The Good Life.

When I was a lil' girl, I imagined having a big beach house to live in. Steps from the sand. And now, that dream is true... well... for at least six weeks. This is one of those summers where life looks the way I've always wanted it to be.

That's right kids. A year and half ago, I got a mysterious letter in the mail saying I had been nominated for the Hermitage Artists Retreat on the Manasota Key off of Englewood, FL. I was nominated by one of their board members. I cried when I got the letter because pretty much the letter said that without an application or particular project, that the space and time to create was mine if I wanted it. The pictures of this mysterious retreat were breathtaking. It's pretty much the MacArthur of artist retreats-- well... in that unsolicited gifts from heaven kinda way..


That would be my house behind the palm trees.


That would be my backyard.


The view from my office/ writing room.


The steps out the door.


There are big seashells washed up on the shore.


RESPECT.

It's amazing to be here. It's my first day here and I feel like I've been here for two weeks. I am also the only artist here. The next artist doesn't come until July. So I've got this two bedroom cottage to myself and have my run of the kitchen, living room and big house on my own. I hope that time continues to stretch like this so I can make progress on the book. And there's absolutely no commerce on this key. I have no car. And if there are any singles out here, they are all over 65 years old.

It's going to be a ripe environment to get work done.

I also saw an iguana today on the walk back to the beach. It was funny because I was like, "AAGH!" I thought it was like a mini dinosaur. I want to get a book about the animal, flora and fauna in Florida so that I can stop referring to things in terms in of TV shows. ("Oh wow, those cottages are like the ones on LOST.")

*******
And just in the last few days, I was in Minneapolis, MN for the Asian American Theater Conference. More on my fake panel later. But here are my fun tourist pictures.


Paul Bunyan mini golf at the Walker Art Center.


Sticking it to the man at the Mall of America theme park ride by not paying for their photos, but instead taking a picture of their picture of me on the screen.



Cheese bras with my friend Sam.



Cheese hats.

Some random kid I picked up and photo'd with at the airport.

Viva Las Wongster!

I am on a layover now at the Vegas airport. I'm on my way to Minneapolis for the Asian American Theater Conference. After that, I head to Florida to do a 6 week residency (with a quick trip back home for the UCLA commencement speech!) where I get to sit on the beach and expect to finally make some substantial progress on my book.

It's here! Rest time! Artist time! Real artist time! Not admin crap time. I can't believe it. I scheduled this residency over a year ago! And it's finally arrived.

I'm fried. I had a big birthday/ wedding party last night, then got home and started to clear the apartment out for the subletter and was up until 5am. My flight was at 7:30am. I was kinda stressed with all these new airline baggage charges and as I got my crap into just one "first bag checked bag is free" suitcase, I was doing all this "Do I have everything I need... do I? Did I pack too much? Am I going to have to pay for a heavy bag!?"

Stressoids.

It's impossible to sleep on the plane. I'm tempted to sign up for a credit card at the airport for the free neck pillow.

Last night was so fun because Marcus did me up as this big drag queeny bride and officiated my wedding to myself at the restaurant. Yes, I got married to myself last night. It was actually as funny as it was emotional. In wedding fashion, my friends gave some words of advice for how the rest of my life will best be spent by myself. I decided to marry myself this year because I originally wanted an excuse to have a "wedding gift registry" for different organizations I believe in and wanted to raise money for. But it ended up being about me declaring that I would love for myself (this is different than being self-obsessed-- which I excel in) no matter what. Unconditional self love and support.

It's a hard thing to commit to doing. But if I can't marry myself, why would anyone else want to? Not that getting married to someone else is the end goal. The end goal is to be happy and happier with life no matter what happens to you that you can't control.

We did a bouquet toss and everything last night. It was hilarious. Pictures to come.

The last days were so impacted. I did my "Whoring for Hollywood! Big Hollywood Showcase!" Monday at the Comedy Central Workspace and it went over really well. Apparently even the folks from Comedy Central had a good laugh. It turns out-- I'm an awesome sellout! I didn't think it was possible for my vision to go over in that kind of setting, but all the time I spent in May working that show so it was still true to who I was, and yet still entertaining-- really paid off. A lot of my friends who hadn't seen me perform in a while came. Like my friend Dwayne came and was like, "Wow, you've really grown a lot."

I have.

The sky is open. I feel it. And I can't wait til I am on the beaches of Florida feeling that sky a few days from now in front of my own private artist's cottage. It's been a nice long crawl to get here and having those little moments to find a little ledge to stand on and admire the view is tremendously validating. A few years ago, I was selling whatever I could online to make ends meet. Now, I am proud to say that even if I spend a lot of time doing arts admin crap, it is at least directed towards my vision.

I am in front of some amazing possibilities. I've earned it. I embrace it.

And as my legs open... so do... the doors!

Well, here's the brief update.

It's over! The giant 4-week leg of work that started last week of December, went through those two crazy weeks in Miami and then five days here with the CBS showcase finally is over!

And I'm supposedly taking a break now by doing paperwork for my upcoming shows, admin, bill paying, etc. Blech Blech.

I wasn't sure what to think of the whole showcase because my performance went by very fast. It was very uncharacteristic of the work I do to be dressed so scandalously and speaking in an annoying voice. All I knew is I opened my mouth to say my first line ("Hi Kids! I'm Tila Tequila!") and before I knew it I was almost done ("Remember! Faculty meeting at noon, in my skirt!")

Afterwards, the friends who came to see me were like, "Damn Kristina! We didn't know you had a body like that!!!"

Indeed. Many do not realize that within this hypocritical post feminist exterior lies the body of a washed up belly dancer. I guess my philosophy was, "Well, if I am going to be in this showcase for all of two minutes, I might as well give them something to look at."

Sorry, no pictures.

I was so glad it was over when it was over. Too much pressure to have to "showcase" myself. I think my solo shows are so much more an indication of how I perform and what I am capable of pulling off. My manager (Oh did I tell you, in my rapidly changing life... I now have a manager... yes, que Hollywood) says that we will prepare a showcase in the Spring that shows off all the guns.

But already the sky has opened nicely. I got a call for an audition tomorrow at Universal. A series regular role on a sitcom pilot. The character has never gone on a date, works with cats, and is obsessive.

Hmmm..... such a stretch.

Hopefully these opportunities will keep pouring in. Not bad considering we are still in the middle of the writer's strike. Then my life will move forward as planned. Get big ass tv jobs, buy house, buy a child from China to call my own, give money to awesome gay charities and artists, end global warming, and relax.

Relax? WTF is that?!

I think the big crossroads that comes up more and more as this Hollywood Wong thing becomes a reality, is how to balance my vision, ethics, and craft within the heartless machine that is the entertainment industry. Well, the ethics part I seem to have all but completely lost in the last few weeks (so no need to fret over that!), but what I've never figured out is how I will bridge all these different identities and still be the awesome Wong who blogs for you now.

And the winnings keep on coming!

Hey, so aside from the fact that I paid $400 to the mechanic today to fix some leaks in my transmission....and spent the day going up and down LA by bus (man, do I hand it to the carless in LA, it's not easy!)... I have more winnings to report!

Ok, so remember that pad commercial contest I entered for Lunapads. Let me refresh your memory...




Well... I didn't win first place. Which is fine because the woman who did win put a lot more work into her commercial than I did. And who the heck needs $250 in re-washable pads anyway?

But they did give everyone else who entered $100 in lunapad product!

Hell yes! Shopping spree! Get down with my rewashable pad self!

(And who says the Wongster can't party?)

And so much fun considering it's my "Buy Nothing Year."

Now, I'm not sure what the heck to do with all these new re-washable pads. I have plenty as is to hold me over until menopause. I don't need more. I'm not sure I know any woman who would want to get these as a gift because every time I tell another woman I use cloth pads, I get this response: "Bitch. You crazy."

But they have all sorts of balms and undies. And I was actually looking at these cloth hankies. I thought that might be something to get and use instead of paper towels and disposable dinner napkins. It would cut down in the long run on a lot of waste. They also have these "Divacup" things that I'm totally scared of. They are like cups you stick in your jojo to catch your period. Yikes. But they are better than tampons supposedly.

Not ready to try out the sea sponges though. Ew.

Aren't you glad you read my blog today?