I couldn't take it. I broke down and got a car.

It's a rental. I'm still not ready to OWN a car. Owning a car still nauseates me. Having an extra 2 tons of weight (or however the heck much a car weighs) to insure, fuel, repair, park and take care of... only to watch it burst into flames on the 405-- no thanks. Yesterday while driving it, my heart stopped for a half second as I heard the all too familiar sound of a fire truck on the freeway and had to pull over so it could pass and reach a car on the side of the road.

I am only renting it until I leave town for April's Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month (ie. Kristina's "Asian Pacific Islander Nervous Breakdown Month"). Sadly, while a lot is going on in April, it still pales in comparison to some of my past awesome API Heritage months where I worked so much, that if the whole year was made of API Heritage Months, I'd be able to buy a small foreclosed house in Lancaster all on my own.

I'm renting this car from my friend's father. It's the extra car in their family. A 1997 Ford Taurus with 125K miles on it. They are giving me an amazing deal to use it these next few weeks. And I have a lot of driving to get in this month, including a short one day gig in the San Diego area. So I figured it was cheaper to rent a car from them and use it all month, than pay the equivalent amount to get a Zipcrap car for four days.

It's a beater all right. It has a cracked windshield, big dents on the sides and for some reason, the body of the car is mostly tan but the front of the car and one of the rearview mirrors is navy blue-- like two cars got fused together. But is is safer and drives much better than my Mercedes ever did.

It's kinda of mindblowing to think, "Malibu! Crenshaw! Pasadena! I can drive anywhere! At anytime!" It's oddly freeing to just know I have a car nearby and can conduct trips with dozens of impromptu stops if necessary. That I can drag heavy crap around if I really wanted.

But I definitely got sad as I was driving this rental. When I used to drive Harold (the pink vegetable oil car), I used to get awed looks, smiles and honks from other drivers and I'd be all cute and wink back at people and slowly (because Harold was slow) peel off like the pretend badass that I was. I felt like a counter-culture Los Angeles car celebrity (because I WAS thank you very much).

So as I drove around yesterday in this ridiculous two-toned Ford Taurus, and got looks, my first instinct was to wink back. But oh, I realized quickly... the looks weren't because I was driving an awesome pink car that ran on vegetable oil with WONGSTA vanity plates... it was because I was driving a two-toned Ford Taurus.

WAAAAAHHH!!!! I can't believe I have a luxury car driving ego! I used to never care about what kind of car I drove until Harold. I think this two-toned Ford Taurus, coupled with my age (and feeling very aware of how other people my age have big life markers like stock options, houses and families), and the ailing economy-- they all make this beater rental car very humbling to my ego.

When I was a kid, my dad always insisted in keeping his car in immaculate condition because he would have to see clients in his car. I never understood why people cared what kind of car you drove. I always figured that as long as you got there, they should be happy to work with you. And at that, people never really see you pull up in your car. They see you minutes after you park it.

But now I get what car ego is. Because I even caught myself pricing out old Porches in the classifieds-- I have been sneaking peaks at the classified looking for a sturdy and RELIABLE car that has the same beautiful irony as me owning a pink Mercedes.

I began to think of places where I used to love rolling up in Harold, and how I'd actually be embarrassed to show up at the same places in this two-toned Ford Taurus beater. I used to love rolling up in Harold outside the theaters I played in, at the CBS lot, in front of groups of cute boys. Even if things in my life were shitty, at least I could drive around in this stupid fancy looking pink car and create the awesome illusion of an eco-conscious rock star.

So imagine me yesterday, so humbled by this beater rental that I had to repeat this mantra to myself over and over as I drove this Tan and Navy monster down the 10: "I am not the car I drive. My self worth is not the car I drive. I am more than the car I drive."

WAAAAAAHHH!!! Now I have to rely on my personality and smarts to intrigue people-- WTF is that shit?!?

I realize, that me having a car ego may seem odd to you considering that I've been a car-less bag lady on the bus for the last six months. But there was a great temporary joy in saying, "Hey! I have no car! And this car-less thing is my great social experiment. Aren't I awesomely indie? This is all research for a show!"

(What show? When? Can't tell you. But! yes! There will be a show!)

This car thing is really beginning to resemble two things. My (non-existent)love life. And my relationship with Los Angeles. Two things that are tied so much to my emotional health and ego.

Just like how I am not owning a car right now, I also am not sure what to do with my (non-existent) love life or my residence in Los Angeles. Like owning a car, both love and Los Angeles are becoming elusive and unharness-able pains in my ass. And I'm feeling more and more like living without all of it for a good long time. I want to wander about the underground, letting the chaos of love and Los Angeles collapse on themselves, and I will emerge free and escape to New York where there's quick love after every long island iced tea and a train going somewhere that runs at any hour of the night.




Blah blah blah. My neck hurts from riding my bike. I'm going to lie down now.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Argh! How did Zipcar manage to ruin my Sunday?

I've had an hour and half to calm down (that's how long it took me to WALK home from the Zipcar lot, when I should have been driving away from it-- oh yes) but really, I managed to interact with the customer service automaton from hell.

I just got a two hour massage treatment at the Korean spa (aaahhhh....) Saturday and I managed to practically throw all the benefits of it in reverse in one really bad interaction with their customer service.

I really wanted to adore Zipcar, to love them. What a great concept. That people who didn't drive all the time could share cars and not worry about gas, insurance, or repairs which are all included in the rental price. This could be the future of car ownership! In fact at one point I wanted to invest in some shares of Zipcar (but alas, they are not publicly traded).

What I have liked about my experience is that ZIPCAR, when their cars work it can be super convenient. I was able to make an interview at KPFK in North Hollywood last minute. I also have been able to rent their cars for a couple hours to do drop offs at a theater. It also has been a good "stand-by" option in my carless life (going on FIVE months now! Can you believe it?) so that I know if I really needed a car, I could just go grab one and not feel mentally constricted by carlessness.

But I have some beefs to share about their car-sharing service. And I hope they are reading. Because they won't survive if they don't improve. It's tough love as Sharon Osbourne said to Courtenay during Rock of Love Charm School.

WHAT SUCKS ASS ABOUT ZIPCAR

1. The customer accountability is often lousy. Their drivers treat their cars like shit. I often have to throw out trash left in the cars by other drivers. (Though once, another driver left .73 cents in change in the coin holder. I claimed it thank you very much.)

2. Sometimes the cars have hubcaps missing or expired tags. (Though, to their credit, if you report these kinds of things, you are not held liable.)

3. Zipcar makes sense for "driving days." If you want to pick up your friend from Chino and bring her back to your place, with no stops in between, it's a good value. But if you need to to go to Burbank to go watch a two hour play and then go home. It's not worth renting the car for the two hours its parked at the theater.

4. In Los Angeles, most of the lots are around USC or UCLA. For me, this is still a 2.5 mile walk or bus ride. And if you don't know either of those campuses to a T, I sure hope you don't ever have to roam the bridge to nowhere (like I did today) to figure it out where your car is.

5. There aren't enough cars available. Especially if you need to rent a car last minute or for a 24 hour period. This is especially the case on the weekends when if you want a car last minute, you may not get one. Or you may have to rent the slightly more expensive ones, which tend to be the only cars left for 24 hours on the weekend.

6. One Zipcar customer service people will humiliate, repeat unnecessary information, give erroneous directions, and effectively waste your morning.


I am on this plan where they charge me $50 in credit every month to use their service and for that I get 10% off my rentals. If I don't use it, I lose it. I actually just cancelled that plan because I'm finding that I'm doing ok in this town without a car and the way I get about town, I can probably go without a car a couple months at a time. I also leave town so much that I won't get a chance to use Zipcar EVERY month.

I decided to rent a car on Sunday because I had to use to the credit before it expired. But also, I wanted to do what I used to do when I had a car... have a wonderful Sunday where I go to Agape, then go to the Farmer's market-- two simple things that refresh my week. I haven't been able to do that since my car exploded because it takes 3 hours to get to and from Agape by bus, meaning I have to choose between Agape or the Farmer's Market.

Anyway, so the only cars left on Sunday morning to reserve were the Mini Coopers, which were more expensive. I was like, "ok, whatever, I'll pay an extra $30 and take it, or I'll lose this credit." I reserve it around 5am, and because the buses run so infrequently to Westwood that early in the morning, I decide to take a morning walk (2.5 miles) to Westwood to pick up the car.

When I get to the car, I open it with my universal card, the car is filthy on the outside btw, and the key fob inside is missing. Someone had ripped it off from where it was supposed to be hanging (all the cars open with a universal key and the car keys to start the car are hanging under the steering column). Service at Agape was starting in a few minutes. I call customer service and I get this guy who initially is very accommodating. He thinks he's doing my a favor initially to change my reservation down an hour, but I keep telling him, "I'm missing the engagement that I'm supposed to be at now, the whole reason I am renting this car... and this was the only day to use this credit."

Unfortunately, the only other options are to get refunded for my rental, or be moved to another car. I have to push him to offer me a $25 credit for the inconvenience of having to switch cars and be late.

And he says what he says during the duration of the call, it was like he was robotically programmed in a conflict resolution class.

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."


So basically, we resolve that he'll move me to another car... but it's .78 miles away (mind you, I've already walked 2.5 miles to Westwood) and he gives me the streets where this other car is, and I don't recognize these streets because they are streets on the campus... or so I think... He does not offer any landmarks or street numbers, he just tells me to go SOUTH on Hilgard, when my instincts say North. But not wanting to walk .78 miles in the wrong direction, I follow his.

Anyway, long story short, we spend a good 20 minutes, if not more, with me going up and down the same four blocks. I easily walked the equivalent of a mile, with him on the phone giving me bad directions, harping on me to look for streets that don't exist. It was so confusing, he'd tell me, "Walk towards Wilshire, and you should run into Westholme." I'd tell him, "Look, you are giving me the wrong directions, I am pretty sure Lot 2 is somewhere on the campus, not in Westwood Village." And he'd reply, "Go south on Hilgard to the fork in the road."

Their customer service is in Oklahoma and they have no idea where things are. They can only read off what they see on a map. I keep insisting that it's north, but he keeps telling me to go south (btw, my instincts were right, Lot 2 is on campus), and I'm tired, hungry, exhausted, and annoyed that I am missing Agape so that I can pick up an expensive rental that I don't need because I am missing the event that I am supposed to go to with the car.

He puts me on hold, not to try to look up clearer directions, but to figure out how to cancel my car use and extend my credit for another time, not even telling me that this is what I'm doing and to stop walking in the wrong direction for a second. I had already explained that I was leaving town for a month from the 17th to the 17th and he gets back on the phone saying, "We can extend if for two weeks." And I explain that I will be gone til Feb 17th, and he says, "You didn't say that." Then he puts me on hold, gets back on the phone and says, "I can extend it 30 days from now." I explain, "I just told you I am going to be gone until Feb 17." And he says, "You didn't say that."

At this point, I'm really tired, just want to go home and go back to bed. Its 7:30am on Sunday, and I've been looking for a non-existent campus parking lot SOUTH of Wilshire. I accept to take the credit extension to March 1. I did want it extended longer, since I am barely in town Feb. I tell him how upset I am that he had given me directions that were absolutely wrong insisting that they were right and how unsatisfied I was with this whole situation, that I missed the one event the car rental would have served, that I had Zipcar credit in Feb that I probably still had no use for, that I was walking up and down the same four block following bad directions, and that a lot of this was aggravated by the customer service person himself who was not listening to me.

Then he starts to repeat the bad directions he gave me, even though it wasn't necessary because I wasn't planning to rent the car anymore. And suddenly he has information that would have been helpful earlier. He names off nearby street number names, building landmarks... I asked, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? I was right, you were leading me in the wrong direction." And he said, "I told you all this from the beginning"-- in a tone that was "I told you so" and also an outright lie.

What was more aggravating is he kept repeating the lines he'd been taught to begin every sentence with...

"And I apologize for that..."

"And I understand that..."

I finally said, "You aren't apologetic! You are trained to say that!"

Then he started to repeat the bad directions he gave me. I ended up hanging up on him. It was all so unnecessarily humiliating to be walking up and down the block like that looking for non-existent streets. I was so upset at that point I was tearing when I hung up from being talked down to. I walked home. 2.5 miles. I was able to stop at the Farmer's Market to get a tamale.

And that's my zipcrap story. I look forward to that not ever happening again.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I'm in SF now, and want to tell you about my experiences with $6.99 rent-a-car. Or as I call it... "No free lunch rent-a-car."

Last Sunday, being the social butterfly that I am, I found myself with invites to five events all over town on one day, and all but a bus pass to get me from Culver City to Santa Monica to Glendale, etc. Seemed like I had full license to treat myself to a car rental!

Only problem was, to take out the Zipcar (my carshare service) for the day would be $72. Yikes! Yes, it would include all gas, insurance, and 180 miles. And the car would be very new and very safe. But that's a lot of money for 24 hours of wheels! Perhaps this was a situation to try out a less expensive rental.

I heard about 699 rent-a-car from an actor who also lives without a car. The thing is it works for her because she lives in Hollywood where their lot is located. And they actually do pick-ups within a three mile radius. She told me that sometimes their cars are missing radios or aren't the prettiest. I've found three reviews for the place online. One is appreciative of the cheap rental cars. Two are condemning and report things like cars that break down, overheat, are missing registration stickers, and bad service.

I figured it was worth the "lets see what I'll get for $6.99" adventure. I had to leave the house half an hour earlier to take the 704 to Hollywood and then walk up past a bunch of homeless trannies on La Brea to get there.

When I get there, the office was not so bad. It's like a graphic designer's office. There's one guy working there. Kind of your typical, aspiring Hollywood actor at his day job thing. The wait was a little annoying. Especially since I had already been on the bus forever to get there, and when I pick up my Zipcar, there is no wait nor paperwork... I just wave my card and jump in. Most other car rental places you don't have to wait because there are so many people on staff. I ask another guy waiting for his car if he's tried it before and he hasn't and is nervous and excited to see what repo'd car delight he will get for $6.99. According to the site, $6.99 will get you something like a "Kio Rio Grande or similar."

"Or similar" is the operative term.

When it's my turn, I have my choice of two cars to rent: One with a broken horn or one with no wipers. I didn't think it would rain, so I choose the one with no wipers. After all, it doesn't rain in LA.

The car is a teal green two door, Mitsubishi Galant. The damage is noticeable. There is a three foot crack in the windshield, dents all over the front and back bumper, happy meal stickers all over the back walls, and a big bird shit on the top of the car. Also, it smells like someone ate several fast food meals in there with the windows closed and farted a lot.

Oh yeah, and it's not quite $6.99 either. It's $6.99 plus .19 cents per mile OR $16.99 which includes 100 miles. And then I have to pay $13 for the liability insurance. Luckily, my credit card covers collision on all rentals (this is important to know if you ever rent-a-car). So already, $6.99 rent-a-car has turned into $30 rent-a-car.

The people waiting for their cars have stories of other cheap car rentals they've done. This one woman tells me that at Rent-a-Wreck, her wheels were shredding on the way back to the lot. I wonder if it's worth the risk to rent so cheap.

As I leave the lot, I say to the people in the waiting room: "Ok, I hope I live to return this car."

The car drives ok. I am getting a lot of flashbacks of Harold breaking down as I drive this car which send moments of panic. The locks are flimsy and I'd never leave valuables in this car if I owned it. The gas pedal is sticky and doesn't press down easily and takes a couple of firm presses to get it down. Also, the dome light in the car doesn't work nor does the whole dash panel light up at night which makes it really hard to read directions.

It's definitely a beater. But it works. And in 24 hours I hit all these parties I've been invited to, and run a crapload of errands including buying Oliver a big bag of Science Hill Diet cat food. Even though he has half a bag left of this holistic food, I have been having anxiety that I wouldn't be able to replenish his supply by the time he runs out and that I'd be forced to buy him some subpar cat food which he would refuse to eat, thus causing him to starve to death.

This anxiety/transportation anticipation is something I've been dealing with a lot since my car caught on fire in August. I keep freaking out about not being able to do all these "theoretical" moments that will transpire in the future.

As I drove that crap rental, with it's cracked windshield and weird smells, I missed owning a car for this convenience. I feel like I've been more housebound since the car left. I forgot how much faster the car is. How much more ground in much less time can be covered in a car.

The next morning it rained. And guess what? I picked the rental with the busted wipers. Luckily, they worked enough to move the rain out of the way and it stopped raining by the time I got on the freeway.

When I returned the car, turns out I went over 100 miles! I drove 138 miles and at .45 cent per mile over the 100 miles, my bill came to $49. With the gas I put in, my rental was about $57.

I was so peeved. I screamed "Merry Christmas!!!" at the guy working there in a tone that mixed angst and merriment.

The crazy thing is if I had lived near the lot, that was easily 15 miles that I would have not have driven for the pick up and return. Just the driving to the lot is what made the bill so much.

I had to take the bus all the way back to West LA from the rental place. By my math, I saved $15 from not using Zipcar. But I might as well have rented the Zipcar because the Zipcars are closer, would not have taken as much time to pick up and return, and the are safer. Also, if I took the Zipcar for a carwash in that 24 hours, and mailed them my receipt, I would have been credited back an hour of driving.

Argh. And now I know.

I've been doing research and I could have rented a car from the Enterprise in my neighborhood and it would have come out to the same amount of less since their cars allow for unlimited driving.

Returning any rental car is always a little stressful. Zipcars can be stressful to return because there is absolutely no grace period and if you are late it starts charging you $50/hour automatically. There may be someone waiting in the lot to use the car next, so you MUST return it on time. In traffic this can be really stressful to do this to the minute.

I'm still trying to figure out this carless living stuff. I insist in making this work until next August (making it a solid year of carlessness/ martrydom) It is nice to be able to leave town and have 10,000 pounds less I don't have to worry about in LA. And when people talk about their car accidents and their breaks blowing out and needing replacement... I definitely don't miss owning a car.

*********************

Though, for the first time in my adult life last week, I've feeling a little bit ashamed that I don't own a car. And at that, that I don't own a fancy showoff car like I once did in Harold. It hit me when for some godawful reason I was watching TMZ (the gossip show on TV). The TMZ Paparazzi followed MadTV's Bobby Lee as he was waiting for the valet to return his car. The paparazzi were all shocked that even though Bobby Lee was on TV for seven years, that he drives an old Toyota covered with bumper stickers. The paparazzi said of his car, "Must be the hard economic times."

That or a slow day in the news.

If the paparazzi ever bothered to follow performance artists, they'd be horrified to see me at the bus stop laden down with my newspapers and multiple totebags, but still... looking cute as all hell.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

I'm in Seattle in a cute little coffee house in the I District. The weather is like the worst of San Francisco all day long. But seeing a real winter with falling leaves has it's charm. I only know winters in LA because the City puts up holiday decorations on Wilshire and there is a temporary ice skating rink in Santa Monica.

I got in yesterday and I've been staying with my composer friend Byron who helped me find a tv set so we could watch a "Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins.

It was feminist research.

After two seasons of Tila Tequila, just when you didn't think it couldn't get worse, the folks at MTV looked under the bottom of the barrel and found two obscure import models who are both "bisexual." They are quite homely looking and uninteresting. But they are much more convincing at being bisexual than Tila Tequila was.

We ended up watching the show at my friend Howard's boyfriend's place. It was so funny to watch the show with three gay men. They really got into it and were commenting on the selection of straight men as if they were the Ikki twins.

There's much more critical theory I can go into about reality dating tv shows. But I won't.

I randomly got a comment today on an old and really personal blog entry I made over two years ago, back when I was in a relationship (that was actually disintegrating partly because my career "blowing up"-- at least that's what I'd like to think had happened.... ). That was a weird blog entry to reread. I can't believe I put it out there. Oh well. So it goes.

And now two years later, I still find myself in somewhat of the same boat. Still traveling the country, alone, coming home to the cat. Except, I'm married to myself. Which (somehow) helped ease the feelings of being crazy when I'm on the road alone. It was a hard life to get used to but time has made me slightly more resigned to this roaming the country with my art as being a way of life.

Just ten years ago I hated being alone. I didn't know what to do myself if dropped off in a new place to explore. And now, it's a marvelous way of living. I guess.

I am weary of traveling alone as a single Asian woman in other parts of the world. Safety is a huge concern. As is feeling marked by my body. I went to Europe in college and the incessant screams of "Konichiwa!" in the street were enough to make me punch someone's lights out.

I'd like to pow-wow with other single women artists of color my age who make a living doing creative work and have to travel so much to make a living. Are we the revolutionaries of our generation? Or the new spinsters?

Speaking of unmarried spinsterism, I am actually hanging out with my friend Wes Kim tonight and spinning yarn with his wife after dinner on her spinning wheel. It's all I've been looking forward to about coming to Seattle all year.

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #7

I also realize I have not blogged about being carless in a while. So here is the update.

The good. The bus means I've actually been reading the newspaper instead of letting them pile up in the house still bound. And I've been reading books! My mind has been wandering back to a more creative space now that I don't have to stare at the ass of a car in traffic for hours on end. I also have a lot more money at the end of each month which I blow on booze.

There are some downers about it. Like, I was offered a free month of acting classes, except they were in Burbank which is a pain to get to, especially at night-- do I rent a car just to go to that class? Or do I just pay for classes that are in my area for the equivalent amount? There are also tight time frames that I can't do. I used to have this ritual on Sunday of going to the Farmer's Market, getting a tamale, and then going to church, and maybe after going for Ethiopian food after. But I can only choose one of the three. It's also trickier to do a lot of errands, even if they are along the bus route home. Like I can't just jump off the bus, do the errand, and get back on like it's the subway in NY. I'd have to buy a day pass and be prepared to wait and wait and wait at the stop and only do errands where I won't have to pick up things that are super heavy.

The quirks. The poop pee vomit smell on some of the buses is no fun, nor is the more eclectic company of homeless people I wait at the stops with. Though it is interesting to see how long some of them can sustain conversations with themselves.

I've been researching backpacks with wheels to make things easier on my back when I have things like a laptop and stuff to lug around. This is admittedly a baby step towards becoming a total bag lady. Though I think I've already gotten there in the shopping cart that I keep padlocked to my balcony.

Byron is also turning me on to getting an electric bike. That way I can get up hills and do long distances easier without having to get a special license or scooter insurance. The issue is... electric bikes are around $1400! Bleh.

I still haven't quite figured out the safest way out of downtown at night. The other night I went to visit my manager in Downtown LA and even though it was only 8pm when I left, it was kinda sheisty out. I insisted on waiting for the 720 which is a half block from his office, but when these homeless people started screaming at each other, he walked me to Pershing Square to get home, so that I wouldn't be waiting at the 720 stop like a big target. He's actually quite supportive of me going carless and excited about this new show I'm (supposed to be) working on about LA carlessness because he's from NY. I thought when my car caught on fire that he'd be like, "You need to get a car! How are you going to take meetings in this town without a car?" But he seems to sympathize with my car trauma. Though he does say I'm being "really hardcore" to go so long without a car.

I still have car owner phobia. It's a good time now to buy a new car because nobody is buying cars plus car dealers are desperately trying to meet end of year quotas. But I'd so much rather put that money into a house or my friend's restaurant. And even the idea of having to buy new tires or get an oil change sends shivers of post-traumatic Harold stress down my back.

I have dreams about owning cars. At least twice I've had dreams about owning a smart car (those little two seaters). Harold (my old veg oil car) has shown up in a couple dreams too. I also had a dream that my grandpa was driving me around because I had no car.

I met someone the other day who owns a vegetable oil car. She said her car was doing fine. I felt so alone in my veggie-car-on-fire sadness. How come I seem to be the only one whose car caught on fire after thousands of dollars in repairs? Why me?! Why?!

I think this new carless show will be a love story/ story about an abusive relationship. The automobile that betrayed me. The ones that call me back to own them. And how I fight his beckon call to instead, travel about the world on my own two feet (and bus pass). Smelling like someone else's vomit.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, hollywood wong, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

Jenny Shimizu, I'm waiting for you.... At the bus stop...

Being carless has its perks. Right now at this very moment, it doesn't. I'm cabin feverish, as I've been all week. Too lazy to jump on a bike and to skiddish to call someone to take me out. I'm at a stalemate at my computer. But even if I did have a car, where would I go? I have to wake up early tomorrow to try on bridesmaid dresses in Torrance. And a shit-ton of work to do for this show. Oh man, this show! I got a little scared again today about it. I'll still tour this show for another few months after this Los Angeles run. Heck, I'll tour it as long as there is interest. But my life is changing and there are new shows to make.

I'm ready to move onto "not as political or fix-the-world-esque" stuff. Will there be a market for me? Will I survive this economy?

Where is my bootleg copy of The Secret when I need it?

But time to share more carless adventures. This past Tuesday night, my friend suggested we take advantage of the free drinks at this DVD release party for "Itty Bitty Titty Committee"-- it's like the hot new lesbian indie film. But more importantly-- free drinks! And I was getting a ride over.

I think I've mentioned it before, but my lesbian dreamboatess is Jenny Shimizu, former Calvin Klein model and ex-lover of Angelina Jolie. Yum yum.

We've met twice before. The first time was at a small apartment party in Koreatown where as soon as I saw her, I started screaming excitedly in her face that she was Jenny Shimizu (don't tell me that I don't have game). And another time was at this transgender beauty pageant where she was one of the judges (and while taking a photo, I managed to poke Chay in the eyes in my excitement).

So after tossing down drinks, I see her. Across the bar. I started jumping up and down and my friend and this Korean gal we just met there were like, "We're just going to tell her about your show!"

"No! What if she hates me!?!" I screamed. But they push me towards her anyway.

So there we were on the floor. All I can stutter out to Jenny Shimizu is: "We've met before! At that lesbian party! You know, of that lesbain couple, in Koreatown. I forget their names. They were together, but then they broke up? They have dogs? You know who I'm talking about?"

Nevermind that I basically described every lesbian in Los Angeles....



All we got were these blurry photos from my Crackberry. Gosh I can't wait to get my nice camera back and start taking nice pictures again!

So I'm following Jenny all over the bar with a Long Island in one hand, when our new Korean lady friend was like, "Do you want to go to the Seventh Veil now?"

For those not in the know, the Seventh Veil is a strip club on Sunset Blvd.

***
The last time I went to a strip club was in 2002. Back then, I was scraping by in my fledgling artist career and saw this coupon in the LA Weekly for free admission to this strip club within walking distance of my apartment. What really caught my eye was the advertisement for "Free Buffet Lunch."

Free Admission? Free lunch? Yay! Free food AND feminist research! An artist's dream come true. I had to check out what a buffet at a strip club would be-- chicken wings covered in cigarette butts? Salad that smelled like ass? And what would it be like to eat lunch with a shaking crotch over my plate?

Feminist Research.

It wasn't totally free-- $6 for a "drink ticket." But still... free food... and yes... feminist research. It was funny to walk down Bundy to this little strip club (the Silver Reign) that I'd always noticed behind Staples and never thought to go to. When I got in there it was so dark. I could barely see the dancers. They were blurs of boob and ass. The buffet sat on a little card table in the corner. It was cheese pasta in sternos, salad from a bag, and sliced bread-- the meal of champions!

I sat in the corner with my then boyfriend's best friend who came with me because he wanted a free meal too. We hunched over our baked ziti, trying to look very involved with our food, avoiding eye contact with the dancers so that we wouldn't have to pay for lapdances or tip (as we were pretty much out of money at that point).

It was really surprising how many guys there were there. After all, the sun was out.

The dancers were quite taken by my presence as the only (not naked) girl there. They kept coming over, shaking my hand, letting their hands trail against my leg. All the while, I would just nod politely and stuff myself with pasta and send them on their way to circle the club to find someone who could tip them.

Anyway, so this last Tuesday, filled with free drinks, I am in the backseat of our new friend's car on my way to the Seventh Veil. And my friend is with me back there. I had to go. After all, this was feminist research! Plus, what else was I going to do? Take the bus home?

$20 to get in! And I got another $20 broken into ones. It was exciting though to actually be able to tip the girls instead of hide from them. But... Is it me? Or are strip clubs passe? Aren't we completely desensitized to stripper-esque nudity in this day and age? It's not that interesting to see a girl in her bikini anymore. Or even a naked girl. I can look at that at home for free.

But we played up the part of saucy strip club patrons. I tucked bills into G-strings and played the role of the music video jerk guy. Raising the roof and letting these dancers do insane, yet totally numbing stuff like stick their boobies in my face.

All that ass in my face got so dull. Very quickly. And the guys who arrived alone and who weren't tipping were pissing me off.

Still tipsy, I turned to my friend and kept asking, "What's going on? How the heck did we end up in a strip club with a lesbian on a Tuesday night?"

Ah yes, I remember now. I have no car. And this is how I'm getting a ride home.

And in another moment I thought to myself: "Nudity is so boring. Maybe I should work here if my touring dries up. Sure I just turned 30, but I still got it. It would be... feminist research! Like Diablo Cody's early years!"

One of the girls asked us if we wanted a dance. Still inebriated, I found myself educating her about her labor rights.

KW: Do you pay a stage fee to work here?
Dancer: Yeah, we have to pay a portion of what we make.
KW: Just so you know, I had a friend who was a dancer in San Francisco, and she was able to successfully sue the clubs she danced at for back wages. Because it is illegal to have to pay to work.
D: Well we make a lot, so...
KW: It is illegal for you to have to pay to work! They already make $20 at the door. And they shouldn't take more of your wages when you are inside. Waiters don't have to pay to wait tables! So you shouldn't have to pay to work here. You really should check out the Sex Workers Outreach Project here in Los Angeles. It's your money and you have the right to it!
D: (Quiet, then...) Well, let me know if you want a dance.

That's right folks. I was organizing that club from the inside!

I think the unfortunate difference about dancers in LA (versus somewhere like San Francisco) is that it is probably a lot harder for dancers to organize. And I also wonder if there is less interest. In the "Live Nude Girls Unite" documentary about how San Francisco dancers formed the first exotic dancers union -- most of those women were Women's Studies majors, artists, super educated and very activist oriented. There seemed to be a whole pride and identity around being a "sex worker" in San Francisco that there might not be in Los Angeles. I feel like in LA, it's a lot of aspiring actors working the pole who are trying to get in and out of that business while they can.

Anyway, for my mother who is probably totally horrified as she reads this: I do not plan to pursue being a stripper. In order to protect the Wong Family name, I will find another way of collecting feminist research. I'm sure there is a massage parlor somewhere that could use my help.

Yes, folks, the carless life has meant a new life of debauchery-- booze, lesbians, and strippers. Oh yeah, and labor organizing. Do not judge me. It's feminist research. I swear.

Labels: feminist research, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Another scene from Cat Lady.

Part of switching to a low car diet, means living in neighborhoods that are compact and have everything you need within walking distance. This is why most New Yorkers and folks in San Francisco can go without cars. CNN featured this website called walkscore.com which basically takes your address and rates how good a walking neighborhood it is on a scale of 0 to 100 based on what things are in walking distance from your home.

Seinfeld's neighborhood in Manhattan is a 100 because it is within walking distance to theaters, groceries, bookstores, libraries, gyms, churches, schools, bars and all the things you need access to in order to have a good life.

Turns out my neighborhood in West LA is an 88! And the neighborhood I grew up in, in San Francisco is a 55 because that neighborhood is actually very far from commerce. Though San Francisco overall ranks as a more friendly city to walk in than New York!

My guess is that most neighborhoods in Los Angeles along the 10 freeway rank pretty high. Because if you think about it, there really is a major boulevard with lots of commerce and business on every corner.

So why aren't more people walking here? Why do people drive all the way to Vermont Ave or the Santa Monica Promenade to walk? Why not walk just outside your door? Why don't we shop at the carneceria around the corner and instead drive across town to go to Trader Joes? Why don't we get drunk at the bar four blocks away but trek to Roosterfish in Venice instead? Why do we drive to the Barnes and Nobles at Westside Pavilion instead of checking out a book at the local library?

It's interesting to think that I pretty much never have to leave my neighborhood in Los Angeles to get the bare basics of living. In the seven years (!) I've lived in my apartment, I have yet to go to the Oaxacan restaurant up the block or the bar that I found out on Walkscore is only four blocks away.

The thing with Los Angeles, is that "community" is not really defined by where you live. There have been times that I identified more with the citizens of Koreatown because I was spending so much time there. There were times I've felt more identified with the Little Tokyo community because I was doing so much work down there and that's where I'd meet up with friends.

Who will be my community be without a car? Where are you? Let's push our shopping carts down to the Jewish Grocery store together!

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Anyone want to drive this classy lady around?

So far, so free on the car free front. My camera is unfortunately in my friend Cindy's car (she picked me up from the tow yard). So I only have this picture from Cat Lady as the only visual hook to this blog entry which is about the money I have left in my pocket.

The Economic Perks of being Car Free, Thus Far.

Renting out the carport!
Score! I found a renter for my carport. $90 a month to do nothing but give parking to someone. That's $1080 over the course of the year. I actually think, now that I look around on Craigslist that I could have gotten up to $125 a month, but no matter. I'll gouge the next one that comes along.

REFUNDS! and Things I don't have to buy anymore.
So I didn't have insurance to cover the car loss when it caught on fire, I did get a refund on my car insurance that I wont' be using for the five months ahead ($390) and it looks like like I can get a refund from the DMV on my car registration ($90) and I won't be renewing my AAA membership this year ($78).

From the time I've been carless on August 14, this is what my transportation expenses have been...

$150 to set up a a Zip Car Membership ($25 for application, $50 for annual membership, $75 for optional $0 deductible insurance)
$10 in gas money for Marie Reine
$10 in taxi on drunken night with Greg
$10 approx in bus fare.

TOTAL $180.

This is not bad considering that I won't have to pay ZipCar again unless I actually use their cars. I may actually spend as little as $100 a month to get around if I really use my bike and public transpo to get around and no cabs. And that's pretty much what I'll be getting to rent out the carport. Woo hoo!

The Approximate Numbers: My attempt at Math....
According to some sites I've been looking at, the average car owner spends $7000 a year to own their car. I'm pretty sure my old Vegetable oil car cost me a lot more than that. I think this $7000/year estimate is old (from 2004) and the cost to drive has gone up with gas prices. So let's say, that it is actually $8000 a year to drive with current gas prices.

If I use a Zip Car one full day a week for four times each month ($264), budget public transpo at $3 a day for all other days of the week since I don't ride every day($75), money for gas/ parking chip-in ($30), taxis for drunken nights ($60), meals for nice friends with cars who drive me around ($30), and bike maintenance ($15).

My monthly transpo budget is at-- $474 a month

Multiply this by 12 months (and mind you, I'm on tour so much that there are months I won't even be spending anything on transpo)-- $5688

Add the yearly Flex Car membership and insurance-- $125

Subtract the amount I get from renting the carport-- $1080

TOTAL to transport me around town-- $4733

Savings (against $8000 estimate a year to own a car)-- $3267

Does this math sound right? It doesn't actually seem super significant a savings considering the headache of figuring getting myself around. I actually think I save a lot more since I'm not around all the time and work from home and don't even use the bus or won't always need the Flex Car. Oh yes, and I won't be having THAT many drunken nights that I need to cab around town. So my guess is that my savings might be something closer to $4000 a year, if not more.

OTHER PERKS OF THE CAR FREE LIFE
* I've been reading books on the bus! Yeah! Remember those?

* I have been taking notes about bus riding and have already been talking up "The Bus Show" with a really big LA Theater presenter... this very well could be a show!

* Needing to get around means I'm spending more time reaching out to friends. With cars, and without.

* I'm making new friends who don't have cars! Like my friend Narinda who blogged about me.


THE JOYS OF THE SUBWAY
I found myself in Downtown LA Sunday morning and needed to get to Koreatown. I had no idea that the subway (yes, there is a subway in Los Angeles) would get me there so quickly. It was exciting. Like I'd discovered some secret Los Angeles portal.

I've taken the subway here before, but had no idea how convenient it was. All these new stations opening! And there is nobody to check your ticket!

The Honor System? In Los Angeles?!

My friend Soo Jin and I went to Sunset Junction to see what the big freaking deal was with that annual summer Silverlake Street Fair. Basically, it was a sham. $20 to see bands I've not heard of. So we tried to recuperate the admission cost by amassing condom samples, free lightbulb samples, and beer samples. Someone bought our wristbands from us for $10 when we left, and we were happy for the rebate.

It was a fun weekend. We took the subway to get to Sunset Junction (avoiding a lot of parking headaches), and then took a bus to see the 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors show. After the show, the guys from 18MMW gave a shout out to Herbert of Culture Clash and then to ME! I was so honored. I didn't do anything but show up.

And then I got a ride home from a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He gave me some real estate advice on the ride home. That's what has been nice about riding home with people, we actually get to talk outside a computer screen!

According to my friend Jay who drove me home, we got another year or two before the real estate market bottoms out!

I'm ready. I'm on the path to saving up for my first down payment on a house in my car free life and I'm going to invest what I have already until this market hits the pits.

Home ownership... here I come! Watch out Malibu! I'm coming for your foreclosed beach house! (By bus... at least....)

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Did you know that not only are there children in Los Angeles, but seniors, and people who use wheelchairs to get around? Yes! It's true! I see them on the bus!

On the bus today there was an older woman with a big suitcase she couldn't get onto the bus. She screamed, "Help! Help!" And this younger guy got out of his seat to help her carry it on. She was so thankful and kept thanking him. He smiled back. And it was the sweetest interaction I remember seeing between two strangers in this city in a long time. I mean, when was the last time you saw strangers helping each other in LA who weren't expecting to be tipped?

So far, so good on the car free front. The bus has been good to me. My friends generously offer me rides when they can. And my friend Yen is loaning me her folding bike, so I have an easy-to-collapse bike option.

As I was filing old receipts, I cringed at all the auto bills from the last few months. I hate that car! There was easily a mortgage on a house in the desert in that car. Gone! No more investments that depreciate in value! Car Free! Here I come! For sure!

I have had weird anxiety dreams the last few nights about traveling. Last night, I had a dream that I was trying to get from Salt Lake City to Columbus, OH and couldn't find a direct flight to save my life. In the dream I had to drive to Bozeman, Montana to get a flight that could get me to another city in Ohio. And the whole time there was a guy screaming that I would never be able to get to Columbus on a direct flight. Never! He kept screaming in my dream.

I had a meeting at TeAda today about my show in one month. That's right! Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest hits Southern California for NINE SHOWS September 19- October 5! (By the way, the tickets are on sale NOW.)

I was telling the TeAda staff about my new life without the car:

"Last week I was a high class lady driving a fancy pink Mercedes down Rodeo Dr. And this week, I'm pushing a shopping cart filled with kitty litter past the homeless people on Santa Monica Blvd and sitting next to men who wear feces stained coveralls on the bus. Between that, my stimulus check, and the $40 coupon from the government to get a digital converter for my TV-- I feel like a senior citizen on welfare. How fast I fall!"

(insert their laughter)

I know, I'm being dramatic. And it has been pointed out to me many times since last week, I am fortunate that making the decision to be a car-less citizen of Los Angeles is my choice, not an economics obligation.

But I can't help but feel like a second class citizen of the city as I wait at these bus stops all vulnerable to the big noisy cars vrooming past me. Sitting with other quite-average-for-LA -standards people who many Angelinos forget also live and work in our city. It's been great to get some reading done, to send emails from my blackberry, and to get a few blocks of walking in here and there-- but I still feel very disoriented in my new identity as a car free citizen in this city.

I was on a big bicycling kick three years ago (remember when I did the AIDS Ride?) and left my car parked quite often. But there is part of me that feels invisible/ lost/ disabled without a big machine in my carport with my name on it-- literally.

Though, I did kinda flip out today when I realized how much this car loss has hit my bank balance. The car loss was conveniently timed after all these expensive repairs, my return from an unpaid 6 week residency in Florida, and a long summer with virtually no shows dates scheduled. Lest my readers forget, this artist must survive in the same economy as you! I'm actually looking forward to the school year starting-- schools shows! I need you!

Perhaps its a great thing that the car imploded. Because at this rate, it would take down every last cent I had.

By the way, I was just approved for the Zipcar carshare service yesterday. So I will have an option for a lo-cost rental car with free gas should I so desperately need a car in the next year. If you are interested in signing up, let me know, I can send you an email that will allow me to get $50 in driving credit!

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

Last night, my friend Greg came by to comfort me in my new car free existence. Greg is a dancer/ performer and doesn't even have a driver's license. Yet he performs all over town, parties and does all sorts of stuff in Los Angeles with no car. I think this car free life will mean I will be entertaining more around the apartment, as people will have to come to me more than I am able to come to them. I cooked fish for us and we drank wine.

Already, being car free has reintroduced alcohol into my life. I had two glasses of wine before my audition yesterday, in fact. It feels very New York to me to be able to drink at all hours like this and not worry about how I will DRIVE myself home or leave the house to go out. This is also why I had decided I couldn't be a permanent New Yorker-- because three Long Island Iced Teas a night and drunk dialing my parents from my Brooklyn sublet is funny for a week, but not a way of life.

We watched my UCLA commencement speech on DVD. It just arrived in the mail. I had a hard time watching myself on the DVD. Did you guys know that I have the strangest voice in the world? Where did the Midwestern thing in my voice come from? From growing up in San Francisco? The edit of my speech looks great except the sound source from my mic doesn't match evenly with the non-mic'd reaction of the audience--- so it almost seems as if all my jokes are landing flat. I swear there was laughter that day! I swear! It doesn't help that when the cut goes to the graduates in the audience, that they just wave to the camera and smile instead of looking extremely involved with my amazing speech.

Greg and I took the bus to the Promenade (only .75 cents each!) and walked to Venice to go to the Roosterfish (the local gay bar). Greg taught me how to pack for these night ventures sans car. No packing a purse or wallet, instead, just the basics were carried in his pocket-- cash, credit card, ID. And I put my phone in my pocket.

We were walking and walking and walking to get to Venice. At one point I screamed out, "I don't know why, but I feel homeless right now!" It was kind of unreal (mostly because I was tipsy) to experience so much Los Angeles by foot for function, not leisure. I felt like such an outsider with no big machine to go back to at the end of the night when I walked by all the obnoxious frat people on Main St. This car free thing is making me feel like a college freshman all over again. Like I'm rediscovering the world for the first time, from a new and more vulnerable space.

I was such the enabler at the Roosterfish thanks to the two long islands. At one point, I demanded reparations from a cluster of men, and got $2 from them. I put the money into my underpants and later handed the bills to Greg to pay our tab. I also kissed a couple of the gay men. Neither of us seemed to really enjoy it, but it was funny and that's what matters. And at one point, this one guy told me to feel his boyfriend's package from outside his pants. And who was I to say no?

A few times I'd spot two men talking together and scream, "Give him a kiss! Give him a kiss!" And the response more often than not was, "Sweetie, we've already fucked like ten times."

At one point I had a huge cluster of men around me adoring me and hugging me for being so awesome (apparently, I was hilarious). Despite their love, I kept demanding reparations from them in one dollar bill increments. This one guy who is a hotshot hairdresser offered to cut my hair for free in my kitchen. And outside, Greg was nursing some guy who kept punching his fist against the wall because he was mad that his boyfriend was flirting with other men.

Me and Greg took a cab home (it is possible to hail a cab in LA, btw). We stopped up the block from my apartment for the world's worst tacos and managed to freak out the cooks without trying to freak out-- we were just trying to order. I woke up in the morning on the living room floor and "The Room" DVD was playing on the TV. I crawled to bed. Greg was passed out on my couch with his hand in his underpants.

What is the point of this story? To show you that not having a car in Los Angeles is bringing out new kinds of social depravity I never knew I was capable of at my age.


Today was my first Saturday being car free. I put little flyers up on my neighbors' doors telling them I was car free and renting out my carport for $90 a month. That's right! I now have some valuable real estate on my hands. If someone rents it... that's $1080 a year! Enough for 108 Long Island Ice Teas at a mid-scale bar. If nobody uses the carport, I will set it up with a hammock and read poetry.

It also took me a good two hours to psyche myself up for running errands via little black shopping cart on Santa Monica Blvd.

So there I was, pushing this shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd to go get kitty litter and toilet paper from VONS and also to check my PO box. It was getting hot. The gridlock of cars on the road is overwhelming and it feels totally vulnerable to be one of the few pedestrians walking on a big boulevard packed with moving cars. As I am dragging all my belonging in that little hand cart, I found a remarkable kinship with other Angelinos pushing shopping carts-- homeless people, Latino families, older people, and people who talk to themselves.

Did you know there are people in Los Angeles over the age of 50? Yes! You can see them if you walk along Santa Monica Blvd!

Anyway, so I'm kinda checking myself out in the reflection of all these store windows and checking out how silky my black hair is and how tight my little body is in my sundress and the cart is bumping along behind me.

I'm thinking: "Hot damn! I look good for a girl pushing a shopping cart down Santa Monica Blvd! I bet I'm the hottest girl pushing a shopping cart in Los Angeles right now."

As the big wheels clunked up and down the squares of gum stained pavement, my hotness was confirmed with a nice long whistle from a homeless man crawling (on his hands and knees, no less) in the street.

That right America! I push a shopping cart filled with kitty litter and toilet paper down Santa Monica Blvd. and I look damn good doing it.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles

This made the horrendous walk from the bus stop a little bit better. It took me 3 hours to get to and from an audition today. aaah...... But at least I got to read the paper?

The idea of owning a car again makes me so nauseous. I just think of my car on fire and the tally in my head yesterday: "Those tires-- $200, there goes the hose I just replaced-- $240, oh and $40 in fuel... and... and ... and....")

I think I am going to actually go car- free in Los Angeles. Or... try this at least.

Lemons from Lemonade. Folks have been quite encouraging today over Facebook that I somehow turn this into a show. How the hell am I going to get to the theater?

I'm going to blog about my new car free existence with the above title... "Car(e) Free Los Angeles: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles."

I kinda wish I was car free last year when I was on tour most of the time and didn't need to be paying for an unused car parked in my carport. But this is how the world works... not timed in our favor.

I've been running down my options for getting around: Flex car, bus, bike, walk, borrow friend's car, catch rides, car service and taxi. I have a rather large headache thinking about how I will manage those monster days when I have appointments in the Valley, then Hollywood, then Downtown back home. How I will watch theater shows out in the Valley, then go grocery shopping after, then stop by to see a friend for coffee.

It's a little daunting to take on. I started to have what I like to think of as "crazy people thoughts" (and yes, these differ from thoughts I have on a day-to-day basis).

These are some of the "crazy people thoughts" I had today when considering my car-free life ahead of me.

1. "Maybe I should start dating someone who can give me rides around town."
2. "Maybe I should date a guy with no job and a car who can live here with me in the apartment and can drive me around town when I need a ride."
3. "Maybe I should have never broken it off with ____ from so many years ago. I could have used his car right now."


No matter. I just have to do it. I'm going to try it for at least a month. Maybe if I am really good at this car free stuff, I can do it for the next four months until I leave on tour again.

And my friend Greg who is also car-less is coming over to keep me company. He left like 3 hours ago to get here by bus. And is not here yet. Oh boy.

Labels: The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles