The Good Life.

When I was a lil' girl, I imagined having a big beach house to live in. Steps from the sand. And now, that dream is true... well... for at least six weeks. This is one of those summers where life looks the way I've always wanted it to be.

That's right kids. A year and half ago, I got a mysterious letter in the mail saying I had been nominated for the Hermitage Artists Retreat on the Manasota Key off of Englewood, FL. I was nominated by one of their board members. I cried when I got the letter because pretty much the letter said that without an application or particular project, that the space and time to create was mine if I wanted it. The pictures of this mysterious retreat were breathtaking. It's pretty much the MacArthur of artist retreats-- well... in that unsolicited gifts from heaven kinda way..


That would be my house behind the palm trees.


That would be my backyard.


The view from my office/ writing room.


The steps out the door.


There are big seashells washed up on the shore.


RESPECT.

It's amazing to be here. It's my first day here and I feel like I've been here for two weeks. I am also the only artist here. The next artist doesn't come until July. So I've got this two bedroom cottage to myself and have my run of the kitchen, living room and big house on my own. I hope that time continues to stretch like this so I can make progress on the book. And there's absolutely no commerce on this key. I have no car. And if there are any singles out here, they are all over 65 years old.

It's going to be a ripe environment to get work done.

I also saw an iguana today on the walk back to the beach. It was funny because I was like, "AAGH!" I thought it was like a mini dinosaur. I want to get a book about the animal, flora and fauna in Florida so that I can stop referring to things in terms in of TV shows. ("Oh wow, those cottages are like the ones on LOST.")

*******
And just in the last few days, I was in Minneapolis, MN for the Asian American Theater Conference. More on my fake panel later. But here are my fun tourist pictures.


Paul Bunyan mini golf at the Walker Art Center.


Sticking it to the man at the Mall of America theme park ride by not paying for their photos, but instead taking a picture of their picture of me on the screen.



Cheese bras with my friend Sam.



Cheese hats.

Some random kid I picked up and photo'd with at the airport.

And as my legs open... so do... the doors!

Well, here's the brief update.

It's over! The giant 4-week leg of work that started last week of December, went through those two crazy weeks in Miami and then five days here with the CBS showcase finally is over!

And I'm supposedly taking a break now by doing paperwork for my upcoming shows, admin, bill paying, etc. Blech Blech.

I wasn't sure what to think of the whole showcase because my performance went by very fast. It was very uncharacteristic of the work I do to be dressed so scandalously and speaking in an annoying voice. All I knew is I opened my mouth to say my first line ("Hi Kids! I'm Tila Tequila!") and before I knew it I was almost done ("Remember! Faculty meeting at noon, in my skirt!")

Afterwards, the friends who came to see me were like, "Damn Kristina! We didn't know you had a body like that!!!"

Indeed. Many do not realize that within this hypocritical post feminist exterior lies the body of a washed up belly dancer. I guess my philosophy was, "Well, if I am going to be in this showcase for all of two minutes, I might as well give them something to look at."

Sorry, no pictures.

I was so glad it was over when it was over. Too much pressure to have to "showcase" myself. I think my solo shows are so much more an indication of how I perform and what I am capable of pulling off. My manager (Oh did I tell you, in my rapidly changing life... I now have a manager... yes, que Hollywood) says that we will prepare a showcase in the Spring that shows off all the guns.

But already the sky has opened nicely. I got a call for an audition tomorrow at Universal. A series regular role on a sitcom pilot. The character has never gone on a date, works with cats, and is obsessive.

Hmmm..... such a stretch.

Hopefully these opportunities will keep pouring in. Not bad considering we are still in the middle of the writer's strike. Then my life will move forward as planned. Get big ass tv jobs, buy house, buy a child from China to call my own, give money to awesome gay charities and artists, end global warming, and relax.

Relax? WTF is that?!

I think the big crossroads that comes up more and more as this Hollywood Wong thing becomes a reality, is how to balance my vision, ethics, and craft within the heartless machine that is the entertainment industry. Well, the ethics part I seem to have all but completely lost in the last few weeks (so no need to fret over that!), but what I've never figured out is how I will bridge all these different identities and still be the awesome Wong who blogs for you now.

The Highest Highs, The Lowest Lows

So I went from being the big Kahuna in Miami to being the doormat du jour in Los Angeles. The CBS showcase is Tuesday and I swear it's crushing my soul. I appear in one sketch (even my one liner role as Ming the Burmese handjob giver was cut). I never remember theater being so cut-throat. It truly is a business. I don't regret the experience of the showcase and it really is thickening my skin.

During yesterday's rehearsal I had the following thoughts. Like really, I had these thoughts...

* "Where can I buy drugs like coke?"
* "Maybe I should call my sex worker friend and see how I can get into her line of work."
* "Is the bar in my closet high enough to hang myself from?"

I also called my hypnotherapist friend during the rehearsal to schedule an emergency appointment. I've never tried hypnotherapy, but right now I need all the magic fairy dust I can get to maintain my sanity.

I was also caught trying to poke my eyes out with my own finger during the rehearsal.

If anything, I am really understanding how important it is that I do my own work and how lucky I am that if this acting stuff never pans out, I will always have performance art to lean on (how freaking strange is that?!). And as much as I want to retire from performance art and make tons of money in ONE city rather than roam the globe for pennies, at least I have my own artistic vision at the end of the day.

My friend, the famous playwright Alice Tuan said that she felt my blogs made it seems like my life was really charmed and easy-ish. Which is so crazy because despite the perks, my life is totally insanely crazy. It was really good seeing Alice last night after the monster day with CBS. I cried and cried and then we laughed together.

Anyway, I've been up looking at my press from Miami. Check it.

Miami New Times
(Yet again, I find another opportunity to call out the Korean Pick Up artist like the psycho freak bitch I am.)


Anyway, so I'm planning to go to church today. I need to pray. I don't care what god. I just need to pray.



I also seem to be on Miami time still. As I'm blogging at 5am and going to bed at 9pm.

Bienvenido a Miami! Where the players play... alone!

Miami has been gorgeous the last few days. It's unreal that I get to be here so long. And I'm almost agitated because I am having a hard time embracing that I've earned this. Can artists really be treated like a million bucks on the road? Like shouldn't someone at some point be bopping me on the head and telling me that the empty dorm room bed awaits me??!

Here's the photo story.

First, as promised. Evidence that Spoon and Brady from VH1's "The Pick Up Artist" did indeed take me to the Airport. No pictures of me WITH them, but that will be the next ride to the airport!



Spoon driving with his 6:30 AM on.




Brady being crushed by my monster luggage.


And now I am in Miami. I've never been treated so well on a residency before. I mean I thought I've been treated well. But his is like fantasy residency! I've been given a rental car, a per diem, two weeks at the Standard and a pretty loose schedule to enjoy the surroundings. The car has a GPS and says, "You have arrived" when I get to my destination. And when it says that. I feel like they are saying so much more. I really have arrived it seems.


I can't believe what a luxury this is. It's like my friend E said once of being hot and single and waking up alone every morning, "This is such a waste!"

Indeed, this place is so gorgeous, it seems quite wasteful to be in this awesome hotel all alone. So guess what? You are coming with me! Check it. I present a grand tour of Miami so far.... Mostly the hotel.


A dock overlooking the water. Just behind the hotel!



The lounge chairs at dusk.



The giant king bed is 6 feet across and mocks soloness when I sleep in it.



This is where you load up in mud and wash it off. Going to try this tomorrow.



The view at dusk.


A note from the general manager welcoming me to the Standard and to Miami. I felt like such a rock star.


Anyway, the being here alone thing is killing me. I can't go this long without having someone to talk to and it's only been like a day! This joint is swarming with couples and cool people. I was thinking there would be solo artists roaming the joint and wanting to party... kinda like when I went to Greece. But in odd ways I'm having flashbacks of middle school. Next week I'll be teaching workshops all over the place and my circle of Miami folk I know will grow. But I feel like I showed up at prom alone being here. It's like a honeymoon for one.

I was thinking about what a rock star I am this week and how people would love to join me. So perhaps my friend Jess is right, I need my own reality show, "a Shot at Love with Kristina Wong" where people vie for my love in special performance art challenge like who can convey the most oppression with fake blood and howling sounds. Ha!





By the way, I'm here early assembling a cast of community artists to be in my show. I already found my cutest cop! Look for Sasha at the show! She takes after her mom who is a notable Miami B Girl.

I got one foot out the door....

Still getting everything together for my big residency in Miami! I can't believe I get to start the year out like this.


So far... no video marriage proposals from my last videoblog. But I did get a comment saying this....

"ya know, you're kind of sexy. lol. i'll marry u. i mean u have great natural beauty, but i was just love to see u in something sexy (short and tight, lol), with a little make-up, and in serious mode. that would be very interesting. i'll be sure to keep the lotion near by should u decide to make a video like that. lol. happy new year!"


Blech. The Wong don't get sexy for nobody.


Well, at least this flyer makes me excited!


With more street cred than you can shake a pair of Hammer pants at, Kristina Wong makes her Miami debut riffing on notions of freedom in times that would make Joe McCarthy gasp. Excerpts include a satirical homage to "save the world in five minutes" spoken word, a Flashdance tribute, and an explanation (or un-explanation) of why she prefers life in the almighty closet. Bidding paddles will be provided for a live auction of gentrified neighborhoods. Adding an interactive element, Kristina will select a group of South Floridians to perform in one segment alongside her.


Miami Light Project
presents
Kristina Wong
Free?
January 16, 2008, 8:00pm
Colony Theater
1040 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, Fl 33139
Tickets $25.00
For tickets call Ticketmaster at 305.358.5885
or visit www.miamilightproject.com

New Year, New Ramblings.

Aw, so far, it's been a great year. I spent it with friends and laughed a lot more than yesterday when I was lying in bed freaking out about how I'm going to pull off the next three weeks. And then the next three weeks after that... and after that...

I'm taking matters into my own hands and am asking folks to start proposing to me via youtube. Men, women, children, animals.... No marriage proposal too scary or flippant. We must send the energy waves my way so that I will be married to a rich oil tycoon by the end of the year and can retire from performance art to become a lady of leisure.

And guess what! My "Buy Nothing Year" is finally over! Can you believe I went all of 2007 without buying new clothes or non-perishable gifts? It wasn't that hard, but I did stave off temptation on more than a few occasions. Now.... Let me at the mall! I got an economy to feed!

Swan Song of 2007

I thought I'd videoblog on the last day of the year. It's boring but it lets you know what I'm up to. I'm basically getting ready to kill in Miami at the South Beach Comedy Festival.

Check this out...

I spent today-- laughing, crying, getting angry, feeling freaked out and alone, feeling suicidal, and then feeling great again. It's kind of like this whole year of my life wrapped up in one strange last day.

I'm off to a New Year's get together at Helena's place.

Not sure what will happen at the end of 2008. But I can only hope it will be as good to me as 2007 was. I've had few years as good as this one.

We are more than poop.

I'm in the San Diego area now. It's just past midnight and I'm doing a presentation at Cal State San Marcos tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn. Professor Judy Bauerlein has invited me to speak to her Theater 101 Class about my work.

I was telling her about the "Two Girls One Cup" phenom and caught her reaction to it...

Here's Judy's surprisingly calm reaction to 2girls1cup.


There are so many things that intrigue me about "2girls1cup"-- not the video itself (there are other words I have besides "intrigue" to describe how I feel about it.)

What is so interesting about this 2girls1cup phenom is this whole culture of people recording their reactions to such a disgusting video and people forcing their friends and family members to watch other people eat poop. It's become a community of shared shock and reaction that I feel a part of. That I am in on some sort of secret, some collective experience.

2girls1cup is a community of shared trauma. We laugh because we are all in on it. We are horrified together. We share and enjoy watching each others reactions because we know what it is they saw too. There are so many parallels to the 2girls1cup community and how people came together after 9/11 or after any shared trauma in our history.

My questions are:

* Is that where we are as a culture. That it takes two girls eating poop to get us to be horrified? Is what is happening in the world already not horrific or interesting enough to react to?

* Now that so many people have witnessed poop eating, what is the next "2girls1cup"-- what's the next even more horrific thing for us to really react to?

* What collective trauma in our national history will it take for Americans to be horrified? What will shock us in 10 years? What will shock us next week?

* Are we so bored that we turn to "2girls1cup"? Or is this part of our healing? To distract ourselves with something that seems like a roller coaster ride? Like celebrity gossip, do we get involved so much with it because it's a roller coaster we can get off? Because it's like someone else's fiction-- it's low stakes to us?

What I think is interesting is:
* How people are attempting to outdo each other in these reactions. The ones that get the most hits are when the viewer barfs, when the mother or father (people you typically would not want to share these videos with) are asked to watch. The reactions themselves have to be shocking for people to want to see them.

* The reactions are residual mirrors of the original which cannot be shown on Youtube. The reaction is only as good as the original. If the reaction isn't good, then it perhaps reflects the original's ability to create emotional impact.

* The reaction will never be as "good" or as "real" the second time around. The viewer has come to expect what they see. They have "rehearsed" the emotions. And slowly it becomes normal or anticipated. Much like what has happened in our world.

So here it goes. A series of videos Judy and I made tonight. We aren't trying to "perform" but capture our real reactions of watching other stimulus, stories, and moments.

Yes, they are boring. Very boring. But unfortunately, we were already familiar with these stories already. No surprises.

Here we are reacting to the Writer's Strike. I guess if the writers would eat some poop, we'd be more interesting to watch.



Here is a reaction video of us watching a news item on Dick Cheney's heart condition. Surprisingly, Darth Cheney's face alone isn't enough to make us puke.



Here is a reaction video of us watching a amateur video taken of the twin towers going down on 9/11.


A reaction video of us watching archival footage from 2003 of the opening day of bombing (Shock and Awe) in Iraq as covered by CNN.


A reaction video of us watching "Otters Holding Hands" on Youtube. I had already seen it but Judy hadn't.




If you've seen my newest piece, 'The Years of Lying Dangerously" about dry humping, you will note a lot of parallels between this post and that show.

Crossing Picket Lines, Cleaning House

It's always so busy now that there's hardly the time to blog. Which makes me wonder what the hell I was doing with my time a few years ago that all I did was blog.

On Saturday, I finished BECAUSE, my 8 week multi-generational writing/performance workshop for women of color that I facilitate with an Artist-in-Residence Grant from the city. I was really proud of all 18 of my participants. They produced unique and amazing work. Sometimes I feel like I haven't done anything remarkable with my life. But when I think about the women that have been in my workshop, I feel very proud that I've had some impact on someone else.


Speaking of queer women of color... ha! WTF is with Tila Tequila and why can't I stop watching her train wreck of a show?

I'm so horrified but glued to this woman and her thin personality. I admire her business prowess but it confuses me. Is the only way a woman can get ahead from nothing is by posing in her bikini? What about people like me? My mother would never let me have my own paysite and pose in a bikini! Tila has an unfair advantage! Oprah and Martha Stewart never had to get to their skivvies. Perhaps that is some hope.

I wrote a sketch about Tila Tequila for the CBS showcase. It's a tough process. They have us write sketches and only 12 or so get used in the show. And it's been a few years since I've written sketches, let alone stage material for more than one performer! They estimate that 300 sketches are pitched. I think it's more like 100. Anyway. So I've only written this one Tila Tequila sketch and I was pretty proud of how it turned out. And it's amazing that a lot of my solo performer skills have translated ok to the sketch world. I was thinking since they are such tough cookies they wouldn't be into my Tila sketch but they actually thought it was pretty funny. I'm thinking it may not get used in January since her career will probably crash out by then and so will the buzz from her show. But I had a good time writing it. And now I need to churn out a dozen more.

It's pretty crazy going over to CBS with the big writer's strike. They are picketing all the networks. And as a SAG member we are encouraged to march with them in solidarity. It's a pretty bad time now for me to be getting this CBS showcase, because if things don't clear up, there won't be any shows to audition for when this is all over. I read that agents are already cutting down on staff and budgets and I can see that this is just beginning to really impact the economy nationally. Yay for horrible timing.

I always support people on strike. When the supermarkets were on strikes, I'd bring them food and water. But I've never had to cross a picket line, and in my car at that. I think the picketing writers were really confused at how I honked for them but also almost ran them over to get into the CBS lot.

So I'm really just getting ready for my show in SF this week. Cleaning out years of crap from the apartment. Listening to self help tapes. Thinking up sketch ideas. Trying to take over the world. Same shit as usual.

"What just got thrown at my head?!? Oh. It's a bone."

Last week I was feeling disgruntled for all the paperwork that seems to go into keeping me alive. On a quiet and lonely Saturday night, I was too exhausted to go out and enjoy the evening, and had too much work to finish to move.

Then I open my mail to find I got approved for a grant that will help me pay for a web designer, arts writer, and booking assistant for the next few months.

It was a very sweet moment to have. Alone in my apartment. On a Saturday night on an empty and growling stomach. Holding that acceptance letter.

I wrote this grant during my existential crisis this past summer. I recall it took me a whole week of moaning and groaning and a cup of tears to finish. I even drove to the airport post office to get it in by the postmark deadline.

By corporate standards it's a small amount I will receive, but it will do me so much good. I am not complaining at all. It's the absolute best investment I will make. And finally, I see the possibility of being a balanced artist again.

So if anyone is interested...I am hiring a booking assistant (preferably with experience in booking live theater) and an arts writer/publicist who can help sass up the writing on my website and marketing materials. There is pay! Send your resumes!

One of my students Saturday said, "Kristina I was reading your blog. It's so interesting to see how you've progressed over time."

Indeed. A few years ago I contemplated selling my underwear over the internet. I'd wake up every morning panicked and discouraged. It sucked.

Now I can take care of myself. And I bring in others to help me because there is so much abundance to manage. And it's a great feeling.

Thank you.

My Empire is Coming.

I got into Chicago from Philly this morning after staying up all night. Sleepwalked to a cab, got dropped off at Anida's at 7am and passed out for a few hours on her couch.

Now I'm at a cafe and already gearing up for going home. This Friday I'm finally home! Tomorrow I do excerpts of my work at DePaul and show some stuff on DVD. And also while out here I'll be checking out some male strip clubs for a travel article for Playgirl. We are going to a place called "The Lucky Horseshoe" tomorrow-- it's free to get in and features tons of hot male strippers.

I make a living talking about being crazy and looking and writing about dong. It's a wonderful and funny life. While other people are trading stocks and making companies merge, I am on Anida's couch on my cell phone asking club owners, "So are the guys all naked or do they wear thongs?"

So what was great about the three day stint in Philly was I got to work with all these amazing artists that I normally don't get the chance to work with (especially since I work solo so much of the time). It was incredible. We worked together for 24 hours and created a full length show. A GOOD SHOW, in that time. We will put up again in June in New York.

I realized so much that I want to change about my life as an artist after having the inspiring experience last weekend of creating work for the fun of it.

* I need to create more. I need to find more time to do my work and work out creatively. Not just creating huge big projects to tour and "sell" but small stuff for myself and my own creative growth.
* I need to extricate myself from so many discussions about the "business" or "politics" of the art world. A few conversations are ok. But after a while, talking about it at length is draining and unfun. And somebody is always unsatisfied with someone else in the art world. So no need blabbing about it at length.
* I need to "diversify my portfolio" as an artist. Have a bigger arsenal of things that I can do as an artist and human being. This means taking more classes in different arenas, reading more books, and getting better at doing different things.
* I need to find more time for me and more time for my friends. Rewards are great.

I've decided that when I am back in LA I'm going to reward myself with morning bike rides to the beach, a facial and massage, and spend some days doing nothing but watching TV and crafting. My friend Traci and I were even talking about taking a pole dance class together!

The free time isn't going to last too long. And it seems I don't have much of it. I have some TV show pitches to follow up with, shows in LA and NY to put up, more grants to write, and my site is going in for a massive redesign.

But...It's so important as artists to remember the importance of making a life, not just a living.

BALANCE. BALANCE. BALANCE.