Bai Bai Show!

Bai Ling, fashion misfit and famous actress (but don't ask me to name what movies she's been in because I can only think of a few... "Wild Wild West" and... "Beautiful Country" and hmmm....) came to my show on Friday! She said to me after the show, "You're crazy! You should end the show nude!" I asked her, "Can I call you 'Bai Ling'?" and she was like, "Call me 'Bai anything'!"

Wow, it's Thursday and I'm finally getting back to work. I've been cracked out the last few days just sitting in my own filth, pretending to unpack (my set is still all over the living room), sewing my felt dolls, and slowly facing the reality of two months ahead in LA and no real work. No tour dates, no big shows... just... DOWNTIME (?)

And no real income!! Oh boy! Hit the panic button!!!!!

But wait...

Luckily, I've learned that I need to keep myself scheduled. There are a couple grant deadlines this week and a whole host of stuff ahead. So maybe the post partum depression that inevitably hits after a big show will pass right straight by this time around. I do have my BECAUSE IV workshop to float me through the end of the year. That will be fun. And a few little speaking gigs here and there. So it's a welcome respite and a nice surprise to be home for EIGHT STRAIGHT WEEKS?

What other things can I do to occupy my time? Well, VH1 starts the second season of the "Pick Up Artist." Plus some other crackalicious shows like "Rock of Love's Charm School," and "Real Chance at Love" starring reality show rejects Real and Chance, who were rejected by New York who was rejected by Flavor Flav (twice), who was rejected by Brigette Nielsen. So meta.

What will I do with all this time? I've been sewing, watched Season 4 of the office, called a bunch of people who won't return my calls, pretended to clean, watched theater. Gotten a massage.

I guess I actually have some downtime to create some new art work. IMAGINE THAT! Art time!

I've also set a goal to come up with $5000 to put in a "nest egg" account by the end of the year. I am not sure how I will come up with this money though. But it starts with the thought.

Maybe I will sell crap in my apartment. Or hit up amateur night.

Damn! Look at the fish I caught!

This update is dedicated to all the great findings here in the last days of my residency.



My new fishing buddy Aaron is perhaps the youngest living male in the City of Englewood at the ripe age of 27. Too bad I'm married huh? This is the snook he caught this morning. Because they are protected (spawning season), he threw it back.



Here's a snapper we caught! A bit small but still good to eat! It was the first fish that I have eaten straight from the water. I don't know why Aaron's shorts look like they are falling down like that in this picture. I don't remember them doing that in real life. (Oh the mockery of this cat lady. Oh the mockery.)



But boy, do I love having all these adventures with my wife! She's so much fun!


But it was no easy task to clean a fish! Yuck! Check out this video of him cleaning the fish.... That thing wouldn't die!





Before cooking....



After! The snapper was actually very small and very bony. So we got all of two bites of fish in each filet.



I'm still kinda crap as a fisherwoman. My new show, CAT LADY that premieres next week uses a lot of fishing (a great way to excuse all this leisure time as "research"). Here is some once live bait I used that got a huge bite on it's side. I'm all bait and no bite I tell you.




We also got a great full moon sunset out here where the tide was so low that sand dunes appeared. Places where the water normally goes to your waist or higher, you could walk right through.


Watch as I narrate the sunset. On full moon nights there is a rare burst of green light that appears when the sun goes down. You can't see it in the video but it's still gorgeous to take in everything else you can get from the video.





See how low the water gets?


I thought this was a good picture of Sonja doing what she does best. Photography!

Later that full moon night we went looking for sea turtles laying eggs. We thought it best to split up and each patrol in a different direction. I saw two fresh sea turtle nests and Sonja saw one. But we didn't see the turtles. It's nuts because they lay eggs in holes that they make at least 18 inches deep and then they cover them before going back to the water. So they must have worked fast because we totally missed them. I think I saw a turtle as she was leaving the nest she made. I think I saw her back as she disappeared in the tide.




This is what a fresh sea turtle nest looks like! You can see two sets of tracks (one going from the water, and one going back to the water). The little mound is where the turtle dug, laid, and buried her eggs.



In the morning, Sonja and I woke up super early to watch the sea turtle patrol dig up nests that were past gestation. The patrol is made up of cool volunteers who dig up nests, then count the numbers of non-viable eggs and hatched eggs. They also keep track and protect the area around new eggs. Sometimes they find live or dead baby turtles in the nests they dig up.




Here are the eggs they dug up. A lot were not good, but the ones that still might hatch are reburied closer to the surface where they will get more heat and the babies will have an easier time digging their way out.


When a new nest is discovered by the patrol, the nest is marked by a stake that records the nest number, date of laying, and the initials of the people patrolling. This is the nest Sonja found the night before. The "KW" is yours truly!


Here are two geckos, mocking me with their lovemaking.

Here is a video I made of them. It's not very clever. And moves as much as the above photo. Gecko penises are red btw.



Sonja knows how to handle my camera better than me. Here I am in the gulf with the Hermitage House behind me. Today the water was so clear we could see our feet at the bottom.



I also have made a lot of crafts while here. The local wildlife has inspired a lot of new animal shapes.



If my fishing skills suck, at least I can improvise!



Here is a dead mouse I'm using in Cat Lady.


And of course! Sea turtles! If I can't spot them live, I can at least make them. This is for the woman who nominated me to come here.



Come on, you know you want to see another sunset photo! It feels like every sunset is so different here.

Don't be scared of the future.

IMG_1674
Originally uploaded by lewongster

I know I must seem annoyingly utopic to read, especially if you are at your day job when you read my blog and I'm here on the beach being artsy.

"Damn that Kristina Wong for getting to go to Florida to be an artist."

I'm sad it will be over soon, I will have to head back to LA in less than two weeks, and I have to go back to my life of squeezing creative time between administrative errands that afford me the creative space. When I return, I am committed to changing my habits so that I really make more creative space in my life and don't get drowned in the particulars.

Add to my new crack-like addictions (which already included crafts, knitting, bikes and VH1)--- my new addiction to CNN. CNN is much easier on the eyes with Obama running for office. But watching so much CNN can cause panic about the future.

How am I going to fuel my vegetable oil car!? How will I survive this economy? How will I afford to eat if we run out of food? What about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and Indymac?!?! What will I do if the arts world dries up and there is no more milk for this little kitty to lap?

PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!

No friends, we can't panic. We just can't. I don't know what the answers to all this crap of the world are... BUT we must have vision and look at the future and be creative and say, "How can we find ways to still be happy and enjoy ourselves in the midst of this panic?"

For me, I like to sew things. And it makes me happy. And I've gotten to read a lot of books. I'm also reading a book my friend Danielle gave me many years ago called "Succulent Wild Woman" by Sark. Sark talks about learning to live with and without money. And not letting your money define your identity. She talks about how women should get married to themselves (sound familiar?) and having tea parties for other great women.

The other artist here Sonja and I have become great friends. She's my best friend here besides Bruce the director of the Hermitage. Yes, there are just three people here. And I love them.

Sonja wrote a nice blog about me.

Little things are great things that make life great. So don't be scared of the future Kristina, you can handle anything!

I'm ucked again

Letter down! Letter down!

argh! I was so excited because it looked like my f key (i had to cut and paste that "f") was as easy to ix as a squirt o air rom these computer guys in Sarasota who ixed it ree o charge by just cleaning under the key. But screwed again because I was here typing and it went out again.

Anyway. I think the ghost is back. The fan is shaking in a creepy way. And weird things tend to turn on when they shouldn't. But I don't care anymore about being spooked in the house alone. I just want my f back. I also bought a can o RAID which makes me eel saer to walk around with.

Looks like I may have to pay $80-$150 to get a new keyboard and scream "UCK YOU!" to all my bloggers in ull orce. Man oh man.

In other news, I just did an interview with the LA Times today about my new show "Cat Lady" which I premiere as a work in progress at the REDCAT when I get back to LA. It's a departure rom my other work that tries to save the world all the time. It's about... being a cat lady and cats. This is perhaps a bad sign when an artist starts doing work on their pets. But also it's about pick up artists, cat psychics and loneliness.

"You mean this show will be all about your conquests and non-conquests Kristina Wong?"

No dummies. I am much more creative and interesting than that. Though it would be another great way I could cockblock mysel on stage. It's about loneliness and human communication. But the great news is that one o my avorite reality tv stars is going to help me with part o the show. I just conirmed yesterday. I can't wait. Let's hope it goes well. I've never collaborated with a reality show star beore. I am not sure i he was reaked out at irst, but a little coaxing and I got him on my side.

Today I was doing some research on Pick Up Artists. And I was reading about this "Bait Reel Release" methodology they use. This idea that women are these ish and they chase the lure i it moves around. And I got excited because not only does it tie into some o the Animal Kingdom metaphors I'm trying to use, but it also gives me an excuse to learn to use a ishing rod and see i that will be a good analogy or using in the show.

So I went into the garage here and got out the ishing rod and started to pretend to ish in the Gul o Mexico. It was awul. The hook was going all o one oot rom the rod. I asked an older man to help me and the line got all tangled. So I am trying to learn how to ish online. These youtube videos are not very helpul.

I'm thinking maybe asking other ishermen on the island to help me ish will help me meet some ellas my age. There are quite a lot o guys here who ish. It's so deceiving though because I'll be in the cottage and see what looks like a hot guy ishing (because I can only see him rom behind) and then I'll go down to the beach to take a closer look and the guy ends up actually being 12 or 80 rom the ront. Which just makes me eel ilthy. UCK!!!

Anyway, I can't blog without use o all 26 letters o the alphabet. So it's time to go. Why did that key have to go out? Why couldn't it have been a Q or Z? I have no use or those.

Anyway, enjoy these pics o my handicrats.



I made a giant roach to leave behind here. It's pretty cute. On the back side it looks like scales but it really spells out "Hermitage" in wide letters.

resurrecting the dinosaur.

I'm in a cafe in Williamsburg. I will miss it here. Even in all it's hipster obnoxiousness. This has been a fun time. I leave Wednesday.

I just had a meeting with a writer and tech geek who offered to help me re-design that 1999 beacon of bad HTML... www.bigbadchinesemama.com. He feels really ambitious that a new design with better features could bring life back to the project which has just sat in dusty college feminist studies memory. Looking at the site is painful. It's so ugly. It's like looking at old pictures of yourself with bad hair-- literally. I said to him, "Take it! And do with it what you will! I can't stand looking at it"

So I did well in my last show in Flushing. A great big audience of very receptive people. A somewhat intense Q&A (why must these audiences ask such personal questions?!!) that I think I handled with a lot more composure than in the past. And I had enough energy to spare to go to a craft fair in Greenpoint later that day. Crafts!!!

I think I described it best when I said to someone, "After a show, my brain is running on adrenaline, but I have no feeling or energy from the neck down. So I just lie awake in bed for 12 hours staring at what magazines I can prop in front of me."

I am like the boy in the bubble... or something.

I'm sure there were other important things to add to this update. But I can't remember them. I do know that the Salvation Army on Bedford Ave has some pretty damn good books. But I must exercise control.

Oh yeah, here's my last thing I want to mention. I gave money to a politician for the first time! I must really love this man. I sent Obama $30 this morning and he's going to send me a t-shirt!

Check it out...

Crafts, Cuckoo's Nest on Gung Hay Fat Choy, Cat Lady show, and my pretend boyfriend Barack

New Crafts
I haven't been knitting much lately if you have figured it out from the blog. It's been nicer on my wrists and now I don't feel like I'm going to have carpal tunnel by age 30. I brought much of my yarn stash up to my parent's house where it's hiding much to their chagrin. I'll knit again, but for now I'm taking a breather. I am making a lot of these felt dolls though. I can stitch a doll up in about 40 minutes while watching TV. They make nice thank you gifts. Here's a stash I made for folks in Miami and at CBS.



I make them out of reclaimed felt and the stuffing is from an old pillow. Yay for green crafts!

Cuckoo's Nest
I am in Santa Barbara tonight staying at the "Faculty Club"-- the campus accommodations. I have a show tomorrow. Yay! What a great way to spend Chinese New Year-- talking about suicide and depression! It's been about four months since I've last done Cuckoo's Nest and I swear it's a lot harder for me now than it was a few months ago. It is beginning to feel like a pair of pants I've outgrown. A lot has to do with the great reality that the depression/mental illness topic doesn't seem as impossibly elusive to me as it first was when I was trying to tackle the show. Also, I've done the show so much that it's sometimes unreal to me. I also don't knit as obsessively as I once did, and my body is changing.

So Nurit and I have been reworking parts of the script, finding more places to tighten and slice.
It's fun when we figure out those moments. It keeps it fresh.


New Show
Even though I swore I wouldn't make any more performance art shows that were a pain in the ass to tour, I've been dreaming up a new show that will be a pain in the ass to tour. I'm working very slowly on a new piece tentatively titled "The Cat Lady" which will be about being a cat lady, pick up artists, dry humping, reality tv, Ross Dress for Less and look at bigger issues of human isolation. I imagine now having newspaper cat sculptures all over the stage that I talk to intimately.

Yeah, not autobiographical or anything.

I'm actually not interested right now in touring it or thinking too big about what I'll do with it. For once, I want to make a show for myself that is not overtly save-the-world-esque, is not aimed at furthering my career, and instead, is really for me and nobody else. I think touring Cuckoo's Nest for my livelihood has turned this "love of theater" into a whole other monster. Artmaking becomes so different when you rely on it to pay the bills.

I want "The Cat Lady" to be my return to what I love about my craft. An exercise in having fun as an artist. Not that Cuckoo's Nest wasn't fun! It was just really stressful to take on such a nutso issue for a show.

I just hope it isn't career suicide to expend energy and time on a piece that may have zero financial returns. If anything, will just cost money to make! But I really don't care tell you the truth. And I have faith that I'll be fine.

I didn't become an artist to be rich. Right?


Barack-- His middle name is Hussein?
Yay Kristina Wong for coming late to the party. I kept reading "Barack Hussein Obama" on blogs and stuff and just assumed that it was just people being racist a-holes-- but YO! That's really his middle name!

I think Super Tuesday really stunned me in how awesome Americans can be. For some reason I just assumed that most of Middle America was racist and ignorant, but maybe not so much if they are voting for Obama.

My boy Barack took Utah? And all sorts of other states where I never thought they'd ever consider a black president! And the whole "Hussein"/ Muslim connection of his name that you'd think would bother the most ignorant of Americans, has obviously not affected his numbers.

It gives me faith again in Americans... maybe we aren't as stupid as we seem!

How great it will be to hear that name "Barack Hussein Obama" when he takes the presidential oath. To see a black man, mixed race, who didn't come from money, a new generation of leadership take the white house.

It really truly will be the America we've been waiting for.

A Shot at Love with Kristina Wong!

In considering the present degradation of mankind and the progress of the women's movement reversed in just one episode of Rock of Love 2 (Really Bret Michaels? You're giving the women coupons they can redeem to hang out with you? Really?! And why is that Katherine woman referred to as "old" when she is actually YOUR age?! Are you serious?)

AND seeing as that I'm addicted to these dating shows despite these infractions they have on my humanity, I've decided to jump into the degradation....

Network executives! I have a pitch that will be sure to increase your viewership among performance art aficionados, third wave feminist academics, and nasty old white pervies.

It's A Shot at Love with Kristina Wong!

Synopsis: 36 beautiful men and women (mostly Korean) ranging from ages 22-80 move into Kristina's 2 bedroom apartment in West LA for a chance to win the heart of this reclusive-yet-extroverted, neurotic-yet-sincere big bad Chinese cat lady. Each week, Kristina eliminates the unworthy, and those who remain will get a special crochet hook on a necklace ensuring another week in the apartment and the one ultimate shot at love with Kristina!

Week 1: Welcome to West LA!
All the contestants get off the Santa Monica Blue Bus and drag their luggage two blocks past the corner liquor store and the loitering homeless on Santa Monica Blvd to move into Kristina's apartment! The 36 all huddle into the living room where every imaginable sleeping area is claimed faster than you can say "Interdisciplinary Performance Artist!" Kristina rolls up in her pink benz to greet her future suitors in an outfit to die for-- A hand crocheted poncho! All Koreans who show up get a "use-whenever" coupon to hang out with Kristina and are automatically moved to the next round creating racial tension in the apartment.

After a night of mingling over orange juice and bottle water, Kristina picks a handful of the unlucky who will not make the next round.


Week 2: Who is oppressed? And who can comment on it ironically?

Challenge: To find out who can most identify with Kristina's work, she's set up a challenge that will really put them in her shoes. Using only fake blood, a roll of toilet paper, and butoh movement, the contestants must convey their inner legacies of oppression by creating an improvised performance art piece. Bonus points awarded to those who can be self-referential. The winners get to go on a special bike date with Kristina and buy her sushi.


Week 3: The Cat Lady Cometh

Challenge: What would you do for Kristina's love? In this challenge, massive piles of cat diarrhea and cat pee have been left in the apartment by Kristina's cat Oliver. And the contestants who clean up the most wins a date with Kristina at nearby Stoner Park for a vegetarian BBQ that they will cook for her.


Week 4: Grant me a Future

Challenge: Kristina needs help writing a high stakes Rockerfeller MAPP Grant that needs to be postmarked by midnight. So all the contestants get a shot at writing Kristina's grant. The strongest grantee wins a date with Kristina-- a shopping spree at Ross Dress for Less! But here's the challenge twist-- every two minutes, one of Kristina's friends will instant message with nothing important to say. Can they survive the online distractions, write the killer grant and get to the airport post office in time?


Week 5: Oil me up!
Challenge: Seeing as the price of vegetable oil has now climbed higher than that of gasoline, Kristina sends her contestants to the back alleys of some of LA's finest strip malls to find some fuel for her pink Benz. The contestants must pump and filter used cooking oil so that it is usable for driving. The one who returns with the most usable oil wins a date taking Kristina to the auto shop in Silverlake (where it was dropped off for yet another mechanical problem during the last episode) so she can actually put the fuel in her car.


Week 6: Can you tech Wong?

Challenge: This week's special guest judge is Jen, Kristina's theater technician that has toured with her on the road. Jen once teched Kristina's show from behind the scrim-- meaning she teched her show BLIND! Jen will do a crash course with the Wong-loving hopefuls on reading Kristina's scrawly handwriting and how to read Kristina's inconsistent stage cues. Jen will also offer tips on how to kick Kristina out of a pre or post show panic.

Whoever can best tech Kristina's show after this crash course wins a special date to see the Wooster Group at the REDCAT.

But here's the real twist-- they won't be teching the show in a theater but a cafeteria! Can they make it work?


Week 7: Oh the Yarns we Tangle

Challenge: Oh no! All of Kristina's yarn stash has come loose and tangled. Even her really nice Rowan yarn. The contestants must untangle and re-skein the yarn so she can knit it. The winning fiber untangler gets to go on a date with Kristina to Wildfiber, Kristina's favorite local
yarn store in Santa Monica.


Week 8: Guess Who's coming for dinner?

Challenge: The contestants are surprised when ex-Calvin Klein model and all over hot lesbian Jenny Shimizu shows up as surprise judge. Jenny grills the remaining hopefuls for their "creepy factor" screening out those with right-wing tendencies, lack of motivation, and an obscene collection of Japanese anime deemed as too creepy for Kristina's love.

Drama hits the house when Jenny starts to come onto Kristina. After Kristina and Jenny engage in intense lovemaking, walk arm-in-arm past all of Kristina's ex-boyfriends, and taking plenty of photo evidence to document it all, Kristina sends (heartbroken) Jenny on her way.


Week 9: Meet the Wongs
The remaining three contestants fly to San Francisco where they will meet Kristina's parents and extended family in what stands to be the greatest challenge yet-- gaining the Wong Family seal of approval. Who's FICA score is strong enough to withstand Mama Wong's credit check? Who will survive Papa Wong playing Whitney Houston's self-titled album on a loop for five straight hours?

Kristina eliminates one, and only two remain.

Week 10: Only One is Right for Wong
Kristina takes the final two for a special getaway. No, not Miami.... not Jamaica... not Hawaii. But Sawtelle Blvd, a few blocks from the West LA apartment! Exotic! Kristina springs for dinner at Yashima's where she worked as a hostess for a month after college (they still hook her up). There she asks the final two to put all their guns on the table and sing their best Karaoke renditions of a GnR song.

In a spectacular finale ceremony in Kristina's carport that involves battery powered Christmas lights and fake flowers bought on clearance-- the winner of Kristina's heart is revealed.

**********************

It's a sexy idea for a show isn't it? Yes, I thought you'd agree.

I'm going to cry now and brush my cat.

When the going gets tough, the tough get crafty...

I was so cranky yesterday. You probably could tell from my blog. And I had been forwarded the CNN article on APA depression like twenty times yesterday even though I was telling the universe to stop sending me more stuff to drive me nuts this week. (But like "the Secret" says, when you tell the world what you DON'T WANT...you just get more of it.)

So I did what any busy neurotic cat lady would do who should be working on her show and freaking out that both will have big and full audiences.

I finally plugged in my sewing machine from Craigslist and started to make clothes.

As some of you know, I am in the middle of my own personal "Buy Nothing Year." The things I'm not buying are new clothes or gifts. I'm also trying to cut down on buying other unnecessary crap. Everything has to be made, gifted, traded, etc. No cash. The reason is not just to save money, but to be more creative with what I got and reduce what I consume.

So I made this skirt last night. Unfortunately my sewing machine only sews in reverse, so I was not able to do very clean stitching.


From Shirt to Skirt-- Welcome to Kristina's World of Procrastination!

First I started with this old polyester shirt, that was too big. My friend Nadia gave it to me because she couldn't sell it at her yard sale. It's still cute as a shirt, but not form fitting and just cut weird for my body.




Then, I removed the sleeves.




Then, I cut off the collar.




I sewed in a waist and sewed the sides in for my hips. Turned the buttons so they faced the back of the skirt.




Viola! a skirt!




I reused the button hole and button from the shirt sleeve to make this tab to keep the waist tight.




Yay! new skirt!



I'm going to wear this after my show this weekend! See you then!