Gesbian Pride

My awesome trans friend Riku commented that this has been the gayest week of my life. And more awesome than that, he said that I may have actually "out-gayed" our gay as hell friend D'lo this week.

It really has. I was out campaigning for "No on Prop 8" on Wednesday. It had been a while since I stood out on the street with a sign rallying. And yesterday, I coordinated "Kristina's Lesbian Jamboree." It was a gathering of lesbians and their friends in West Hollywood. It was about getting the married lesbians out of the house. Introducing my lesbian friends to each other. And also building some awareness around "No on Prop 8."

And oddly enough, for a gathering of Lesbians, it was not that dramatic.

I still struggle with pinning my "orientation" down to any one word. And though many speculated that I may have definitely been bi- or bi-curious when I rode my bicycle with the "Dykes on Bikes" at Pride a couple years back, I was still mums about how it is I identify myself.

But I've decided this week to come out of the closet.

Ladies and Germs, I am a loud and proud Gesbian.

I know this may come to a surprise to all of you. Particularly, this may be hard on my family who like my friends, are still trying to figure out what a "Gesbian" is. (I want my family to know that I love them and that I would never do this to hurt them.) I'm sure my family and friends are worried about me-- getting "Gesbian bashed," being discriminated against for being a "Gezzie," and will I have the right to marry another Gesbian? Could I have kids with another Gezzie?

I'm ready for the scorn, the discrimination, the Gesbiphobia. Because this is who I am. And I refuse to be someone else. I've hidden it for so long. But at my core, I'm a GESBIAN.

Last night my two good girlfriends who are partnered and are absolutely meant for each other sent a late night email that they are getting married today at City Hall. I think if they had the choice they would have waited to plan their wedding more at their pace. But right now, they don't know if they will have the choice after November 4. So they are rushing to do this.

I cry now as I re-read their words and the passion behind them.

"those of you who are closest to us know how much we care for and love one another and most of you understand the commitment we continue to make in our "practice" of lifelong love. it is not a magical something that just appears, even when it feels magical. it is the practice of committing and trying and learning that makes our life together strong and lasting. homophobia and heterosexism do not always give us the best options when it comes to this practice.

"we are hoping that in the awful event that proposition 8 passes, our marriage will not be retroactively nullified. and therefore, affording us all the rights and benefits that married couples have in the state of california.

"we would love to share this moment with all of you, so please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow as we marry. please keep us in your thoughts when you vote on Tuesday. the best you can do for us is to vote NO on Proposition 8."

I think it is remarkable....

That they believe in their love this much that they will stand up against the ignorance of homophobia and heterosexism to have that love.

That consenting adults still have to fight for the right to love who they love. And that other entities will spend so much money and energy to stop other consenting adults they do not know from marrying each other.

That their marriage ceremony does not have the luxury of being planned with the time that a straight couple has to plan, and that it still risks being nullified if something as archaic as Prop 8 passes.


I am not getting married anytime soon to neither a man nor a woman. In fact, if you remember, I am married to myself and would love the government to recognize my marriage as a real legal binding contract. And on top of that, I am a pioneer in the fight for Gesbian rights and visibility.

I am working on the "No on 8" campaign because it affects my friends. It's about equality and that's something that we all should be concerned about. I am encouraging you to vote "No on 8" because discrimination should not be written into the constitution. (Leave that shit for reality TV!)

"So this is what it's like to be in a soft porn."

I'm listening to various commencement speeches online in preparation for my little 10-minute number that I'm given to the graduates in the English Department in June. Right now I'm listening to Steve Jobs who so far I've learned was adopted, dropped out of college, returned bottles for nickels and would treat himself to one meal at the Hare Krishna temple because he was so poor in college.

He's like me, except way richer. I was pretty poor in college. And if not for the Hare Krishna people who fed people by donation, I would have subsided entirely on Tino's burritos, ramen and twix bars.

I actually wanted to drop out of college my first year. The bureaucracy was too much. I wasn't learning all the things I wanted to learn. Something I've noticed that happens to students at some of the universities I go to-- they get lost in the system. But I couldn't listen to my gut. Instead, I listened to fear that being a "college drop out" would damn me for life and make me the great shame of my family. And so I slugged it out in an rigid system. Perhaps this is the great speech I shall give.

"What are you doing here?!? We should be out in the world traveling and making art. Let's save our parents money and get out of this joint!"

I have no idea what my speech will be about. My mother forwarded me this really long email from her high school friend (a Chinese American baby boomer) with Chinese-American- Drill-sargeant-advice for my speech.

Here's an excerpt...

"Tell her to go for it. Keep the 10 min speech professional with a little humor; no off-the-wall jokes; tell the kids what it is like to "really survived" and make it in this tough world. No need to go into long-winded personal biography...the kids would care less. If they really want to know, Kristina could "jokingly" refer them to a website and tell them to read all about it."

My friend Isaac often remarks how irritating it is when people who don't work in our field give advice. I am thinking that perhaps I should send my mother's friend a video of me doing a speech that complies with her advice.... Other notes which include....

"Sticks to one issue, such as "how English helped me to survive and landed me a job in communication/acting/; how English helped me become a writer; etc." NOT SOME CONVULUTED SUBJECT that will take a lifetime to explain. Keep it SIMPLE."

Seeing as I don't actually have a "job" nor any stories of how English helped me survive (I credit my career survivial more to my savage cockroach survival instincts than what I remember of Beowulf), so I'll send her a video of the audience giving me the bird for being such a goody goody know it all.

Or maybe I'll tell a great story about my day yesterday, I locked in that mid-life crisis early with some pin-up photos!

I took the train to New Jersey to sit for pin-up photographer Viva Van Story. The most not well kept secret in the world is that I'm turning 30 in June. Which means I must finally come to grips with the fact that just maybe, I will never be discovered as a supermodel. That the whole supermodel career and becoming a real Miss Chinatown thing or a lingerie model will probably not pan out.

Plus my junk on the front and back are falling down.

The solution? Take hot pictures of myself to put up in my apartment! YES!

It was actually really hard to lie around in underwear and a corset on the floor looking good and now I find myself saying, "Wow, Tyra Banks is actually good at what she does." It probably didn't help much that we shot in a bowling alley where these high school kids were singing Jesus Christ Superstar songs really loud and their parents were circling us. But I did it. The day ended with me naked in a bubble bath making sexy face for the camera. The make-up lady blew bubbles while the photographer said, "Close your mouth. I don't need to see so much of your teeth." And I was screaming, "Holy smokes, so this is what it's like to be in a soft porn!"

That's right kids... I'm going to be your commencement speaker!

Anyway, nobody gets to see the pics. Only me, the two people who visit me a year, and the cat get to see.

Aaahhhh.... This is what it's like to age gracefully.

The Indiana Slumlord speaks.

So I'm up in San Francisco again for a grant panel. And now I'm headed back again next week for Takesgiving.

My three day run in Los Angeles this week was nuts. I did a show, got interviewed for current tv about the car, did some acting work, went to a rehearsal at CBS, threw out a bunch of crap from the apartment. Then ran back to the airport to sit on a grant panel in SF. I'm actually in the process of re-establishing residency in San Francisco (and will be living both here and in LA when there is work). I can't wait because there's so much more grant money here for the arts.

So...I have been giving this real estate thing another thought. I don't know if I'm going to be a slumlord in Indiana. This global warming/ end of the world thing is kinda making me wonder if it makes sense to own anything anymore. Like isn't the world going to just explode soon? And will is even matter to own property? Shouldn't I just spend my money on margaritas and a good massage?

If only there was a scientist who could weigh these options for me.

One of my friends who now owns sent me some interesting things to ask myself...

"Do I want the length of my life in Los Angeles to be determined by a
housing market or by me?
Am I making enough money and can I commit to making that much money,
that is, never again making less money, for the rest of my life?
Do I love the place or am I just in love with the idea of being a
homeowner?
Can I do all that homeowner crap on my own (unless you got married
recently and I just missed that somehow)?"

And there's also the fact that while I may not seem to be "directly" impacted by the mortgage crisis and could stand to own for the first time out of it, I am part of the economy and could easily be a homeowner with flailing arms trying to figure out what to do in a rocky home owning economy. So for now, renting is ok.

All I know is, I'm having a rough time today where I am feeling under-accomplished and overwhelmed by life. I'm running into artists doing as much as I take on, if not more, and some of them have kids, and even had a wild past where they are now sobered up meth addicts. I don't even have the excuse that I was a meth addict to account for a lot of wasted time in my 20's. Just sleeping too much and being involved in too many projects that never got finished. I can't imagine having a kid on top of it.

Do you ever feel like I do right now? Like despite having done a lot in your life, it still isn't enough?

Thoughts please.

"What just got thrown at my head?!? Oh. It's a bone."

Last week I was feeling disgruntled for all the paperwork that seems to go into keeping me alive. On a quiet and lonely Saturday night, I was too exhausted to go out and enjoy the evening, and had too much work to finish to move.

Then I open my mail to find I got approved for a grant that will help me pay for a web designer, arts writer, and booking assistant for the next few months.

It was a very sweet moment to have. Alone in my apartment. On a Saturday night on an empty and growling stomach. Holding that acceptance letter.

I wrote this grant during my existential crisis this past summer. I recall it took me a whole week of moaning and groaning and a cup of tears to finish. I even drove to the airport post office to get it in by the postmark deadline.

By corporate standards it's a small amount I will receive, but it will do me so much good. I am not complaining at all. It's the absolute best investment I will make. And finally, I see the possibility of being a balanced artist again.

So if anyone is interested...I am hiring a booking assistant (preferably with experience in booking live theater) and an arts writer/publicist who can help sass up the writing on my website and marketing materials. There is pay! Send your resumes!

One of my students Saturday said, "Kristina I was reading your blog. It's so interesting to see how you've progressed over time."

Indeed. A few years ago I contemplated selling my underwear over the internet. I'd wake up every morning panicked and discouraged. It sucked.

Now I can take care of myself. And I bring in others to help me because there is so much abundance to manage. And it's a great feeling.

Thank you.

Embracing the Sexy Cat Lady that I am.

Wow, last night was so weird. My friend Anida called me because I seemed so depressed over the cat pee thing on IM and we agreed that I had the right to have a crappy day and do nothing. Considering how hard I work, it was ok to spend a day of moping around the house.

And I always have my disgusting yarn stash to keep me company. Diana took a small bag of yarn off my hands. We are going to trade for headshots. I got enough yarn to trade for headshots until I can play elderly. These pics below only feature like 1/4 of my problem.



there's a woman in stockton with carpal tunnel who liquidated all of this for pennies on the dollar to me. i couldn't say no.


the sad stash tucked behind the couch.


the stash in my office.

So I have decided that it doesn't matter that I'm still hot and in my 20s and am the cat pee yarn hoarding lady. So what if other people my age are dating other hot people and partying while I'm crocheting baby blankets and writing grants? Dammit! Having sex, or a relationship, or even friends is unnecessary when you have YARN!!! My life is awesome! And I'm happy being a big hermit with my crochet hook.

Nobody can hook a beanie with an I hook the way Kristina Wong can! I'm the best hooker, this side of my building! Long live the sexy crocheter!!!

Life is awesome. Being a single cat lady who owns a cat who pees on you is awesome! Yarn is awesome! and I AM AWESOME.

(I chant this as I wipe a tear from my eye).