but he was such an old mess (at 27) he just let me down time and time again. He was also a money pit and a girl like me deserves better than having to give so much of my hard earned money to a useless piece of shit. I want to fall in love with a car again (maybe a nice Japanese model, from a good factory) but am scared of getting hurt.

This Friday I do another performance with slides on an old Kodak carousel where I'll tell more stories of well intended green living that blew up (literally!) in my face.

There's one thing the carless thing has really been showing me about this city-- it's really big and really spread out and there's a whole lotta stuff in it. This morning, I caught a ride (via Facebook update) to an audition with the editor of my concert film, Tina. I caught a ride back with this guy from Craigslist (nah, don't worry, I sussed it out, it was safe) who I bought a new laptop from. I'm enjoying these free rides about town which come as fast as texting "Need a ride from Silverlake to Weho, call me if you're going that way") on my phone. Finally, I put my 1400+ Facebook friends to use as a private car service!

What I'm really seeing is a glimpse of people's lives. On their routes of life, I am a fly on the wall (or passenger in their car).

I finally got to meet my friend Rena's two daughters when she beckoned my facebook call and drove me to the beach. she put down the back seat of her SUV up for me and I sat behind her kids. I'm thinking now, that the friends I always say I want to catch up with, I may only be able to catch up with IN TRANSIT!

Labels: i'm kristina wong, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

The praying mantis on the bus says, "Happy one year of carless martyrdom Kristina Wong!"

That's right kids. A year ago today, I was on the side of the 405 as my pink biodiesel Mercedes was engulfed in 20 foot flames. And I thought, "Oh my god, I am so lucky to be alive."

I've made it one year without owning a car. Yes, it is possible to be carless in LA. But admittedly, it sure does help to know the city as well as I do, have very generous friends who will loan me cars in emergencies or give me rides, and also work from home most of the time and leave town half the year on tour. But yes! It is possible!

I do admit that despite the success, this has really FELT like a challenging year, but I would say that mostly has to do with the recession which hasn't been easy on everyone. Things were escalating quite rapidly in a wonderful direction last year with the CBS showcase, the South Beach Comedy Festival, the commencement speech at UCLA, really great tours, etc. But this past year has FELT much more challenging as I watch both non-profit and commercial ventures that once supported me have had their budgets decimated. And moving by foot and by bus can sometimes make me feel robbed psychologically of control. And people in LA, they need to always feel in control.

I've really spent a lot of time thinking admidst what seems like apocalyptic times... "What is it that I really need in life to make me happy?" Especially with all this recession time talk of what expenses we can cut out, I've been looking around and seeing all the clutter that's held me back.

So what is it I want? To perform, to have enough to eat and a comfortable bed, to have human contact that's meaningful, to feel like I am of benefit to other people's lives, to plunder an occasional yard sale. When it comes down to it, I'm a lot more simple than I ever thought.

I still often wonder if owning a car would at all help me "live better." Or if the cost of "convenience" would actually hinder me. I've decided that I'm going to go carless for as long as possible, or at least, until I get this new show on carlessness going. I also have been getting a lot of reading done.

It's an ongoing debate that's been oh so great for material. (Trying to do 7 minutes of new stuff on the carless life tonight at Bang Comedy Theater in West Hollywood.)

Since my "Cash for Clunkers" post, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback. I went to the library for the first time in forever and started to check out books. It was kind of mindblowing to be able to take books from the library and not worry about having to pay for them. I have been looking at this book called "Your Money or Your Life" which I thought was just a financial planning book, but what it examines on a much deeper level than how to be rich, is to ask what is it you want to accomplish emotionally with your life. It asks you to look at the financial clutter of stuff in your home-- expenses that you've made that have given you little to no satisfaction back and yet you hold onto them. And also it asks you to weigh your "life energy"-- making the point that its not worth it to have a high paying job if you feel emotionally bankrupt at the end of each day. Or if the expenses to be at that job (corporate wardrobe, nice car to roll up in), end up eating most of your income.

I've been thinking a lot about the over abundance of shit we produce as an American culture. Many of the belongings we have we don't use 95% of the time. If we lived in communities that were more inclined to sharing, we could easily find ways to share a lawnmower or a blender or bbq pit. We wouldn't have to amass so much stuff and then struggle to pawn it off at our yard sales.

There's one wonderful tactic I've discovered to get around town that I want to share with my fellow carless siblings. I put updates on Facebook telling people where I need to go and at what time and leave my number. I've gotten two rides like magic. I was in Little Ethiopia and needed a ride to the beach. Bam! I walk out of the restaurant and in ten minutes, my friend calls that she can come get me because she was already headed there. The 21st Century carpool.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Yesterday, I found out what it was like to be the crazy lady on the bus.

A woman at the bus stop was making conversation with me. She started by complimenting my heart shaped sunglasses. I decided to turn off my ipod shuffle (which was playing MP3s from T. Harv Eckler's "Secrets of a Millionaire Mind") and make conversation with her. After all, I am supposedly going through this carless martyrdom to create a show about my carless martyrdom. This discussion with this stranger was all part of my "oral history gathering."

She told me she's going through a divorce and her husband is taking the car. I explain to her that I used to have a pink Mercedes that ran on vegetable oil but it caught on fire on the 405 and I decided to go carless because of car-owning phobia and also because I travel the world half the year so no need to own a car.

Then she tells me that she's a student a UCLA. And like the overcompensating egomaniac that I am, I volunteer my story: "Oh yeah? I went to UCLA too! And last year they invited me to be the commencement speaker at the English Department graduation!"

And then she shoots me "the look." A look I've often given to other people on the bus.

It was the "THIS BITCH IS OUT OF HER MIND" look.

Can I blame her? I'm this messy haired Asian girl with heart shaped sunglasses, pulling around a suitcase filled with VHS tapes (I'd just come from converting them into DVDs at the SAG Building), yet somehow she is to believe that I'm a world traveller? I'm listening to self help recordings on how to be a millionaire (not that she would know this), I'm talking about my pink car that ran on VEGETABLE OIL, my car ownership phobia, and how I was once the commencement speaker at UCLA... and worst of all, I'm telling her all this ON THE BUS.

Why does the truth always sound like complete horseshit when told to you by a stranger on the bus?

I wasn't sure if I should keep talking at that point. Because any more truths about my life would only sound more crazy given the setting of the moving bus which already implicates unreliability and insanity in the truth teller.

"What do I do for a living? I'm a PERFORMANCE ARTIST!"

"What's my next show about? Cats! Pick-Up Artists! And Cat pee!"

"I made a yoga bag out of my old pants!"

I sat quietly in my seat, awkwardly waiting for my stop to come up, pretending I was distracted by my Ipod shuffle so I wouldn't have to talk more. I gave her a sloppy wave goodbye as I exited the bus. I don't know why I did this, perhaps to further add to the illusion of my insanity.

So ok. We can't trust every thing we hear from a stranger on the bus. Can we trust what we hear from a stranger on the plane? Can we trust what we hear as it comes out of the mouth of a stranger standing next to his pimped out ferrari? Can we trust what we hear from an established corporation with large buildings and thousands of employees across major metropolitan cities.... Like AIG?

I thought that I could trust the hipsters at Lovecraft Biofuels to sell me a good car and make good on fixing it so that it was safe to drive. I thought, Why would eco-hipsters lie and swindle me? But they did.

Can we trust any stranger in transit who tells us something?

And the most important question of all...

Why do I insist on overcompensating for my lack of car by offering up laundry lists of my previous achievements to complete strangers on the bus who are probably in the same situation as me?

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Watch out world! I'm throwing down 62 clams in the month of August to buy my first LA Metro bus pass. I'm thinking I'll wear it around my neck in a plastic laminated necklace like the abuelitas do and push my granny cart filled with groceries up and down Sunset Blvd. I actually don't know that I ride the bus enough to warrant owning a bus pass. I have to ride the bus 49 times next month to make the "bus ride buffet" ticket worthwhile but I'm home for a full month (for once) so I thought I'd live it up.

Things are getting super busy here very fast. Summers tend to be "downtime" for me. I'm seeing crazy things happen in my line of work. I was in talks with New World Theater at UMass Amherst to bring Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in 2010. Then just a month later, New World Theater had their funding completely cut off by the university! This is pretty ugly as this institution has been around for 30+ years.

I did get a very huge break a few months ago with a MAPFUND grant to develop my new "CAT LADY" show but I haven't been able to secure a premiere venue or NPN co-commissioner. It's not that the interest isn't there, it's just that every theater on earth is watching their budget. There's a definite and palpable slowdown in the arts.

So I've decided that rather than wail and flail in panic, I'm going to use the money that I had set aside for a car to invest in a new computer and a video camera. And I'm thinking of turning part of the living room in my new Silverlake House into a set that I can shoot different shows in. I'm long overdue for a tech upgrade, I've been using the same laptop for five years! And it's really hot and slow. So look out world, not only will this lady be rocking a bus pass but also a video blog!



I will admit that I've been looking at ads for cars. It's really tempting to buy one. To be able to get to West LA in one hour as opposed to two. These ads are misleading though... this "Cash for Clunkers" thing is so dumb. How is it a 5 year old car can qualify as a clunker but my Mercedes that caught on fire on the 405 couldn't? Bleh, forget it.



Quite a few of my creative friends are complaining about going broke this summer and I've mentioned several times in my blogs how it's hard to not get sucked into poverty mentality when the news and all your friends are dragging the sky down around you. I find myself having days where I'm like, "Oh god! It's over! I give up!"

I'm losing sympathy for my friends going who complain of being broke. Their standards of broke are "first world broke." I have a friend who is a sex worker and says she's having "survival sex" for money and yet owns a laptop, cell phone, and car. I have another friend who owes me $500 and he's had months to pay me back, and he calls me from his cell phone to tell me he has run off to New York City (for a vacation).

If you are broke, suck it up, grow up, and deal with it. Because nobody with an IPhone is a victim of anything.

People keep asking me for help with getting money to do their art. The requests were at first flattering because it really felt as if they regard me as successful. But now theses requests have become kind of irritating, like I'm some kind of magic fairy that can say three things to make things happen. If you go way back into my very first blogs, you'll know, I've been at this game for YEARS and only started to make a full time living at it in the last four years. And if you know me well enough, you know it was REALLY REALLY UGLY when I was first at this.

I see people I haven't seen in a while and the first thing they say is, "Hi Kristina! Can you help me get grant money?"

("Yeah. Nice to see you too.")

Is there a sign on my head that says: "My name is Kristina Wong and I can show you how easy it is to get money because I have nothing better to do?" I mean I try to be supportive of people but I feel like that generosity gets taken advantage of.


People asking me to lead them to "magic grant money" irritates me one three levels:

First, I spend 20 hours (if not more) a week doing work related to generating income for my art (that is not my actual art) and most people aren't willing to put up the BS of arts admin. Even when I've taken the time to explain to people how it all works, they either don't apply for the grant that I just walked them through or ask me to repeat the information to them as if the explanation will become somehow easier. My biggest pet peeve is when they ask me to send copies of my grants so they can play mad libs with them, as if we weren't doing completely different projects.

Second, I probably make the same amount as many of my artist friends "who are always broke"-- the difference is that I manage my finances differently. A lot of my broke friends would not be broke if they just learned to not spend money on stuff they don't need or buy so much stuff on credit. So it's not that I have more money than other people, I just allocate my money differently when I get it.

And third, there is no "magic grant money." Like any other thing that's earned in this world. Money for your art is also earned, not thrown around to random people like a sweepstakes prize.

So my artist friends going broke but texting away on your iphone... do you need a bail out? Here it is!

NINE Cash for Clunkers Tips for Creatives going Broke who keep asking me to help them with money:

1. Run Away
If you can't get a job and your career is not going anywhere, sublet your place, give up your apartment, sell your things, and run off to an artist's retreat where you can live for free. Unfortunately, most of them don't pay you to be there or accommodate kids. If you can't get into an artist's retreat, move in with your parents and be their "loser" 30-something kid who writes screenplays in the basement. Nobody will judge you if they can't see you! Yay! You just freed up $400-1000 a month in rent!

2. Get someone to burn you a bootleg copy of The Secret and watch it over and over again until you sound possessed.
I am critical of The Secret (ie "The Unofficial Orientation Video for New Angelinos") because it does place much too much emphasis on material wealth. But hey, it's Metaphysics for Dummies! There is a critical third step to the process of the Secret that people often forget-- ACTION. So stop complaining that nobody sent you $100 after you watched The Secret and start taking action. (And taking action does asking me to lead you through the short cut to money. Because I only know the long route.)

3. Sell your car and get a bus pass.
If you really need money that badly, get over your "I need my car" bullshit and get rid of your car. Cancel your insurance. Cancel your AAA membership. Cancel your gym membership (because the city streets just turned into your gym). Yay! You just freed up $500 a month plus whatever you got for your car.

4. Find something less expensive to replace your drug habit.
Get money. Get stoned. Can't remember where your money went. Get money. Get stoned. Can't remember where your money went. Why do broke people still have money for pot? Here's a suggestion of how to get high instead. Put on a Bob Marley cd, then run around really fast backwards in the hot sun without water, then try to recite poetry, then get a friend to say "whoa, that's brilliant" at every line. Yay! You just freed up $50-300 a month.

5. Don't be a bottom feeder.
If you ever done movie background work, you've probably met "background lifers." The people who only talk about doing extra work and getting more extra work, and yet, still think this will lead to something bigger. If you get too obsessed with the stones lining the walkway, you'll never get to see the inside of the house. Sometimes the "hunting and gathering" way of the artist life prevents us from thinking about the big picture. So think from the top down. Think beyond survival.

6. Drop your $$$ scene study class and take creative classes at TeAda Camp instead. I'm teaching and am a student in at TeAda's summer camp for adults that's super affordable for creative people who want to expand their skillset on a budget. You can take classes in movement, voice, acting, improv, yoga and writing for as low as $10 a class. They are drop-in classes so you don't have to commit to months and months of training. The classes are cheap as hell and a good alternative to that overpriced overhyped stuff offered all over LA. Yay! You just freed up $200-400 a month (depending on what pyramid scheme acting school you were previously enrolled in.)

7. Kick the deadbeat to the curb. (Several times in the head if necessary.)
Are you in a shitty relationship and giving the guy/girl money/ free rent/ food on top of it? Say good- bye! This one is especially for my creative lady friends who are with men who can't take care of themselves and freeload off your generosity. You deserve a partner who can take care of him or herself and therefore, can support you when you need it. You are not a rescuer. You are not a social worker. You will find better. I've kicked a few deadbeats to the curb myself and never looked back. Yay! You've just freed up 200 lbs of dead weight!

8. Manage your money between several different checking accounts.
If you are an artist working for yourself, the worst financial thing you can do is pile up all your income into one checking account. You should not pay your rent and your director out of the same account. You should not deposit your big grant check in the same account that you pay for food. I recommend two accounts-- a business account and personal account. And have two separate credit cards for business and personal expenses.

Figure out what your personal budget is each month to live. This amount should be your salary and every month write yourself a check from the business account to the personal account in this amount. Even if this means you have several checking accounts with a $0 balance, you will at least get into the habit of managing your money and treating the work you do as a professional.

Ideally, you should have several accounts. (This is something I am still trying to organize in my own life.) You should have a business account, a personal account, an education account (for paying for things to further your learning and growth), a splurge account, an investments fund. There are other methods for breaking these accounts up. When you get money, get in the habit of dividing money in each of these accounts. Yay! You are saving towards retirement!

9. Stop buying shit.
Use the library, wear things twice, make new things out of old things. Make presents for your friends. Our economy is a mess and we're told to save money by not buying things, but the only way the economy will move is if we buy things. What gives? Run away from the need to buy stuff that can be borrowed, bartered or made! I was going to buy a VHS to DVD converter to convert my analog archives to 0's and 1's but found out there was one I could use at the SAG Foundation for free. Yay! I just saved $150!


Presents I made for my friends' kids.

There! Now stop asking me to help you get money. Or at least have a real conversation with me before you ask. I just helped you get lots of money. If you need more help, I'll be at the bus stop waiting for you to give me a ride to the next big thing!

Labels: artist life., kristina is so bitchy this week, losing my mind in los angeles, property mogul, the secret, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car, vision

I'm back in Los Angeles, which means I must face my problems.

I must deal with getting around this car-dependent city without a car.

In a few weeks, on August 14, I hit my one year mark of being a carless person in Los Angeles. That's right. A year ago, I was on the side of the road watching my pink biodiesel car disintegrate into 50 foot flames. Why it caught on fire, I'll never know. Traumatized by car ownership, I decided in that moment to see if it was possible to have a fulfilling life in Los Angeles without a car.

Yes, I can afford to buy a car. It's not an issue of money. And I have been tempted by some of the deals to lease a car. But I think of slow money drain of cars... insurance, gas, MAINTENENCE, the carbon footprint, the exhaust from a tailpipe on a hot summer day... bleh. I think of the stress of tickets, of wondering if my car will be broken into, of the nicks and dents that accumulate over time, of will I get this car off the freeway before it catches on fire.... and I much prefer thinking about the money set aside for a new car growing interest in my savings account.

Admittedly, not having a car lit a fire under my ass to tour more and leave for residencies (like the recent three week stint in Florida). Because when I wasn't in LA-- I didn't have to deal with the carless in LA thing. But now I'm home for almost three months. And I need to face the music. The bus music that is.

So far I've gotten around by bike, foot, bus, taxi, renting, borrowing, and catching rides. The biggest struggles are the mental hurdles of the Valley. Burbank and Glendale send shivers down my spine. Pomona? FORGET IT!

But I vowed to maintain a good quality of life and find ways to get around despite not owning a two ton car. I did an 8-week project in the Valley and got up and back every week without owning a car. I've also gotten myself to and from the airport, dated (yes, this cat lady gets hers), and moved across town without actually owning a vehicle.

I never even got to chronicle how freaking hard it was to move to Silverlake without a car. Just doing things like getting boxes to move was such an episode. I moved boxes over by hitching rides across town and borrowing my cousin's car. This difficulty was compounded by the fact that I had to sort through 8+ years of stuff in the move which wasn't very well organized to begin with. You know all those boxes you shove away deep in your closet to deal with "one day"? Yep, the month of June was that "one day." Moving became a full-time job last month. Here in Silverlake, I'm still surrounded by boxes. But for the most part, I'm home.



I'm still trying to decide if I'm better as a carless person in Silverlake than in West LA.

The cons of being carless in Silverlake vs carless in West LA.
1. My bank is US Bank and there isn't one for MILES. In West LA it was a 15 minute walk. I am holding on to checks now and have no idea when I can deposit them. I'm trying to look at what trips I have scheduled this week in other neighborhoods, and my bank is not near any of those locales either. The post office is far too. Does Silverlake even have a post office? Because I've had to walk to Echo Park or Los Feliz. And it's such an epic walk. And lots of whistles from truck drivers (and other cars) the whole way.

2. It's SO FREAKING HOT here in the summer. Like really really disgustingly hot. No West LA breeze out here. When I got back from my walk today there was steam coming out from my shorts.

3. The nearest grocery stores are carnicerias, and most conveniently, the 7-11. Not that I don't mind carnicerias (In my West LA carlessness I'd buy fresh produce off of produce trucks) but a few weeks ago when I was buying ingredients for lumpia, some of the produce was actually rotten on the shelves! Major grocery chains are over one mile away. I guess I can use delivery in a pinch or catch rides.

4. I still don't know how I feel about having so many neighbors who were born into this echelon of cool. If there are two American Apparels in walking distance of your home, what does this say? I walked into one today. Rags with zippers. Clothes for women without nipples. Are you working out or doing a kiddy porn? I don't get American Apparel. It's shit I could sew with my beginning sewing skills. And the biggest crime of all-- they are selling gold pleather scrunchies for $6! Who is falling for this? My neighbors are. Apparently.

5. Still getting used to the available bus lines. There is a bus that goes to my place in West LA (the 704/ 4) which is going to be the major bus line I'll use. I miss lines like the Santa Monica 10 which went straight from West LA on the freeway to downtown! So unbelievably convenient. And fast!

6. A little too hilly for my Toys R Us bike. I'm going to need to get a better bike to ride around here.

7. No Zipcar (Zipcrap?) carshare out here. So if I need a last minute car, I need to figure out someone to borrow one from, or rent one for the day. I am closer to the $6.99 rent-a-car now.

Pros of Carlessness in Silverlake vs Carlessness in West LA.
1. It is nice though strange to live in a walking neighborhood with people my age. It's pathetic folks, but Silverlake and Echo Park is the closest that LA will get to having a taste of Brooklyn.

2. Because there are people here and so much walking culture, I can actually start taking advantage of Happy Hour deals. And there are quite a few...

3. The streets are my gymnasium. The hills and extra walking is great for giving me hipster bony legs so that I too can wear $40 American Apparel leggings with pre-cut holes in them (wtf?!).

4. New stuff to look at and explore. I've definitely spent time in Silverlake before but living here is a whole new angle at LA living. I feel like I'm starting all over in Hollywood again, but in a good fresh start way. I never realized it until now, but it does matter where you live. All my friends are much more receptive to hanging out now that I live in the same neighborhood. And my manager was like, "Good! Now you can be closer to your audience." So weird.



One thing that I'm still trying to get over is the cabin fever of carlessness. I always worked at home, but even if I used the car less than once every few days, at least I left the house. I haven't left the house as much since going carless. It's also a testament to the economy. Auditions and productions have slowed WAY down for everyone. And I hate to admit it, but a lot of venues that have presented me in the past are at risk of closing down because of budget cuts, which has reduced how much I tour. So now I'm left at home trying to keep busy and get things going here... which means... trying to also figure out how to get around.

The most overwhelming part of being carless is the mental hurdle. Oh my god! It's impossible to get around! You miss out on so much! It's such a pain to have no car. But it can be done. There are plenty people in this town who don't have cars and thrive. And I want to be one of them.

I guess while I have had to tighten up in the recession, not having a car has given me a lot of financial breathing space. I filled out a survey today about artists in the recession and while I've lost gigs, I haven't fallen into debt or lost my home. If I still had that money suck vegetable oil car, it might be a different story.

I opened a "vacation fund" at B of A today. I used the money from the yard sale and will keep purging and put the money in there. They have a deal where you open a checking acct and make a few transactions and they give you $75. Then I'm thinking of moving that money into a Capital One Savings acct where I can get a slightly higher interest rate and get airline miles for the money that's there each month. Then I will move it into a CD. Then one day, I'll go on vacation! Yay!

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I couldn't take it. I broke down and got a car.

It's a rental. I'm still not ready to OWN a car. Owning a car still nauseates me. Having an extra 2 tons of weight (or however the heck much a car weighs) to insure, fuel, repair, park and take care of... only to watch it burst into flames on the 405-- no thanks. Yesterday while driving it, my heart stopped for a half second as I heard the all too familiar sound of a fire truck on the freeway and had to pull over so it could pass and reach a car on the side of the road.

I am only renting it until I leave town for April's Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month (ie. Kristina's "Asian Pacific Islander Nervous Breakdown Month"). Sadly, while a lot is going on in April, it still pales in comparison to some of my past awesome API Heritage months where I worked so much, that if the whole year was made of API Heritage Months, I'd be able to buy a small foreclosed house in Lancaster all on my own.

I'm renting this car from my friend's father. It's the extra car in their family. A 1997 Ford Taurus with 125K miles on it. They are giving me an amazing deal to use it these next few weeks. And I have a lot of driving to get in this month, including a short one day gig in the San Diego area. So I figured it was cheaper to rent a car from them and use it all month, than pay the equivalent amount to get a Zipcrap car for four days.

It's a beater all right. It has a cracked windshield, big dents on the sides and for some reason, the body of the car is mostly tan but the front of the car and one of the rearview mirrors is navy blue-- like two cars got fused together. But is is safer and drives much better than my Mercedes ever did.

It's kinda of mindblowing to think, "Malibu! Crenshaw! Pasadena! I can drive anywhere! At anytime!" It's oddly freeing to just know I have a car nearby and can conduct trips with dozens of impromptu stops if necessary. That I can drag heavy crap around if I really wanted.

But I definitely got sad as I was driving this rental. When I used to drive Harold (the pink vegetable oil car), I used to get awed looks, smiles and honks from other drivers and I'd be all cute and wink back at people and slowly (because Harold was slow) peel off like the pretend badass that I was. I felt like a counter-culture Los Angeles car celebrity (because I WAS thank you very much).

So as I drove around yesterday in this ridiculous two-toned Ford Taurus, and got looks, my first instinct was to wink back. But oh, I realized quickly... the looks weren't because I was driving an awesome pink car that ran on vegetable oil with WONGSTA vanity plates... it was because I was driving a two-toned Ford Taurus.

WAAAAAHHH!!!! I can't believe I have a luxury car driving ego! I used to never care about what kind of car I drove until Harold. I think this two-toned Ford Taurus, coupled with my age (and feeling very aware of how other people my age have big life markers like stock options, houses and families), and the ailing economy-- they all make this beater rental car very humbling to my ego.

When I was a kid, my dad always insisted in keeping his car in immaculate condition because he would have to see clients in his car. I never understood why people cared what kind of car you drove. I always figured that as long as you got there, they should be happy to work with you. And at that, people never really see you pull up in your car. They see you minutes after you park it.

But now I get what car ego is. Because I even caught myself pricing out old Porches in the classifieds-- I have been sneaking peaks at the classified looking for a sturdy and RELIABLE car that has the same beautiful irony as me owning a pink Mercedes.

I began to think of places where I used to love rolling up in Harold, and how I'd actually be embarrassed to show up at the same places in this two-toned Ford Taurus beater. I used to love rolling up in Harold outside the theaters I played in, at the CBS lot, in front of groups of cute boys. Even if things in my life were shitty, at least I could drive around in this stupid fancy looking pink car and create the awesome illusion of an eco-conscious rock star.

So imagine me yesterday, so humbled by this beater rental that I had to repeat this mantra to myself over and over as I drove this Tan and Navy monster down the 10: "I am not the car I drive. My self worth is not the car I drive. I am more than the car I drive."

WAAAAAAHHH!!! Now I have to rely on my personality and smarts to intrigue people-- WTF is that shit?!?

I realize, that me having a car ego may seem odd to you considering that I've been a car-less bag lady on the bus for the last six months. But there was a great temporary joy in saying, "Hey! I have no car! And this car-less thing is my great social experiment. Aren't I awesomely indie? This is all research for a show!"

(What show? When? Can't tell you. But! yes! There will be a show!)

This car thing is really beginning to resemble two things. My (non-existent)love life. And my relationship with Los Angeles. Two things that are tied so much to my emotional health and ego.

Just like how I am not owning a car right now, I also am not sure what to do with my (non-existent) love life or my residence in Los Angeles. Like owning a car, both love and Los Angeles are becoming elusive and unharness-able pains in my ass. And I'm feeling more and more like living without all of it for a good long time. I want to wander about the underground, letting the chaos of love and Los Angeles collapse on themselves, and I will emerge free and escape to New York where there's quick love after every long island iced tea and a train going somewhere that runs at any hour of the night.




Blah blah blah. My neck hurts from riding my bike. I'm going to lie down now.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Argh! How did Zipcar manage to ruin my Sunday?

I've had an hour and half to calm down (that's how long it took me to WALK home from the Zipcar lot, when I should have been driving away from it-- oh yes) but really, I managed to interact with the customer service automaton from hell.

I just got a two hour massage treatment at the Korean spa (aaahhhh....) Saturday and I managed to practically throw all the benefits of it in reverse in one really bad interaction with their customer service.

I really wanted to adore Zipcar, to love them. What a great concept. That people who didn't drive all the time could share cars and not worry about gas, insurance, or repairs which are all included in the rental price. This could be the future of car ownership! In fact at one point I wanted to invest in some shares of Zipcar (but alas, they are not publicly traded).

What I have liked about my experience is that ZIPCAR, when their cars work it can be super convenient. I was able to make an interview at KPFK in North Hollywood last minute. I also have been able to rent their cars for a couple hours to do drop offs at a theater. It also has been a good "stand-by" option in my carless life (going on FIVE months now! Can you believe it?) so that I know if I really needed a car, I could just go grab one and not feel mentally constricted by carlessness.

But I have some beefs to share about their car-sharing service. And I hope they are reading. Because they won't survive if they don't improve. It's tough love as Sharon Osbourne said to Courtenay during Rock of Love Charm School.

WHAT SUCKS ASS ABOUT ZIPCAR

1. The customer accountability is often lousy. Their drivers treat their cars like shit. I often have to throw out trash left in the cars by other drivers. (Though once, another driver left .73 cents in change in the coin holder. I claimed it thank you very much.)

2. Sometimes the cars have hubcaps missing or expired tags. (Though, to their credit, if you report these kinds of things, you are not held liable.)

3. Zipcar makes sense for "driving days." If you want to pick up your friend from Chino and bring her back to your place, with no stops in between, it's a good value. But if you need to to go to Burbank to go watch a two hour play and then go home. It's not worth renting the car for the two hours its parked at the theater.

4. In Los Angeles, most of the lots are around USC or UCLA. For me, this is still a 2.5 mile walk or bus ride. And if you don't know either of those campuses to a T, I sure hope you don't ever have to roam the bridge to nowhere (like I did today) to figure it out where your car is.

5. There aren't enough cars available. Especially if you need to rent a car last minute or for a 24 hour period. This is especially the case on the weekends when if you want a car last minute, you may not get one. Or you may have to rent the slightly more expensive ones, which tend to be the only cars left for 24 hours on the weekend.

6. One Zipcar customer service people will humiliate, repeat unnecessary information, give erroneous directions, and effectively waste your morning.


I am on this plan where they charge me $50 in credit every month to use their service and for that I get 10% off my rentals. If I don't use it, I lose it. I actually just cancelled that plan because I'm finding that I'm doing ok in this town without a car and the way I get about town, I can probably go without a car a couple months at a time. I also leave town so much that I won't get a chance to use Zipcar EVERY month.

I decided to rent a car on Sunday because I had to use to the credit before it expired. But also, I wanted to do what I used to do when I had a car... have a wonderful Sunday where I go to Agape, then go to the Farmer's market-- two simple things that refresh my week. I haven't been able to do that since my car exploded because it takes 3 hours to get to and from Agape by bus, meaning I have to choose between Agape or the Farmer's Market.

Anyway, so the only cars left on Sunday morning to reserve were the Mini Coopers, which were more expensive. I was like, "ok, whatever, I'll pay an extra $30 and take it, or I'll lose this credit." I reserve it around 5am, and because the buses run so infrequently to Westwood that early in the morning, I decide to take a morning walk (2.5 miles) to Westwood to pick up the car.

When I get to the car, I open it with my universal card, the car is filthy on the outside btw, and the key fob inside is missing. Someone had ripped it off from where it was supposed to be hanging (all the cars open with a universal key and the car keys to start the car are hanging under the steering column). Service at Agape was starting in a few minutes. I call customer service and I get this guy who initially is very accommodating. He thinks he's doing my a favor initially to change my reservation down an hour, but I keep telling him, "I'm missing the engagement that I'm supposed to be at now, the whole reason I am renting this car... and this was the only day to use this credit."

Unfortunately, the only other options are to get refunded for my rental, or be moved to another car. I have to push him to offer me a $25 credit for the inconvenience of having to switch cars and be late.

And he says what he says during the duration of the call, it was like he was robotically programmed in a conflict resolution class.

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."


So basically, we resolve that he'll move me to another car... but it's .78 miles away (mind you, I've already walked 2.5 miles to Westwood) and he gives me the streets where this other car is, and I don't recognize these streets because they are streets on the campus... or so I think... He does not offer any landmarks or street numbers, he just tells me to go SOUTH on Hilgard, when my instincts say North. But not wanting to walk .78 miles in the wrong direction, I follow his.

Anyway, long story short, we spend a good 20 minutes, if not more, with me going up and down the same four blocks. I easily walked the equivalent of a mile, with him on the phone giving me bad directions, harping on me to look for streets that don't exist. It was so confusing, he'd tell me, "Walk towards Wilshire, and you should run into Westholme." I'd tell him, "Look, you are giving me the wrong directions, I am pretty sure Lot 2 is somewhere on the campus, not in Westwood Village." And he'd reply, "Go south on Hilgard to the fork in the road."

Their customer service is in Oklahoma and they have no idea where things are. They can only read off what they see on a map. I keep insisting that it's north, but he keeps telling me to go south (btw, my instincts were right, Lot 2 is on campus), and I'm tired, hungry, exhausted, and annoyed that I am missing Agape so that I can pick up an expensive rental that I don't need because I am missing the event that I am supposed to go to with the car.

He puts me on hold, not to try to look up clearer directions, but to figure out how to cancel my car use and extend my credit for another time, not even telling me that this is what I'm doing and to stop walking in the wrong direction for a second. I had already explained that I was leaving town for a month from the 17th to the 17th and he gets back on the phone saying, "We can extend if for two weeks." And I explain that I will be gone til Feb 17th, and he says, "You didn't say that." Then he puts me on hold, gets back on the phone and says, "I can extend it 30 days from now." I explain, "I just told you I am going to be gone until Feb 17." And he says, "You didn't say that."

At this point, I'm really tired, just want to go home and go back to bed. Its 7:30am on Sunday, and I've been looking for a non-existent campus parking lot SOUTH of Wilshire. I accept to take the credit extension to March 1. I did want it extended longer, since I am barely in town Feb. I tell him how upset I am that he had given me directions that were absolutely wrong insisting that they were right and how unsatisfied I was with this whole situation, that I missed the one event the car rental would have served, that I had Zipcar credit in Feb that I probably still had no use for, that I was walking up and down the same four block following bad directions, and that a lot of this was aggravated by the customer service person himself who was not listening to me.

Then he starts to repeat the bad directions he gave me, even though it wasn't necessary because I wasn't planning to rent the car anymore. And suddenly he has information that would have been helpful earlier. He names off nearby street number names, building landmarks... I asked, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? I was right, you were leading me in the wrong direction." And he said, "I told you all this from the beginning"-- in a tone that was "I told you so" and also an outright lie.

What was more aggravating is he kept repeating the lines he'd been taught to begin every sentence with...

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."

I finally said, "You aren't apologetic! You are trained to say that!"

Then he started to repeat the bad directions he gave me. I ended up hanging up on him. It was all so unnecessarily humiliating to be walking up and down the block like that looking for non-existent streets. I was so upset at that point I was tearing when I hung up from being talked down to. I walked home. 2.5 miles. I was able to stop at the Farmer's Market to get a tamale.

And that's my zipcrap story. I look forward to that not ever happening again.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I'm in SF now, and want to tell you about my experiences with $6.99 rent-a-car. Or as I call it... "No free lunch rent-a-car."

Last Sunday, being the social butterfly that I am, I found myself with invites to five events all over town on one day, and all but a bus pass to get me from Culver City to Santa Monica to Glendale, etc. Seemed like I had full license to treat myself to a car rental!

Only problem was, to take out the Zipcar (my carshare service) for the day would be $72. Yikes! Yes, it would include all gas, insurance, and 180 miles. And the car would be very new and very safe. But that's a lot of money for 24 hours of wheels! Perhaps this was a situation to try out a less expensive rental.

I heard about 699 rent-a-car from an actor who also lives without a car. The thing is it works for her because she lives in Hollywood where their lot is located. And they actually do pick-ups within a three mile radius. She told me that sometimes their cars are missing radios or aren't the prettiest. I've found three reviews for the place online. One is appreciative of the cheap rental cars. Two are condemning and report things like cars that break down, overheat, are missing registration stickers, and bad service.

I figured it was worth the "lets see what I'll get for $6.99" adventure. I had to leave the house half an hour earlier to take the 704 to Hollywood and then walk up past a bunch of homeless trannies on La Brea to get there.

When I get there, the office was not so bad. It's like a graphic designer's office. There's one guy working there. Kind of your typical, aspiring Hollywood actor at his day job thing. The wait was a little annoying. Especially since I had already been on the bus forever to get there, and when I pick up my Zipcar, there is no wait nor paperwork... I just wave my card and jump in. Most other car rental places you don't have to wait because there are so many people on staff. I ask another guy waiting for his car if he's tried it before and he hasn't and is nervous and excited to see what repo'd car delight he will get for $6.99. According to the site, $6.99 will get you something like a "Kio Rio Grande or similar."

"Or similar" is the operative term.

When it's my turn, I have my choice of two cars to rent: One with a broken horn or one with no wipers. I didn't think it would rain, so I choose the one with no wipers. After all, it doesn't rain in LA.

The car is a teal green two door, Mitsubishi Galant. The damage is noticeable. There is a three foot crack in the windshield, dents all over the front and back bumper, happy meal stickers all over the back walls, and a big bird shit on the top of the car. Also, it smells like someone ate several fast food meals in there with the windows closed and farted a lot.

Oh yeah, and it's not quite $6.99 either. It's $6.99 plus .19 cents per mile OR $16.99 which includes 100 miles. And then I have to pay $13 for the liability insurance. Luckily, my credit card covers collision on all rentals (this is important to know if you ever rent-a-car). So already, $6.99 rent-a-car has turned into $30 rent-a-car.

The people waiting for their cars have stories of other cheap car rentals they've done. This one woman tells me that at Rent-a-Wreck, her wheels were shredding on the way back to the lot. I wonder if it's worth the risk to rent so cheap.

As I leave the lot, I say to the people in the waiting room: "Ok, I hope I live to return this car."

The car drives ok. I am getting a lot of flashbacks of Harold breaking down as I drive this car which send moments of panic. The locks are flimsy and I'd never leave valuables in this car if I owned it. The gas pedal is sticky and doesn't press down easily and takes a couple of firm presses to get it down. Also, the dome light in the car doesn't work nor does the whole dash panel light up at night which makes it really hard to read directions.

It's definitely a beater. But it works. And in 24 hours I hit all these parties I've been invited to, and run a crapload of errands including buying Oliver a big bag of Science Hill Diet cat food. Even though he has half a bag left of this holistic food, I have been having anxiety that I wouldn't be able to replenish his supply by the time he runs out and that I'd be forced to buy him some subpar cat food which he would refuse to eat, thus causing him to starve to death.

This anxiety/transportation anticipation is something I've been dealing with a lot since my car caught on fire in August. I keep freaking out about not being able to do all these "theoretical" moments that will transpire in the future.

As I drove that crap rental, with it's cracked windshield and weird smells, I missed owning a car for this convenience. I feel like I've been more housebound since the car left. I forgot how much faster the car is. How much more ground in much less time can be covered in a car.

The next morning it rained. And guess what? I picked the rental with the busted wipers. Luckily, they worked enough to move the rain out of the way and it stopped raining by the time I got on the freeway.

When I returned the car, turns out I went over 100 miles! I drove 138 miles and at .45 cent per mile over the 100 miles, my bill came to $49. With the gas I put in, my rental was about $57.

I was so peeved. I screamed "Merry Christmas!!!" at the guy working there in a tone that mixed angst and merriment.

The crazy thing is if I had lived near the lot, that was easily 15 miles that I would have not have driven for the pick up and return. Just the driving to the lot is what made the bill so much.

I had to take the bus all the way back to West LA from the rental place. By my math, I saved $15 from not using Zipcar. But I might as well have rented the Zipcar because the Zipcars are closer, would not have taken as much time to pick up and return, and the are safer. Also, if I took the Zipcar for a carwash in that 24 hours, and mailed them my receipt, I would have been credited back an hour of driving.

Argh. And now I know.

I've been doing research and I could have rented a car from the Enterprise in my neighborhood and it would have come out to the same amount of less since their cars allow for unlimited driving.

Returning any rental car is always a little stressful. Zipcars can be stressful to return because there is absolutely no grace period and if you are late it starts charging you $50/hour automatically. There may be someone waiting in the lot to use the car next, so you MUST return it on time. In traffic this can be really stressful to do this to the minute.

I'm still trying to figure out this carless living stuff. I insist in making this work until next August (making it a solid year of carlessness/ martrydom) It is nice to be able to leave town and have 10,000 pounds less I don't have to worry about in LA. And when people talk about their car accidents and their breaks blowing out and needing replacement... I definitely don't miss owning a car.

*********************

Though, for the first time in my adult life last week, I've feeling a little bit ashamed that I don't own a car. And at that, that I don't own a fancy showoff car like I once did in Harold. It hit me when for some godawful reason I was watching TMZ (the gossip show on TV). The TMZ Paparazzi followed MadTV's Bobby Lee as he was waiting for the valet to return his car. The paparazzi were all shocked that even though Bobby Lee was on TV for seven years, that he drives an old Toyota covered with bumper stickers. The paparazzi said of his car, "Must be the hard economic times."

That or a slow day in the news.

If the paparazzi ever bothered to follow performance artists, they'd be horrified to see me at the bus stop laden down with my newspapers and multiple totebags, but still... looking cute as all hell.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I'm in Seattle in a cute little coffee house in the I District. The weather is like the worst of San Francisco all day long. But seeing a real winter with falling leaves has it's charm. I only know winters in LA because the City puts up holiday decorations on Wilshire and there is a temporary ice skating rink in Santa Monica.

I got in yesterday and I've been staying with my composer friend Byron who helped me find a tv set so we could watch a "Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins.

It was feminist research.

After two seasons of Tila Tequila, just when you didn't think it couldn't get worse, the folks at MTV looked under the bottom of the barrel and found two obscure import models who are both "bisexual." They are quite homely looking and uninteresting. But they are much more convincing at being bisexual than Tila Tequila was.

We ended up watching the show at my friend Howard's boyfriend's place. It was so funny to watch the show with three gay men. They really got into it and were commenting on the selection of straight men as if they were the Ikki twins.

There's much more critical theory I can go into about reality dating tv shows. But I won't.

I randomly got a comment today on an old and really personal blog entry I made over two years ago, back when I was in a relationship (that was actually disintegrating partly because my career "blowing up"-- at least that's what I'd like to think had happened.... ). That was a weird blog entry to reread. I can't believe I put it out there. Oh well. So it goes.

And now two years later, I still find myself in somewhat of the same boat. Still traveling the country, alone, coming home to the cat. Except, I'm married to myself. Which (somehow) helped ease the feelings of being crazy when I'm on the road alone. It was a hard life to get used to but time has made me slightly more resigned to this roaming the country with my art as being a way of life.

Just ten years ago I hated being alone. I didn't know what to do myself if dropped off in a new place to explore. And now, it's a marvelous way of living. I guess.

I am weary of traveling alone as a single Asian woman in other parts of the world. Safety is a huge concern. As is feeling marked by my body. I went to Europe in college and the incessant screams of "Konichiwa!" in the street were enough to make me punch someone's lights out.

I'd like to pow-wow with other single women artists of color my age who make a living doing creative work and have to travel so much to make a living. Are we the revolutionaries of our generation? Or the new spinsters?

Speaking of unmarried spinsterism, I am actually hanging out with my friend Wes Kim tonight and spinning yarn with his wife after dinner on her spinning wheel. It's all I've been looking forward to about coming to Seattle all year.

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #7

I also realize I have not blogged about being carless in a while. So here is the update.

The good. The bus means I've actually been reading the newspaper instead of letting them pile up in the house still bound. And I've been reading books! My mind has been wandering back to a more creative space now that I don't have to stare at the ass of a car in traffic for hours on end. I also have a lot more money at the end of each month which I blow on booze.

There are some downers about it. Like, I was offered a free month of acting classes, except they were in Burbank which is a pain to get to, especially at night-- do I rent a car just to go to that class? Or do I just pay for classes that are in my area for the equivalent amount? There are also tight time frames that I can't do. I used to have this ritual on Sunday of going to the Farmer's Market, getting a tamale, and then going to church, and maybe after going for Ethiopian food after. But I can only choose one of the three. It's also trickier to do a lot of errands, even if they are along the bus route home. Like I can't just jump off the bus, do the errand, and get back on like it's the subway in NY. I'd have to buy a day pass and be prepared to wait and wait and wait at the stop and only do errands where I won't have to pick up things that are super heavy.

The quirks. The poop pee vomit smell on some of the buses is no fun, nor is the more eclectic company of homeless people I wait at the stops with. Though it is interesting to see how long some of them can sustain conversations with themselves.

I've been researching backpacks with wheels to make things easier on my back when I have things like a laptop and stuff to lug around. This is admittedly a baby step towards becoming a total bag lady. Though I think I've already gotten there in the shopping cart that I keep padlocked to my balcony.

Byron is also turning me on to getting an electric bike. That way I can get up hills and do long distances easier without having to get a special license or scooter insurance. The issue is... electric bikes are around $1400! Bleh.

I still haven't quite figured out the safest way out of downtown at night. The other night I went to visit my manager in Downtown LA and even though it was only 8pm when I left, it was kinda sheisty out. I insisted on waiting for the 720 which is a half block from his office, but when these homeless people started screaming at each other, he walked me to Pershing Square to get home, so that I wouldn't be waiting at the 720 stop like a big target. He's actually quite supportive of me going carless and excited about this new show I'm (supposed to be) working on about LA carlessness because he's from NY. I thought when my car caught on fire that he'd be like, "You need to get a car! How are you going to take meetings in this town without a car?" But he seems to sympathize with my car trauma. Though he does say I'm being "really hardcore" to go so long without a car.

I still have car owner phobia. It's a good time now to buy a new car because nobody is buying cars plus car dealers are desperately trying to meet end of year quotas. But I'd so much rather put that money into a house or my friend's restaurant. And even the idea of having to buy new tires or get an oil change sends shivers of post-traumatic Harold stress down my back.

I have dreams about owning cars. At least twice I've had dreams about owning a smart car (those little two seaters). Harold (my old veg oil car) has shown up in a couple dreams too. I also had a dream that my grandpa was driving me around because I had no car.

I met someone the other day who owns a vegetable oil car. She said her car was doing fine. I felt so alone in my veggie-car-on-fire sadness. How come I seem to be the only one whose car caught on fire after thousands of dollars in repairs? Why me?! Why?!

I think this new carless show will be a love story/ story about an abusive relationship. The automobile that betrayed me. The ones that call me back to own them. And how I fight his beckon call to instead, travel about the world on my own two feet (and bus pass). Smelling like someone else's vomit.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, hollywood wong, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

Jenny Shimizu, I'm waiting for you.... At the bus stop...

Being carless has its perks. Right now at this very moment, it doesn't. I'm cabin feverish, as I've been all week. Too lazy to jump on a bike and to skiddish to call someone to take me out. I'm at a stalemate at my computer. But even if I did have a car, where would I go? I have to wake up early tomorrow to try on bridesmaid dresses in Torrance. And a shit-ton of work to do for this show. Oh man, this show! I got a little scared again today about it. I'll still tour this show for another few months after this Los Angeles run. Heck, I'll tour it as long as there is interest. But my life is changing and there are new shows to make.

I'm ready to move onto "not as political or fix-the-world-esque" stuff. Will there be a market for me? Will I survive this economy?

Where is my bootleg copy of The Secret when I need it?

But time to share more carless adventures. This past Tuesday night, my friend suggested we take advantage of the free drinks at this DVD release party for "Itty Bitty Titty Committee"-- it's like the hot new lesbian indie film. But more importantly-- free drinks! And I was getting a ride over.

I think I've mentioned it before, but my lesbian dreamboatess is Jenny Shimizu, former Calvin Klein model and ex-lover of Angelina Jolie. Yum yum.

We've met twice before. The first time was at a small apartment party in Koreatown where as soon as I saw her, I started screaming excitedly in her face that she was Jenny Shimizu (don't tell me that I don't have game). And another time was at this transgender beauty pageant where she was one of the judges (and while taking a photo, I managed to poke Chay in the eyes in my excitement).

So after tossing down drinks, I see her. Across the bar. I started jumping up and down and my friend and this Korean gal we just met there were like, "We're just going to tell her about your show!"

"No! What if she hates me!?!" I screamed. But they push me towards her anyway.

So there we were on the floor. All I can stutter out to Jenny Shimizu is: "We've met before! At that lesbian party! You know, of that lesbain couple, in Koreatown. I forget their names. They were together, but then they broke up? They have dogs? You know who I'm talking about?"

Nevermind that I basically described every lesbian in Los Angeles....



All we got were these blurry photos from my Crackberry. Gosh I can't wait to get my nice camera back and start taking nice pictures again!

So I'm following Jenny all over the bar with a Long Island in one hand, when our new Korean lady friend was like, "Do you want to go to the Seventh Veil now?"

For those not in the know, the Seventh Veil is a strip club on Sunset Blvd.

***
The last time I went to a strip club was in 2002. Back then, I was scraping by in my fledgling artist career and saw this coupon in the LA Weekly for free admission to this strip club within walking distance of my apartment. What really caught my eye was the advertisement for "Free Buffet Lunch."

Free Admission? Free lunch? Yay! Free food AND feminist research! An artist's dream come true. I had to check out what a buffet at a strip club would be-- chicken wings covered in cigarette butts? Salad that smelled like ass? And what would it be like to eat lunch with a shaking crotch over my plate?

Feminist Research.

It wasn't totally free-- $6 for a "drink ticket." But still... free food... and yes... feminist research. It was funny to walk down Bundy to this little strip club (the Silver Reign) that I'd always noticed behind Staples and never thought to go to. When I got in there it was so dark. I could barely see the dancers. They were blurs of boob and ass. The buffet sat on a little card table in the corner. It was cheese pasta in sternos, salad from a bag, and sliced bread-- the meal of champions!

I sat in the corner with my then boyfriend's best friend who came with me because he wanted a free meal too. We hunched over our baked ziti, trying to look very involved with our food, avoiding eye contact with the dancers so that we wouldn't have to pay for lapdances or tip (as we were pretty much out of money at that point).

It was really surprising how many guys there were there. After all, the sun was out.

The dancers were quite taken by my presence as the only (not naked) girl there. They kept coming over, shaking my hand, letting their hands trail against my leg. All the while, I would just nod politely and stuff myself with pasta and send them on their way to circle the club to find someone who could tip them.

Anyway, so this last Tuesday, filled with free drinks, I am in the backseat of our new friend's car on my way to the Seventh Veil. And my friend is with me back there. I had to go. After all, this was feminist research! Plus, what else was I going to do? Take the bus home?

$20 to get in! And I got another $20 broken into ones. It was exciting though to actually be able to tip the girls instead of hide from them. But... Is it me? Or are strip clubs passe? Aren't we completely desensitized to stripper-esque nudity in this day and age? It's not that interesting to see a girl in her bikini anymore. Or even a naked girl. I can look at that at home for free.

But we played up the part of saucy strip club patrons. I tucked bills into G-strings and played the role of the music video jerk guy. Raising the roof and letting these dancers do insane, yet totally numbing stuff like stick their boobies in my face.

All that ass in my face got so dull. Very quickly. And the guys who arrived alone and who weren't tipping were pissing me off.

Still tipsy, I turned to my friend and kept asking, "What's going on? How the heck did we end up in a strip club with a lesbian on a Tuesday night?"

Ah yes, I remember now. I have no car. And this is how I'm getting a ride home.

And in another moment I thought to myself: "Nudity is so boring. Maybe I should work here if my touring dries up. Sure I just turned 30, but I still got it. It would be... feminist research! Like Diablo Cody's early years!"

One of the girls asked us if we wanted a dance. Still inebriated, I found myself educating her about her labor rights.

KW: Do you pay a stage fee to work here?
Dancer: Yeah, we have to pay a portion of what we make.
KW: Just so you know, I had a friend who was a dancer in San Francisco, and she was able to successfully sue the clubs she danced at for back wages. Because it is illegal to have to pay to work.
D: Well we make a lot, so...
KW: It is illegal for you to have to pay to work! They already make $20 at the door. And they shouldn't take more of your wages when you are inside. Waiters don't have to pay to wait tables! So you shouldn't have to pay to work here. You really should check out the Sex Workers Outreach Project here in Los Angeles. It's your money and you have the right to it!
D: (Quiet, then...) Well, let me know if you want a dance.

That's right folks. I was organizing that club from the inside!

I think the unfortunate difference about dancers in LA (versus somewhere like San Francisco) is that it is probably a lot harder for dancers to organize. And I also wonder if there is less interest. In the "Live Nude Girls Unite" documentary about how San Francisco dancers formed the first exotic dancers union -- most of those women were Women's Studies majors, artists, super educated and very activist oriented. There seemed to be a whole pride and identity around being a "sex worker" in San Francisco that there might not be in Los Angeles. I feel like in LA, it's a lot of aspiring actors working the pole who are trying to get in and out of that business while they can.

Anyway, for my mother who is probably totally horrified as she reads this: I do not plan to pursue being a stripper. In order to protect the Wong Family name, I will find another way of collecting feminist research. I'm sure there is a massage parlor somewhere that could use my help.

Yes, folks, the carless life has meant a new life of debauchery-- booze, lesbians, and strippers. Oh yeah, and labor organizing. Do not judge me. It's feminist research. I swear.

Labels: feminist research, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Another scene from Cat Lady.

Part of switching to a low car diet, means living in neighborhoods that are compact and have everything you need within walking distance. This is why most New Yorkers and folks in San Francisco can go without cars. CNN featured this website called walkscore.com which basically takes your address and rates how good a walking neighborhood it is on a scale of 0 to 100 based on what things are in walking distance from your home.

Seinfeld's neighborhood in Manhattan is a 100 because it is within walking distance to theaters, groceries, bookstores, libraries, gyms, churches, schools, bars and all the things you need access to in order to have a good life.

Turns out my neighborhood in West LA is an 88! And the neighborhood I grew up in, in San Francisco is a 55 because that neighborhood is actually very far from commerce. Though San Francisco overall ranks as a more friendly city to walk in than New York!

My guess is that most neighborhoods in Los Angeles along the 10 freeway rank pretty high. Because if you think about it, there really is a major boulevard with lots of commerce and business on every corner.

So why aren't more people walking here? Why do people drive all the way to Vermont Ave or the Santa Monica Promenade to walk? Why not walk just outside your door? Why don't we shop at the carneceria around the corner and instead drive across town to go to Trader Joes? Why don't we get drunk at the bar four blocks away but trek to Roosterfish in Venice instead? Why do we drive to the Barnes and Nobles at Westside Pavilion instead of checking out a book at the local library?

It's interesting to think that I pretty much never have to leave my neighborhood in Los Angeles to get the bare basics of living. In the seven years (!) I've lived in my apartment, I have yet to go to the Oaxacan restaurant up the block or the bar that I found out on Walkscore is only four blocks away.

The thing with Los Angeles, is that "community" is not really defined by where you live. There have been times that I identified more with the citizens of Koreatown because I was spending so much time there. There were times I've felt more identified with the Little Tokyo community because I was doing so much work down there and that's where I'd meet up with friends.

Who will be my community be without a car? Where are you? Let's push our shopping carts down to the Jewish Grocery store together!

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Anyone want to drive this classy lady around?

So far, so free on the car free front. My camera is unfortunately in my friend Cindy's car (she picked me up from the tow yard). So I only have this picture from Cat Lady as the only visual hook to this blog entry which is about the money I have left in my pocket.

The Economic Perks of being Car Free, Thus Far.

Renting out the carport!
Score! I found a renter for my carport. $90 a month to do nothing but give parking to someone. That's $1080 over the course of the year. I actually think, now that I look around on Craigslist that I could have gotten up to $125 a month, but no matter. I'll gouge the next one that comes along.

REFUNDS! and Things I don't have to buy anymore.
So I didn't have insurance to cover the car loss when it caught on fire, I did get a refund on my car insurance that I wont' be using for the five months ahead ($390) and it looks like like I can get a refund from the DMV on my car registration ($90) and I won't be renewing my AAA membership this year ($78).

From the time I've been carless on August 14, this is what my transportation expenses have been...

$150 to set up a a Zip Car Membership ($25 for application, $50 for annual membership, $75 for optional $0 deductible insurance)
$10 in gas money for Marie Reine
$10 in taxi on drunken night with Greg
$10 approx in bus fare.

TOTAL $180.

This is not bad considering that I won't have to pay ZipCar again unless I actually use their cars. I may actually spend as little as $100 a month to get around if I really use my bike and public transpo to get around and no cabs. And that's pretty much what I'll be getting to rent out the carport. Woo hoo!

The Approximate Numbers: My attempt at Math....
According to some sites I've been looking at, the average car owner spends $7000 a year to own their car. I'm pretty sure my old Vegetable oil car cost me a lot more than that. I think this $7000/year estimate is old (from 2004) and the cost to drive has gone up with gas prices. So let's say, that it is actually $8000 a year to drive with current gas prices.

If I use a Zip Car one full day a week for four times each month ($264), budget public transpo at $3 a day for all other days of the week since I don't ride every day($75), money for gas/ parking chip-in ($30), taxis for drunken nights ($60), meals for nice friends with cars who drive me around ($30), and bike maintenance ($15).

My monthly transpo budget is at-- $474 a month

Multiply this by 12 months (and mind you, I'm on tour so much that there are months I won't even be spending anything on transpo)-- $5688

Add the yearly Flex Car membership and insurance-- $125

Subtract the amount I get from renting the carport-- $1080

TOTAL to transport me around town-- $4733

Savings (against $8000 estimate a year to own a car)-- $3267

Does this math sound right? It doesn't actually seem super significant a savings considering the headache of figuring getting myself around. I actually think I save a lot more since I'm not around all the time and work from home and don't even use the bus or won't always need the Flex Car. Oh yes, and I won't be having THAT many drunken nights that I need to cab around town. So my guess is that my savings might be something closer to $4000 a year, if not more.

OTHER PERKS OF THE CAR FREE LIFE
* I've been reading books on the bus! Yeah! Remember those?

* I have been taking notes about bus riding and have already been talking up "The Bus Show" with a really big LA Theater presenter... this very well could be a show!

* Needing to get around means I'm spending more time reaching out to friends. With cars, and without.

* I'm making new friends who don't have cars! Like my friend Narinda who blogged about me.


THE JOYS OF THE SUBWAY
I found myself in Downtown LA Sunday morning and needed to get to Koreatown. I had no idea that the subway (yes, there is a subway in Los Angeles) would get me there so quickly. It was exciting. Like I'd discovered some secret Los Angeles portal.

I've taken the subway here before, but had no idea how convenient it was. All these new stations opening! And there is nobody to check your ticket!

The Honor System? In Los Angeles?!

My friend Soo Jin and I went to Sunset Junction to see what the big freaking deal was with that annual summer Silverlake Street Fair. Basically, it was a sham. $20 to see bands I've not heard of. So we tried to recuperate the admission cost by amassing condom samples, free lightbulb samples, and beer samples. Someone bought our wristbands from us for $10 when we left, and we were happy for the rebate.

It was a fun weekend. We took the subway to get to Sunset Junction (avoiding a lot of parking headaches), and then took a bus to see the 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors show. After the show, the guys from 18MMW gave a shout out to Herbert of Culture Clash and then to ME! I was so honored. I didn't do anything but show up.

And then I got a ride home from a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He gave me some real estate advice on the ride home. That's what has been nice about riding home with people, we actually get to talk outside a computer screen!

According to my friend Jay who drove me home, we got another year or two before the real estate market bottoms out!

I'm ready. I'm on the path to saving up for my first down payment on a house in my car free life and I'm going to invest what I have already until this market hits the pits.

Home ownership... here I come! Watch out Malibu! I'm coming for your foreclosed beach house! (By bus... at least....)

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Did you know that not only are there children in Los Angeles, but seniors, and people who use wheelchairs to get around? Yes! It's true! I see them on the bus!

On the bus today there was an older woman with a big suitcase she couldn't get onto the bus. She screamed, "Help! Help!" And this younger guy got out of his seat to help her carry it on. She was so thankful and kept thanking him. He smiled back. And it was the sweetest interaction I remember seeing between two strangers in this city in a long time. I mean, when was the last time you saw strangers helping each other in LA who weren't expecting to be tipped?

So far, so good on the car free front. The bus has been good to me. My friends generously offer me rides when they can. And my friend Yen is loaning me her folding bike, so I have an easy-to-collapse bike option.

As I was filing old receipts, I cringed at all the auto bills from the last few months. I hate that car! There was easily a mortgage on a house in the desert in that car. Gone! No more investments that depreciate in value! Car Free! Here I come! For sure!

I have had weird anxiety dreams the last few nights about traveling. Last night, I had a dream that I was trying to get from Salt Lake City to Columbus, OH and couldn't find a direct flight to save my life. In the dream I had to drive to Bozeman, Montana to get a flight that could get me to another city in Ohio. And the whole time there was a guy screaming that I would never be able to get to Columbus on a direct flight. Never! He kept screaming in my dream.

I had a meeting at TeAda today about my show in one month. That's right! Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest hits Southern California for NINE SHOWS September 19- October 5! (By the way, the tickets are on sale NOW.)

I was telling the TeAda staff about my new life without the car:

"Last week I was a high class lady driving a fancy pink Mercedes down Rodeo Dr. And this week, I'm pushing a shopping cart filled with kitty litter past the homeless people on Santa Monica Blvd and sitting next to men who wear feces stained coveralls on the bus. Between that, my stimulus check, and the $40 coupon from the government to get a digital converter for my TV-- I feel like a senior citizen on welfare. How fast I fall!"

(insert their laughter)

I know, I'm being dramatic. And it has been pointed out to me many times since last week, I am fortunate that making the decision to be a car-less citizen of Los Angeles is my choice, not an economics obligation.

But I can't help but feel like a second class citizen of the city as I wait at these bus stops all vulnerable to the big noisy cars vrooming past me. Sitting with other quite-average-for-LA -standards people who many Angelinos forget also live and work in our city. It's been great to get some reading done, to send emails from my blackberry, and to get a few blocks of walking in here and there-- but I still feel very disoriented in my new identity as a car free citizen in this city.

I was on a big bicycling kick three years ago (remember when I did the AIDS Ride?) and left my car parked quite often. But there is part of me that feels invisible/ lost/ disabled without a big machine in my carport with my name on it-- literally.

Though, I did kinda flip out today when I realized how much this car loss has hit my bank balance. The car loss was conveniently timed after all these expensive repairs, my return from an unpaid 6 week residency in Florida, and a long summer with virtually no shows dates scheduled. Lest my readers forget, this artist must survive in the same economy as you! I'm actually looking forward to the school year starting-- schools shows! I need you!

Perhaps its a great thing that the car imploded. Because at this rate, it would take down every last cent I had.

By the way, I was just approved for the Zipcar carshare service yesterday. So I will have an option for a lo-cost rental car with free gas should I so desperately need a car in the next year. If you are interested in signing up, let me know, I can send you an email that will allow me to get $50 in driving credit!

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Last night, my friend Greg came by to comfort me in my new car free existence. Greg is a dancer/ performer and doesn't even have a driver's license. Yet he performs all over town, parties and does all sorts of stuff in Los Angeles with no car. I think this car free life will mean I will be entertaining more around the apartment, as people will have to come to me more than I am able to come to them. I cooked fish for us and we drank wine.

Already, being car free has reintroduced alcohol into my life. I had two glasses of wine before my audition yesterday, in fact. It feels very New York to me to be able to drink at all hours like this and not worry about how I will DRIVE myself home or leave the house to go out. This is also why I had decided I couldn't be a permanent New Yorker-- because three Long Island Iced Teas a night and drunk dialing my parents from my Brooklyn sublet is funny for a week, but not a way of life.

We watched my UCLA commencement speech on DVD. It just arrived in the mail. I had a hard time watching myself on the DVD. Did you guys know that I have the strangest voice in the world? Where did the Midwestern thing in my voice come from? From growing up in San Francisco? The edit of my speech looks great except the sound source from my mic doesn't match evenly with the non-mic'd reaction of the audience--- so it almost seems as if all my jokes are landing flat. I swear there was laughter that day! I swear! It doesn't help that when the cut goes to the graduates in the audience, that they just wave to the camera and smile instead of looking extremely involved with my amazing speech.

Greg and I took the bus to the Promenade (only .75 cents each!) and walked to Venice to go to the Roosterfish (the local gay bar). Greg taught me how to pack for these night ventures sans car. No packing a purse or wallet, instead, just the basics were carried in his pocket-- cash, credit card, ID. And I put my phone in my pocket.

We were walking and walking and walking to get to Venice. At one point I screamed out, "I don't know why, but I feel homeless right now!" It was kind of unreal (mostly because I was tipsy) to experience so much Los Angeles by foot for function, not leisure. I felt like such an outsider with no big machine to go back to at the end of the night when I walked by all the obnoxious frat people on Main St. This car free thing is making me feel like a college freshman all over again. Like I'm rediscovering the world for the first time, from a new and more vulnerable space.

I was such the enabler at the Roosterfish thanks to the two long islands. At one point, I demanded reparations from a cluster of men, and got $2 from them. I put the money into my underpants and later handed the bills to Greg to pay our tab. I also kissed a couple of the gay men. Neither of us seemed to really enjoy it, but it was funny and that's what matters. And at one point, this one guy told me to feel his boyfriend's package from outside his pants. And who was I to say no?

A few times I'd spot two men talking together and scream, "Give him a kiss! Give him a kiss!" And the response more often than not was, "Sweetie, we've already fucked like ten times."

At one point I had a huge cluster of men around me adoring me and hugging me for being so awesome (apparently, I was hilarious). Despite their love, I kept demanding reparations from them in one dollar bill increments. This one guy who is a hotshot hairdresser offered to cut my hair for free in my kitchen. And outside, Greg was nursing some guy who kept punching his fist against the wall because he was mad that his boyfriend was flirting with other men.

Me and Greg took a cab home (it is possible to hail a cab in LA, btw). We stopped up the block from my apartment for the world's worst tacos and managed to freak out the cooks without trying to freak out-- we were just trying to order. I woke up in the morning on the living room floor and "The Room" DVD was playing on the TV. I crawled to bed. Greg was passed out on my couch with his hand in his underpants.

What is the point of this story? To show you that not having a car in Los Angeles is bringing out new kinds of social depravity I never knew I was capable of at my age.


Today was my first Saturday being car free. I put little flyers up on my neighbors' doors telling them I was car free and renting out my carport for $90 a month. That's right! I now have some valuable real estate on my hands. If someone rents it... that's $1080 a year! Enough for 108 Long Island Ice Teas at a mid-scale bar. If nobody uses the carport, I will set it up with a hammock and read poetry.

It also took me a good two hours to psyche myself up for running errands via little black shopping cart on Santa Monica Blvd.

So there I was, pushing this shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd to go get kitty litter and toilet paper from VONS and also to check my PO box. It was getting hot. The gridlock of cars on the road is overwhelming and it feels totally vulnerable to be one of the few pedestrians walking on a big boulevard packed with moving cars. As I am dragging all my belonging in that little hand cart, I found a remarkable kinship with other Angelinos pushing shopping carts-- homeless people, Latino families, older people, and people who talk to themselves.

Did you know there are people in Los Angeles over the age of 50? Yes! You can see them if you walk along Santa Monica Blvd!

Anyway, so I'm kinda checking myself out in the reflection of all these store windows and checking out how silky my black hair is and how tight my little body is in my sundress and the cart is bumping along behind me.

I'm thinking: "Hot damn! I look good for a girl pushing a shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd! I bet I'm the hottest girl pushing a shopping cart in Los Angeles right now."

As the big wheels clunked up and down the squares of gum stained pavement, my hotness was confirmed with a nice long whistle from a homeless man crawling (on his hands and knees, no less) in the street.

That right America! I push a shopping cart filled with kitty litter and toilet paper down Santa Monica Blvd. and I look damn good doing it.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

This made the horrendous walk from the bus stop a little bit better. It took me 3 hours to get to and from an audition today. aaah...... But at least I got to read the paper?

The idea of owning a car again makes me so nauseous. I just think of my car on fire and the tally in my head yesterday: "Those tires-- $200, there goes the hose I just replaced-- $240, oh and $40 in fuel... and... and ... and....")

I think I am going to actually go car- free in Los Angeles. Or... try this at least.

Lemons from Lemonade. Folks have been quite encouraging today over Facebook that I somehow turn this into a show. How the hell am I going to get to the theater?

I'm going to blog about my new car free existence with the above title... "Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles."

I kinda wish I was car free last year when I was on tour most of the time and didn't need to be paying for an unused car parked in my carport. But this is how the world works... not timed in our favor.

I've been running down my options for getting around: Flex car, bus, bike, walk, borrow friend's car, catch rides, car service and taxi. I have a rather large headache thinking about how I will manage those monster days when I have appointments in the Valley, then Hollywood, then Downtown back home. How I will watch theater shows out in the Valley, then go grocery shopping after, then stop by to see a friend for coffee.

It's a little daunting to take on. I started to have what I like to think of as "crazy people thoughts" (and yes, these differ from thoughts I have on a day-to-day basis).

These are some of the "crazy people thoughts" I had today when considering my car-free life ahead of me.

1. "Maybe I should start dating someone who can give me rides around town."
2. "Maybe I should date a guy with no job and a car who can live here with me in the apartment and can drive me around town when I need a ride."
3. "Maybe I should have never broken it off with ____ from so many years ago. I could have used his car right now."


No matter. I just have to do it. I'm going to try it for at least a month. Maybe if I am really good at this car free stuff, I can do it for the next four months until I leave on tour again.

And my friend Greg who is also car-less is coming over to keep me company. He left like 3 hours ago to get here by bus. And is not here yet. Oh boy.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles