A film I co-wrote and acted in last April in Chicago is playing in a film festival in Gstaad, Switzerland! And it's up for an award called the "Golden Cow"! It was a blast working with my crazy talented director friend Masahiro Sugano and it felt like one of those really exciting true collaborations where you are just running with ideas and going going going.

But the best part is you all get to see me making out with this guy Dwight on a lawn full of goose poop while old Chinese men watch us. Yes, it's true. Sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.



UPDATE: Looks like the director is taking this down in a few days because we need to let this film make the rounds at festivals all over the world first. So enjoy it while you can. In the event that it's important to you to see the film and can't wait til it goes online because you are someone in a high position of power or relative of mine, email me and I'll send you a link where you can download the film. Thanks!

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, artist life., asian men, hollywood wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

Why do I totally want to be this woman?

I am back from a great six day respite/ workspite in Seattle. It's just what I needed after being in total post partum from my show that closed way back when in September/ October. I'm back and ready for action.

I took hardly any pictures. But there's something about that Seattle cold and fog that warms my heart and stays with me. I was out there for the National Performance Network conference. I didn't perform but I connected to a lot of national colleagues who I ironically, see more often than some of my friends in LA. It was comforting to know that even in this economic climate there are people who still care about my vision and want to give a space for it. It looks like in 2010 I will perform for the first time in a landlocked state (can you believe I've only performed in states that have water on one side?) Start telling your friends that in 2010, Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is going to Tulsa, Oklahoma!

I feel good about the future. I think the world is all on Facebook, but soon enough the internet will be so overwhelming that people will want to go back to the theaters and the printed page. They will want to meet in person, instead of in chat rooms. They will want to spin cat hair and make little purses with them.

And folks, this is where I come in.

Labels: artist life., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

I'm in Seattle in a cute little coffee house in the I District. The weather is like the worst of San Francisco all day long. But seeing a real winter with falling leaves has it's charm. I only know winters in LA because the City puts up holiday decorations on Wilshire and there is a temporary ice skating rink in Santa Monica.

I got in yesterday and I've been staying with my composer friend Byron who helped me find a tv set so we could watch a "Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins.

It was feminist research.

After two seasons of Tila Tequila, just when you didn't think it couldn't get worse, the folks at MTV looked under the bottom of the barrel and found two obscure import models who are both "bisexual." They are quite homely looking and uninteresting. But they are much more convincing at being bisexual than Tila Tequila was.

We ended up watching the show at my friend Howard's boyfriend's place. It was so funny to watch the show with three gay men. They really got into it and were commenting on the selection of straight men as if they were the Ikki twins.

There's much more critical theory I can go into about reality dating tv shows. But I won't.

I randomly got a comment today on an old and really personal blog entry I made over two years ago, back when I was in a relationship (that was actually disintegrating partly because my career "blowing up"-- at least that's what I'd like to think had happened.... ). That was a weird blog entry to reread. I can't believe I put it out there. Oh well. So it goes.

And now two years later, I still find myself in somewhat of the same boat. Still traveling the country, alone, coming home to the cat. Except, I'm married to myself. Which (somehow) helped ease the feelings of being crazy when I'm on the road alone. It was a hard life to get used to but time has made me slightly more resigned to this roaming the country with my art as being a way of life.

Just ten years ago I hated being alone. I didn't know what to do myself if dropped off in a new place to explore. And now, it's a marvelous way of living. I guess.

I am weary of traveling alone as a single Asian woman in other parts of the world. Safety is a huge concern. As is feeling marked by my body. I went to Europe in college and the incessant screams of "Konichiwa!" in the street were enough to make me punch someone's lights out.

I'd like to pow-wow with other single women artists of color my age who make a living doing creative work and have to travel so much to make a living. Are we the revolutionaries of our generation? Or the new spinsters?

Speaking of unmarried spinsterism, I am actually hanging out with my friend Wes Kim tonight and spinning yarn with his wife after dinner on her spinning wheel. It's all I've been looking forward to about coming to Seattle all year.

The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles #7

I also realize I have not blogged about being carless in a while. So here is the update.

The good. The bus means I've actually been reading the newspaper instead of letting them pile up in the house still bound. And I've been reading books! My mind has been wandering back to a more creative space now that I don't have to stare at the ass of a car in traffic for hours on end. I also have a lot more money at the end of each month which I blow on booze.

There are some downers about it. Like, I was offered a free month of acting classes, except they were in Burbank which is a pain to get to, especially at night-- do I rent a car just to go to that class? Or do I just pay for classes that are in my area for the equivalent amount? There are also tight time frames that I can't do. I used to have this ritual on Sunday of going to the Farmer's Market, getting a tamale, and then going to church, and maybe after going for Ethiopian food after. But I can only choose one of the three. It's also trickier to do a lot of errands, even if they are along the bus route home. Like I can't just jump off the bus, do the errand, and get back on like it's the subway in NY. I'd have to buy a day pass and be prepared to wait and wait and wait at the stop and only do errands where I won't have to pick up things that are super heavy.

The quirks. The poop pee vomit smell on some of the buses is no fun, nor is the more eclectic company of homeless people I wait at the stops with. Though it is interesting to see how long some of them can sustain conversations with themselves.

I've been researching backpacks with wheels to make things easier on my back when I have things like a laptop and stuff to lug around. This is admittedly a baby step towards becoming a total bag lady. Though I think I've already gotten there in the shopping cart that I keep padlocked to my balcony.

Byron is also turning me on to getting an electric bike. That way I can get up hills and do long distances easier without having to get a special license or scooter insurance. The issue is... electric bikes are around $1400! Bleh.

I still haven't quite figured out the safest way out of downtown at night. The other night I went to visit my manager in Downtown LA and even though it was only 8pm when I left, it was kinda sheisty out. I insisted on waiting for the 720 which is a half block from his office, but when these homeless people started screaming at each other, he walked me to Pershing Square to get home, so that I wouldn't be waiting at the 720 stop like a big target. He's actually quite supportive of me going carless and excited about this new show I'm (supposed to be) working on about LA carlessness because he's from NY. I thought when my car caught on fire that he'd be like, "You need to get a car! How are you going to take meetings in this town without a car?" But he seems to sympathize with my car trauma. Though he does say I'm being "really hardcore" to go so long without a car.

I still have car owner phobia. It's a good time now to buy a new car because nobody is buying cars plus car dealers are desperately trying to meet end of year quotas. But I'd so much rather put that money into a house or my friend's restaurant. And even the idea of having to buy new tires or get an oil change sends shivers of post-traumatic Harold stress down my back.

I have dreams about owning cars. At least twice I've had dreams about owning a smart car (those little two seaters). Harold (my old veg oil car) has shown up in a couple dreams too. I also had a dream that my grandpa was driving me around because I had no car.

I met someone the other day who owns a vegetable oil car. She said her car was doing fine. I felt so alone in my veggie-car-on-fire sadness. How come I seem to be the only one whose car caught on fire after thousands of dollars in repairs? Why me?! Why?!

I think this new carless show will be a love story/ story about an abusive relationship. The automobile that betrayed me. The ones that call me back to own them. And how I fight his beckon call to instead, travel about the world on my own two feet (and bus pass). Smelling like someone else's vomit.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, hollywood wong, road wong, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The Wong Sans Wheels Chronicles, veggie oil car

My awesome trans friend Riku commented that this has been the gayest week of my life. And more awesome than that, he said that I may have actually "out-gayed" our gay as hell friend D'lo this week.

It really has. I was out campaigning for "No on Prop 8" on Wednesday. It had been a while since I stood out on the street with a sign rallying. And yesterday, I coordinated "Kristina's Lesbian Jamboree." It was a gathering of lesbians and their friends in West Hollywood. It was about getting the married lesbians out of the house. Introducing my lesbian friends to each other. And also building some awareness around "No on Prop 8."

And oddly enough, for a gathering of Lesbians, it was not that dramatic.

I still struggle with pinning my "orientation" down to any one word. And though many speculated that I may have definitely been bi- or bi-curious when I rode my bicycle with the "Dykes on Bikes" at Pride a couple years back, I was still mums about how it is I identify myself.

But I've decided this week to come out of the closet.

Ladies and Germs, I am a loud and proud Gesbian.

I know this may come to a surprise to all of you. Particularly, this may be hard on my family who like my friends, are still trying to figure out what a "Gesbian" is. (I want my family to know that I love them and that I would never do this to hurt them.) I'm sure my family and friends are worried about me-- getting "Gesbian bashed," being discriminated against for being a "Gezzie," and will I have the right to marry another Gesbian? Could I have kids with another Gezzie?

I'm ready for the scorn, the discrimination, the Gesbiphobia. Because this is who I am. And I refuse to be someone else. I've hidden it for so long. But at my core, I'm a GESBIAN.

Last night my two good girlfriends who are partnered and are absolutely meant for each other sent a late night email that they are getting married today at City Hall. I think if they had the choice they would have waited to plan their wedding more at their pace. But right now, they don't know if they will have the choice after November 4. So they are rushing to do this.

I cry now as I re-read their words and the passion behind them.

"those of you who are closest to us know how much we care for and love one another and most of you understand the commitment we continue to make in our "practice" of lifelong love. it is not a magical something that just appears, even when it feels magical. it is the practice of committing and trying and learning that makes our life together strong and lasting. homophobia and heterosexism do not always give us the best options when it comes to this practice.

"we are hoping that in the awful event that proposition 8 passes, our marriage will not be retroactively nullified. and therefore, affording us all the rights and benefits that married couples have in the state of california.

"we would love to share this moment with all of you, so please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow as we marry. please keep us in your thoughts when you vote on Tuesday. the best you can do for us is to vote NO on Proposition 8."

I think it is remarkable....

That they believe in their love this much that they will stand up against the ignorance of homophobia and heterosexism to have that love.

That consenting adults still have to fight for the right to love who they love. And that other entities will spend so much money and energy to stop other consenting adults they do not know from marrying each other.

That their marriage ceremony does not have the luxury of being planned with the time that a straight couple has to plan, and that it still risks being nullified if something as archaic as Prop 8 passes.


I am not getting married anytime soon to neither a man nor a woman. In fact, if you remember, I am married to myself and would love the government to recognize my marriage as a real legal binding contract. And on top of that, I am a pioneer in the fight for Gesbian rights and visibility.

I am working on the "No on 8" campaign because it affects my friends. It's about equality and that's something that we all should be concerned about. I am encouraging you to vote "No on 8" because discrimination should not be written into the constitution. (Leave that shit for reality TV!)

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, empowerment, feminist research, i'm kristina wong, Obama is hot, oh my god, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

The Creative Capital deadline is coming up and more than a few artists have been asking me for help. You guys! I don't really know anything about grants. I just apply for a lot of them and some come back to me.

It's nice when people think you have the magic touch. But really, it's just perseverance. I've written many many many grants. And I get turned down for a lot. Grants are like auditions, except there is more logic in who gets them-- but like auditions, it's also random who gets them.

I think I'm losing it. I'm tired of the haul it takes to get work as an artist. (Have I not mentioned this a hundred thousand times?) I'm sitting on a grant panel in two weeks and am getting a nice stipend to sit on the panel. But then I got the grant binders from the foundation! Whoa! There are like over a hundred applications in a stack that's 8 inches thick! I have to read each and every page of this! Blech. My stipend is well earned.

Today the REDCAT Now Festival application was due. I started it late last night and decided to use it as an opportunity for creativity. I'm tired of trying to prove my post-post modernism and how I'll save the world in one fell performative swoop, I decided to enjoy writing every word of this application.

From now on, I'm writing grant applications that are fun to write and read!

Here's a sneak peak at choice bits and pieces from today's REDCAT proposal narrative for the presentation of my new work--- "CAT LADY!"

"'Cat Lady' is a 20 minute performance piece intersecting the personas and rituals of cat ladies and male pick-up artists to create surreal moments of human isolation."

"...cat sculptures that are spoken to throughout the piece like old familiar lovers."

"My first golden shower..."

"I frantically sniffed all the cushions in the house..."

"As I slowly forfeited to Oliver's fecal violence..."

"dangling hairy lymph nodes..."

"The cat lady. Was that mythical persona of the unmarried woman living in the lonely world of filthy catdom becoming my reality?"

"...an animal psychic who came well recommended by our lesbian friends."

"...my set as a menagerie of cat sculptures made of newspaper and felt..."

"...i speak to them, dance with them, and enact my own obsessive compulsive thoughts..."

"...life alone..."

"...attempt real connections with the audiences and my cats..."

"...concurrent to Oliver's urinary woes..."

"...struck by his boyish eagerness..."

"...post-modern gold..."


For all you artists who keep asking me to send copies of my proposal or grant applications to you, feel free to plagiarize all of the above!

THE END.

Labels: artist life, cat lady, cat pee, chocolate rain, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., the pick up artist

New Crafts
I haven't been knitting much lately if you have figured it out from the blog. It's been nicer on my wrists and now I don't feel like I'm going to have carpal tunnel by age 30. I brought much of my yarn stash up to my parent's house where it's hiding much to their chagrin. I'll knit again, but for now I'm taking a breather. I am making a lot of these felt dolls though. I can stitch a doll up in about 40 minutes while watching TV. They make nice thank you gifts. Here's a stash I made for folks in Miami and at CBS.



I make them out of reclaimed felt and the stuffing is from an old pillow. Yay for green crafts!

Cuckoo's Nest
I am in Santa Barbara tonight staying at the "Faculty Club"-- the campus accommodations. I have a show tomorrow. Yay! What a great way to spend Chinese New Year-- talking about suicide and depression! It's been about four months since I've last done Cuckoo's Nest and I swear it's a lot harder for me now than it was a few months ago. It is beginning to feel like a pair of pants I've outgrown. A lot has to do with the great reality that the depression/mental illness topic doesn't seem as impossibly elusive to me as it first was when I was trying to tackle the show. Also, I've done the show so much that it's sometimes unreal to me. I also don't knit as obsessively as I once did, and my body is changing.

So Nurit and I have been reworking parts of the script, finding more places to tighten and slice.
It's fun when we figure out those moments. It keeps it fresh.


New Show
Even though I swore I wouldn't make any more performance art shows that were a pain in the ass to tour, I've been dreaming up a new show that will be a pain in the ass to tour. I'm working very slowly on a new piece tentatively titled "The Cat Lady" which will be about being a cat lady, pick up artists, dry humping, reality tv, Ross Dress for Less and look at bigger issues of human isolation. I imagine now having newspaper cat sculptures all over the stage that I talk to intimately.

Yeah, not autobiographical or anything.

I'm actually not interested right now in touring it or thinking too big about what I'll do with it. For once, I want to make a show for myself that is not overtly save-the-world-esque, is not aimed at furthering my career, and instead, is really for me and nobody else. I think touring Cuckoo's Nest for my livelihood has turned this "love of theater" into a whole other monster. Artmaking becomes so different when you rely on it to pay the bills.

I want "The Cat Lady" to be my return to what I love about my craft. An exercise in having fun as an artist. Not that Cuckoo's Nest wasn't fun! It was just really stressful to take on such a nutso issue for a show.

I just hope it isn't career suicide to expend energy and time on a piece that may have zero financial returns. If anything, will just cost money to make! But I really don't care tell you the truth. And I have faith that I'll be fine.

I didn't become an artist to be rich. Right?


Barack-- His middle name is Hussein?
Yay Kristina Wong for coming late to the party. I kept reading "Barack Hussein Obama" on blogs and stuff and just assumed that it was just people being racist a-holes-- but YO! That's really his middle name!

I think Super Tuesday really stunned me in how awesome Americans can be. For some reason I just assumed that most of Middle America was racist and ignorant, but maybe not so much if they are voting for Obama.

My boy Barack took Utah? And all sorts of other states where I never thought they'd ever consider a black president! And the whole "Hussein"/ Muslim connection of his name that you'd think would bother the most ignorant of Americans, has obviously not affected his numbers.

It gives me faith again in Americans... maybe we aren't as stupid as we seem!

How great it will be to hear that name "Barack Hussein Obama" when he takes the presidential oath. To see a black man, mixed race, who didn't come from money, a new generation of leadership take the white house.

It really truly will be the America we've been waiting for.

Labels: cat lady, cat pee, crafty, crazy, Obama is hot, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., the pick up artist

In considering the present degradation of mankind and the progress of the women's movement reversed in just one episode of Rock of Love 2 (Really Bret Michaels? You're giving the women coupons they can redeem to hang out with you? Really?! And why is that Katherine woman referred to as "old" when she is actually YOUR age?! Are you serious?)

AND seeing as that I'm addicted to these dating shows despite these infractions they have on my humanity, I've decided to jump into the degradation....

Network executives! I have a pitch that will be sure to increase your viewership among performance art aficionados, third wave feminist academics, and nasty old white pervies.

It's A Shot at Love with Kristina Wong!

Synopsis: 36 beautiful men and women (mostly Korean) ranging from ages 22-80 move into Kristina's 2 bedroom apartment in West LA for a chance to win the heart of this reclusive-yet-extroverted, neurotic-yet-sincere big bad Chinese cat lady. Each week, Kristina eliminates the unworthy, and those who remain will get a special crochet hook on a necklace ensuring another week in the apartment and the one ultimate shot at love with Kristina!

Week 1: Welcome to West LA!
All the contestants get off the Santa Monica Blue Bus and drag their luggage two blocks past the corner liquor store and the loitering homeless on Santa Monica Blvd to move into Kristina's apartment! The 36 all huddle into the living room where every imaginable sleeping area is claimed faster than you can say "Interdisciplinary Performance Artist!" Kristina rolls up in her pink benz to greet her future suitors in an outfit to die for-- A hand crocheted poncho! All Koreans who show up get a "use-whenever" coupon to hang out with Kristina and are automatically moved to the next round creating racial tension in the apartment.

After a night of mingling over orange juice and bottle water, Kristina picks a handful of the unlucky who will not make the next round.


Week 2: Who is oppressed? And who can comment on it ironically?

Challenge: To find out who can most identify with Kristina's work, she's set up a challenge that will really put them in her shoes. Using only fake blood, a roll of toilet paper, and butoh movement, the contestants must convey their inner legacies of oppression by creating an improvised performance art piece. Bonus points awarded to those who can be self-referential. The winners get to go on a special bike date with Kristina and buy her sushi.


Week 3: The Cat Lady Cometh

Challenge: What would you do for Kristina's love? In this challenge, massive piles of cat diarrhea and cat pee have been left in the apartment by Kristina's cat Oliver. And the contestants who clean up the most wins a date with Kristina at nearby Stoner Park for a vegetarian BBQ that they will cook for her.


Week 4: Grant me a Future

Challenge: Kristina needs help writing a high stakes Rockerfeller MAPP Grant that needs to be postmarked by midnight. So all the contestants get a shot at writing Kristina's grant. The strongest grantee wins a date with Kristina-- a shopping spree at Ross Dress for Less! But here's the challenge twist-- every two minutes, one of Kristina's friends will instant message with nothing important to say. Can they survive the online distractions, write the killer grant and get to the airport post office in time?


Week 5: Oil me up!
Challenge: Seeing as the price of vegetable oil has now climbed higher than that of gasoline, Kristina sends her contestants to the back alleys of some of LA's finest strip malls to find some fuel for her pink Benz. The contestants must pump and filter used cooking oil so that it is usable for driving. The one who returns with the most usable oil wins a date taking Kristina to the auto shop in Silverlake (where it was dropped off for yet another mechanical problem during the last episode) so she can actually put the fuel in her car.


Week 6: Can you tech Wong?

Challenge: This week's special guest judge is Jen, Kristina's theater technician that has toured with her on the road. Jen once teched Kristina's show from behind the scrim-- meaning she teched her show BLIND! Jen will do a crash course with the Wong-loving hopefuls on reading Kristina's scrawly handwriting and how to read Kristina's inconsistent stage cues. Jen will also offer tips on how to kick Kristina out of a pre or post show panic.

Whoever can best tech Kristina's show after this crash course wins a special date to see the Wooster Group at the REDCAT.

But here's the real twist-- they won't be teching the show in a theater but a cafeteria! Can they make it work?


Week 7: Oh the Yarns we Tangle

Challenge: Oh no! All of Kristina's yarn stash has come loose and tangled. Even her really nice Rowan yarn. The contestants must untangle and re-skein the yarn so she can knit it. The winning fiber untangler gets to go on a date with Kristina to Wildfiber, Kristina's favorite local
yarn store in Santa Monica.


Week 8: Guess Who's coming for dinner?

Challenge: The contestants are surprised when ex-Calvin Klein model and all over hot lesbian Jenny Shimizu shows up as surprise judge. Jenny grills the remaining hopefuls for their "creepy factor" screening out those with right-wing tendencies, lack of motivation, and an obscene collection of Japanese anime deemed as too creepy for Kristina's love.

Drama hits the house when Jenny starts to come onto Kristina. After Kristina and Jenny engage in intense lovemaking, walk arm-in-arm past all of Kristina's ex-boyfriends, and taking plenty of photo evidence to document it all, Kristina sends (heartbroken) Jenny on her way.


Week 9: Meet the Wongs
The remaining three contestants fly to San Francisco where they will meet Kristina's parents and extended family in what stands to be the greatest challenge yet-- gaining the Wong Family seal of approval. Who's FICA score is strong enough to withstand Mama Wong's credit check? Who will survive Papa Wong playing Whitney Houston's self-titled album on a loop for five straight hours?

Kristina eliminates one, and only two remain.

Week 10: Only One is Right for Wong
Kristina takes the final two for a special getaway. No, not Miami.... not Jamaica... not Hawaii. But Sawtelle Blvd, a few blocks from the West LA apartment! Exotic! Kristina springs for dinner at Yashima's where she worked as a hostess for a month after college (they still hook her up). There she asks the final two to put all their guns on the table and sing their best Karaoke renditions of a GnR song.

In a spectacular finale ceremony in Kristina's carport that involves battery powered Christmas lights and fake flowers bought on clearance-- the winner of Kristina's heart is revealed.

**********************

It's a sexy idea for a show isn't it? Yes, I thought you'd agree.

I'm going to cry now and brush my cat.

Labels: a shot at love with kristina wong, artist life., cat lady, cat pee, crafty, crochet, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

Just another Friday Night blog philosophizing about Ross Dress for Less.

Labels: dying alone, hollywood wong, saturn's return, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., The New Tweens

Aw, so far, it's been a great year. I spent it with friends and laughed a lot more than yesterday when I was lying in bed freaking out about how I'm going to pull off the next three weeks. And then the next three weeks after that... and after that...

I'm taking matters into my own hands and am asking folks to start proposing to me via youtube. Men, women, children, animals.... No marriage proposal too scary or flippant. We must send the energy waves my way so that I will be married to a rich oil tycoon by the end of the year and can retire from performance art to become a lady of leisure.

And guess what! My "Buy Nothing Year" is finally over! Can you believe I went all of 2007 without buying new clothes or non-perishable gifts? It wasn't that hard, but I did stave off temptation on more than a few occasions. Now.... Let me at the mall! I got an economy to feed!

Labels: artist life, balance, buy nothing day year, buy nothing year, cat pee, losing my mind in los angeles, neediness., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., vision

I thought I'd videoblog on the last day of the year. It's boring but it lets you know what I'm up to. I'm basically getting ready to kill in Miami at the South Beach Comedy Festival.

Check this out...

I spent today-- laughing, crying, getting angry, feeling freaked out and alone, feeling suicidal, and then feeling great again. It's kind of like this whole year of my life wrapped up in one strange last day.

I'm off to a New Year's get together at Helena's place.

Not sure what will happen at the end of 2008. But I can only hope it will be as good to me as 2007 was. I've had few years as good as this one.

Labels: balance, cat pee, chocolate rain, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, not angry anymore. just tense., oh my god, saturn's return, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., vision

Ok, I know I am a lameass who blogs about why she hasn't blogged, but I just wanted to share that I am at the Starbucks in Los Feliz writing a grant due tomorrow and I looked up and saw this guy and was like, "I know him" and I almost waved.

But I didn't know him. He was just part of the TV world.

It was BJ Novak, the guy who plays "Ryan" on "The Office."

If I wasn't so paranoid about leaving my laptop unattended, I would have totally ran up to him and dry humped him.

Star F*cker that I am.

This also happened when I saw Naima from ANTM in New York and was like, "Hey!" Even though, I don't know her personally. I just think I do.

Labels: sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.

So I don't even have cable, but now, I'm going to ask Vince to Tivo this show for me...


It's Vh1's "The Pick Up Artist"-- a show where this guy named "Mystery" who looks like a cheezey Goth wearing clearance rack stuff from Hot Topic shows eight "lovable losers" how to get their mack on.

Anyway, the only reason why I'm going to watch is because there are two totally adorable Asian boys on it who are so helpless around women. Aw. So cute.

Aw, Asian boys with no game. So cute. They are so cute too. They look like guys I'd have crushes on.

One of the guys is named "Spoon"-- so cute! He's Chinese. He's like my mom's dream come true.



Anyway, you know what? I'm IM'ing with Spoon now. He put his IM handle on his myspace page. And I added it to my Buddy list to see if he'd really show up and there he is! And we are actually writing each other. It's unreal. It's like I'm stepping into a new dimension. I can't believe how accessible people are now.


Here's part of our silly chat.


KRISTINA: hi spoon!
i'm kristina!

SPOON: hello

KRISTINA: oh my god!

SPOON: i'm spoon

KRISTINA: you're so cute
i just asked you to be my myspace friend

SPOON: well thx

KRISTINA: i don't have cable but now i want to get it


And more of our chat....


KRISTINA: So why is the world's biggest Mack a cheesey goth?

SPOON: nah

KRISTINA: i hold it up for you asian brother

SPOON: see i think that's what vh1 wants people to think
he's not cheesey


and even more...

SPOON: i look different now
i lost a bit of weight

KRISTINA: and your name is spoon!
adorable!

SPOON: been going to the gym 6 days a week
for a month now

KRISTINA: aw cute
you're my mom's dream come true
do you want to come to san francisco and meet my family?
they'll go nuts for you!

SPOON: lol sure



YAY! I found my Mom a husband! Woo woo! And his name is Spoon and he's Chinese and he came from Television!

YES!


It's a good day in America!

Labels: sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., Spoon, the pick up artist, Vh1

The light is at the end of the tunnel.

I'm at the Kansas City airport now waiting for my connecting flight to LA. (Btw, the free wifi connection here won't let me view my own website because it's supposedly considered porn. Hey, Asian American woman, porn-- same thing.)

The last two days in NY were not so bad weather-wise and I will be a little nostalgic for NY this summer. But I totally broke the bank this past month and don't think I can go back for a while. It's totally fine. I look forward to cooking my own meals. Staying in. And having free adventures of which there are plenty of in LA. As soon as I wrap the show at the Ford next week, it gets a lot more relaxed. I've been non-stop since last year. And I looked in the mirror in the airplane bathroom a few hours ago and look like total shit. Rest is key.

I am very thankful for having found hobbies a few years ago. Performance and writing isn't really a hobby. It feels like work. Especially since I live off of it. It's fun and interesting work. But it's good to have hobbies not related to work. And it's good that I do things not related to race, activism, etc. Because that would make me more jaded and cranky than I am now. That's why I like bikes and knitting.

I don't understand why people are waiting in line for a $600 Iphone when they already have phones. And I don't know why I didn't think to solicit a potential sucka arts patron/ sugar daddy from that line. So I was thinking of what I could be as obsessed with as these guys camping for an Iphone. I decided that it would probably be a fiber and wool festival. My friend Wes' wife Jessica seems to go to them a lot. So I think I will try to hit one this year and make a bunch of new spinster friends who are in their 60s.

I looked up some online and almost came in my pants to see that there are two fiber fests in California this summer. One is in Santa Monica.

The Fabulous Fiber Fest in Santa Monica (August)

California Wool and Fiber Festival in Mendocino County (September)

Yay for yarn! A single woman's porn! Who will come with me to these festivals?


So here's a funny story. Or not funny, just interesting.

I was with spoken word artist Kelly Tsai in the East Village and we were crossing the street and I swear I see Carson from Queer Eye for the straight guy crossing towards us.

Me: Oh my god Kelly! It's Carson! From Queer Eye!

Kelly: That's not him.

Me: Yeah it is!

(Carson crosses past us)

Kelly: Go say hi! Go say hi!

(I run towards him and scream at his back)

Me: Carson! We love you.

(He doesn't turn around.)

(Two blocks of walking later.)

Me: Oh wait a sec. That was Austen Scarlett from Project Runway. Not Carson.


Also, while I was out here, I saw Naima, who won America's Next Top Model a few seasons back. She randomly stopped by the Hip Hop Theater Fest booth at this street fair I was at. I didn't register it was her, but because she was on TV and so part of my consciousness I was like, "Oh hey!" in that old familiar friend kind of way. (Then I realized, she doesn't actually know me.) It wasn't until way later that I realized she was from TV but I was talking to her like I had known her forever.


I have to board my flight now.

Labels: sex is unnecessary when you have yarn.