A film I co-wrote and acted in last April in Chicago is playing in a film festival in Gstaad, Switzerland! And it's up for an award called the "Golden Cow"! It was a blast working with my crazy talented director friend Masahiro Sugano and it felt like one of those really exciting true collaborations where you are just running with ideas and going going going.

But the best part is you all get to see me making out with this guy Dwight on a lawn full of goose poop while old Chinese men watch us. Yes, it's true. Sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.



UPDATE: Looks like the director is taking this down in a few days because we need to let this film make the rounds at festivals all over the world first. So enjoy it while you can. In the event that it's important to you to see the film and can't wait til it goes online because you are someone in a high position of power or relative of mine, email me and I'll send you a link where you can download the film. Thanks!

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, artist life., asian men, hollywood wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

I have a new favorite website... REGRETSY.com.... They basically take the most tasteless craft offerings on Etsy and rip them a new buttonhole. I laughed out loud at the above item they found for sale. I'm afraid my sadass yoga bag from a pair of pants will hit their list should I ever try to sell it.

I also appreciated their commentary on this plastic bag holder that looks eerily like a Wilt Chamberlain flaccid penis. Not that I know...

It was a half-assed Halloween. I was a doctor for Halloween (or as I like to say, "My family's wet dream"). Seeing as that I am a living breathing year-round Halloween, I was so out of ideas on what costume to take on to the point that I contemplated doing what most adult women acting out on their unaddressed daddy issues do....stripping down to my underwear and saying it's a costume. But even that seemed too exhausting.

It was suggested to me: "Why don't you wear that crazy cop costume from Cuckoo's Nest"?

(I almost puked at the thought of having to wear a costume from a show.)

It was also suggested to me: "Put a fake penis in your pants and tell people you are Kristina Wong!"

(Bleh... That's so obvious...)

So I put on some scrubs and a lab coat. I don't know why I own such things, but I do.

I am in super turbo mode trying to crank out massive amounts of content in a very short amount of time. I basically am getting my ass handed to me from Nov 10-15 when I'm to crank out 4 different shows in like five days in two cities. I'm still riding the adrenaline from doing five original shows in New York across five days. I feel like I can still output at that level. As exhausted as I am.

Somewhere between all of this I caught this interview with porn starlet Jesse Jane (it was feminist research... I swear...) who describes how she has branded herself and creates a demand through "exclusive" appearances.



I got it all wrong it seems. Unlike Jesse Jane, I don't do just 6 or 7 contract films a year and then pick 6 or 7 clubs to exclusively appear at to make thousands of thousands of dollars. I'm like running around to every small and large theater across town, dropping my art pants for whoever will show up. And don't get me started on how insane my gigs are during API Heritage Month... that's like me trying to set some kind of gang bang record.

Nope. I've not been too good at the whole "aura of exclusivity" thing. It's like, I'm an amateur porn star who makes movies with a crap home camera, then uploads them for free on xtube.

Oh Jesse Jane, the art world has so much to learn from you.

Labels: artist life., crafty, crazy, crochet, crochet diy, losing my mind in los angeles, uck you, vacation?

Above, you'll see your friend Kristina having one of many scripted/un-scripted onstage nervous breakdowns as part of the five part APACUNT panels.

Three cities in one week. This is how we do it. I got back to LA on Wednesday afternoon, only to do another show here last night for the Breaking the Bow Festival. Tonight I head to San Francisco for my cousin's wedding and a talk a college class in Oakland on Tuesday. Somewhere between all this, I'm vowing to edit my short film for the Tavis Smiley blog, write some new stuff to perform at the LA Storytelling Festival next month, rework this old script for me and D'Lo to perform in November, write a City of LA grant, and maybe a few more if I can get my hands on them and not get sick... will that even be possible?

Well, one thing's for sure! Staying busy sure does stave off the existential crisis shit.

In NYC I must say that my personal hygiene hit an all time low. I'd wake up each morning in my friend's basement in total darkness (it was the bottom floor of her loft), hungover from the show and drinking the night before and each morning had to decide in a flurry: "Shower or eat?" The eating usually won. My gums would not stop bleeding every time I brushed my teeth. Pretty much everyone at the Festival and East Village knows what I look like without make-up... and I'm talking raccoon eyes, walk of shame at 4am-- that kind of no-makeup. I ran out of underwear a few days before leaving and had to get creative (I won't tell you how). By the end of my stay little fruit flies would float over my head (I forgot I had bought bananas the week before that had gone bad) in my friend's loft. So I ate six bananas in two days (don't ask what that does to one's digestive track). All this, moving at a furiously paced New York minute, yanking pounds and pounds of crap around the East Village and back to Brooklyn at all hours of the night.

I began to feel my organs disintegrating into the rest of my body by the second day of performance. At our last show I was so exhausted, I almost passed out onstage but then channeled it into an amazing (or so I think) onstage nervous breakdown that wasn't in our script. I hosted the Kong Magazine roll-out party in Brooklyn before I left town. I almost fell asleep in the corner of the bar by the end of the night and yet, we were done at 9pm.

My flight back to LA was in two legs. The first too cold, I shivered and held my own body in my arms for warmth, my muscles straining to heat themselves even inside my jacket. The second leg of the flight was too hot. I was sweating, arching my face towards that fan thing above your seat.

I had a few minutes this morning to reflect and rest and was struck in my inactivity with a strong sense of under-accomplishment. What is it about working so hard that all I can think about is how nice it would be to rest. And that when I get rest, I feel so unaccomplished that I need to work more? And harder?

Goddamn you Chinese genetics.

Labels: artist life., magic powers, new york city, not angry anymore. just tense., oh my god, stand up

We did it, we wrote five shows in one week and they are all very very insightful and hilarious. If you are in NYC come check it out. I've been so consumed in all of this, I haven't been able to shower some nights.

All you can drink wine, and only $9. Info here.

Labels: artist life.

In a world where irony flees faster than a moving pixel in the digital age, we've decided to go for the all out offensive.

This APACUNT panel idea was originally a very bad idea that I had with Alice Tuan.

"Let's write a proposal so offensive and so impossible that there is no imaginable way that anyone would let us put it up!"

But they did. They let us put it up last year at the National Asian American Theater Conference and now they are letting us do it again in New York City where for five days we will discuss the past, present and of course, the futility of Asian American Theater. In between, me stroking my ego.

Labels: artist life., goddamn new york makes me angry., new york city

Me and my fellow solo performer D'Lo decided that instead of battling over the scant number of paying university shows for pennies that we would instead combine forces and whore out our talents on the street, then post our efforts on YouTube.

What's great is that the first part of Part 1 is real raw footage we collected after seeing these girls while driving....



I love that we have this kind of Odd Couple, Bert and Ernie dynamic going.... D'Lo is the straight man. Perhaps it's an inside joke, but we're pretty hilarious. Part II....



Brownie points for those who watch Part III



I started outlining about 10 ideas for short films for the two of us to pile upon the mountains of short films already on YouTube. This one took us a month to get together. At this rate, and between our touring schedules, our next film should surface in 2011.

Labels: artist life., hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles

Watch out world! I'm throwing down 62 clams in the month of August to buy my first LA Metro bus pass. I'm thinking I'll wear it around my neck in a plastic laminated necklace like the abuelitas do and push my granny cart filled with groceries up and down Sunset Blvd. I actually don't know that I ride the bus enough to warrant owning a bus pass. I have to ride the bus 49 times next month to make the "bus ride buffet" ticket worthwhile but I'm home for a full month (for once) so I thought I'd live it up.

Things are getting super busy here very fast. Summers tend to be "downtime" for me. I'm seeing crazy things happen in my line of work. I was in talks with New World Theater at UMass Amherst to bring Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in 2010. Then just a month later, New World Theater had their funding completely cut off by the university! This is pretty ugly as this institution has been around for 30+ years.

I did get a very huge break a few months ago with a MAPFUND grant to develop my new "CAT LADY" show but I haven't been able to secure a premiere venue or NPN co-commissioner. It's not that the interest isn't there, it's just that every theater on earth is watching their budget. There's a definite and palpable slowdown in the arts.

So I've decided that rather than wail and flail in panic, I'm going to use the money that I had set aside for a car to invest in a new computer and a video camera. And I'm thinking of turning part of the living room in my new Silverlake House into a set that I can shoot different shows in. I'm long overdue for a tech upgrade, I've been using the same laptop for five years! And it's really hot and slow. So look out world, not only will this lady be rocking a bus pass but also a video blog!



I will admit that I've been looking at ads for cars. It's really tempting to buy one. To be able to get to West LA in one hour as opposed to two. These ads are misleading though... this "Cash for Clunkers" thing is so dumb. How is it a 5 year old car can qualify as a clunker but my Mercedes that caught on fire on the 405 couldn't? Bleh, forget it.



Quite a few of my creative friends are complaining about going broke this summer and I've mentioned several times in my blogs how it's hard to not get sucked into poverty mentality when the news and all your friends are dragging the sky down around you. I find myself having days where I'm like, "Oh god! It's over! I give up!"

I'm losing sympathy for my friends going who complain of being broke. Their standards of broke are "first world broke." I have a friend who is a sex worker and says she's having "survival sex" for money and yet owns a laptop, cell phone, and car. I have another friend who owes me $500 and he's had months to pay me back, and he calls me from his cell phone to tell me he has run off to New York City (for a vacation).

If you are broke, suck it up, grow up, and deal with it. Because nobody with an IPhone is a victim of anything.

People keep asking me for help with getting money to do their art. The requests were at first flattering because it really felt as if they regard me as successful. But now theses requests have become kind of irritating, like I'm some kind of magic fairy that can say three things to make things happen. If you go way back into my very first blogs, you'll know, I've been at this game for YEARS and only started to make a full time living at it in the last four years. And if you know me well enough, you know it was REALLY REALLY UGLY when I was first at this.

I see people I haven't seen in a while and the first thing they say is, "Hi Kristina! Can you help me get grant money?"

("Yeah. Nice to see you too.")

Is there a sign on my head that says: "My name is Kristina Wong and I can show you how easy it is to get money because I have nothing better to do?" I mean I try to be supportive of people but I feel like that generosity gets taken advantage of.


People asking me to lead them to "magic grant money" irritates me one three levels:

First, I spend 20 hours (if not more) a week doing work related to generating income for my art (that is not my actual art) and most people aren't willing to put up the BS of arts admin. Even when I've taken the time to explain to people how it all works, they either don't apply for the grant that I just walked them through or ask me to repeat the information to them as if the explanation will become somehow easier. My biggest pet peeve is when they ask me to send copies of my grants so they can play mad libs with them, as if we weren't doing completely different projects.

Second, I probably make the same amount as many of my artist friends "who are always broke"-- the difference is that I manage my finances differently. A lot of my broke friends would not be broke if they just learned to not spend money on stuff they don't need or buy so much stuff on credit. So it's not that I have more money than other people, I just allocate my money differently when I get it.

And third, there is no "magic grant money." Like any other thing that's earned in this world. Money for your art is also earned, not thrown around to random people like a sweepstakes prize.

So my artist friends going broke but texting away on your iphone... do you need a bail out? Here it is!

NINE Cash for Clunkers Tips for Creatives going Broke who keep asking me to help them with money:

1. Run Away
If you can't get a job and your career is not going anywhere, sublet your place, give up your apartment, sell your things, and run off to an artist's retreat where you can live for free. Unfortunately, most of them don't pay you to be there or accommodate kids. If you can't get into an artist's retreat, move in with your parents and be their "loser" 30-something kid who writes screenplays in the basement. Nobody will judge you if they can't see you! Yay! You just freed up $400-1000 a month in rent!

2. Get someone to burn you a bootleg copy of The Secret and watch it over and over again until you sound possessed.
I am critical of The Secret (ie "The Unofficial Orientation Video for New Angelinos") because it does place much too much emphasis on material wealth. But hey, it's Metaphysics for Dummies! There is a critical third step to the process of the Secret that people often forget-- ACTION. So stop complaining that nobody sent you $100 after you watched The Secret and start taking action. (And taking action does asking me to lead you through the short cut to money. Because I only know the long route.)

3. Sell your car and get a bus pass.
If you really need money that badly, get over your "I need my car" bullshit and get rid of your car. Cancel your insurance. Cancel your AAA membership. Cancel your gym membership (because the city streets just turned into your gym). Yay! You just freed up $500 a month plus whatever you got for your car.

4. Find something less expensive to replace your drug habit.
Get money. Get stoned. Can't remember where your money went. Get money. Get stoned. Can't remember where your money went. Why do broke people still have money for pot? Here's a suggestion of how to get high instead. Put on a Bob Marley cd, then run around really fast backwards in the hot sun without water, then try to recite poetry, then get a friend to say "whoa, that's brilliant" at every line. Yay! You just freed up $50-300 a month.

5. Don't be a bottom feeder.
If you ever done movie background work, you've probably met "background lifers." The people who only talk about doing extra work and getting more extra work, and yet, still think this will lead to something bigger. If you get too obsessed with the stones lining the walkway, you'll never get to see the inside of the house. Sometimes the "hunting and gathering" way of the artist life prevents us from thinking about the big picture. So think from the top down. Think beyond survival.

6. Drop your $$$ scene study class and take creative classes at TeAda Camp instead. I'm teaching and am a student in at TeAda's summer camp for adults that's super affordable for creative people who want to expand their skillset on a budget. You can take classes in movement, voice, acting, improv, yoga and writing for as low as $10 a class. They are drop-in classes so you don't have to commit to months and months of training. The classes are cheap as hell and a good alternative to that overpriced overhyped stuff offered all over LA. Yay! You just freed up $200-400 a month (depending on what pyramid scheme acting school you were previously enrolled in.)

7. Kick the deadbeat to the curb. (Several times in the head if necessary.)
Are you in a shitty relationship and giving the guy/girl money/ free rent/ food on top of it? Say good- bye! This one is especially for my creative lady friends who are with men who can't take care of themselves and freeload off your generosity. You deserve a partner who can take care of him or herself and therefore, can support you when you need it. You are not a rescuer. You are not a social worker. You will find better. I've kicked a few deadbeats to the curb myself and never looked back. Yay! You've just freed up 200 lbs of dead weight!

8. Manage your money between several different checking accounts.
If you are an artist working for yourself, the worst financial thing you can do is pile up all your income into one checking account. You should not pay your rent and your director out of the same account. You should not deposit your big grant check in the same account that you pay for food. I recommend two accounts-- a business account and personal account. And have two separate credit cards for business and personal expenses.

Figure out what your personal budget is each month to live. This amount should be your salary and every month write yourself a check from the business account to the personal account in this amount. Even if this means you have several checking accounts with a $0 balance, you will at least get into the habit of managing your money and treating the work you do as a professional.

Ideally, you should have several accounts. (This is something I am still trying to organize in my own life.) You should have a business account, a personal account, an education account (for paying for things to further your learning and growth), a splurge account, an investments fund. There are other methods for breaking these accounts up. When you get money, get in the habit of dividing money in each of these accounts. Yay! You are saving towards retirement!

9. Stop buying shit.
Use the library, wear things twice, make new things out of old things. Make presents for your friends. Our economy is a mess and we're told to save money by not buying things, but the only way the economy will move is if we buy things. What gives? Run away from the need to buy stuff that can be borrowed, bartered or made! I was going to buy a VHS to DVD converter to convert my analog archives to 0's and 1's but found out there was one I could use at the SAG Foundation for free. Yay! I just saved $150!


Presents I made for my friends' kids.

There! Now stop asking me to help you get money. Or at least have a real conversation with me before you ask. I just helped you get lots of money. If you need more help, I'll be at the bus stop waiting for you to give me a ride to the next big thing!

Labels: artist life., kristina is so bitchy this week, losing my mind in los angeles, property mogul, the secret, The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car, vision

The trails of Space Shuttle Endeavor as seen from New Smyrna Beach.

It's my last full day at this three-week residency at the Atlantic Center for the Arts and it's been a full and idea-filled three weeks but I must say, I am ready to go home.


I'm bug eaten, 10 pounds heavier, attempted to watch the shuttle launch twice before a real lift-off, and I've not gotten much of my own creative work done. I've seen so much craziness that if I don't get a grip on reality soon, I may start smoking crack. I also randomly started work on a screenplay... which is kind of in a swirl now but if I get the time to keep working on it, it should look pretty good.

Everyone here is running around with cameras, projectors, or big messy props... and I found myself focused inward and just focusing on getting writing done. This particular residency is very active and distracting because we're made up of solo performers and performance artists (very needy and need attention), video artists (very nerdy and need space), and experimental composers (very noisy and need noise).

I think I said the best line this week is when I asked the master artist-in-residence, experimental composer Mark Applebaum: "So when reviewing work samples, how do you distinguish bad experimental composition from VERY bad experimental compostion?"

(Relax folks, he laughed.)

It's a group that knows no conventions or rules. And there's trash everywhere that people are using for their projects. I have just relinquished my hoarding ways in this move to Silverlake, so it's hard to watch so many of these artists accumulate so much crap for use in their work. A few artists drove from across the country so they could have their cars handy to drive to stores to buy things for projects and drag the stuff they make back home. The thrift stores here are insane (imagine how many retirees are dropping dead every second in Florida and the stuff they leave behind). I don't want to become a walking Sanford and Son again, so now when I travel, I purposely pack small carry-on sized bags to prevent accumulation.


One of the locals agrees to be a kitschy prop for my photo.

Tonight, we're putting on a showing of our works-in-progress for what will probably be about 30 residents in the local community and it's turning into a full on carnival of video projections and walk through performances. Chaos everywhere and I'm not sure how many of the artists (including myself) will get to see each others' work. I've opted to do something I never do in performance situations-- scale the f*ck down. I'm doing a five minute character based scene that I'll perform alone. With no props, no projections, no audience interaction, and no signature overhead projector. For the first time in my entire life, I feel like the most simple and conventional artist of the entire lot. Next thing you know I'll be doing hokey one person multi-character shows where I educate people about diversity and how we're all the same inside. ("There's only one race folks. Human.")

My project tonight is modest. I am having folks audition to be "the pick up artist" and I'll possibly use the footage to be part of my development for CAT LADY. I have scripts from pick-up artist instruction manuals that people will read on-camera like audition sides. Just borrowing a camera, tripod, etc is becoming a ridiculous ordeal. There are some people here who know how to sodder machines together to make movement sensitive lights. I can't even find a freaking tripod for my fake audition.


Last night Brian Feldman (Think of him as Orlando, FL's balder, broker, and more brilliant version of David Blaine, if David Blaine didn't actually have magic powers but just an intense need to put himself in strange situations for long stretches of time) started yet another project here. He decided to jump for 24 straight hours in the amphitheater. Mind you, it's Florida in the Summer so the amphitheater is full of bugs, very humid, and lonely.

Why would someone do something so seemingly organ-failure inducing?

Well, duh, because he was trying to enact the situation from an obscure film created by an Italian filmmaker who was in residence here 10 years ago. In that obscure film, the artist describes jumping up and down for 24 hours straight. He didn't actually do this in real life, but for the plot of the film, he does. So Brian thought he'd reference it using the same area of the compound as the Italian artist.

It seemed very amusing and like it might be fun to watch Brian hopping up and down at 4am. But I guess we (well, mostly he he) did not factor in that staying up 24 hours straight causes delirium and for even the most motivated of artists, is a task that is not actually physically possible. Even with breaks (especially if you have not slept the night before), it's completely and totally physically dangerous and could cause death.

At lunch before Brian started, I became concerned. Brian was carbing up with wet noodles and bread. Add to all of this... Brian is a vegan too-- yes, that's right, a vegan jumping non-stop for 24 hrs (Eat your heart out drunk guy who lost his arm when he went swimming in a swamp of alligators) ! Brian was eating with his bare hands. He was shaking and his eyes were flittering back and forth-- he hadn't slept the night before because he was working so hard on preparing for this piece.

I normally am so embroiled in my nutsy productions that I can't help do production for other people, but I found myself saying to him, "Ok, please dude, let me help you. " I bought him VHS tapes at Walmart so he could document the jumping on this old camcorder for two hours at a time. Mind you, I just shed dozens of new VHS tapes at last month's yard sale, so having to buy more was heartbreaking. Brian had no money, so I just bought them for him, and now he says I have full rights to the work. (Yay, I'm rich?)

PTA Mom of performance art, I also helped Dawn Weleski sew her costume. She's another one of the artists who is doing 6 million things while she is here. Her project is her going around dressed as Dr. Andrew Turnbull, the founder of New Smyrna Beach, FL and doing historical re-enactments of his journey in public areas around the city. She got kicked out of the Publix but for some reason, the people at the local pub took to her quite well.

Here's Dawn as Dr. Turnbull at a bar telling the locals about her contributions to New Smyrna Beach.



When we returned to the compound at 1am, I became very concerned about Brian who had been jumping for over five hours. He was clutching his stomach saying that he was cramping, and a few times would kneel in ways that looked like he was collapsing. I'd scream, "Brian! Brian!" And he'd get up and say, "Don't take a picture of this!" And give his minimum jump per minute.



The fans were blowing on either side of him, it was hard for him to hear, plus he was delirious, and he was wearing sunglasses (as the actor does in the film being referenced in the piece). I'd scream, "Brian, you don't have to do this all night." And he'd mutter, "No, I can keep doing this" and punctuate it with a very sickly jump.

I imagined us at 4am, someone coming to check on Brian, him collapsed on a pedastal. And us having to explain to the paramedic:

"Ok, so what happened here? He looks exhausted, malnourished and he's balding."

"Listen, he wanted to jump up and down for 24 hours straight. I guess he had already been doing it for 7 hours before he collapsed."

"Why was he jumping up and down so long? Is he mentally ill?"

"No mentally ill people aren't as theatrically lit and thoroughly self-documented as Brian is. This was art."

"It was art?"

"You see, he was trying to re-enact this fake performance in the video."

"You mean like kids who jump out of windows so they can fly like TV superheroes?"

"Yes, but in a post post meta way, yes."

It was turning very quickly into a bad sitcom. He was smelling of sweat from 25 feet away. He was clutching his stomach in pain. He was wobbling. It was at first amusing to watch, then exhausting, then worrisome.

I pulled Heather aside and said, "We can't let this continue. This is seriously a lawsuit waiting to happen. I was shaking watching him. He's going to die. If I have to throw him over my shoulder and tie him into a bed I will."

And then I thought, hmmm... maybe this is what Brian wanted. It wasn't art. It was getting women to fetch him fans and water to cool him down, to update his twitter for him, and insist with sweet coddling voices, "Please Brian Feldman, go to bed. Please we need you to go to bed."



The women gathered round him. And after what was apparently, quite an intervention, and a lot of reasoning that "Yes Brian, it's still art, even if it wasn't for 24 full hours," he was coaxed to bed.

After speculation at lunch that he might be dead, I am happy to report that Brian Feldman is alive and scheming. And he's planning to resume jumping as people arrive for tonight's festivities. And next week that crazy SOB plans to stay inside a Vegan restaurant in Orlando (what may be up to five days) until he's eaten every item off the menu. This means he will be sleeping and passing waste in the same space 600 square feet until he's eaten every dish they offer.

This can only illuminate the Vegan lifestyle.


Tonight, we are singing a duet of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" as part of his redux of "Under the Covers"... the site-specific cabaret in his room where all the singing is done under the sheets.


And then I get to go home.

Oh! I'm counting down.

Labels: artist life., rednecks, road wong

Why do I totally want to be this woman?

I am back from a great six day respite/ workspite in Seattle. It's just what I needed after being in total post partum from my show that closed way back when in September/ October. I'm back and ready for action.

I took hardly any pictures. But there's something about that Seattle cold and fog that warms my heart and stays with me. I was out there for the National Performance Network conference. I didn't perform but I connected to a lot of national colleagues who I ironically, see more often than some of my friends in LA. It was comforting to know that even in this economic climate there are people who still care about my vision and want to give a space for it. It looks like in 2010 I will perform for the first time in a landlocked state (can you believe I've only performed in states that have water on one side?) Start telling your friends that in 2010, Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is going to Tulsa, Oklahoma!

I feel good about the future. I think the world is all on Facebook, but soon enough the internet will be so overwhelming that people will want to go back to the theaters and the printed page. They will want to meet in person, instead of in chat rooms. They will want to spin cat hair and make little purses with them.

And folks, this is where I come in.

Labels: artist life., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

I am trying to reduce the contents of my apartment by one-half. It's supposed to be good feng shui, especially for attracting a partner into your life. It also helps align your life for the next great moment. And I need this. I'm not purging to attract a partner though, I'm purging to clean this freaking place up! Yikes! Seven years in West LA yields a lot of crap! I sure have a knack for accumulation.

I am also trying to liquidate assets I do not need. My goal is to come up with $1000 for liquidating my existing assets, and invest that money directly into my friend's restaurant. Her lenders get an excellent return rate (8% !) and that is much more stable than the stock market.

I signed up for Scottrade a few weeks back. I've already lost $70. Screw that crap. Now I know how the Baby Boomers feel, the stock market is unnecessarily emotional. I much prefer investing in something I understand (my friend's restaurant) than these nameless faceless companies.

So purging and money making. So far... I've made $222. It was kind of sad to say good bye to my rollerskates, my dancer pole, and other things that have been unused fixtures in my closets. But if they found their way into my home once, they will find their way in again (when I want them to come in). And I am really loving how the place feels with less crap in it. And yes, it's actually a lot of work for very little money, but it reminds me how hard it is to make a buck from selling your old crap.

I decided today to post 100 items online between Craigslist and Amazon.com. (And yes, sadly, I have even more items to shed). And each time something sells, I will find something else to sell. So that at all times I am poised to move 100 items out of this place at a time. It took forever. But once I started to post items up, I was hooked.

By the way, now Craigslist is a lot easier to use because you have to have an account to sell. And reposting a listing is easier.

Now whether or not people would buy any of the things I've posted remains to be seen...

Join me in the great purge! Find 100 things in your home that you would be willing to give up.

Labels: artist life., buy nothing year, i'm kristina wong, marriage grown up crap, The New Tweens

Tonight is only the tech run thru and I'm already pacing around the house.... Nervous. Nervous.....

Are you coming?

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/39641

Labels: artist life.

This update is dedicated to all the great findings here in the last days of my residency.



My new fishing buddy Aaron is perhaps the youngest living male in the City of Englewood at the ripe age of 27. Too bad I'm married huh? This is the snook he caught this morning. Because they are protected (spawning season), he threw it back.



Here's a snapper we caught! A bit small but still good to eat! It was the first fish that I have eaten straight from the water. I don't know why Aaron's shorts look like they are falling down like that in this picture. I don't remember them doing that in real life. (Oh the mockery of this cat lady. Oh the mockery.)



But boy, do I love having all these adventures with my wife! She's so much fun!


But it was no easy task to clean a fish! Yuck! Check out this video of him cleaning the fish.... That thing wouldn't die!





Before cooking....



After! The snapper was actually very small and very bony. So we got all of two bites of fish in each filet.



I'm still kinda crap as a fisherwoman. My new show, CAT LADY that premieres next week uses a lot of fishing (a great way to excuse all this leisure time as "research"). Here is some once live bait I used that got a huge bite on it's side. I'm all bait and no bite I tell you.




We also got a great full moon sunset out here where the tide was so low that sand dunes appeared. Places where the water normally goes to your waist or higher, you could walk right through.


Watch as I narrate the sunset. On full moon nights there is a rare burst of green light that appears when the sun goes down. You can't see it in the video but it's still gorgeous to take in everything else you can get from the video.





See how low the water gets?


I thought this was a good picture of Sonja doing what she does best. Photography!

Later that full moon night we went looking for sea turtles laying eggs. We thought it best to split up and each patrol in a different direction. I saw two fresh sea turtle nests and Sonja saw one. But we didn't see the turtles. It's nuts because they lay eggs in holes that they make at least 18 inches deep and then they cover them before going back to the water. So they must have worked fast because we totally missed them. I think I saw a turtle as she was leaving the nest she made. I think I saw her back as she disappeared in the tide.




This is what a fresh sea turtle nest looks like! You can see two sets of tracks (one going from the water, and one going back to the water). The little mound is where the turtle dug, laid, and buried her eggs.



In the morning, Sonja and I woke up super early to watch the sea turtle patrol dig up nests that were past gestation. The patrol is made up of cool volunteers who dig up nests, then count the numbers of non-viable eggs and hatched eggs. They also keep track and protect the area around new eggs. Sometimes they find live or dead baby turtles in the nests they dig up.




Here are the eggs they dug up. A lot were not good, but the ones that still might hatch are reburied closer to the surface where they will get more heat and the babies will have an easier time digging their way out.


When a new nest is discovered by the patrol, the nest is marked by a stake that records the nest number, date of laying, and the initials of the people patrolling. This is the nest Sonja found the night before. The "KW" is yours truly!


Here are two geckos, mocking me with their lovemaking.

Here is a video I made of them. It's not very clever. And moves as much as the above photo. Gecko penises are red btw.



Sonja knows how to handle my camera better than me. Here I am in the gulf with the Hermitage House behind me. Today the water was so clear we could see our feet at the bottom.



I also have made a lot of crafts while here. The local wildlife has inspired a lot of new animal shapes.



If my fishing skills suck, at least I can improvise!



Here is a dead mouse I'm using in Cat Lady.


And of course! Sea turtles! If I can't spot them live, I can at least make them. This is for the woman who nominated me to come here.



Come on, you know you want to see another sunset photo! It feels like every sunset is so different here.

Labels: artist life., cat lady, cat pee, crafty, hot people, i'm kristina wong, oh my god, rednecks, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, the secret, vision

perhaps, blogging under the influence of several many glasses of wine is a bad idea.  but i always think wine is a great way to step outside my body and look at my world.  ok.  so right now, i am on facebook looking at my friends from college, and they are all having babies.  this is totally nuts, because i am married to myself and drinking wine in florida.  i've not had much of a desire to reproduce.  but i did think lately i should adopt a kids from china when i am in my 40s.  and i will give her a name like "awesome wong" or "hell ya wong"

Labels: artist life., marriage grown up crap

Letter down! Letter down!

argh! I was so excited because it looked like my f key (i had to cut and paste that "f") was as easy to ix as a squirt o air rom these computer guys in Sarasota who ixed it ree o charge by just cleaning under the key. But screwed again because I was here typing and it went out again.

Anyway. I think the ghost is back. The fan is shaking in a creepy way. And weird things tend to turn on when they shouldn't. But I don't care anymore about being spooked in the house alone. I just want my f back. I also bought a can o RAID which makes me eel saer to walk around with.

Looks like I may have to pay $80-$150 to get a new keyboard and scream "UCK YOU!" to all my bloggers in ull orce. Man oh man.

In other news, I just did an interview with the LA Times today about my new show "Cat Lady" which I premiere as a work in progress at the REDCAT when I get back to LA. It's a departure rom my other work that tries to save the world all the time. It's about... being a cat lady and cats. This is perhaps a bad sign when an artist starts doing work on their pets. But also it's about pick up artists, cat psychics and loneliness.

"You mean this show will be all about your conquests and non-conquests Kristina Wong?"

No dummies. I am much more creative and interesting than that. Though it would be another great way I could cockblock mysel on stage. It's about loneliness and human communication. But the great news is that one o my avorite reality tv stars is going to help me with part o the show. I just conirmed yesterday. I can't wait. Let's hope it goes well. I've never collaborated with a reality show star beore. I am not sure i he was reaked out at irst, but a little coaxing and I got him on my side.

Today I was doing some research on Pick Up Artists. And I was reading about this "Bait Reel Release" methodology they use. This idea that women are these ish and they chase the lure i it moves around. And I got excited because not only does it tie into some o the Animal Kingdom metaphors I'm trying to use, but it also gives me an excuse to learn to use a ishing rod and see i that will be a good analogy or using in the show.

So I went into the garage here and got out the ishing rod and started to pretend to ish in the Gul o Mexico. It was awul. The hook was going all o one oot rom the rod. I asked an older man to help me and the line got all tangled. So I am trying to learn how to ish online. These youtube videos are not very helpul.

I'm thinking maybe asking other ishermen on the island to help me ish will help me meet some ellas my age. There are quite a lot o guys here who ish. It's so deceiving though because I'll be in the cottage and see what looks like a hot guy ishing (because I can only see him rom behind) and then I'll go down to the beach to take a closer look and the guy ends up actually being 12 or 80 rom the ront. Which just makes me eel ilthy. UCK!!!

Anyway, I can't blog without use o all 26 letters o the alphabet. So it's time to go. Why did that key have to go out? Why couldn't it have been a Q or Z? I have no use or those.

Anyway, enjoy these pics o my handicrats.



I made a giant roach to leave behind here. It's pretty cute. On the back side it looks like scales but it really spells out "Hermitage" in wide letters.

Labels: artist life., crafty, hot people, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, the pick up artist, uck you, Vh1

I am on a layover now at the Vegas airport. I'm on my way to Minneapolis for the Asian American Theater Conference. After that, I head to Florida to do a 6 week residency (with a quick trip back home for the UCLA commencement speech!) where I get to sit on the beach and expect to finally make some substantial progress on my book.

It's here! Rest time! Artist time! Real artist time! Not admin crap time. I can't believe it. I scheduled this residency over a year ago! And it's finally arrived.

I'm fried. I had a big birthday/ wedding party last night, then got home and started to clear the apartment out for the subletter and was up until 5am. My flight was at 7:30am. I was kinda stressed with all these new airline baggage charges and as I got my crap into just one "first bag checked bag is free" suitcase, I was doing all this "Do I have everything I need... do I? Did I pack too much? Am I going to have to pay for a heavy bag!?"

Stressoids.

It's impossible to sleep on the plane. I'm tempted to sign up for a credit card at the airport for the free neck pillow.

Last night was so fun because Marcus did me up as this big drag queeny bride and officiated my wedding to myself at the restaurant. Yes, I got married to myself last night. It was actually as funny as it was emotional. In wedding fashion, my friends gave some words of advice for how the rest of my life will best be spent by myself. I decided to marry myself this year because I originally wanted an excuse to have a "wedding gift registry" for different organizations I believe in and wanted to raise money for. But it ended up being about me declaring that I would love for myself (this is different than being self-obsessed-- which I excel in) no matter what. Unconditional self love and support.

It's a hard thing to commit to doing. But if I can't marry myself, why would anyone else want to? Not that getting married to someone else is the end goal. The end goal is to be happy and happier with life no matter what happens to you that you can't control.

We did a bouquet toss and everything last night. It was hilarious. Pictures to come.

The last days were so impacted. I did my "Whoring for Hollywood! Big Hollywood Showcase!" Monday at the Comedy Central Workspace and it went over really well. Apparently even the folks from Comedy Central had a good laugh. It turns out-- I'm an awesome sellout! I didn't think it was possible for my vision to go over in that kind of setting, but all the time I spent in May working that show so it was still true to who I was, and yet still entertaining-- really paid off. A lot of my friends who hadn't seen me perform in a while came. Like my friend Dwayne came and was like, "Wow, you've really grown a lot."

I have.

The sky is open. I feel it. And I can't wait til I am on the beaches of Florida feeling that sky a few days from now in front of my own private artist's cottage. It's been a nice long crawl to get here and having those little moments to find a little ledge to stand on and admire the view is tremendously validating. A few years ago, I was selling whatever I could online to make ends meet. Now, I am proud to say that even if I spend a lot of time doing arts admin crap, it is at least directed towards my vision.

I am in front of some amazing possibilities. I've earned it. I embrace it.

Labels: artist life., road wong, vision, winnings

So for once, in our somewhat impersonal email relationship, Obama emails me, not to ask me for more money... but to tell me... we are pretty much within reach.

It's sweet. But where is my shirt?

The guy asks me every two days for $25. He flakes out on sending me my shirt and I get no time with him because he's so busy with his "career." Geez Louise Obama! Are you my boyfriend or what? Because you are reminding me of men I've dated!

Good news is... I came pretty close to raising my goal of $100 for Myanmar/ Burma. Between Sunshine, KT's partner Kim, Jinsoo and my $20... we have about $100. Thanks for everyone who has sent money over! Next up, I'm trying to save up a little for China's earthquake relief. This month is a little tricky financially because I'm not touring. Not touring= No income! And even with all the cooking I've been doing, money seems to pour through my fingers.

But I have faith! It will all be ok. I'm writing some grants and taking some time to rest and reconnect to LA.... catching up with paperwork... before I leave again.

It's been a bit quiet over here on Planet Wong. I am working on my "Big Hollywood Showcase" that is my Birthday celebration of sorts. It's at the Comedy Central Showcase.... yes... a big deal! Peep the flyer below. And please come!



Basically, I've been reworking my old showbits into this showcase. It's a pretty nutty so far. Kind of filthy and raunchy. But I guess that's who I am on the inside.

Back to the grind.

Labels: artist life., hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, Obama is hot, vision

Hey everyone, the "Yours Truly, Miss Chinatown" documentary in which you can see 5+ years of Kristina Wong bad hair is premiering in Los Angeles soon. See the trailer below....



Screening information for LA is here.

I'm actually scheduled to be performing as "Fannie Wong, Former Miss Chinatown 2nd Runner Up" on the Xin Lu Bus tour (the film fest on wheels bus tour) as part of the VC Filmfest, so I will miss the experience of dozens of people watching my innards spew outwards.

I actually feel quite nervous about seeing the documentary. Because I was sobbing so much at times for the camera and you best bet that over the last few years, she caught a lot of crap on me! A couple of folks who have seen it already say I have nothing to worry about, but I may just let it be and keep my copy of the documentary locked up in the bowels of history. But I knew it was important to me to record my life and intentions in some way. Even, if that meant forever cockblocking myself.

However, you are welcome to go and tell me what you think!

My first show in Queens was yesterday! What an experience! There was a power outage at Queens Theater in the Park and the lights were out all over the park and they had to hold the show for 35 minutes. I had to choose to do the show with the emergency lights on in the theater (which eventually turned themselves off.) But I was so grateful that the show wasn't cancelled that I put all my love out there for all 15 folks who took the train out to buttfreak Flushing to see me!

I ended the show with a bow, but also jumped into the audience and shook each person's hand individually... because well... I could.

One more show on Sunday!

I can't believe I've been living here in Williamsburg for so long. I don't know how to describe what's it's like to live in a neighborhood that's so trendy and where there are ridiculous trendy people walking around at all hours. It's like Burningman, or Disneyland-- at least in the sense of the immediate community moving around you. It's like barely 70 degrees and people are out sunbathing in bikinis and shirtless because they crave the sun so much.

Labels: artist life., i'm kristina wong, new york city, no more dong, oh my god, reality tv, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn

In considering the present degradation of mankind and the progress of the women's movement reversed in just one episode of Rock of Love 2 (Really Bret Michaels? You're giving the women coupons they can redeem to hang out with you? Really?! And why is that Katherine woman referred to as "old" when she is actually YOUR age?! Are you serious?)

AND seeing as that I'm addicted to these dating shows despite these infractions they have on my humanity, I've decided to jump into the degradation....

Network executives! I have a pitch that will be sure to increase your viewership among performance art aficionados, third wave feminist academics, and nasty old white pervies.

It's A Shot at Love with Kristina Wong!

Synopsis: 36 beautiful men and women (mostly Korean) ranging from ages 22-80 move into Kristina's 2 bedroom apartment in West LA for a chance to win the heart of this reclusive-yet-extroverted, neurotic-yet-sincere big bad Chinese cat lady. Each week, Kristina eliminates the unworthy, and those who remain will get a special crochet hook on a necklace ensuring another week in the apartment and the one ultimate shot at love with Kristina!

Week 1: Welcome to West LA!
All the contestants get off the Santa Monica Blue Bus and drag their luggage two blocks past the corner liquor store and the loitering homeless on Santa Monica Blvd to move into Kristina's apartment! The 36 all huddle into the living room where every imaginable sleeping area is claimed faster than you can say "Interdisciplinary Performance Artist!" Kristina rolls up in her pink benz to greet her future suitors in an outfit to die for-- A hand crocheted poncho! All Koreans who show up get a "use-whenever" coupon to hang out with Kristina and are automatically moved to the next round creating racial tension in the apartment.

After a night of mingling over orange juice and bottle water, Kristina picks a handful of the unlucky who will not make the next round.


Week 2: Who is oppressed? And who can comment on it ironically?

Challenge: To find out who can most identify with Kristina's work, she's set up a challenge that will really put them in her shoes. Using only fake blood, a roll of toilet paper, and butoh movement, the contestants must convey their inner legacies of oppression by creating an improvised performance art piece. Bonus points awarded to those who can be self-referential. The winners get to go on a special bike date with Kristina and buy her sushi.


Week 3: The Cat Lady Cometh

Challenge: What would you do for Kristina's love? In this challenge, massive piles of cat diarrhea and cat pee have been left in the apartment by Kristina's cat Oliver. And the contestants who clean up the most wins a date with Kristina at nearby Stoner Park for a vegetarian BBQ that they will cook for her.


Week 4: Grant me a Future

Challenge: Kristina needs help writing a high stakes Rockerfeller MAPP Grant that needs to be postmarked by midnight. So all the contestants get a shot at writing Kristina's grant. The strongest grantee wins a date with Kristina-- a shopping spree at Ross Dress for Less! But here's the challenge twist-- every two minutes, one of Kristina's friends will instant message with nothing important to say. Can they survive the online distractions, write the killer grant and get to the airport post office in time?


Week 5: Oil me up!
Challenge: Seeing as the price of vegetable oil has now climbed higher than that of gasoline, Kristina sends her contestants to the back alleys of some of LA's finest strip malls to find some fuel for her pink Benz. The contestants must pump and filter used cooking oil so that it is usable for driving. The one who returns with the most usable oil wins a date taking Kristina to the auto shop in Silverlake (where it was dropped off for yet another mechanical problem during the last episode) so she can actually put the fuel in her car.


Week 6: Can you tech Wong?

Challenge: This week's special guest judge is Jen, Kristina's theater technician that has toured with her on the road. Jen once teched Kristina's show from behind the scrim-- meaning she teched her show BLIND! Jen will do a crash course with the Wong-loving hopefuls on reading Kristina's scrawly handwriting and how to read Kristina's inconsistent stage cues. Jen will also offer tips on how to kick Kristina out of a pre or post show panic.

Whoever can best tech Kristina's show after this crash course wins a special date to see the Wooster Group at the REDCAT.

But here's the real twist-- they won't be teching the show in a theater but a cafeteria! Can they make it work?


Week 7: Oh the Yarns we Tangle

Challenge: Oh no! All of Kristina's yarn stash has come loose and tangled. Even her really nice Rowan yarn. The contestants must untangle and re-skein the yarn so she can knit it. The winning fiber untangler gets to go on a date with Kristina to Wildfiber, Kristina's favorite local
yarn store in Santa Monica.


Week 8: Guess Who's coming for dinner?

Challenge: The contestants are surprised when ex-Calvin Klein model and all over hot lesbian Jenny Shimizu shows up as surprise judge. Jenny grills the remaining hopefuls for their "creepy factor" screening out those with right-wing tendencies, lack of motivation, and an obscene collection of Japanese anime deemed as too creepy for Kristina's love.

Drama hits the house when Jenny starts to come onto Kristina. After Kristina and Jenny engage in intense lovemaking, walk arm-in-arm past all of Kristina's ex-boyfriends, and taking plenty of photo evidence to document it all, Kristina sends (heartbroken) Jenny on her way.


Week 9: Meet the Wongs
The remaining three contestants fly to San Francisco where they will meet Kristina's parents and extended family in what stands to be the greatest challenge yet-- gaining the Wong Family seal of approval. Who's FICA score is strong enough to withstand Mama Wong's credit check? Who will survive Papa Wong playing Whitney Houston's self-titled album on a loop for five straight hours?

Kristina eliminates one, and only two remain.

Week 10: Only One is Right for Wong
Kristina takes the final two for a special getaway. No, not Miami.... not Jamaica... not Hawaii. But Sawtelle Blvd, a few blocks from the West LA apartment! Exotic! Kristina springs for dinner at Yashima's where she worked as a hostess for a month after college (they still hook her up). There she asks the final two to put all their guns on the table and sing their best Karaoke renditions of a GnR song.

In a spectacular finale ceremony in Kristina's carport that involves battery powered Christmas lights and fake flowers bought on clearance-- the winner of Kristina's heart is revealed.

**********************

It's a sexy idea for a show isn't it? Yes, I thought you'd agree.

I'm going to cry now and brush my cat.

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, artist life., cat lady, cat pee, crafty, crochet, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

So I went from being the big Kahuna in Miami to being the doormat du jour in Los Angeles. The CBS showcase is Tuesday and I swear it's crushing my soul. I appear in one sketch (even my one liner role as Ming the Burmese handjob giver was cut). I never remember theater being so cut-throat. It truly is a business. I don't regret the experience of the showcase and it really is thickening my skin.

During yesterday's rehearsal I had the following thoughts. Like really, I had these thoughts...

* "Where can I buy drugs like coke?"
* "Maybe I should call my sex worker friend and see how I can get into her line of work."
* "Is the bar in my closet high enough to hang myself from?"

I also called my hypnotherapist friend during the rehearsal to schedule an emergency appointment. I've never tried hypnotherapy, but right now I need all the magic fairy dust I can get to maintain my sanity.

I was also caught trying to poke my eyes out with my own finger during the rehearsal.

If anything, I am really understanding how important it is that I do my own work and how lucky I am that if this acting stuff never pans out, I will always have performance art to lean on (how freaking strange is that?!). And as much as I want to retire from performance art and make tons of money in ONE city rather than roam the globe for pennies, at least I have my own artistic vision at the end of the day.

My friend, the famous playwright Alice Tuan said that she felt my blogs made it seems like my life was really charmed and easy-ish. Which is so crazy because despite the perks, my life is totally insanely crazy. It was really good seeing Alice last night after the monster day with CBS. I cried and cried and then we laughed together.

Anyway, I've been up looking at my press from Miami. Check it.

Miami New Times
(Yet again, I find another opportunity to call out the Korean Pick Up artist like the psycho freak bitch I am.)


Anyway, so I'm planning to go to church today. I need to pray. I don't care what god. I just need to pray.



I also seem to be on Miami time still. As I'm blogging at 5am and going to bed at 9pm.

Labels: artist life., balance, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, losing my mind in los angeles, miami, neediness., press, stamina, vision

I'm in Berkeley where the show opens tonight. I'm a little nervous. But I also know that I know this show pretty well now. So well, that it's becoming a different monster sometimes. I didn't personally do a lot of marketing outreach. I hired some help for that and am relying largely on word of mouth. I sent a lot of postcards out and most of those are in two big stacks at the theater still. I am getting to the point in my career that I can't be flyering all over town and doing the show all by myself and I have to just let it be.

My show has transformed so much and I wish in ways that my pants weren't so down when I premiered here last December. I think the audience still enjoyed it and all my crowds were very generous with their applause. But it could have been a lot better. I really look at this run as a chance to redeem myself.

And this time, no Q&A! I have boundaries baby!

I flew Nurit up here to help look at the show. Since I've been on break all summer, I look at this weekend as my "homecoming" for the shows to come in the Fall and Spring. I was telling her about how I wish it had come along this far sooner.

She said, "Hey, the show took the journey it took. That's that."

Which makes me realize how important it is for artists to have the space to develop their work. Readings, informal showings, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of emerging artists don't get as many shots as I have to get the show down right.

Labels: artist life.

Last week I was feeling disgruntled for all the paperwork that seems to go into keeping me alive. On a quiet and lonely Saturday night, I was too exhausted to go out and enjoy the evening, and had too much work to finish to move.

Then I open my mail to find I got approved for a grant that will help me pay for a web designer, arts writer, and booking assistant for the next few months.

It was a very sweet moment to have. Alone in my apartment. On a Saturday night on an empty and growling stomach. Holding that acceptance letter.

I wrote this grant during my existential crisis this past summer. I recall it took me a whole week of moaning and groaning and a cup of tears to finish. I even drove to the airport post office to get it in by the postmark deadline.

By corporate standards it's a small amount I will receive, but it will do me so much good. I am not complaining at all. It's the absolute best investment I will make. And finally, I see the possibility of being a balanced artist again.

So if anyone is interested...I am hiring a booking assistant (preferably with experience in booking live theater) and an arts writer/publicist who can help sass up the writing on my website and marketing materials. There is pay! Send your resumes!

One of my students Saturday said, "Kristina I was reading your blog. It's so interesting to see how you've progressed over time."

Indeed. A few years ago I contemplated selling my underwear over the internet. I'd wake up every morning panicked and discouraged. It sucked.

Now I can take care of myself. And I bring in others to help me because there is so much abundance to manage. And it's a great feeling.

Thank you.

Labels: art talk, artist life., balance, empowerment, the secret

I just got off the phone with Pearl J Park, a filmmaker in NYC who is doing a documentary on depression among APAs. She was interested in shooting the show in NY for her doc. I found myself getting into the old familiar rant that I've been getting into lately about how much I hate Q&As, how I resent being a "spokesperson" for all things traumatic and suicidal, how I resent being the "go-to" girl when you need to talk to someone "authentically mentally ill".

Poor woman had to listen to me ranting about this. Poor me had to rant.

Also my dear readers, I don't know if you are listening out there, but here I go again, screaming into the sky. I really appreciate your support, but please know I am DONE with adding new parts of the show. I don't need to talk to any more depressed people. I don't need to read any more articles. And I don't need to be forwarded anything anymore. I appreciate you volunteering information to me. But I'm DONE.

PLEASE STOP SENDING ME ARTICLES, RECOMMENDATION ON DEPRESSED PEOPLE TO TALK TO, AND RECOMMENDATIONS FOR NEW SECTIONS ON THE SHOW.

AND NO. I'M NOT GOING TO DO A SHOW ABOUT ASIAN MEN AND DEPRESSION.

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

One thing Pearl said on the phone is how important it is to protect our vision as artists and to protect ourselves. I look back at the last year of putting this show together and feel like the community has metaphorically raped me. I know... this is an extreme thing to say. But I feel like very few people in their interest in their show actually cared about what my artistic vision was, and instead have pushed their agenda on me to enact. I especially felt raped by my audience during my Q&As in the Bay Area. There I was up onstage, letting myself be vulnerable and miscontextualized. Being asked to expose my most private parts. And unable to say no or stop it. It was horrible.

I don't ever want that to happen again.

I was asked once to be on a radio show where the topic would be depression and suicide among APAs. I said I was happy to come on and talk about my show and the tricky process of trying to make it. But they wanted me to come on as an "authentically suicidal woman" and talk about my non-existent "experiences of being suicidal." NO THANKS! I'm not going to even begin to tell you how annoying and wrong that was.

Nurit, my director said, "You know, you get those questions, because you invite people to invade you like that. If you don't want that to happen, then don't do the Q&A."

Leilani suggested that we put cards in the program and feedback can be written in those cards instead of asked during the Q&A.

I really feel it time to put my foot down. So from here on out. No more Q&As. We are scrapping the Q&A in LA. There's no reason for them. I get nothing from them but grief. I'm totally incoherent during them. I'll do them at schools, if they want them to be done and if there are enough moderators present. But no more fielding questions from people that serve no purpose but to agitate me.

***

And now... onto other less agitated news.


The folks at Lunapads found my blog and invited me especially to enter their commercial contest. I put this together in an hour.



I think I got a good shot of winning since there were only 6 entries.

I will win more cloth pads if I am picked. Yay.



My friend Alex in London did a response video. Ironically, his has more views than mine.


Now I have to go meditate because I'm agitated.

Labels: art talk, artist life., lunapads, moon, vision

It's been a minute and kind of yucky to look at the blog and see the last event that marks me is the whole CSUN thing. Onto other topics...

I just did a show in Santa Cruz on Monday and am getting ready for my show in LA that happens NEXT WEEK! Man does the time fly. I'm sad I'm missing the Visual Communications Film Fest this year because I'm pretty much in rehearsals or was doing shows the whole time. I never miss that festival.

Always good to work and be busy though.

So far the reservation list looks pretty good as both shows are almost half reserved! There are only 132 seats. Sad that I'll only be doing two shows...

I was on KPFK Radio this morning with Riku and I was saying, "I told myself the last two years that I was working on this show: Why am I doing this? This is so intense! This was such a stupid topic to explore on my own. Why am I still doing this?"

Riku asked, "Yeah? Why did you keep working on it?"

I really didn't have a clear answer for him. But I thought about it the whole drive home. Why did I make myself so nuts? I think it's because I'm stubborn. Because I had told people I was doing this show and you can't back off once you make stuff public. (Well, actually you can. And many people do. But I'm stubborn as hell when it comes down to it and unfinished projects breed mega guilt in me.) That and it seemed like there was a lot of pressure to do this show. And I already committed to show dates before the show was writ.

So far that's the best answer I've come up with.

Labels: artist life.