From the snow to the desert. I am in the Grady Gammage theater right now and there are like 12 crew people setting up the stage for me. Oh no wait... they are BUILDING a stage for me. JESUS! Is this really my life? The show is almost sold out and I've never even been here before. My name shows up on advertisements next to Mary Poppins which also plays here. The talk I'm giving tonight will have like 80 people there.

I give talks in different classes every day and someone from ASU picks me up and drops me by. And they ask me what I'd like to drink and bring it for me. After having sat in the woods fighting my humidifier, and wondering if I am really an artist or not, I can't believe the fanfare here. I can't believe this is my awesome life.

Nine years ago, I wrote my first solo show and was scraping by making a living on ebay. I was playing whatever venue would have me. Now I have all these crew people here setting up a stage for my show. I am selling out cities I've never been to before. I feel like a rock star.

(A non-profit rock star.)

Labels: artist life, road wong

It was getting late, and neither myself nor my father felt like going to Redwood City in pursuit of an old coat. So I'm cutting the tags off my purchases and I'm ready to look like a million bucks at MacDowell... Specifically... like 292 bucks.

And this is the end of JacketGate. For now at least....

I am so excited about MacDowell. I plan to go on walks and do weird meditative breathing and write and get fat eating gourmet food. And get a lot of writing in.

I learned a lot from two summers ago when I was in Florida. To not take on too much, not beat myself up for not getting as much work done. And to stay away from the internet... So we'll see how that goes!

Here's the video of where I'm going. It's so out of control quaint and perfect.

Labels: artist life, MacDowell

A sneak peak of what APACUNT is looking like. We've done two shows with three to go! We're pretty exhausted. Somehow I thought doing five original shows in an informal format would be easier than dragging a solo scripted show to NYC.


We've had wonderful audiences and a lot of unscripted moments come out. It's really the vision I have wanted for a new ambitious theater work. Come out!

Labels: artist life, new york city

My legs look straight out of a medical textbook.

This week was long and went by fast. I definitely had a moment mid-week where I was homesick for Los Angeles. (What?!) There's a reason why people who move from out of state to Los Angeles go on and on about "how great the LA weather is." With the absence of seasons in Los Angeles also comes the wonderful absence of mosquitos. I am reminded quickly that in every other city in the world must deal with the reality of flesh eating bugs.

This week was rough on me, I couldn't sleep a couple nights because I was so bitten. I'd wake up at 4am, rub any and all of the offerings at CVS for bug bites, pass out, and wake up again to itching. I have also not been able to get the exercise I normally get in LA because there are so many bugs out here it's a whole process of spraying intense amounts of deet on and still getting bit when you walk out.

In this week alone, my legs have provided the sustenence to singlehandedly double the population of NO-SEE-UMs here at New Smyrna Beach (see photo above).


On Tuesday, a beekeeper came by and talked to us about honeybees. There's a hive here at the residency. It's quite fascinating. Honeybees are dying out! Pesticides is one reason. Also, people aren't getting into the beekeeping profession the way they used to. Though there is a resurgence of independent beekeepers. There are hobbyist beekeepers who have bee colonies on their rooftops in New York City.

He gave us plastic spoons to take bites of pure honey in the honeycomb. It was so delicious.

The story of the honey bees is perhaps an allegory for migration, greed, and working together. But I couldn't tell you why. Too complicated for this blog.


After his talk we went over to the hives at the ACA compound but unfortunately, there were no bees there because some beetles who are not native to Florida had eaten all the bee larvae.

It was kind of anti-climatic to come out after his lecture and look at empty and deserted honeycombs.

He was talking more about how bad pesticides were for the bees and at that moment the No-see-ums were totally feasting on my thighs, I wanted to squirt down with bug spray right then but felt the moment wasn't appropriate because he was going on and on about how bad chemicals are. As a result, I ended up with very itchy, very hot swollen and bug eaten legs.


This is New Smyrna Beach. The big deal with the beaches from here to Daytona is you can drive your car right on the sand. For some reason the sand is wet and packed flat which keeps the cars from sinking in. The flat wet sand is annoying to put your blanket on because the towel gets wet fast, and when you pick up your blanket to go home, there's algae growing under there! The joys of moisture.


My fancy lady artists friends hit the beach.


On Tuesday, we cancelled the workshop to watch MJ's memorial. It was pretty surreal that the entire country/world was focused on this ceremony. I found the whole thing pretty fascinating. Talk about your use of euphemisms and generous verbal editing!

We were all in tears when Paris Jackson, the daughter so shielded from the press, took the mic, and screamed how much she would miss her father. It was real. Three children who now don't have parents. I found it so ironic that all her family could do was coach her into the mic and groom her hair. Showbiz family instincts.

When it was over, I asked aloud, "So can we go back to the American past time of ridiculing famous people until they die unexpectedly and then we feel bad and miss them?"


My new favorite artist is ACA Associate Artist-in-Residence Brian Feldman who perhaps is Orlando's answer to "What else you got besides Disney World? And for cheap?"

Brian does endurance and site-specific performance. Stuff I wish I could do more of. As it is, doing the stuff that you can charge people tickets for is a stressful enough way to make a living. So there's only so much 24 hour ladder jumping or 8 hour newspaper reading that I can imagine doing before I am thrown in complete financial peril. My hats off to the artists like Brian who execute every crazy and brilliant idea that comes to them.

He owns a portable marquee which is so smart for what he does. An instant theater in every space! Even a bedroom!


His show was a site-specific cabaret called "Under the Covers." Basically, he sang songs by request with a live accompanist all from underneath his blankets. It came from a dream he had the first night he was here and genius that he is, he turned it into real life. I was in awe and hysterics the entire time and told him that when he comes to LA, he is welcome to perform in my bedroom!!! (Shut up you wiseguys!)


Eli is son of Master artist Carol Kim. He is 5 years old and announced at lunch that he was holding a robot drawing contest at dinner and that there would be a prize for the first and second best drawings. It was so charming and probably the first time we had been galvanized as a whole to produce creative work on the fly. He produced and juried the competition. We found ourselves all drawing robots. It was so seemingly low pressure but I was struck with the need to win. I snuck glances at everyone else's drawing to borrow robot features I might have forgotten.


This is Eli on the left and Chris (the winner) on the right. The prize was a "crane/blaster" made of plastic tape, paper, and plastic knives.


My drawing is on the right. I tried to pull Eli's heartstrings by naming the robot after him (the "Eli-tron 2000") and I presented the only 2-headed robot. In one hand, ice cream! In the other, a $100 bill. But the kid was not bribed nor swayed by my amazing drawing. I didn't place.

Last night we went down to Daytona Beach which can best be described to Miami what Jersey is to New York City. We're going again tonight. White trash anthropology at its finest.

Labels: artist life, road wong

No, it's not my new boyfriend. Nor a local... well, yes a local, but a local artist named Brian Feldman who is also in residence here at Atlantic Center for the Arts. He's in costume because we all went to see the race at Daytona. His work is brilliant. In fact, today he hosted a 10 hour hot dog eating contest. I would be competing... but... read below at my agony...

Last year at this time, I was wandering around the Manasota Key (on another artist residency) with Larry the Cracker (an older fella with a confederate flag hat who taught me to fish). We watched the fireworks go off, said goodbye, and then I ran back into the artist residency house and locked both locks of the door.

This 4th of July, I celebrate my independence by working for the umpteenth day in a row on a grant application. Oh yes, and watching the clip of Sarah Palin recite that run-on sentence from yesterday for a live audience of seven. (WTF?!)

I want to run about with the other artists, but unfortunately, I gotta lock in the dough.


Here is the view I have from my laptop, chained to miserable narrative questions.




But on a brighter note! Here's my report from yesterday's trek to Daytona....



Last night we got tickets from the Chef who works here to go to Daytona 250 to watch cars go by. We had to buy two tickets from scalpers so the six of us could all get in. The value of each ticket was $60! But we only had to pay $60 for the extra two tickets.


Let's just say this auto racing shit is the armpit of masculinity. I don't get it. I learned that the number after the race (in this case "250") is not the combined IQ of the stadium but it means how many miles the cars go around. Yes! There is seriously a subculture where thousands of people gather to watch cars drive 250 miles. This race takes HOURS. We were at the top of the stands and it was friggin loud. We didn't stay til the end. After the obligatory gawking at the locals and trying to wait it out for the fireworks, we trudged back home.

We stopped at a bikini bar called "Bottoms Up" that's near our compound. It was standard depressing fare but as curious visitors we had to see the dredgery for ourselves. There is a 23 year old artist named Chris from Wisconsin who is here. Poor thing is a vanilla cupcake and was freaking out and processing out loud with me about how he felt like he was "feeding the patriarchy."

I handed him a dollar and said, "Dude. Just give this to the dancer and help her pay the rent."



Here I was earlier in the week giving a presentation on my entire life's work. I had five minutes to do it. I put on my nice dress for it. It went over ok.

Ok, back to begging.

Labels: artist life, road wong

Here I am. Did you miss me?

I am sitting in a cafe on Bedford Ave in Williamsburg where I am attempting to WRITE funny. I decided to extend my trip to Yale by nine days to get some funny written while staying in Williamsburg. So far I have a bunch of halfway decent "Top Ten Lists." And a lot of stray thoughts that aren't hitting the paper/screen right.

Perhaps people don't actually getting writing done as cafes, perhaps they just look like they are writing.

Because that's what I'm doing right now. I look like I am writing.

Labels: artist life

I'm in Seattle in a cute little coffee house in the I District. The weather is like the worst of San Francisco all day long. But seeing a real winter with falling leaves has it's charm. I only know winters in LA because the City puts up holiday decorations on Wilshire and there is a temporary ice skating rink in Santa Monica.

I got in yesterday and I've been staying with my composer friend Byron who helped me find a tv set so we could watch a "Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins.

It was feminist research.

After two seasons of Tila Tequila, just when you didn't think it couldn't get worse, the folks at MTV looked under the bottom of the barrel and found two obscure import models who are both "bisexual." They are quite homely looking and uninteresting. But they are much more convincing at being bisexual than Tila Tequila was.

We ended up watching the show at my friend Howard's boyfriend's place. It was so funny to watch the show with three gay men. They really got into it and were commenting on the selection of straight men as if they were the Ikki twins.

There's much more critical theory I can go into about reality dating tv shows. But I won't.

I randomly got a comment today on an old and really personal blog entry I made over two years ago, back when I was in a relationship (that was actually disintegrating partly because my career "blowing up"-- at least that's what I'd like to think had happened.... ). That was a weird blog entry to reread. I can't believe I put it out there. Oh well. So it goes.

And now two years later, I still find myself in somewhat of the same boat. Still traveling the country, alone, coming home to the cat. Except, I'm married to myself. Which (somehow) helped ease the feelings of being crazy when I'm on the road alone. It was a hard life to get used to but time has made me slightly more resigned to this roaming the country with my art as being a way of life.

Just ten years ago I hated being alone. I didn't know what to do myself if dropped off in a new place to explore. And now, it's a marvelous way of living. I guess.

I am weary of traveling alone as a single Asian woman in other parts of the world. Safety is a huge concern. As is feeling marked by my body. I went to Europe in college and the incessant screams of "Konichiwa!" in the street were enough to make me punch someone's lights out.

I'd like to pow-wow with other single women artists of color my age who make a living doing creative work and have to travel so much to make a living. Are we the revolutionaries of our generation? Or the new spinsters?

Speaking of unmarried spinsterism, I am actually hanging out with my friend Wes Kim tonight and spinning yarn with his wife after dinner on her spinning wheel. It's all I've been looking forward to about coming to Seattle all year.

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #7

I also realize I have not blogged about being carless in a while. So here is the update.

The good. The bus means I've actually been reading the newspaper instead of letting them pile up in the house still bound. And I've been reading books! My mind has been wandering back to a more creative space now that I don't have to stare at the ass of a car in traffic for hours on end. I also have a lot more money at the end of each month which I blow on booze.

There are some downers about it. Like, I was offered a free month of acting classes, except they were in Burbank which is a pain to get to, especially at night-- do I rent a car just to go to that class? Or do I just pay for classes that are in my area for the equivalent amount? There are also tight time frames that I can't do. I used to have this ritual on Sunday of going to the Farmer's Market, getting a tamale, and then going to church, and maybe after going for Ethiopian food after. But I can only choose one of the three. It's also trickier to do a lot of errands, even if they are along the bus route home. Like I can't just jump off the bus, do the errand, and get back on like it's the subway in NY. I'd have to buy a day pass and be prepared to wait and wait and wait at the stop and only do errands where I won't have to pick up things that are super heavy.

The quirks. The poop pee vomit smell on some of the buses is no fun, nor is the more eclectic company of homeless people I wait at the stops with. Though it is interesting to see how long some of them can sustain conversations with themselves.

I've been researching backpacks with wheels to make things easier on my back when I have things like a laptop and stuff to lug around. This is admittedly a baby step towards becoming a total bag lady. Though I think I've already gotten there in the shopping cart that I keep padlocked to my balcony.

Byron is also turning me on to getting an electric bike. That way I can get up hills and do long distances easier without having to get a special license or scooter insurance. The issue is... electric bikes are around $1400! Bleh.

I still haven't quite figured out the safest way out of downtown at night. The other night I went to visit my manager in Downtown LA and even though it was only 8pm when I left, it was kinda sheisty out. I insisted on waiting for the 720 which is a half block from his office, but when these homeless people started screaming at each other, he walked me to Pershing Square to get home, so that I wouldn't be waiting at the 720 stop like a big target. He's actually quite supportive of me going carless and excited about this new show I'm (supposed to be) working on about LA carlessness because he's from NY. I thought when my car caught on fire that he'd be like, "You need to get a car! How are you going to take meetings in this town without a car?" But he seems to sympathize with my car trauma. Though he does say I'm being "really hardcore" to go so long without a car.

I still have car owner phobia. It's a good time now to buy a new car because nobody is buying cars plus car dealers are desperately trying to meet end of year quotas. But I'd so much rather put that money into a house or my friend's restaurant. And even the idea of having to buy new tires or get an oil change sends shivers of post-traumatic Harold stress down my back.

I have dreams about owning cars. At least twice I've had dreams about owning a smart car (those little two seaters). Harold (my old veg oil car) has shown up in a couple dreams too. I also had a dream that my grandpa was driving me around because I had no car.

I met someone the other day who owns a vegetable oil car. She said her car was doing fine. I felt so alone in my veggie-car-on-fire sadness. How come I seem to be the only one whose car caught on fire after thousands of dollars in repairs? Why me?! Why?!

I think this new carless show will be a love story/ story about an abusive relationship. The automobile that betrayed me. The ones that call me back to own them. And how I fight his beckon call to instead, travel about the world on my own two feet (and bus pass). Smelling like someone else's vomit.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, hollywood wong, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

I'm still in LA. My folks are staying with me for a few days. I've been sewing and doing my thing. I've also been very post election bluesy....

Labels: artist life

Yet again, the economy has interrupted any semblance of normal sleep patterns to bring me....

THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW I SHALL RETIRE! AND MAKE MONEY IN THE AILING STOCK/ HOUSING MARKET!

How is it I am becoming my parents? I never thought I'd be obsessed with things like retirement and the stock market. I always figured if I got old and had no savings that I'd do background work in movies because old people doing extra work seems to be in really high demand-- at least now it does. That, or I'd do the equivalent of what the 70+ year old Thai Elvis does at Palms Thai Restaurant in Hollywood-- dress up as "Chinese Barbara Streisand" and sing standards at a Chinese restaurant in my olden years. I guess by the time I am old, movie studios will figure out how to CGI background actors into scenes so we will be totally unnecessary. For this Brave New World-- I must be prepared!

Somehow, as of late, I've turned the corner and there it was ahead of me... the great beyond of living up your artsy 20s comes the realities of getting older. And the scary realities of what this economy is doing to the market for artists. I have a few engagements coming up, but nothing like what it used to be. Playgirl has folded. My friends can't even budget enough to go out for a beer, let alone live theater. More dates are going dutch on this classy broad than I think necessary.

So rather than drown, I choose flight. Who is coming with me?

I'll always be an artist, AND I will always be a financially savvy one. I have long since rejected labels like "starving artist," "struggling artist" or "poor artist." Because the more you let people call you that (and the more you call yourself that), the more you become it.

At the same time, "living rich" doesn't mean you should blow your savings at the bar, or outspend your means because you "deserve it." I see this happen so much. I have friends who are drowning in debt, or worse, filing for bankruptcy in their 20s and 30s.

For a half second, when I was tired of writing grants, I contemplated marrying into wealth by going on Bravo's "The Millionaire Matchmaker"-- but there ain't no free lunch sisters. That show is so sad. All these millionaires dating out of work actresses with no sense of identity. All these women desperately clawing towards these douches.

Listen to me! I am married to myself! Women need to learn to take care of themselves without the help of men. Yes, and we must learn to take care of the family with only a little, if any, of their help. We must have our own backs. It sucks, but we must do it!

The scary thing is in my last few relationships, I've been the "rich" one... WTF?!

I'm reading all sorts of wikihow articles on how the stock market works, how to be rich, and how to invest.
Here are some interesting things from the how to be rich article.

• Cut expenses
• Get a job that pays more or get a promotion
• Downgrade or give up your car
• Downgrade your apartment or house
• Reallocate your spare time

Well, I got the give up your car thing! Now I must work on the other four.

See you at the country club! I'll be arriving by bus!

Labels: artist life, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, marriage grown up crap, oh my god, outsourcing american jobs, property mogul

Bai Ling, fashion misfit and famous actress (but don't ask me to name what movies she's been in because I can only think of a few... "Wild Wild West" and... "Beautiful Country" and hmmm....) came to my show on Friday! She said to me after the show, "You're crazy! You should end the show nude!" I asked her, "Can I call you 'Bai Ling'?" and she was like, "Call me 'Bai anything'!"

Wow, it's Thursday and I'm finally getting back to work. I've been cracked out the last few days just sitting in my own filth, pretending to unpack (my set is still all over the living room), sewing my felt dolls, and slowly facing the reality of two months ahead in LA and no real work. No tour dates, no big shows... just... DOWNTIME (?)

And no real income!! Oh boy! Hit the panic button!!!!!

But wait...

Luckily, I've learned that I need to keep myself scheduled. There are a couple grant deadlines this week and a whole host of stuff ahead. So maybe the post partum depression that inevitably hits after a big show will pass right straight by this time around. I do have my BECAUSE IV workshop to float me through the end of the year. That will be fun. And a few little speaking gigs here and there. So it's a welcome respite and a nice surprise to be home for EIGHT STRAIGHT WEEKS?

What other things can I do to occupy my time? Well, VH1 starts the second season of the "Pick Up Artist." Plus some other crackalicious shows like "Rock of Love's Charm School," and "Real Chance at Love" starring reality show rejects Real and Chance, who were rejected by New York who was rejected by Flavor Flav (twice), who was rejected by Brigette Nielsen. So meta.

What will I do with all this time? I've been sewing, watched Season 4 of the office, called a bunch of people who won't return my calls, pretended to clean, watched theater. Gotten a massage.

I guess I actually have some downtime to create some new art work. IMAGINE THAT! Art time!

I've also set a goal to come up with $5000 to put in a "nest egg" account by the end of the year. I am not sure how I will come up with this money though. But it starts with the thought.

Maybe I will sell crap in my apartment. Or hit up amateur night.

Labels: artist life, crafty, hollywood wong, marriage grown up crap, the secret

Just wanna let folks know I went to see the dentist. Not the free dentist but a good guy named Dr. Sakakura that came recommended by my friend Aika. And now my tooth is all fancy and fixed and no more food gets stuck back there.

Here is my photo album of my dentist visit.

The show closes this weekend. We shoot it tomorrow for camera so I have to get my beauty sleep.

Here's the latest review from the LA Weekly.

GO! WONG FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST Performer Kristina Wong opens her one-woman show under the pretense that she will, in an ­earnest yet fun-loving fashion, explore the cultural phenomenon of high rates of suicide and depression among Asian-American women. She then proceeds to fail spectacularly at this task, spiraling into a miasma of pseudoacademic theory and her own expression of identity. So what purports to be an entertaining and educational romp through the oft-trod territory of identity politics dissolves into a humorous and poignant refutation of there being much commonality to the female Asian-American experience at all. Wong’s conclusion is multifaceted and profoundly personal. She eschews indulging maudlin stereotypes while embracing — or maybe even reclaiming — a personal story at the core of every Asian-American woman. Wong’s performance is quick and controlled, allowing her to slowly unveil her portrait of madness with such skill, we barely realize it’s happening. Miles Memorial Playhouse, 1130 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica; Fri.-Sat., 8:30 p.m.; Sun. 3 p.m.; through Oct 5. (310) 998-8765. TeAda Productions (Luis Reyes)

Labels: artist life, press, The New Tweens

Today is my father's birthday. I called to wish him a Happy Birthday" and he asked: "Have you seen 'America's Got Talent?' so entertaining."

My mother picked up the phone and said, "I read your bob Kristina" (for some reason, my American born mother pronounces "blog"-- "bob") and then she began to scold me for my entry below. "You are creating a self fulfulling prophecy... If you keep thinking that nobody will come to your show... then nobody will. I think you should vocalize all the good things you think will happen like, 'What if the show sells out?'"

It was all so very "The Secret" of her. I was suprised. After all, I thought I got the gift for worry and panic from my parents.

So here are my new "what-ifs"....

What if my show sells out and people stop getting depressed and stop killing themselves?
What if everyone loves it?What if it goes really well and people love me?
What if men with jobs watch it and fall in love with me and ask me out and then marry me and I become a kept woman?


Thanks Mommy.

By the way, tomorrow morning (9/11) at 7am, I am on the KPFK morning show giving out free tickets for the show!

Labels: artist life, the secret

Is it just me or in the last ten years have the days shrunk? I seem to get nothing done in a day.

I have just been working on my run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Los Angeles. And I'm completely and totally freaked out about it all.

Among the "what-ifs" that I keep asking myself....

What if nobody comes?

What if nobody likes me?

What if nobody likes the show?

What if I play the show to two people on a given show night?

What if I play the show to NOBODY on a given show night?

What if I never get to be an artist again after this?

This is all so intimidating and scary. And yet, I've done this show quite successfully before on numerous occasions. I think what is so intimidating is how big the theater is. And I haven't done Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest since May. And I already feel like its "an old show."

Oh this growing girl that I am.

That's all. Time to stop worrying.

Here is the link to buy tickets! Please come to my show.

Labels: artist life

In all my madness of getting ready for my upcoming 3 week run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Los Angeles. (Btw, did you get your tickets yet?), I totally didn't realize that BigBadChineseMama.com (the once cutting edge for a fake porn site that I built way back when in college) had gone in for a redesign thanks to Steve at Asianloop.com. I really appreciate that he fixed it up for me! I had no motivation to.

New features....

* Submit yourself as a bride!
* More faux porn layout

It still needs a lot of rewriting and work. But it's up and that's where we'll start.

In other news, I am going to be a bridesmaid this winter in my friend Chay's wedding. Yay! A chance to participate in the world of hetero normativity within close proximity! I was a bridesmaid before for my friend's Mormon wedding, but because I was not Mormon could only show up at the reception with a wine colored skirt on and my offensive arms showing.

I was also asked to MC my friends, Mike and Nancy's wedding. That was cool. I wrote jokes and stuff for them that were too brilliant for the masses to understand. This time, I get to actually walk in the ceremony. I will forever be part of Chay's wedding memories! GASP!

Chay brought me a brochure of different bridesmaid dresses to choose from. I was a bit disappointed that there were no pop-up collars, sequins, gorgeously tacky bell sleeves, rip-away pants, or hoop skirts in any of the selections. But I will make due. I'm supposed to walk with her future brother-in-law (who's single and hot with a JOB, btw) down the aisle or something hetero-normative, pseudo marriage-ish like that.

I already told Chay I'm not going to be able to do this wedding stuff with a straight face or without mugging for the camera the whole time. And that if her future bro-in-law is as hot as he is in his pics, I'll probably just park my ass at the altar when we get there and scream, "My turn! My turn!" She said I can work my antics out during the rehearsal. I told her the rehearsal will only make my behavior at her wedding worse. I also volunteered to be the entertainment and introduce the families. Do a table dance, drinking contest.... you know, whatever it is these normal straight people do at these wedding things...

What can I say? I am the Wong.

Labels: artist life, i'm kristina wong, marriage grown up crap, uck you

The LA Times Article on my new work and the NOW Festival at REDCAT came out.....

Folks had requested I do another one of these but there were no roaches to kill... except for a brief cameo tonight... Short but sweet, and now I have another artist to help me shoot!

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, the pick up artist, to catch a predator

Hey riends, my f key is still out, so this update is mostly video and pictures.


Kristina Wong-- Fishing with Crackers Videoblog 7/5/08 from kristina wong on Vimeo.
Summing up my day with the redneck dad I never had.


Me showing my rod.


This is what I almost caught except like mine was over two feet long.


Another snook.


Iguana under the house.


This is Larry, my redneck Daddy, casting a net.


An unpublished videoblog from last week.


The Fireworks at the Beach! Right where I am staying.


Shark teeth that are ancient and wash up on the beach. There is also a manatee rib.


A guy caught a shark at sundown. A little baby.


But too small.


I am so lucky.


Yeah.

Labels: artist life, i'm kristina wong, moon, road wong, The New Tweens, the secret, uck you, vision

Oh, that was a bad idea to drink all that wine by myself.  I am here with crackers (the kind you eat, not the kind that live in Florida) trying to make this headache go away.

Labels: artist life, i'm kristina wong, marriage grown up crap, rednecks, road wong

You go out for all of 3 minutes without any bug spray on and..... ARGH!!!!! I am covered with bites from my legs to my arms! This sucks!! The bites are huge and HOT (not in a good way). Yet another reason why I'll be inside writing the book. It's gorgeous out, but nature is mean! By the way, I am so so so so close to polishing off a brand new first 50 pages of my novel. It's been really great to be totally in the writing zone. I'm finding new moments during this retreat that I know I wouldn't have found otherwise.

I am hoping that it's just the first 50 pages of a book that take this long. So much has to grab in those first few pages, as well as set up a good story. I still have so much work to do. My goal is a 200 page draft by the time I leave. Whoa whoa! It'll be the longest document I've ever written... that's for sure. A professional reader told me most publishable novels need to be least 250 pages. Oy, looks like I may have a novella on my hands. That's a lot of writing!

The nuts thing was that my "f" key on my laptop has stopped working last night. I could speculate on the many words I've used that caused the "f" key to go out. But I'm not ucked, I found a keyboard in the composer's cottage and attached it to my laptop which I am using now.

The whole "life minus the letter f" panic last night made me think of all the words I need that start with "f"

uck
ucking
ucked
ight
ly
ancy
amous


So, the G-H-O-S-T situation.... I think now that I am on a regular sorta sleep schedule, it has perhaps passed. Though I am pretty spooked by every creak and bug I see at night. And mind you, there are plenty. There are still odd bugs that make their way into the cottage. Last night I swear I saw a baby embryonic gecko running around.

It's odd to sleep with the Gulf just outside my window, because part of me hasn't still been able to stop thinking it's the sound of cars.

My sleep schedule is still odd though. I am awake and asleep, awake and asleep... writing inbetween.... at all hours. It's kind of nice to be this insane writer. I haven't been in this kind of writing groove since undergrad.



Also, ever since my roach videos, I have been getting messages from strangers that are like "Can you do more of those but wearing a heels and a short skirt?" Like really weird fetish requests.

I had no idea that roach killing videos were the new snuff.

People are sick.

Labels: artist life, road wong

The exterminator came today but still these roaches roam the bathroom here. So today I decided, if I can't beat them, cast them. I tell you, it isn't easy to shoot, star, and kill in your own short film. These are both pretty good. The second one is more dramatic. Bug killing makes for the perfect subject for a short film. Characters, conflict, rising action, climax, and resolution.

Film #1




Film #2





Today I went to the local playhouse to watch how they do community theater out here. The local playhouse is all volunteer run and their theater building (which used to be a funeral home) is getting too small for just 99 seat audiences so they are moving to a 300 seater. It's amazing to see how many people come out for theater on a weekday because they want to and what else is there to do really? I definitely began to see how I am pretty much staying in a retirement community. I think the median age there was 106. Everyone was so sweet. The actors were pretty good, and some of them sell real estate on the side! They even let me draw the raffle ticket winner before the show.

The craziest thing happened. There was a big thunderstorm during the show and this lightning struck and the lights went out in the theater. At first it seemed like an amazing cue. We think the lighting hit the transformer by the theater. They kept the show going by having their tech people shine flashlights on the actors. It was pretty incredible how pro they were about it.


Equal opportunity commode!!

One of the members of the Board of Directors was like, "You should do your show at our playhouse." He obviously has not seen my work. I can imagine doing a show there. Doing a fake orgasm on the stage for the seniors? My crazy ass at a playhouse that does strictly Neil Simonesque plays? Oh boy.

No need to rush the inevitable, really.


I am so into these collage posters for their plays. When is the photo collage coming back?!!? Screw Adobe Illustrator!

I also saw Asian people for the first time today at a restaurant. I wanted to talk to them and ask them about their lives and ask them if they ever miss home or want to get pregnant and smoke and drink six months in.

I told the Board members today about the smoking bartender and the shoddy selection of men out here. They were really funny about it. One volunteered that the locals were "neanderthals." They told me that local Floridians are called "Crackers." Like the title of this painting below that was for sale at the theater.

Labels: artist life, oh my god, rednecks, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn

That would be me on the Jumbotron....

I'm back in Florida at the beach house after spending the night on a red eye flight. I got in this morning. Can I say that the neck pillow ranks as one of the world's best inventions? I slept so much better with the neck pillow than on the flight to LA where my bobbing neck almost snapped in half trying to sleep!

Well, my weekend was unreal. I went from running among the geckos on this Florida island, to speaking at Pauley Pavilion(!!) to UCLA's Commencement for the Department of English! It was a little weird to come back to the big city life that this retreat was meant to be an escape from... to be driving my car (which btw, I am so happy to leave parked for the next five weeks... far away from the gas crisis) and to be amongst, of all things.... people! And lots of them!

There were many things that were unreal about the whole thing. I thought it best to sum up the experience in a videoblog below.

My commencement speech experience on videoblog!


Untitled from kristina wong on Vimeo.

After recording this, I realized I am totally dressed inappropriately for the video blog. Maybe I could have slapped on some make-up or worn more clothes... but it's freaking hot outside! What do you expect? Screw it! You get me in the raw! And you get to see my granny panties coming out of my shorts in the beginning. SIGH.


Check out the dolphin sleeves they gave me on this gown. I was actually able to use them to store my speech and blackberry. (Perhaps storage is really what they are for?) I think I was the only one at this commencement wearing plastic jewelry.


What a great Father's Day gift for my dad to be able to bring him back to my old college campus and have him hear me speak at commencement! I was so proud to give him that moment.



They had an old bio for me and introduced me as "Kristina Wong is a Performance Artist." I almost wanted to laugh at how weird that sounded. And I am sure they did too.

"Yes, that's right. You heard the man. I'm a performance artist. Quit laughing."




Here I am standing among the Harry Potter people.


Hmmm.... It's not really the 99 seat theater I'm used to.


Seeing as how many people were there, maybe I should I have worked in a pitch to get people into my "multilevel marketing scheme."

"Now if you can get three friends, to get three friends...."

Labels: artist life, i'm kristina wong, toastmaster wong, vision

This is what it looks like over the gulf right before the storms come in.

I'm so so so so close to finishing this commencement speech. It's killing me. It's taking me days to articulate and filter down what I want to say. It's hard when I can't rely on my old stand-bys to get me through this speech-- no profanity, no strap on vag, no-strap on weiner, no battery powered unitard or karaoke machine, no excessive costuming or super interactiveness... Just words. Encouraging words! UGH!!! So hard!!!

But I feel quite close and I think I can have something by the end of the day.

I am practicing reading this to people. If you want me to read this to you. Email me (k AT kristinasherylwong.com) and I'll read it to you by phone.

I'm also not sleeping well here. Well, I will go to bed listening to the waves but feel unrested when I wake up and have all sorts of weird dreams. This morning I woke up with this nasty crick in my neck and now I can't turn my head to the left all the way.

I will just accept it as me detoxing from city life.

I had my first "race incident" yesterday. It'd been a while since I'd experienced something like this. I decided to go for a walk in the nature walk across the road. Mostly because I wanted to look for iguanas and lizards which I haven't seen since the first day here. And I was actually quite freaked out on the walk because there are these really loud bugs in the trees and you can hear things scampering, like geckos, but you can't see them.

Anyway, so I get out of the walk and there are these leather skin rednecks (there are a lot of them in Florida) drinking beer in their truck. There are two guys and one girl. And I just walk past their truck to cross the street and I hear, "Oh yeah! Chinese... Japanese... Yeah..."

And I turn around and glare and he says it again!

"Ooh.. Chinese Japanese. I'll take them all."

I so badly wanted to flip the bird, or scream something (which I love doing), but they were scary rednecks in a truck with beer cans and I was Kristina Wong with flip flops and house keys.

So I sucked it up and just walked back to the beach house. It's alright. Their lives are so sad with their bright red skin and tattoos that have lost all definition. And my life is great with my air conditioned beach house.

I told my friend D'lo about this. And D'lo says the next time that happens, I should look at them really seriously and be like, "I have Herpes and Clamydia."

I thought that was funny.

Labels: artist life, rednecks, road wong, vision

As you can see. I am getting used to being here. And as relaxed as it is-- the isolation, the wildlife, and the long list of stuff I need to accomplish while out here has stacked quite the learning curve. It's actually harder than I thought it would be to figure out how to spend my time here. Time is flying and there's too much work to do.

My commencement speech for this weekend is still tiptoeing together. I have such high standards for how I want it to go off. But I can't shake off the crappy unsolicited advice from my mother's high school friend on how to write a speech. Her stringent advice pretty much boils down to "be a boring know-it-all and make all Chinese people look good." Her shat advice echoes in my head every time my fingers hit the keyboard....

"Stick to one issue, such as "how English helped me to survive and landed me a job in communication/acting/; how English helped me become a writer; etc." NOT SOME CONVULUTED SUBJECT that will take a lifetime to explain. Keep it SIMPLE."




The great news is that the trustees who live on the island are so kind and have offered to take me boating and fishing... something that I've never desired much to do, yet made my wishlist on Monday. Today I left the premises to go to dinner with them and found out there is actually a semblance of commerce about two miles up the road.


The sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.


If you were curious about my cottage. Here is the bed I have that overlooks the sea and the living room area.


Here is my living room. Pretty nice huh? It's the house I imagined having for a long time. And now I feel stressed to make the most of this.

It's a lot to receive, to breathe and move forward.


By the way, I'm also addicted to this amazing show on TLC called "Jon and Kate plus 8"-- about this couple and their kids (a set of twins and a set of sextuplets). The dad is half Korean, but their 1/4 Asian babies look really really Asian! They are such a funny couple and their kids are so adorable. The scenes where the kids are all screaming and yelling makes for a great form of birth control.

Labels: artist life, road wong, the secret, vision

When I was a lil' girl, I imagined having a big beach house to live in. Steps from the sand. And now, that dream is true... well... for at least six weeks. This is one of those summers where life looks the way I've always wanted it to be.

That's right kids. A year and half ago, I got a mysterious letter in the mail saying I had been nominated for the Hermitage Artists Retreat on the Manasota Key off of Englewood, FL. I was nominated by one of their board members. I cried when I got the letter because pretty much the letter said that without an application or particular project, that the space and time to create was mine if I wanted it. The pictures of this mysterious retreat were breathtaking. It's pretty much the MacArthur of artist retreats-- well... in that unsolicited gifts from heaven kinda way..


That would be my house behind the palm trees.


That would be my backyard.


The view from my office/ writing room.


The steps out the door.


There are big seashells washed up on the shore.


RESPECT.

It's amazing to be here. It's my first day here and I feel like I've been here for two weeks. I am also the only artist here. The next artist doesn't come until July. So I've got this two bedroom cottage to myself and have my run of the kitchen, living room and big house on my own. I hope that time continues to stretch like this so I can make progress on the book. And there's absolutely no commerce on this key. I have no car. And if there are any singles out here, they are all over 65 years old.

It's going to be a ripe environment to get work done.

I also saw an iguana today on the walk back to the beach. It was funny because I was like, "AAGH!" I thought it was like a mini dinosaur. I want to get a book about the animal, flora and fauna in Florida so that I can stop referring to things in terms in of TV shows. ("Oh wow, those cottages are like the ones on LOST.")

*******
And just in the last few days, I was in Minneapolis, MN for the Asian American Theater Conference. More on my fake panel later. But here are my fun tourist pictures.


Paul Bunyan mini golf at the Walker Art Center.


Sticking it to the man at the Mall of America theme park ride by not paying for their photos, but instead taking a picture of their picture of me on the screen.



Cheese bras with my friend Sam.



Cheese hats.

Some random kid I picked up and photo'd with at the airport.

Labels: artist life, balance, i'm kristina wong, road wong, winnings