I have a new favorite website... REGRETSY.com.... They basically take the most tasteless craft offerings on Etsy and rip them a new buttonhole. I laughed out loud at the above item they found for sale. I'm afraid my sadass yoga bag from a pair of pants will hit their list should I ever try to sell it.

I also appreciated their commentary on this plastic bag holder that looks eerily like a Wilt Chamberlain flaccid penis. Not that I know...

It was a half-assed Halloween. I was a doctor for Halloween (or as I like to say, "My family's wet dream"). Seeing as that I am a living breathing year-round Halloween, I was so out of ideas on what costume to take on to the point that I contemplated doing what most adult women acting out on their unaddressed daddy issues do....stripping down to my underwear and saying it's a costume. But even that seemed too exhausting.

It was suggested to me: "Why don't you wear that crazy cop costume from Cuckoo's Nest"?

(I almost puked at the thought of having to wear a costume from a show.)

It was also suggested to me: "Put a fake penis in your pants and tell people you are Kristina Wong!"

(Bleh... That's so obvious...)

So I put on some scrubs and a lab coat. I don't know why I own such things, but I do.

I am in super turbo mode trying to crank out massive amounts of content in a very short amount of time. I basically am getting my ass handed to me from Nov 10-15 when I'm to crank out 4 different shows in like five days in two cities. I'm still riding the adrenaline from doing five original shows in New York across five days. I feel like I can still output at that level. As exhausted as I am.

Somewhere between all of this I caught this interview with porn starlet Jesse Jane (it was feminist research... I swear...) who describes how she has branded herself and creates a demand through "exclusive" appearances.



I got it all wrong it seems. Unlike Jesse Jane, I don't do just 6 or 7 contract films a year and then pick 6 or 7 clubs to exclusively appear at to make thousands of thousands of dollars. I'm like running around to every small and large theater across town, dropping my art pants for whoever will show up. And don't get me started on how insane my gigs are during API Heritage Month... that's like me trying to set some kind of gang bang record.

Nope. I've not been too good at the whole "aura of exclusivity" thing. It's like, I'm an amateur porn star who makes movies with a crap home camera, then uploads them for free on xtube.

Oh Jesse Jane, the art world has so much to learn from you.

Labels: artist life., crafty, crazy, crochet, crochet diy, losing my mind in los angeles, uck you, vacation?

I've decided to do the only thing that one can do when everything seems to be slipping out from under you-- surf the chaos. Can't fight it, can't submit your fear to it. Just surf it, flow through it. And it's working.

Reading the paper and all its agonizing news has actually become quite normal. And now, comes the task of having fun despite all circumstances.

Look at all the senior citizen things I am doing in this economy to stay busy and happy.

After my 3 hour sushi class at Santa Monica College (which is an excellent thing to do if you have the money or time, btw), I've been making sushi at home. And now, just as the teacher says, am never in the mood to go out to eat sushi. It's not bad when I make them. Though it would probably help if I had a knife that cost more than 99cents because my rolls aren't very elegant. My friend Bangbay came by this weekend and we rolled up tons of sushi (using raw salmon and tuna!) and ate it all, then wandered around the promenade in a food coma.

You can't tell there is a recession. Because there is still a line of people buying crap at Anthropologie. I wanted to scream out to the people stocking up on $8 tea towels: "Have none of you heard of the 99 cents store?!"

Next week I'm doing an excerpt of my show in Las Vegas. The pay is absolutely terrible, but I need to get out of town and my friend Greg is coming and will also perform. Bangbay is coming too. We're looking at it as a workcation. Our hotel room was only $21.80 a night(which includes the tax). I'm feeling generous and will be splurging for the room for the three of us (even if it may be missing a wall or has a chalk outline of a body on the floor).

Greg does this piece called "Spit" where he talks about men who have spit on him during sex and has people spit into a cup and drink it. It's so gross.

I can't think of a better travelling partner.

In other news, my friend Candi taught me how to use my sewing machine. And now I'm going to spit out felt dolls like nobody's business.

By the way, that volcano in Alaska finally erupted. We were scared it would blow when we were there.




Yay! Old lady hobbies!

Labels: america makes me numb, balance, cat lady, crafty, magic powers, vacation?

I know I must seem annoyingly utopic to read, especially if you are at your day job when you read my blog and I'm here on the beach being artsy.

"Damn that Kristina Wong for getting to go to Florida to be an artist."

I'm sad it will be over soon, I will have to head back to LA in less than two weeks, and I have to go back to my life of squeezing creative time between administrative errands that afford me the creative space. When I return, I am committed to changing my habits so that I really make more creative space in my life and don't get drowned in the particulars.

Add to my new crack-like addictions (which already included crafts, knitting, bikes and VH1)--- my new addiction to CNN. CNN is much easier on the eyes with Obama running for office. But watching so much CNN can cause panic about the future.

How am I going to fuel my vegetable oil car!? How will I survive this economy? How will I afford to eat if we run out of food? What about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and Indymac?!?! What will I do if the arts world dries up and there is no more milk for this little kitty to lap?

PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!

No friends, we can't panic. We just can't. I don't know what the answers to all this crap of the world are... BUT we must have vision and look at the future and be creative and say, "How can we find ways to still be happy and enjoy ourselves in the midst of this panic?"

For me, I like to sew things. And it makes me happy. And I've gotten to read a lot of books. I'm also reading a book my friend Danielle gave me many years ago called "Succulent Wild Woman" by Sark. Sark talks about learning to live with and without money. And not letting your money define your identity. She talks about how women should get married to themselves (sound familiar?) and having tea parties for other great women.

The other artist here Sonja and I have become great friends. She's my best friend here besides Bruce the director of the Hermitage. Yes, there are just three people here. And I love them.

Sonja wrote a nice blog about me.

Little things are great things that make life great. So don't be scared of the future Kristina, you can handle anything!

Labels: crafty, i'm kristina wong, road wong, the secret, vacation?, veggie oil car, vision

What a week and another crazy one ahead. I played Santa Barbara last week to standing room only and was pleasantly surprised by their standing O. And the discussion after the show was really great. It's super nice when the questions are so eloquent and are more about the craft and less about my finances and personal life. It makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful.



The best part was getting up to Santa Barbara with Isaac teching me is we discovered a little stop called "Summerland" where we stopped to eat a bite.



I was like "Yay Isaac! We are on a workation!"



And we drove back to LA right after the show because I had work the next day. I went from deeply intelligent serious mental illness talk to playing a Japanese Harajuku girl in this internet short that goes live next month. It was fun and I got paid!

The irony of LA living.

I am headed to Austin today! I got my boots on!

Labels: hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, vacation?

Miami has been gorgeous the last few days. It's unreal that I get to be here so long. And I'm almost agitated because I am having a hard time embracing that I've earned this. Can artists really be treated like a million bucks on the road? Like shouldn't someone at some point be bopping me on the head and telling me that the empty dorm room bed awaits me??!

Here's the photo story.

First, as promised. Evidence that Spoon and Brady from VH1's "The Pick Up Artist" did indeed take me to the Airport. No pictures of me WITH them, but that will be the next ride to the airport!



Spoon driving with his 6:30 AM on.




Brady being crushed by my monster luggage.


And now I am in Miami. I've never been treated so well on a residency before. I mean I thought I've been treated well. But his is like fantasy residency! I've been given a rental car, a per diem, two weeks at the Standard and a pretty loose schedule to enjoy the surroundings. The car has a GPS and says, "You have arrived" when I get to my destination. And when it says that. I feel like they are saying so much more. I really have arrived it seems.


I can't believe what a luxury this is. It's like my friend E said once of being hot and single and waking up alone every morning, "This is such a waste!"

Indeed, this place is so gorgeous, it seems quite wasteful to be in this awesome hotel all alone. So guess what? You are coming with me! Check it. I present a grand tour of Miami so far.... Mostly the hotel.


A dock overlooking the water. Just behind the hotel!



The lounge chairs at dusk.



The giant king bed is 6 feet across and mocks soloness when I sleep in it.



This is where you load up in mud and wash it off. Going to try this tomorrow.



The view at dusk.


A note from the general manager welcoming me to the Standard and to Miami. I felt like such a rock star.


Anyway, the being here alone thing is killing me. I can't go this long without having someone to talk to and it's only been like a day! This joint is swarming with couples and cool people. I was thinking there would be solo artists roaming the joint and wanting to party... kinda like when I went to Greece. But in odd ways I'm having flashbacks of middle school. Next week I'll be teaching workshops all over the place and my circle of Miami folk I know will grow. But I feel like I showed up at prom alone being here. It's like a honeymoon for one.

I was thinking about what a rock star I am this week and how people would love to join me. So perhaps my friend Jess is right, I need my own reality show, "a Shot at Love with Kristina Wong" where people vie for my love in special performance art challenge like who can convey the most oppression with fake blood and howling sounds. Ha!





By the way, I'm here early assembling a cast of community artists to be in my show. I already found my cutest cop! Look for Sasha at the show! She takes after her mom who is a notable Miami B Girl.

Labels: artist life, balance, dying alone, miami, reality tv, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn, Spoon, the pick up artist, vacation?, Vh1, vision

I am back from Greece and am in San Francisco this week taking care of my grandfather and hanging with family. I also looked at my calendar and realized. GASP! I have a show in Berkeley in three weeks!
Where did the summer go? Oh yeah, that's right. Towards my existential crisis.

So I am in a mad dash to do publicity, hire a tech, and rehearse etc. But a Greece update to come. I promise.

Labels: San Francisco, vacation?

I'm in Anthens, in a web cafe. I hope this posts ok, because all the text on the screen except what I am typing is in Greek.

After three days of travel, with a long layover Tuesday in Philly (where we got to meet up with friends Gayle and Omar) we finally made it to Greece. I'm not on fire, where we are at is not on fire. We are quite safe. They made it seem like the whole country was ablaze from the news in America.

It took me a long while to realize that I wasn't on some super Persian strip of West LA, and that YES, I am in Greece. The way the women and men dress is very Euro. And they are super skinny and pretty in that way I see Iranians in West LA dress. So I was confused the first day. It wasn't until we were at the Acropolis yesterday, looking at the Parthenon that I finally realized that we weren't in West LA.

The old people here are so darling, I just want to squeeze them to death.

It was only today when we went through the meat market did I really realize that we are "travelling while yellow." Because the guys who work in the market kept screaming out "Sayonara? You Japan? You Japan?" To which my mother said, "No we're from China!"

To which I bit back... "NOOOOO!!! We are from America!"

What is the best thing I can say about Greece? What is the best thing I can say about travelling anywhere? In any country they manage to sell you a lot of crap they have you convinced that "all the locals use" and you drag that crap home to all your friends for them to pawn off at their yard sale years down the road. Here the local crap du jour are magnets that look like bits and pieces that fell off of old Greek architecture, Olive Oil soap (that comes with free magnet), and sea sponges (the kind that I associate with sea sponge tampons). There is also a good heaping of t-shirts with the greek flag, more magnets, and these weird glass things that are supposed to be Greek God eyes. There is this licorish tasting booze called Ouya that my mom suggested we buy a small bottle of and drink in the hotel room. (gasp! boozing with mommy!). I'll probably bring a couple bottles of that stuff home. But for the most part, thanks to my Buy Nothing Year and the fact that most of this stuff can be bought at Cost Plus, I don't plan to bring back any crap. I only plan to bring back memories and what photos I can get. The first time I think I've ever done a trip without buying stuff.

My friend Mike gave me a book by Henry Miller on Greece that I plan to read while out here. How romantic of me.

So the cruise we are going on is of the small islands around Greece. And apparently they aren't very popular islands though I am sure it will be beautiful and hopefully less annoying and crowded than the popular islands. Though I do have a fear that it might be like if your friend was like, "Oh come visit me in San Francisco.... even though I actually live in Cupertino."

Labels: Greece, vacation?

So, I'm still in LA. I just finished all these shows this weekend and I can't believe I am going to Greece. And apparently it's all on fire!

It looks pretty bad from what I can tell online.

I hope for their sakes it gets better.

I'm not sure what the heck we are supposed to look at while we are there. But my mom says it's still on and that the fires are hours away from where we will visit. But it looks like there is fire in Athens. We did contemplate not going but it didn't look like we could cancel our trip at this point. Oy vey.

Anyway, I fly out tonight. And we are going about Greece by cruise ship. This seems like really bad timing. I'm not sure if there's anything to see. It seems like it's just devastation out there.

I'm not planning to bring my laptop (gasp!) so hopefully unplugging in a country on fire won't be a bad thing. Oh boy.

Labels: vacation?